Entry 000178; 01.11.04

It seems as though I will have to endure this painful boredom to the end - there is no respite in sight.

My only solution to the problem is to not fight it, but embrace it. Instead of worry about my lazy lack of productivity, and my intense eating binge, I will put my will behind it with all of my might. Let's see how fat I can get over the course of a week. Let's see how much I can not do. I will do my best to become a Zsa-Zsa Gabor type who sits in bed all day wearing nighties made out of nothing but feathers and silk.

I've been toying with the idea of a "how - to" section of my records, it just seems like a more organized way of keeping track of useful things to know, rather than trying to organize them in some notebook or creating tons of notepad files on my desktop. And so it shall start, the first every Ashia how-to, "How to be a Lazy Slob and get Fat."

Step one: Stay in bed as long as humanly possible.
So I slept in as long as I could (2 PM) which I have to admit was a struggle. Then I put much effort into reaching magazines from the bed without actually getting out of it - and then reading them. That added another half an hour or so, which brings me up to a nice clean 2:30PM time before I actually put both feet on the floor.

Step Two: Dress like Zsa Zsa Gabor
For a moment, I was worried, since I don't own anything pale pink and fluffy. While it is true that underneath all this purple I am a platinum blonde, the green "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky!" T-shirt was not going to cut the image I am trying to convey. Then I remembered that mom got me this frightening yellow scarf-tube thing that looks like a Big Bird hairball. That should do.

Step Three: Eat as much as possible
I think I have eaten more in the past two months than I have eaten in all the previous months of the last two years combined. Today, as soon as I got out of bed, I went straight for the kitchen. So far you can check me off for 1 giant plate of nachos, a Hershey's 'Nugget,' 4 starbursts, and a hershey's kiss. Mind you I've only been out of bed for less than half an hour. I've managed to eat 90% of my Halloween candy stash in about 3 days. I am really hoping I don't get diabetes. While I wrote this paragraph, I got halfway through a Laffy Taffy before spitting it out. Damn those things are nasty.