09.05.01

Don't get me wrong.

I am one of the last people to cheer for a world in which people judge each other by looks. But unfortunately, that's what kind of world we live in. Not all people do this; but on some level, almost everyone does.

I'm not an advocate of this tendency. But I will use it as a tool if necessary. My mother taught about his when i was little. It took a long time for me to comprehend the difference between impowering evil, and manipulating it and using it as a tool to one's own advantage. I used to rebel actively against beauty. I thought by dressing down and dulling down my appearance, i could help the world stop judging people by appearance. But i learned, after a while, that nothing like that will ever happen, or at least, that my being funny looking wasn't going to change anything except the difficulty level of my life.

Anyway, my point is, the fact that it works disturbs me. it gives me an icky feeling inside, knowing that if given a choice between something that has nothing to do with looks, the typical human being will go towards that which looks better.

But i suppose i have to understand it. i mean some things are more pleasing to the human eye for good reasons. humans are evolved that way because flowers are less harmful than say, truckers.

So that's why i'm the liason between the guy who gives pe credit and soma. (SOMA is a martial arts club i'm an officer in, and we want PE credit so we can get more members to join). anyway, the man's name is Whit, and he's in charge of swimming. I know my bumbling counterparts of SOMA will not be able to convince him to give us any leeway, so it's up to me to charm him. he's a typical gym teacher. did you ever notice that the people who teach athletics are usually fat and unhealthy? Why is that? He's unfriendly, surly, and has this way of talking that gives him the ability to be completely incomprehensible. He's not a charmer.

But he likes me. Partly because i'm a decent swimmer, and partly because i can be charming when it's necessary, and probably, because i can be attractive at times as well.

So knowing this, and knowing that he is a very hard man to make a deal with, especially in teh case of SOMA (he hates us) i will have to do everything in my power to get him to do what we want.

So that's just what i've been thinking of. on the way home i thought of ways i could convince him to give us some slack. And of course i realized that part of getting someone to do what you want, is to become someone whom they want to do stuff for.

I tried it out this summer. making people do what i want by beaming at them until my cheeks hurt, and being beautiful, or whatever else that person might want me to be. and you know what? it works. you know why? because it makes SENSE.

I dunno. sometimes i just wish the world is different than it is. But i suppose the best i can do is just kind of go along with it, and use whatever i can find to pull myself along, even if it's one of the things i wish i could change.