Project/Adventure: girl next door; 09.06.01

Ok so, i've been trying out this "girl next door" personality since early this summer and....

Wait, let me start explaining first

About once a year, maybe once every two years if i'm having fun, i change personalities. completely. I change ways of thinking, mannerisms, things i like, things i find annoying, characteristics, ways of dressing, etc etc etc. So last year it was SUPER BITCH. And this year it's "sweet girl next door." Now, i have a reason for doing this. First off, it's fun. i mean it's like playing a character and always getting to be someone else. It's like acting. Also; it allows me to test out what i like and what i don't like, so in the ultimate end (probably somewhere when i grow up) i will know exactly what things i like to have true about myself, and what things i detest.

So the bitch thing...oh goodness what a disaster. What i hated most about it though, was how everyone just ACCEPTED it. i mean i really wasn't hated anymore than any of my other personalities tend to be. i'm sort of disgusted by how bitchy a human being is allowed to be. I won't even GO INTO the fact that my actions weren't bitchy...only my words, and how people never really noticed my actions, only whatever i said. (think driving some kid's girlfriend to conneticut in holiday traffic for 6 hours straight and not getting a cent of gas money--and not complaining)

so this year, i went with something a little bit more stomachable. i've been disgustingly sweet all summer, well into the present. Unfortunately, those people who met me while i was in the bitchy stage, still remember me from the bitchy stage, and expect and imagine that i am still bitchy. So no matter how nice i am, they keep calling me a bitch.

this only illustrates my theory that people see what they want or what they believe, and not what is really there

So i'm starting to wonder if this sweet girl thing is really worth it at all. I mean all the people i've met while in this stage (everyone i worked with this summer mostly) love me. they adore me and believe i'm a cute sweet little thing. but all the people i have to live with, all the poeple i met last year, expect this fiery bitch with a raging tounge, so they ignore the fact that i'm disgustingly sweet.

I was toying with the idea of ditching this personality entirely and just starting a new one a year early. i've been toying with two other personalities, but yet this one i'm in now kind of has a nice appeal. i mean i like "me." i like the way "i'm" compassionate and all that. and i'm not a hypocrite. and i can show feelings..sorta

Ok so the first option is based on Legs Sadovsky from foxfire. i've been wanting to try her out ever since i read the book. but i'm not insane, and i know how much energy it would take to be legs. i don't think ANYONE has that type of energy--except legs. and legs herself is a fictional character. also, it sorta would be along the same lines as the fiery bitch project, and well, that is getting old. females who act like ambitious men are always thought of as bitchy, even if it's a quality held in esteem in the opposite sex. i sigh.

the second is the absent-minded writer/artist. now, i have tried this one out before, and i really liked her. her only real fault was that she had no freaking friends. and i realize that if i AM her, then i'd have no problem with it, yet, that leaves the personality following her in a bad position, being born into this world completely alone and all.

So, i was trying to think of some way to meld all three of these together to make something a little bit more human, more mundane. but then i realized "FUCK. i HATE mundanity!" so yeah...no. Also, can you imagine melding even two of these three personalities together? i won't point out the irony of melding the sweet girl next door with legs, but think of an absent minded tough girl....or a sweet loser with no friends.

Now that would just be pathetic.

So, for the time being, i'm just going to stick with the sweet one. I have plenty of time to be tons of other people in the future. i think it might be wise to be legs junior or senior year, when i'll be actively hunting for careers and starting my life and all that, since she DOES have the ambition to do almost anything...and the absent minded writer for when i finally make enough money so that forgetting to eat and sleep and wear socks isn't much of an issue.