09.05.01

Last year's personality was Super Bitch

What a HORRIBLE choice for my first year in college. When i made the decicion at the time, i wanted something that no one would bother, so i could study my ass off and not worry about a social life, also, someone that no guys would be attracted to, so i could stay happily faithful to drooly.

Well fuck.

Before I knew it, i had a personal life. And by the time i realized it, it was too late and i was already fully invested into the Super Bitch and all that comes with her. (accessories sold separately)

So...Yeah i made friends...somehow. And i ended up with "guys". so what the fuck. super bitch didn't work as planned. Again. Fuck.

I think it would be appropriate if this is the page in my website that has the most instances of the word "Fuck." consider it punctuation.

So, as it goes, I was too much of a wuss to put ALL of my effort into being Super Bitch, which is probably why my plain failed so miserably. So i said bitchy things, swore a lot, insulted everyone who i dind't think would mind too much. you know, just generally became what everyone hates to be around.

so as for the wuss part, i was too lazy to actually act like a bitch, past words, so i acted pretty nice. I would go out of my way to do favors for people, i took care of poeple when they were sick, etcetcetc

So there are two things that disgusted me about this

the first part is that i was actually accepted as a reasonable human being, meaning, no one tried to kill me out of sheer hate. And people actualy hung around me without vomiting profusely upon themselves. If i were around me i'd stalk away in disgust

People have such horrible taste

the second part was that i was considerd a bitch, as i had originally planned. Now, what is wrong with this, you ask. Well, i didn't act like a bitch. i thought a couple people, at least, woudl see through the fact that only my words were bitchy, and my actions were fairly admirable. Well, not...everything...i could list off a bunch of silly things i did but...shut up. anyway, so all these people always said "yeah ashia's a bitch...blah blah blah all she does is bitch...blah blah blah, ashia is such an asshole, she would [insert some random bitchy act here]." Well....no. i woudln't. and no, i really wasn't, not in actions anyway.

So... the ultimate lesson i learned last year is that poeple are stupid fucks who will believe whatever you tell them. if you say "i am a bitch" and then do everything nice for them, they will still think you are a bitch. I thought i could try it out so i could act nice, and be truly modest, meaning not point out the good things i did, and those who were truly intelligent would see through my bitchy language and realize that i'm a decent person.

Well children, we have learned today that people are dumb fucks, haven't we?

Another thing I learned is that, while i act as a bitch pretty well, it really doesn't suit me at all. My mind and moral system kept rejecting every piece of crap that flew out of my mouth, and every truly bad act i ever did, so i ended up all confused and in a tangle. I went crazy for a little while.

I don't think i'll try out this bitch thing ever again. however, it was good that i tried it, and that i tried it amoung people so useless (at least, they are useless only because they are too dumb to look past exteriors). If you are one of these useless people, then think of it this way. If you called me a bitch, i have a right to call you useless. So i've learned, for certain, that being a bitch is not my cup of tea, and there are no characteristics in there that i like at all.

As a side project, i also tried to be "normal" and as mainstream as possible, just because it was convienient to be everything i hated most. (this probably contributed to the obtainment of friends as well.) And you know, if ever i had a question about whether it was better to be a sheep than a flamingly pink flamingo, i now have the answers to those questions. i used to wonder if people were mainstream, boring, and sheep because there were some real perks to it. Now i realize, it's only because it's easy. Now i can comfortably be the wierd alien that i've always enjoyed myself to be, without any worries that i'm missing out on anything.

Well. Fuck.