Silly me...

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January 18 - New semester, new page.

January 16 - Went to doctor, cuz my family is all paranoid. They told me I'm fine and everything is perfect. Yay. I knew that. Looked at doctor's records. Last time I was there was 3 years ago. Yea baby. Haven't been sick in 3 years. 3 Years ago I weighed exactly the same and was an inch taller? Hmm. I'm shrinking? Anyway. People asked me why I didn't donate blood. Ha. They pricked my finger with a needle that's about a millimeter long, and I almost cried and freaked out and eep. Bad. And they didn't even give me a lollipop. What the hell do I go to a kid's doctor for? Grr. Anyway. My mommy finally made me a birthday cake. Twas yummy. So it turns out my step dad actually kinda cares about me? I remember we used to hate each other. But now he called from work to ask how I was (and ask about the mail) but he asked how I was first. And when he was leaving for his business trip he told me good luck in school in case he doesn't see me tomorrow.

I hate how some people still have control over my happiness. But... since my resolution is to be happy, my happiness will very soon be all mine. Yay. But I'll still take hugs from everyone.

My mommy's amazing

A project my brother had to design. My mommy did about 90% of it. I made the curtain and the table. And painted everything. It looks a lot better in real life.

January 15 - Sicksicksicksicksick. Mucusmucusmucusmucus. Sicksicksicksicksick. Phlegmphlegmphlegmphlegm. Sicksicksicksicksick. Hmm... My mommy's coming home from work early to sit by me and hold my hand and take care of me. I like being taken care of. I love my mommy. =)

Why do I feel like I got punched in the stomach? And beat up all over? But mostly punched in the stomach. Ouchies. Bad Kate. Make it stop hurting.

January 14 - I got a 100 on the permit test. Whoop de doo. I also got a birhtday card for Julie for next year. Hee hee. It's so awesome.

I'm sick? WTF? adkfjghkadlkfjdk

January 13 - POPPYCOCK! =) Julie! =) Giggling! =) Austin Powers! =) Stevens soon! =) Printer! =) (It's a coinkidinky that my dad fixed my printer and there's new exploding dog today)
January 12 - SOoo... anyone into slug porn?

7th Heaven pissed me off. 13 year old guys are NOT that mature!! I wish guys my age were that mature. Anyway. 3.5 weeks. I can't take this anymore, I'm going insane. I've been spoiled for the last 4-5 months, and now I'm paying for it. Great. Kill me now. Oh, and I finally figured out what's missing. _____ kind of helped fill the void, but that wasn't good enough. I have a (not so good) feeling of what might fix everything. Eek. Don't you feel lost?

January 11 - Been 19 for a month. Hmm. Interesting so far. Not too bad. Could be better.

Stevens > home.

January 10 - I want eye sex. And hand sex. Whoa, not that kind. Like, the eye sex kind of hand sex.
January 9 - I have pants! And they're awesome. I love me and my pants. They're size 11, to which Julie will say "like, omg really? like, I'm a size 5" but I don't care. They look good on me. I love my pants.

Went to see Never Gonna Dance on Broadway. Yumm. Walked from Rector St. to 44th. In shoes. Ouch. But... I got harry potter stickers! For 69 cents! YAY ODD JOB =)

3 weeks. OMFG kill me now.

January 8 - My hair is so soft and it smells so good. I can sit here all day and touch it and smell it. Mostly because I have absolutely nothing better to do.

Kitty Milkshake

Finished reading Gone With the Wind. I should not be allowed to read books like this. It hurt a lot reading the ending. Yes, Scarlett is a horrible woman, but still, the things Rhett said to her, saying he doesn't give a damn, and at the same time not saying it to hurt her, but saying it because it's the truth, even though it's all her fault, and oh man. Gah, I hate applying thing to myself. Turns out that Ashley only wanted Scarlett physically. And Scarlett started loving Rhett when it was too late. And Scarlett was selfish. I'm selfish. Scarlett didn't know how to keep friends. Scarlett was impatient. This book definitely depressed me. But it is a really well written book. It's amazing how Margeret Mitchell wrote it, without actually being a writer. OK, I stop typing, too many unorganized thoughts in my head. Oh, and to me the whole book isn't all about love. It's about how war can bring out the wosrt in people. And how tough circumstances bring out what people really are.

Hahaha, The Guru is such a great movie. A totally different greatness than GWTW, but twas awesome. Indian people are awesome.

So I was all like "I love myself!" and then SOMEONE was all like "well I don't need to because I'm talking to 2 men who want to get to know me better." Oh how I hate you. But I still love me!!

January 7 - Happy Birthday Lubin!! And it's also my cousin's bday today. And Misha from junior high. Don't ask how or why I remember that. Gotta love guys that IM me and ask if I'm single and when I say yes they say it's good for them. How so? It's not like I'm ever gonna meet you, you pathetic loser, and even if I were to meet you it wouldn't be to fix our singleness.

FrankyJJ777: can i suck urtoes cutie lol
TheCowsGoQuack: are you stupid?

OMGOMGYAY I have friends!!! I get to have a life this weekend! This friday my mom and I are going to go see Never Gonna Dance on Broadway. Then saturday I go to Stevens. YAY TX! YAY Piskies! Then sunday I get to go to my cousin's house. Woo hoo. No boredom for 2.5 days! =) I wish Julie could go to Stevens with me on saturday.... not sure if I can do the whole party thing without her. We'll see.

January 6 - Where's Dre?!? I miss the fucker. I hope he didn't get eaten by gators in Florida or attacked by hicks in Georgia. I figured out part 2 of my new years resolution: to stop cracking my knuckles and toes and neck and knees and ankles and back and anything else I crack about 30 times a day. I love my Alanna!

Note to self: Get cookie for Dre.

January 5 - A few random thoughts after watching TV most of the day:

Anna Nicole Smith's face is and always was ugly
7th Heaven still has new episodes?!? How long has that show been around??
If someone's with someone for over 2 years they shouldn't break up, because if they're not right together they should've realized it during those 2 years
Who would want to watch a movie about a huge shark eating kids??
Is there anything on other than reality shows?
What happened to music on VH1? I gave up on MTV a long time ago, but now VH1 too? Grr.

January 4 - Went to the Met. Hehe. Only cuz my mom and my brother were going, NOT because of the man skirts! But yea, man skirts. Mmm... I only liked a few from the whole exhibit, the more 'urban' looks. And no, urban doesn't mean ghetto in this case, it meant less flowery and fruity than the other ones, basically the whole look that I had in mind. Yummy. The rest of the man skirts were either kilts or historical stuff that men wore. But a few were yummy. My brother annoys me so much. He soo doesn't act his age, he acts like a 9 year old, at most. A really selfish and shy 9 yr old. It's really disgusting. Ugh. I feel bad for my mom and hope none of my kids are like that.

Hahaha, Julie's awesome, I completely forgot about what he said and she goes and buys me peanut butter lipbalm. She rocks.

My dad (the real one, in Ukraine) is fucked up. He emailed my mom a song for me. Just a random song about absolutely nothing. Why would he email me a song after not talking to me or us for 10 years? Men are fucked up. Song It's in russian, but it's pretty. And I didn't understand the words either, so you might as well listen to it. Stupid men.

January 3 - Man Skirts at the Met!!! That means I'm not psychotic! And they do exist, not on just some weird ass websites that sell clothes for goths! Wheee!
Smittens! Not as cool as man skirts, but yea.

The only 2 cool things about florida.

January 2 - I finally figured out what my new years resolution is! I'm going to be a happy person. I'm usually a happy person anyway, but this whole semester sucked, so next semester I'm going to be a happy person, with energy and smiles and time for friends and all that good stuff.

Laid (lay? layed?) down next to my mommy and read for hours today. Twas nice. Halfway done with the book. Ashley DID want Scarlett!! He was just stuck with Melanie. So it's not the same situation. Whatever. I lose. But I don't care.

January 1 - Happy New Year everyone!

Florida

Last night was cute. We ate sushi and watched five and a half hours of Sex and the City. I've never watched the show before, but wow, it's addictive.

I'm reading Gone With the Wind right now, and the book is amazing. The characters are awesome. The whole Scarlett/Ashley/Melanie situation is reminding me of the whole ____ situation. Scarlett loves Ashley, and knows that Ashley loves/liked/likes her in some way, and doesn't understand why he's with Melanie, and what the hell he can possibly see in Melanie, and Scarlett gets all confused when Ashley kisses her and yet tells her he cares more about Melanie. Yea. If you take out all the love bullshit, this is so like the whole ____ situation (where Kate = Scarlett, ____ = Ashley, and ____'s gf = Melanie). But the book isn't just all stupid and about love, there's so much more to it. Yea. It rocks. I can't put it down. And I'm OK about the whole ____ situation and I'm over it.

December 25 - *feels jewish*

Hung out with Julie today. Had lots of funzies. She flung me off her ball. Hmph. Will be in florida for the next week so feel free to call me after 9 because I will have absolutely nothing to do.

December 24 - I'm so pissed off about the florida thing it makes me want to cry. And the thing is, I know I shouldn't be so selfish and I should appreciate being able to go to florida. Florida itself can't be that bad, but because I didn't get a choice, and because I get to do all family-type things there, I'm pissed off about it. Oh well.

Alanis Morissette kicks ass. She's probably the only real chick out there. Her music is awesome. Her lyrics are awesome. Don't say she's ugly and fat and doesn't shave her armpits. She does shave her armpits. And she's not ugly, she's very pretty, she's just not perfect looking because she just doesn't bother with the make-up because she doesn't need to because her music rocks. And she's not fat. Me and her have the same body type, except I'm probably about 30 pounds heavier. But I don't even care about her looks, I don't see why anyone does. She rocks. Her music is real and expresses real emotions.

My mommy's right. You don't need friends if you have a good book. *sigh*

OMGOMGOMGYAY. I've been trying to remember what this one song was for years, and no one knew wtf I was talking about and I didn't either because I didn't know the music or the beat or the lyrics, I just remembered there was a song. And it came to me last night out of nowhere. Real McCoy - Another Night. Remember that song? Oh man. Awesomeness. That so made my day.

Yepp. I'm retarded. I officially hate myself. I registered for another hum class and overloaded. Why?!? Grr. But I figured if I can do so well even if I overload I should do it, otherwise it's pointless. This was I'll have time to take grad courses for free and such. Sigh. Next semester's gonna be hell again. I don't know why I do this to myself. Talk me out of it.

December 23 - B in bio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay for Kenny and Joon and Jeckin and Mike and Beata and a little bit of Rob. =) =) =) =) =)

I need someone to score =(


Hate me. =)

Heaven = Tea with a little bit of milk and a teaspoon of white chocolate godiva + sweatpants and sweatshirt + good book. The only thing missing is a kitty. Gone With the Wind = good book. Tea with milk = yumm. It's got a rich texture that plain tea doesn't have. Mmm...

December 22 - Being home for over 24 hours is getting to me. ...Need ...friends... And I don't know where the hell Julie is. Oh well, library time tomorrow. Gonna get Alice in Wonderland and Gone With the Wind.
December 21 - Packing's always kinda weird because it freaks me out that I can pack more than half my life into 2 medium suitcases. Makes me realize how small and insignificant I really am. Also makes me want to have friends at home. But that's a whole different issue.

Home = yumm. Well this semester sucked. A lot. So if you met me this semester, I'm sorry for being non-energetic and blah. I'll be better next semester. You'll get your Kate-fill. I promise. Mmm... clementines...

YAYAYAY! I have my Alanna back!!!! So being at home won't be too terrible.

December 19 - Got my usual A- in hum. I'm getting bored of A-'s in hum. Last night I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and this girl I've never seen before is like "are you Kate?" I say yes and she says "you're on the wall. Happy birthday. I'm also Kate." Weirdness. Wow, didn't think people would recognize me from the wall. Hope no one really thinks that I am the scourge of the freshmen boys. Eep.

I've never panicked before a test before. Sweaty shaky hands, lump in throat, shortage of breath, sick feeling in stomach, everything. The thing is, I know it all. I just know I'll forget everything the second I sit down to take the final.

Why I hate bio and like chem: In bio, everything we learn is just random stuff that has to be memorized. In orgo, everything we learn, although it may seem ridiculous and impossible to memorize, comes together in the end and now I know how to synthesize err... stuff. Twas a good final. I knew everything, but don't know if I remembered everything. So if I did bad I don't care because it's nothing I didn't understand. ALL DONE!!!

It's nice when on a day that you decide you don't care what you look like because of finals and you dress all crappy someone tells you that you look nice. But 66 on the bio final isn't nice. Dammit, I really thought I got above an 80 on that.

December 18 - Well the Bio final was the most ridiculous final I've ever taken. We had the questions and answers in our notebooks, all we had to do was match the question on the test paper to the question in the notebook, and then match the answer in the notebook to the one on the test paper and circle it. Fun stuff. I might get a B or higher in bio! Now hum was a whole different story. You'd think that if a professor gives you quotes, they would be good quotes, not general ones like "then he opened the door." Yea, that didn't go too well. Orgo tomorrow and I'm DONE!

Yo, the orgo final... I don't understand how a person can possibly memorize this much. This is INSANE. I have pages and pages and pages of reactions that need to be in my head by 6PM tomorrow and probably for the rest of my life. I understand the stuff, but I wish we were allowed like, 5 sheets of notes for the final. WTF are they testing, our memory? Grr.

Wow I'm listening to Marc Anthony for the first time in a couple of years, and I still remember every word to every song, every background melody, everything. His voice = heaven. Wow. No words to describe it. No wonder his concert tickets are $200. skrghskjhjksdf. Want to marry Marc Anthony. Those of you who are rolling your eyes because I'm writing about him for the billionth time, I wish I could just sit you down and make you listen to it and see how pure you feel when listening to him. It's amazing. Really. Oh man. Wow. I seriously can't get enough.

When you hold me like this
so many memories fill my eyes
the first time we kissed
the times we nearly said good-bye
but still here we are
tested and tried and still true
and stronger than we ever knew

Love is all
the laughter and the tears that fall
the mundane and the magical
love is all
all is love
the careless word, the healing touch
the getting and the giving of
all is love

there’s a me you’ve always known
the me that’s a stranger still
the you that feels like home
and the you that never will
but still here we lie
tender and trusting and true
with everything that we’ve been through

All the glory
all the pain
all the passion
that turns to ashes
only to rise again...

Corny, I know. And yes, he didn't write that. All I'm saying is that he's a great singer. And the way he sings that song is amazing.

December 17 - One of those days where you want to have a breakdown and freak out, and yell and scream and kick and cry and punch things, and then have someone calm you down and pet your head until you fall asleep. But I have no one to calm me down, so I won't have a break down. I want my mommy. =\

I have a breakfast date tomorrow! Hee hee.

December 16 - Ouch. I'm stupid. I should have understood it from the very beginning instead of living in a little fantasy world. And heh, did I not say it was all gonna end yesterday? How did I know? Boo... All I want to do is hug him, but for some reason that is not comprehensible to me, I can't.

Oh, I forgot to mention how wonderful my father is (the real, biological father that's still in Ukraine). He e-mailed my mom a few days ago about something, and at the end of the e-mail casually said "happy holidays and congrats on recent events" where by recent events he meant my brother's and my birthday. No "Happy birthday Kate, happy birthday Eugene, how are they? How's school?" He just kinda grouped us together and didn't mention the fact that it's our birthdays. That's the same guy who named his second daughter after me. Gah, even my step-dad who I never really got along with till last year called me, not just asked my mom for the phone while she was talking to me, or yell out happy birthday in the background as he usually does. He actually called and said happy birthday and said he hopes I like the camera and told me good luck on finals and hugs and kisses and such. I would have never expected that much from him. Yea. So men suck. I don't understand why they're such assholes. And why it is always the girls that don't deserve this shit that get it. Mow. I don't understand how guys just don't give a shit about certain things. Whatever. Nothing to do but put up with it and hope to find the guy who's least assholish.

December 15 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRE!!!!!

I got an A in calc... Don't see how, since I left a big chunk of the final blank, and all my mass and surface area answers were 0, and my verifying Stoke's theorem ended up with the left side and right side of the equation not matching. But oh well. Go me!

Grr. I want some people to be straight. And I want some people to not have girlfriends. But I'll take an A in calc.

sakjfgkdhgdkj

Grr. Just when the cuddling is getting cuddlier, it's all gonna end. =\

December 14 - Fun times last night. A LOT of alkihol. Not feeling well today. But people rock. Ian rocks for pulling the whole thing off. Julie rocks for being here 3 nights this week. Mike rocks for taking care of me and helping me puke and yea. ::insert embarrassed AIM smiley face:: But yea, people rock. Hee hee. "Dont fall kate exclamation point" Hee hee. I have pictures. My camera rocks. You know you wish you were there. A lot of people didn't show up. =\ But the important people did (or would have if they weren't at home), so yay.
December 12 - I walked into 3 walls today, and I had a nose bleed. Yea, it's definitely finals time. Spent all of tonight (friday night) in the library, went to sleep before midnight. Yea, finals are awesome, what can I say.
December 11 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!


Hee. I got me a ducky that goes quack! It's so fucking cute! Too bad I'm gonna rip its stomach open and put the voicebox into a cow. Get it? Hee hee. That so made my day. Quack quack. That, and Dre made it stop raining. That, and I have alkihol. That, and I have a DIGITAL CAMERA!!! Watch out now, you know what happens when I have one of those. ::grin::

I HAVE THE MOST AWESOME FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! JULIE AND DRE SHOWED UP IN THE BOWLING ALLEY WITH CAKE AND BALLOONS AND AND A POSTER AND AND AND A STICKER AND AND HEE HEE. I CRIED CUZ I WAS SO HAPPY. HEE HEE. AWESOMENESS. WOWOWOW. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. WOWOWOWOWOWOW. AWESOME PEOPLE. ::GRIN:: JULIE ROCKS!!

December 10 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!

Happy day today. 93 on calc day today. Happy day. School of Rock is a cute movie. The guy in the band that went on before Jack Black's band on battle of the bands, the one on the left was sooo fucking hot. Twas weird. Like, I saw him and like, wow, I wanted to touch. Doesn't happen to me a lot.

December 9 - Everything went wrong today. From stepping on wet floor several times in socks and having to change my socks (I HATE wet feet!), to receiving an e-mail a week too late, to getting ditched. Fuck it, I won't care, it's just not worth it. This whole semester blows. From now on no more thinking, caring, wanting, or missing. It's not worth it and I obviously get nothing out of it.

I want to see Moving Out on Broadway. When I get old and I have $ I'm gonna go to Broadway plays every week. For now I'll go see School of Rock for $2 at Burchard.

Over the last 2 days I kicked 6 boys's's's asses in bowling. Go me!

But... *thingy*=\

I found this interesting:
so fathers be good to your daughters,
daughters will love like you do, yeah
girls become lovers who turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too.

boys you can break
find out how much they can take
boys will be strong and
boys soldier on
but boys would be gone
without warmth of a woman's good good heart

on behalf of every man
looking out for every girl
you are the god and the weight of her world
- John Mayer

December 8 - Hmph. And I wanted to be original. I also wanted to get above a 90 on the calc test, but hey, we can't have everything we want, can we.

Hee hee. I feel like I'm back in Junior High.Nah, even high school. Hee hee.

Grr. I want Mike-cuddling. And no, that's not why I was grrr'ing earlier.

I feel like a penguin. And I want my lobster. =\

December 7 - Fuck. Not only am I stuck going to Florida with my grandma and my brother and my mom, but we won't be getting back from there till around 6 pm on Dec 31. Fucking lovely. I actually wanted to spend New Year's away from my family for the first time in my life, cuz I'll be sick of them cuz of Florida, but I don't even get to do that, because any plans I might have had, aren't gonna work out. Not that I had friends to spend New Year's with, but going to Pennsylvania with Julie might have been nice. But no, that ain't happening, and I'm really fucking pissed off. I should not HAVE to go to Florida with my grandma. WTF. And lets not even go into the fact that I can't go to Florida with Julie because I'm going with my family. Ugh. Want to cry. Negative feelings towards my mommy. Don't like those. And I feel bad because she already feels bad about making me go, and I just keep complaining about it every day (because I'm pissed off about it every day) and there's nothing she can do but apologize. I know I shouldn't complain about something that can't be fixed now. But grr. I hate this. And I can't solve systems of equations. I understand the calculus, but I can't do the simple shit that I'm gonna have points taken off for for fucking up. Fucking lovely. I hate today. It's Miss Cohen's birthday today. I don't know why I remembered that. Miss Cohen was one of the 2 best teachers I ever had. She taught me English, and made me write insane reports for Social Studies. I hated her when I had her. But she's the best teacher ever. I got my first real bike from her. It's still standing in the garage because my brother is so attached to it for some reason. I hope her marriage goes well and her kid is healthy. I don't know why all of that just came into my head.

Not sick. Yay. I knew I could do it. =) Now I'm all proud of myself for being healthy and not getting sick easily. Yay. Go me!

Now something to think about: If you could meet your soulmate, the perfect person for yourself......and spend the best time together, but you knew that this person will die in 6 month, would you still want to meet that person? Hmm... I'd probably say no, because after knowing how happy you can be you'd never be able to be happy ever again. But what do I know. Not exactly about this, but:
You have shown me the sky,
But what good is the sky
To a creature who'll never
Do better than crawl?
~Man of La Mancha

Tired of thinking? Turn up your speakers and CLICK! Now stop thinking I'm retarded and LAUGH! ROFL, I laughed so hard I almost cried. Then Andrew ran in here with a fork and started poking and prodding me. Then I cried. Ouch. Now Stare.... Ok, that's enough for today. Cookie for you if you read and clicked everywhere.

December 6 - Tray + hill + snow = instant fun! Dre + kitchen = food! Yay!

That's it, I'm gonna stop caring. I'm not gonna put so much of myself into something that will never happen and will never be able to make me happy.

Ya know, I was thinking about it, and guys just don't understand anything. Girls really aren't all that hard to understand. Well at least I'm not. Well, I am, but I explain myself very well, and once I understand myself (as I do in this case) it's really easy to understand me and keep me happy. But guys just don't understand. They don't mean any harm, but don't take 2 minutes to think about it and come up with the simplest thing that would make a girl happy. A little bit really does go a long way. It's the free, 2 second actions that can fix everything, not the roses, gifts, and apologies that come afterwards.

Wow, I didn't know my mommy cared about me that much. I told her I have a sore throat, and she got all upset and told me to take vitamins, and to go to sleep right away, and to take advil if I get a headache, and to gargle my throat, and to call her tomorrow as soon as I wake up. I thought she'd just be like "well do something about it, and don't go outside in the cold.. call me if you start dying." But aww, she cares, and it's like, I'm her child. Hee. So me and Diegel gargled our throats. It was cute.



Take the What Sex Position Are You?

Uhh... I think that quiz was meant for a guy. Uhhh...

I HATE how after one of those discussions online he falls asleep immediately, while I'm up till 5 am thinking about shit.

December 5 - Happy happy happy day! Snow = YAY! Bio lab cancelled = YAY! I feel pretty today = YAY!

Andrew dropping a plate of pasta all over me = NOT yay. Grrr, bad Andrew.

December 4 - Is it really that bad that I care? (Yes, I do want an answer to that) I've been talking to Alanna again! ::grin::

I have soft hair! =) Hee hee hee. Yo, yesterday we were making wish lists for the hallway decorations, and I said I want Harry Potter to be real. And LOOK! Hee. Anyway, we have a naughty and nice list in our hallway... guess which list I'm on =) Come by and look at the caption they put for me. Hehe.

December 3 - Oh NO, it better not rain on my birthday again. That was the reason I didn't go buy porn and a lottery ticket on my last birthday. Grr. I want happy weather for my birthday. I just realized I have 3 finals in 2 days this semester. Yuckiness. I'm so tired of being cold. I want a day where I don't have to get out of bed the whole day and I can just lay there and be warm and have someone bring me breakfast. I think I'll do that Dec 14. Although I'll have no one to get me breakfast. =\

Can't wait for Rob's meaty balls and polish sausage tomorrow. =)~

December 2 - Grrr, I'm tired of everything and my brain doesn't work anymore. Everything I do, I fuck it up somehow, even if it's something simple. Even if I have the answers to a test beforehand (what? huh? honor code?) I still manage to get a B. A simple lab report, I'm usually good at those, and I get a low grade (even though I had last year's to copy). I also can't bowl, which sucks because I have to bowl well tomorrow. I just fail at everything I do. I hate this. And I've been feeling really iffy about myself lately. Don't know why. I'm sure it'll go away. But right now everything sucks. That, and Ed burned a cookie today.

I've been nap-free for 2 days!! I guess getting 8 or more hours of sleep a night really is a good thing. Too bad I still suck at everything.

Take me there. I wanna go there.

December 1 - Grr, everyone's offering themselves to me on my birthday, as if I can't get laid on my own. I can. But I can't. Grr. Oh, and when I write about stuff and I'm not being clear, don't assume the worst! *cough* Jackie and Andrew *cough*

Now go sign my guestbook!

Why I hate Brooklyn guys: I met a guy at the Saturday night party. He gets my sn from his friend (who happened to be almost as annoying and stupid). Anyway, he IMs me, and right after "how are you?" he asks if I'm a virgin. Yes, this is a normal occurance with Brooklyn guys. He asked if I'd like to hang out with him sometime, and I say that I don't think that's possible since I go to school in Jersey. When he realizes I'm a virgin he says "aight later bye." 2 minutes later I get an IM from him saying "if I asked you, would you have given me a blowjob?" I say no. He calls me an "ez ho," tells me to fuck off and to get a life. Where's the logic in that? I say I won't blow him and that makes me an easy ho? How does that work? I wonder what answer in this case wouldn't make me easy? Grr. Then people wonder how I can possibly like people at Stevens. That's how. After spending 9 years in Brooklyn, where I was used to people asking if I'm a virgin within 5 minutes of meeting me and where I just brushed it off like it was normal, I appreciate Stevens a lot.

November 30 - Kate's happy!!! Everything's going to be OK. ::grin:: EW 2 stupid Brooklyn guys want me. Yuck.

Mmm... smells like lemons. ::grins::

I hate finding bruises on myself the day after. =\

Nove,mber 29 = Happy birthday Alanna! Grrr I feel ditrty/ Oh well, got my R. Want to go back to Stevens/ . Drubjk sandwithces are vad, Turkey all over the floor. Grr/

It's never good when you can't remember your address. 2656 dammit. 2656.

November 28 - Leftovers = Yumm. :: grin:: Bailey's = yumm. ::grin::

Ya know, I was thinking about everything, and it's all going to be OK. It always is. I think. Well at least whatever happens always happens for the best. In some weird way. That, and I love Julie.

November 27 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE!!!

TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY TURKEY

Yesterday was cool. Got 14 hours of sleep. Woke up and felt like everything was right. By the end of the night I wasn't as "at peace" with myself. Maybe I should have drank more? Silly russians. But gah, Brooklyn guys are so dirty. Yuck. Some chinese looking kid was hitting on me in russian yesterday. dflgjkldkfjgdfl.

November 25 - Ha, everyone's response is "you're kidding, right?" I like that.

Mmm, smells like home. ::grin:: Watched TV for the first time this semester. Like, real TV, where you sit on the couch and have nothing to do for hours. It was nice for a change. But I realized that I'm sick of looking at things. All day long all I do is look at things, look at HW, notebooks, textbooks, screens, Snood, bowlers, just anything that requires my eyes to concentrate, I'm sick of it all. Partially because when I look at things, I can't help thinking. I think that I think a lot more than a lot of people. Not that I think about anything that makes sense or matters, but my brain observes and thinks too much. I would like to just lay down with someone and close my eyes and not think. Maybe talk, but about pointless stuff. Or just lay there quietly. There used to be moments in my life when someone asked me what I was thinking and I said "nothing" and really meant it. Those were happy moments. But this whole semester my brain's been on 'concentrate' mode, and that sucks.

So anyway, I was watching Never Been Kissed, and it made me think. Ha, you see? I miss those magic first kiss moments that you re-live in your head over and over because you can't believe they happened. And you remember exactly what you were saying when the kiss happened (I guess people like shutting me up?) and it's just awesome. The last 11 guys I kissed (yes, Kate = whore, be quiet), I didn't have those moments with. I knew it was going to happen, which makes it all less special. It's still nice, obviously, but not as memorable. But then again I just think that by now people know if someone likes/wants them, it's not a whole big secret thing like it was in HS or whatever. Errr, yea, I remember I had a point to this. But I forgot it by now. But yea, Mike, if you read this, don't think that it wasn't special, I just wish the first one didn't happen when I was half-drunk. I probably should have saved half of this for the dj, but hey, there IS a warning on the front page saying if you want to keep your sanity, don't read anything I write.

November 24 - "Here Without You" - 3 Doors Down. Awesome song. I'd think it's soo corny if it was sung by a boy band because of the ooh's and ah's that'd be in the background, but because 3 Doors Down sings it, I love it. It's all sad and pretty and I likes it.

3 hours of sleep cuz of orgo, and I still did bad. But I don't care this time, because I actually understood everything and I put in soo much work, and everything actually made sense this time. Except for the actual test, but who cares about that part, right? Heh. I bowled decent games today.

I hate that I require so much attention to be happy. And I hate how it all turned out. Friends is definitely good, but it could have been better. But of course that's just my opinion. YAY! I found my bra!

Cutest thing said to me today: "Your lips are shiny, you're wearing like, nice lipstick, or something." And of course, some other random guy tried talking to me at the bowling alley. Heh. Great. Stop wanting me.

Oh, I finally saw Pirates of the Caribbean!!! Mmm, yummy movie. It was the perfect corny movie. I loved it. It was so hot. Pirates are hot. Johnny Depp is hot. "I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid." "If you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." OK, enough babble for today. Penis! (Just testing if you're still reading)

November 23 - Sigh, it's not fair. =\ Oh well, nothing I can do but get over it. I hate not having things go my way.

Aside from that, had a good night last night. Well, the first half of the night was pretty cool. I have a rose! But I don't think roses and carbonation get along. I had nothing to put it in, so I stuck it in a seltzer bottle, and now it's half dead. Mow. Second half of the night was just weird. But first half, whee! Dancing boy! We didn't start the fire...

The magic 8 ball keeps me sane.

November 22 -

You're an Orgasm!! There are a few variations on this drink but one way to reach the climax is to combine equal parts of Irish cream liqueur, white creme de cacao, triple sec and v
""Which cocktail are you?""

What I learned this semester: Go to a PSK party alone, get broken up with the next day. Yay.

November 21 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY ED!!! Hee! Diegel asked me to go to an ROTC semi-formal. So now I have a semi-formal on saturday, and a semi-formal in December! Whee! We played with rabbit jizz in bio lab!

I don't understand...

November 20 - I love how people ask me simple questions about Chem because they know I'm a chem major and then I don't know the asnwer. Things such as what's the element with atomic # 4? Or why do elements conduct electricity better in their liquid form than in their solid form? Grr. I should know all this. But I don't. Yay me. Yay chem. Hmph.
November 19 - Too much too fast? Eep.
November 18 - Guys being confident is good. Hee. I like it when random guys I don't know say I look nice today, and random guys say hi to me. Hee. I love my Joolie. She has the bestest birthday ideas. I've been happy the last couple of days. Yay.

Hee hee. Lots of Turkeys for Kate! ::puppies!::

November 16 - How are guys so confident? Grr.
November 15 - Julie was a a bad puppy last night! *chomp* Mmm... comfy sleep =) Lack of sleep though... =( So I know what I'm getting me for my birthday! Yay. And I know what I got Julie for her birthday. =)~ Home = yum yum. Pics from summer and this semester will be up soon.

NIPPLES!!! (Have another one)

November 14 - The opera was amazing last night. Don Pasquale, by Gaetano Donizetti. It really was great. It was an actual 'laugh out loud' comedy, and the costumes were tasteful this time, and the singers were amazing, and the acting wasn't overdone, and it was just wow. We watched 2/3 of it from the orchestra because we moved up after the first intermission. Second row. Amazing. So yea, if you think you might want to see an opera but are afraid you'll sleep through it, go see Don Pasquale. It'll keep you awake (if you move up to the orchestra section). Whee! I have 2 classes with Rob next semester! I love Rob! No drinky with Julie today... =( Well yes drinky, but not good drinky. Unless Julie gets me good drinky. But I think I told her not to get me drinky because I won't need to be drunky because I figured everything out. Go me! Found a solution to my problem without alkihol!

Grrrr.... Stupid drunk freshmen. Steve knocks on my door at about 2 am, and keeps knocking and doing stuff to my door, so I decide to ignore him thinking he'll go away. Later on I open my door and a garbage falls over on my door and really smelly water spills out all over my floor. Yuck. They're sooo gonna get it. Stupid drunk freshmen.

November 12 - 93 on the calc test!!!!!! Whee! Gah, I had birthday plans for the saturday after my birthday, and it turns out I have a calc final that day. Boooo. Oh, the porn sent to me yesterday was a wrong #. How silly. My schedule for next semester is looking really good, if I don't overload again. But I won't. Cuz I don't want to suffer next semester. It looked the world is ending today. I came outside and it's all misty and foggy. Whoa. Twas cool.

Today I come into the bowling alley and some guy like, stares at me. Then he gives in his shoes and is all looking at me and smiling and says "I didn't knwo you worked here." Then I ask who he is while looking for his ID (I neede the name to give him the right one) and he tells me and is like "who are you? nice to meet you." Uhhh... WTF? That made me feel dirty. Don't like dirty guys staring and smiling at me. YAY! Drinky drinky with Julie on friday! I hope.

Hehe, my brother is asking me for girl advice, the whole silly HS thing "I like her, but she doesn't know I like her, what do I do to let her know I like her and to make her like me?" Hpw fucking adorable. I miss that. It's no fun in college. If you like someone and they like you, you just know. And it's not all embarrasing if someone knows you like them, so you don't have to do the whole "like, OMG, don't tell anyone" thing. I miss the silliness.

November 11 - Random entry day (as if they aren't random every other day):Eek. 19 in a month. Eek. Porn in a text message. Twas a picture of a girl taking it up the ass. Text said "just trying to send you a picture message... 4 ur man." WTF? The # was a 646 #... I called back but voicemail picked up, so no clue what that was about. Hmm, what else... Noah gave me a random CD from WCPR today, and I listened to it, and I loved it. Don't remember the name of the band (not in room now) but it was slow creepy rockish music. Prettiness. Hmm, what else... went to the gym today, yay. I think I worked out a schedule so that I can go to the gym 2-3 times a week. Heh, took me long enough. Ya know those fruit labels with the #'s on them? I thought they were random #'s that the farm or the store or someone put on them, but no, each type of fruit has its own #. Now I must try every fruit on that list. Someone get me a tomango. How is a tomango an orange and not a weird mix between a tomato and a mango? Did you know they made tomacco?? My worst nightmare.

Ack.

November 10 - Happy Birthday Abhi!

Goddammit. The one A I was relying on this semester, in calc, yea, that's not happening. I didn't even finish the test today. I've never ran out of time on a math test before. WTF is wrong with me? And I was doing the prelab for orgo, the one where you have to write up your own procedure instead of following one, and I have no idea how to do it. People told me how to do it, and I have last year's notebook with a step by step write up, and I still don't understand what's going on. I feel like one of those stupid people in high school who were always like "OK, I did step 2, what do I do now?" without actually understanding what's going on (kinda like physics lab, but I don't care about physics lab). Mike was helping me (not you Mike, another Mike) and I was just like "uh huh, so where does that go? and why does that go there? So what happens after that? why?" WTF, these people who know how to do the prelab aren't even chem majors, they're chem-bio. WTF kinda chemist am I gonna be if I don't know how to do anything in a lab? And it's not like I just don't get lab stuff, I don't get the theoretical stuff either. I got a 70 on the last test. WTF. But if I don't major in chem, there's absolutely nothing I can major in. I was never good at anything else or liked anything else (other than calc, but look what happened to that). I can't do anything humanities-related. I can't do engineering. I can't do physics or bio. The only thing left is chem. I was good in Spanish, but I hated it, and wtf, I'm not gonna major in that. I don't know what to do. I hate this semester. But it only gets harder from here. So I don't know what to do. Why am I stupider than everyone? I used to be smart. I hate me.

November 9 - Yesterday = happy day. 12 hours of sleep = happy day. Sushi = happy day. Not getting kicked out of bed = happy day. Today = calc and orgo day. Nuff said.

My hair smells nice. And it's really soft. =)

November 7 - Wow, magic 8 ball rules. And I was thinking about it, my hum professor (the gay one) really pisses me off. A lot. So arrogant.

YAY! Another not-bad day! I was awake and went to the gym and YAY! And I'm wanted by everyone, this is awesome. I'm awesome. Hee. Whee! ::big grin::

Haha, everyone thinks Rob wants me. Silly people. I like not being wanted, for once. Whoa, big-headedness. Bad Kate. Hee. But no, I have people like Dave and Tony to keep me from getting a big head.

Wow, today at dinner Andrew and Steve started talking about ninja turtles and toys they used to play with in the 3rd grade, and I was saying I don't know any of the toys they were talking about cuz I wasn't here then, bu then I thought about it, and I couldn't think of any toys that I had. So I called my mom and asked her, and she was like "well you had dolls... and uhh... toys were hard to get in Russia." So yea, I had no toys as a kid. And out of the dolls I had, the only one I remember was one of those cheap $1 plastic barbie, which was like, the coolest thing there, and even for that we couldn't buy clothes or furniture for it, we had to make it ourselves. WTF! I never had toys. That pisses me off. I'm obviously not mad at my mom for that, cuz she told me how she remembers waiting in line for hours somewhere to get me a toy. Grr. WTF. No wonder I'm easily amused by every little thing now. And I remember someone asked me what my childhood was like, I think it was Dave (grr, wtf did he care if he doesn't want to talk to me?) anyway, he asked me about my childhood, and I didn't even know what to tell him. I couldn't think of any highlights from my childhood. Boo. It's like, half my life was wasted.

November 6 - From someone's blog: "When I told someone this they basically told me "so just friends" but I think it's more than that because you can't get DEEPLY emotionally tied with "just" friends. Who knows - I'm a mess." Yepp. That's what got me in trouble, and will get me in trouble. Yepp. But it is just friends. I'm just fucked up. Or I just don't know what I'm talking about right now, so delete all that from your head.

Anyway, I had an awesome day today. I was awake and happy for some reason. And there's a banana party in my fridge! And I bowled a decent crappy game, not the usual 104 I bowl for bowling club. And I finished a micro test in 15 minutes while everyone else was on like, question 2. I rock.

November 5 - Tired. The only word that can describe this semester is tiring. Sucks. Need lots of hugs.
November 4 - I'm fine. =)

Mike's amazing. Thanks.

Bowled a 169. =)
And an 87. =\

You know, I never used to cry. So I won't.

November 3 - Haha, Davis had a firedrill and I got three phonecalls from freshmen saying they're bored. Maybe I do know too many freshmen and should leave them alone. Hehe. Today was a nice day. Yay. I like nice weather. I like running. I like not going to classes and taking naps. HAHAHAHAStupid kangaroos. WTF, eh?

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I want him HURT. I can't stand how he doesn't care at all. I shouldn't care. I won't care. I hate me. Why did I trust him? Why did he promise everything? It hurts so fucking much. I don't understand. He sounded like he meant it when he said he wants to be friends with me. He sounded like he meant it when he said I was one of the 2 people he trusts most at Stevens. WTF. What happened? Just because he knows he won't get any from me there's no point in talking to me? Then again, why am I surprised at this? Why do I never learn? I should have known better than to trust him. I hate people. Why would someone lie? I don't understand that at all. WTF. What did I ever do to deserve this? "ok bye" WTF! Yes, I got the fucking ticket because yes, I do things when I say I will, and yes, he told me he can go on a thursday. What, he all of a sudden forgot? Forgot everything he said? WHY AM I SURPRISED AT THIS? I HATE ME. I'M SO STUPID. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME? It hurts so much. Can't breathe. Great, so much for going to sleep early. FUCK. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I put up with people's shit? Should have told him to fuck off the first week of september because of the fireworks thing. But no. I'm weak and pathetic. I HATE ME. UGH. Whatever, he's not worth it. OK, sleep.

November 2 - Interesting weekend. Friday - I was a pirate. EVERYONE told me I looked hot. It was nice. It's great knowing that I can pretend to be hot if I try to. Hee. Saturday - interesting day. Made Ed get away from his video games and go places. Sunday - hee, Mike looks hot playing volleyball. And I would have so won the coffeehouse costume contest if I had my whole outfit on. No question.

I hate it when people make promises without realizing what it'll really be like in the future, and I hate believing them, knowing that the promise will be broken, and I hate getting hurt even though I knew what things will be like anyway. Yes.

loading... well hopefully, at least.
You're whats her face! You must be a nice girl,
just watch out for those possums!

Llama
Llama
Llama
Julie

October 30 - Really excited about tomorrow. Running around in my costume annoying people. Whee! HOT pic. Hee. I've always wanted a pic of me kissing a guy, but this will do for now. =)

Something about that movie really depressed me. Do I not watch movies because I'm too emotional? Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything, but I'm really really angry with someone. Oh well. They'd never bother to read this. Dammit. I'm weak.

I was good for way over a week. Almost 2 weeks. =\ I promised myself I won't. Lets try this again...

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
(Unless i try to start again)
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
Cause inside i realize
That i'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why i have to scream
I don't know why i instigate
And say what i don't mean
I don't know how i got this way
I know it's not alright
So i'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I have no options left again
I'll paint it on the walls
Cause i'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why i have to scream
But now i have some clarity
To show you what i mean
I don't know how i got this way
I'll never be alright
So i'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

October 29 - Well this day has been completely sucky, up until I made brownies with John and Jeckin. John and Jeckin are awesome. Our brownies were awesome. Brownie mix + the wrong kind of oil + strawberry jello powder = awesome brownies. What can I say, we rock. Then, after trying to decide about the stripes for the costume, Mike suggested socks. Mike is brilliant. I love Mike. Socks!!! I'm gonna look hot on friday. Whee! So maybe this week isn't gonna be so bad after all.
October 28 - afklkasdjfhkahlfdkjhakjf. I HATE GUYS. akjfhjlkashdfljkadfhlkjd. sdkjfahskdjhfal,djk. asdkfhkjadshfkajdsdfka/,ahsdjkfhaskjdfa;/.,askdhakvcjlkJhlkasl.DnlasjdfhkdhkjSDhjasdjkfeafdcvjkvjk/. There. Gah. Pooey. I want pop corn chicken. But I ate already. So that's bad. Pooey. I also felt all pukey they whole day but couldn't make myself puke. Pooey. It was cute though, Ed and Diegel were trying to make me puke. Gah. I feel lonely. Today's been a bad Daves day.
October 26 - HAHAHAHA. Chubby white 12 yr old rapping.
October 25 - As of last night I hate all guys named Dave. asdajskdajklkdjshgjksd
October 23 - Aww, I had the away message "I want my cheesecake!" up and my brother IMed me with this! Hee. I do want my cheesecake though. It's gotta be yummy. Gah, I spent 4 hours working on bio, got about 1/4 of it done, and out of that 1/4 I got about half wrong. So yea. Bio is like CS to me. This sucks. I think I'm ready to give up. And I bowled horrible today. Bowling club on a thursday just doesn't work for me. Mow. And last night was a really stupid idea.
October 21 - Two songs I've been obsessed with lately:
Adema - Speculum
Live - The Beauty of Gray

Yay for not caring about grades. Yay for not bothering to go over notes after lectures. Yay for not doing anything. Yay for perfect skin again. Yay for friday nights. Not yay for feeling lonely in between the friday nights.

So, I watched Gilmore Girls for the first time in months, and wow, I love the show. But wow, the last scene where she asks the guy for coffee and he's like "cool, but no thanks," OUCH. That's so like something that would happen to me, and the look on her face was exactly what the look on my face would have been. OUCH. But awesome show. And Paris is NOT hot!

October 20 - Mow. =\
October 19 - Wow this looks like a happy hug.

This doesn't look like a happy penguin.

Whoever found my ID, thanks!

October 18 - Wow, I absolutely LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Julie!!! Whee! Last night was sooo awesome. Wow. Wheeness all over. Of course today my head's feeling a lil funny, but it's all worth it. But wow, when I woke up today to walk Julie to Path I was still drunk. That's never happened to me before. Eek. But yea, last night was the best. I think I'm completely cured. Whee!

Interesting thing: I haven't dreamt in months, and last night when I was drunk I had a dream. And I remembered it. It was a fucked up dream.

October 17 - The Threepenny Opera: interesting musical but stupid happy ending. La Finta Giardiniera: stupid opera, but alright second half/ending. I thought it was dumb because first off, it was a theme that's commnonly done in silly high school plays, not something that should be done for an opera. Second, a bunch of people dressed in clown costumes, prancing around the stage like idiots really doesn't go with classical music. I thought it was all silly. But hey, I'm probably wrong since the theater was more than half filled on a wednesday night. We did move up to the orchestra section after intermission and yea, there's a huge difference between $12 and $90 tickets. But if I paid $90 to see that last night I would have been really disappointed.

Fgood timeas. =) Alhkol -= yumnn.. Jolike = ayy.

October 14 - I hate me. I don't get Bio. At all. 6/11. Because Rob only helped me with half. I did work on the other half. I just don't get it. This midterm is going to be fun. Yea. I also hate me because I require so much attention. Meh. One good thing about me though, at least for other people. It's easy to make me happy. But today didn't make me happy. At all. So today sucked. A lot. One of those days where it would have been better to sit in the corner and hide from the world. Hold me.
October 13 - Wow, hectic day. 4 things went wrong. Earring, printer, jacket, boots, no time to get a haircut. Got sweatpants though! And a pretty jacket! And one with the plastic thing still on it cuz people don't know how to take them off grrrrrrr!!! Now boots... I decided to be girly and get boots. So I tried on boots. Lot of them. Most of them didn't zip up on my calves. WTF! I never even considered the fact that my calves could be fat! That was the part of me I was least concerned about! But boots don't zip up on me. Great. And I saw the perfectest pair of boots. Sigh. skjdghskjfhj. Now on to the good stuff: Rodrigo tried the peppers and he liked them! Yay! It was so cute! He brought me the really garlicky salad (sooo good) and I brought him peppers. He said I should go home more often. Whee he's awesome. Guys are awesome. I was hanging out with Lubin and his freshmen come up with some much crap to bother him with, it's so great. Girls would never do anything cool like that. Girls are boring. Another good thing: MAD *thingy*. Which can also be a bad thing. Dunno. We'll see.

Grrr I want perfect skin again!

Go get addicted to City Jumper.

October 12 - I had the bestest day today! Woke up at one, granma came over, cooked, and gave me $50. Went blading. Went by Midwood. It was so weird seeing it after not being there for over a year. I guess it would have been nice if I actualyl liked high school and had friends at home to hang out with when I came home for a weekend. Anyway, we bladed the way I used to walk to the bus every day during high school, and it was like "this is where Nathaniel had a gun pointed at him, this is where the kid with the knife ran after us, this is where everyone got mugged.." Isn't Brooklyn great? While blading back from Midwood I asked a cop why there was a cop next to every Synagogue and he was like "well the precinct is concerned." Good. I realized that the 2 pretty neighborhoods in Brooklyn are Jewish neighborhoods. Ha. Was Christopher Columbus Jewish? Anyway, back to my awesome day. We both realized that we still have all of out Junior High notes that we passed to each other (not the learning kind of notes) so we decided to go get them and go to Dunkin Donuts and read all of them. Wow, we were retarded. But sitting in Dunkin Donuts laughing at our stupidity is great. I think I'll bring the notes to Stevens. If anyone wants to see how retarded we used to be, feel free to ask me to show you. Hee hee. We had 33 code names for the guys in our school. We also had code words and signals for things like bitch, cute, sweet, and a whole lot of stuff. We rocked. We really were the coolest people in junior high. Everyone knew us. Everyone loved us. Everyone knew we were fun. We rocked. Yepp. Oh, and now Julie is mine on friday nights! Of course, I'll share her if anyone wants some of her too (that means if you're doing anything cool or know of anything cool going on on a friday night, invite us).

I'm all for avoiding to pay for things that are overpriced and for cheating the companies that overprice things. Example 1: The MTA. We used to come up with the weirdest ways to get places using the 3 free rides on our student metrocards in order to avoid paying for the rides. And what Julie does is brilliant: swiping the unlimited card for the next person to go in for free so they wouldn't give their $ to the MTA. Example 2: If I have a CD and someone wants the music that's on it, I'll offer it to them to copy, just so they wouldn't have to spend $20 on a cd. I know that $20 to a friend is a whole lot more than $20 to a record company. I'd think a person is retarded if they wouldn't do the same for me and would tell me to go support the author and the record company. Example 3: School book store. I'll buy the books elsewhere, I'd let a friend borrow a book if they need to use it, or if they need to make copies of it. If someone's book is laying around and they're not using it I'd be really pissed off if they told me to go buy one because they want me to support the author and the publishing company.

I love my Joolie!

GIMME GIMME GIMME!!! hee hee. I go through phases of being obsessed with things: Froggies --> aliens --> ducks --> cows --> monkeys. (Note: each of the phases overlap) What's next?!?

October 11 -
YAY:
- ______ ___!!!
- Joolie!
- Watching Selena!
- Hot guy in Selena!
- Opera tickets!
- Home!

Anti-YAY:
- 3 different trains and a shuttle bus to get to Hunter. I'd kill myself if I was a commuter.
- Dirty smelly Mexicans on trains.
- Allergies to my house... or is it Brooklyn? ACHOO!

Meh, I hate crying. I also hate knowing what's right for me and not wanting what's right for me. Meh.

The moon was amazing. Didn't know what I wanted. =\ That's pretty bad. Alanna, I need you! Not now, it's too late now, but I need you to keep me sane... WTF why don't you love me anymore?

October 10 - Hee hee. Sitting at El Greco for 20 mins with no waiter, we finally decide to get up. get their business card, and call El Greco and tell them to serve us. Smart us! Took only a minute after that. And all the waiters were talking about it in the kitchen! Fun times. Alkihol = yumm. They should just serve really strong punch at parties so you don't have to drink 5 cups of the shit just to feel something. Yepp. I went to the gym today! Feel sooooo good. I think I figured out how to schedule everything so I have time to go to te gym. But that would involve eating breakfast by myself and not eating lunch with people. But then again do I really want to be around when Andrew and people talk about video games? Exactly. Gym is better for me. I lost 6 pounds since I got to Stevens. And it's been about 6 weeks. So that's healthy. Yay. Now if only SOMEONE would go running with me, I wouldn't have to make time during the day to go to the gym. Grr. But I'm awesome. In an hour and a half between classes I went to the gym, took a shower, ate, finished a lab report, finished a prelab, printed them both, went to the campus store and to say bye to Mike. How's that for time management?

Good alkihol makes you giggly.

October 8 - Whee! Monday and tuesday I had two different guys bring me freshly picked apples to the bowling alley! Whee! 98 on a calc test! Haha, some freshman said that all the freshmen were arguing about pirates and ninjas last week. I don't know if it's because of me and Andre, but our survey did get around. Whee!

Oh, I forgot to write about this. Monday night, 2:15 am, I go to sleep, the cards are on my door. Tuesday morning, 8 am, I wake up, they're all ripped off, except for the one that says "congrats on your baby?" WTF! Who hates me enough to be awake betwen 2:15 and 8 am and to rip cards off my door? Grr... I wanted to keep them... Stupid people. Really pissed off. But I redacorated, and saw a bunch of people crowded around my door last night, so yay. No one better rip this down.

Meh, not the bestest day ever. I suck at bio, I suck at bowling. I shouldn't be doing anything that starts with a B. Mow.

October 6 - Hee hee hee. Wow. Meh, 86 on the chem test. I don't want to be average. I have to be above average. When was I ever average?!? This SUCKS? My mom said it's ok, she even said that an 86 is really good. My mom doesn't care if I'm just average, so why do I? Blah. I better have gotten above a 92 on the calc. Anyway. I want to go apple picking. I say that every year and I never get to go. Who wants to go apple picking?

The pineapple exploded, the cheese is gone, and the girl was hairy anyway... sigh... *poof*

Today was one of those times where I needed to spit ice cubes out of a 4th floor window. JOOOOLIE!!!

October 5 - I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know
October 4 - Stupid fucks. I've been to Haifa. I've been to Tel Aviv. I've been to Jerusalem. They're normal cities. With normal people. Why can't they be left alone to live their lives? Stupid fucking arabs. Ughhh. Pissed off.
October 3 - Ed makes the best waffles. Friday morning will be waffle day. Or at least breakfast day. That way I can go to the gym during the day. Yay. I need to, because SOMEONE isn't running with me. Btw, lets mention things and not be ambiguous (or as Andrew says MEANINGLESS). Dave, if you ever do get around to reading this... you've been amazing with everything. It's awesome to be able to talk to you and to go through all this without any drama or retardedness. Thanks for being honest and mature about everything. See? It's not that I don't want to mention you, I just wanted to save it for the good stuff, and not write about the fireworks, and the... hmm... can't think about any more bad stuff, never mind. YAY! Tomorrow's meet Julie in the city day!
October 2 - I have the most awesome friends. If I ever bitch about not having friends, please kick me and remind me about today. Come look at my door! Hayden 210. Hee hee. And we'll see about the other half of the awesomeness tomorrow. Hee hee. I kicked ass during bowling club. Turkey. Yay. I rock. I love me. Now if only I could do that thing today... and if only it would go OK... Sorry for rhyming.
10.01 -
Stay away from the CS department.

I am the monkey. I can go anywhere.

Gah. I hate hanging up on my mommy. But I also hate being told over and over that it's gonna be OK and that I'll get used to the workload and blah blah blah. It's not gonna be OK. I won't get used to it. It's already been a month and isn't getting any better. People ask me what I do in my spare time. I tell them I don't have spare time. They ask me what I do all day. Homework. They look at me like I'm a loser. Is it my fault or something?!? Believe me, I'd rather have spare time and do something other than homework for a change. But I can't. Stupid school. We're paying over $30,000 a year and they can't design a bio lab that teaches us something and is do-able? Can't find TA's that know what they're doing? Can't find professors that realize that their assignments are retarded? I'm not liking Stevens at all this semester. I like the people. People are cool. Yes, you people. Hi! But everything else sucks a lot. Really not happy. Don't know how I'm gonna finish everything I have to do. I don't like that feeling. I like having control of things. I like doing my best and having it be good enough. I don't like wearing myself out and still not being where I need to be. I don't like not having time to go to the gym. I don't like headaches. I don't like blankly staring at a game of snood just because your brain is too fried to deal with anything else. I don't like my face breaking out because of stress. I'm supposed to have perfect skin dammit. I'm supposed to have good grades and fun and all that good stuff. What happened?

Hold me.

September 30 - Wow, I managed to spill everything imaginable today. Whee! Water across table! Poor Andrew. I realized why guys grab their balls all the time. I had 2 apples in the kangaroo pouch of my hoodie today and I grabbed them to see if they're both still there and whoa! It's cool!

Another cool thing: I was gonna complain in here today about no one signing my guestbook since May but before complaining decided to check and whee! people love me! But you're still welcome to sign.

Oh, and I'm happy because things might be OK with ____.

September 29 - Wow, am I normal? Can I actually go to these places and have fun and meet people and play beirut and not be scared of it all? Awesomeness. I realized the problem. I just need someone to go with. And I need something other than beer to be there. But I definitely wouldn't do that every weekend because I got absolutely no work done. Plus I almost puked today (which kinda sucked because I felt all pukey yet couldn't make myself puke, so that means that if I ever do want an eating disorder I'm stuck being anorexic which sucks because at least being bulimic you get to eat, but I can't make myself puke so yea). Anyway, last night was awesome. Drunken bowling is awesome. Julie somehow ended up bowling better even though she threw the ball backwards. Hee hee. Fun stuff. My brain's fuzzy now. I don't know what's going on or what I'm typing now. Yepp. Back to HW I go.

Wow, I love how because of my away message half of my buddy list now either uses "homework" in an away message in that wat, or has something about it in their profile, or has IMed me and told me what a slut "homework" is because everyone's been doing her all weekend. Hee hee.

Maroon 5 - "Harder to Breathe"

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

September 27 - Wow, I had an awesome time last night. I was normal! Kinda. If you call Kate + 5 cups of punch normal. But yea, it was great. First of all, I didn't realize that I knew so many people there (not that I knew that many) but every room I went into there were people to talk to and like, whee! And at one point when I was sitting on the couch a whole lot of people just kept coming up to me and saying hi, and I just felt super cool. So yea. Dancing's fun. Alkihol's fun. People are fun. Julie's fun.
September 25 - Went to the opera. Yepp. Lucia di Lamermoor. Wow. I can't believe I enjoyed it. It's like, I've grown up and matured in the past 5 years. Well hopefully. But yea, it was pretty cool Plus it was an interesting experience going with a class but not on a class trip and we weren't 12 years old and with a teacher. Yea. Stupid thoughts kept popping into my head while watching it. And once again I realized the same thing, and realized that I should be happy about this. And I did start being happy about it. But then I called to tell him about the opera just because I was excited about it and he didn't pick up it was pooey. But then I called Julie and she didn't pick up and it was pooey. So it's the same kind of pooey. A friend not being there kind of pooey. Friend. Yay.
September 24 - Was happy. For a while. It was more giggly giddyness than happiness. Then realized that you can't be happy if you're ALWAYS tired. Meh. My mommy said it'll be OK. So it should be OK. We'll see.

Thought about some stuff. Realized exactly what I realized right when it happened, which is probably the right thing. But once again, not like it matters because it doesn't matter what I want because I can't have what I want, not with this situation anyway. So uhhh... yea, imagine going into a bagel place and saying "I'd like a torus with cream cheese." And then give the equation of the torus. Or going into an ice cream place and asking for a z^2 = x^2 + y^2 with strawberry x^2 + y^2 + z^2 = 2az. No? Loser. TAKE CALC 4! Then you can be as cool as me. Hee hee.

I accidentally started listening to Elton John's "Friends Never Say Goodbye." Good song. Sad but in a good way. No wonder I used to listen to that kinda stuff non stop. Ooh, and Bon Jovi "I'll be there for you." I used to have good taste in music.

what is done has been done for the best
though the mist in my eyes might suggest
just a little confusion about what I'm losing
September 23 - Sigh... I don't know I don't know I don't know...

I hate not knowing what I want, but I also hate knowing that it doesn't matter what I want. Ya know?

September 20 - I've been happy for the last 2 days. Hmmm... YAY I caught up to where I'm supposed to be (if you ignore the week behind part) in the Bride of Lammermoor, and I started understanding it. Yay. OMG I so wanna go there. I also want to try a whole lot of weird shit such as bull testicles, monkey brain, and chocolate covered ants. Yea.

free kitty

Yea, I'm happy. It's all a bit weird, and there's a lot of stuff on my mind, but it's not hurting me, so I'm happy. Woo hoo! I reached 50 people on my Stevens buddy list. Shush, I know. But before this year I had like, 35. I'll probably do buddy list cleaning soon so if you want me to keep your screenname then IM me. If not, off my buddy list you go. But yea. I'm happy because I do have friends and people who care about me, and I had people in my room just hanging out and talking for the past 2 nights, which is just one of those things you take for granted but if it doesn't happen for a while it's kinda like hey, wtf, why don't I have friends. But I do. So yay. I'm happy because I started getting my work done and I'm on top of things (sorta) and not as scared as I was about this semester. Happy cuz Julie's coming this friday and we're gonna attempt to go to Piskies. But if that doesn't work out then the night won't be depressing cuz at least we'll go to the comedy thing plus Julie will be here. So yea. Hmm, maybe Julie will make me normal. Nah, I doubt it. Although if I ask Julie to bring alkihol it might make me normal. But I don't even care anymore. My lacking that one quality really isn't a big deal. I still rock.

September 19 - Yepp. I knew this was coming. Oh well. It probably is for the better. Although I don't see how right now. Hold me.

Nah, don't hold me. I'm OK. Surprisingly. So yea, this is for the better. And today's been great cuz I went running (even though I sucked), I started kinda maybe understanding the book, and people have been calling me all day. It's so great. I was reading and the phone kept ringing every 5 minutes. I felt all special. I am special. I'm pretty. =)

Mafia! is awesome. Hee hee. Cool movie. Yay.

September 19 - I don't know I don't know I don't know. All I can think about are classes. It's retarded. I hate this semester. And it's not gonna go away. I requested a tutor for bio (eek). But then there's hum. And then there's limits on triple integrals that confuse me. Eh, whatever. No more thinking about it when I don't need to. But yea, other than that... I hate myself, yet I don't. I shouldn't because it's really not a big deal but it is. But sheesh, even my mom told me to go get tipsy and then dance, because she doesn't want me to be like her. Heh. But Julie understood. I guess. Yay Julie. But that still doesn't help. Whatever happens happens, I just don't want to get depressed like last semester. Not so early in the year anyway. Jesus, wtf is wrong with me? I'm a happy person. I really am. Well, usually I am. Could it possibly be the reason for this? Ack. ALANNA!! I need you. WELKP! But for now I just gotta try not to waste my time with that. Yea, like that'll work. Hold me.
September 18 - It was so great not having to read that damned book. But now I have to finish it because there are two homeworks on it. Poopy. Tomorrow is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Yep yep. ARRRRR!

Fuck. What's wrong with me? I hate myself. I don't know why I'm retarded. Like, I got there and just stood in a corner and felt stupid. I couldn't dance. Big surprise. Heh. But not even that, I just felt stupid being there. I left after like, 5 mins. What's wrong with me?? But I did give it a try, it's just not my thing. I wish I was normal. But I'm not. So he's gonna tell me to loosen up. But I can't. So whatever. Whatever happens happens. I hate myself. I don't like feeling like this. So I just won't put myself in situations where I have to feel like this. If he doesn't understand that then that's too bad because it's not fair to me to feel like crap just because of this one little 'flaw.' Aww... Julie would take brain cancer me. Yay. She loves me. Not because of the brain cancer, but because she spent an hour on the phone with me listening to me complain about me. Yay Julie. Sigh. I really need a hug right now. But that ain't happening.

September 17 - Ideas in my heAd. Oh well. Well actually not oh well. One of them's do-aBle. I just don't know... eh, nevermind. The otHer one would be awesome. But... definitely not a good idea. Well yes, it's a great idea if the cIrcumstances were right, but they're not so it's not a good idea to go through with the good idea. Umm... Yesterday's task of the day: hug a vacuum. Today's: bring a hug.

May contain traces of peanuts. *BURP*

September 16 - Yay! I made my orgo professor think I'm smart! I mean, he saw that I was smart! I came up to him and asked for help with hybrid orbitals, which is something I never do, and after he explained whatever he was explaining to me I asked a bunch of insightful questions, and at one point he was like "you know, I never thought about that... that's too advanced for this level, the book doesn't mention it, so don't worry about it." And when I was leaving I thanked him and he was like "no, thank you." Hee hee. Smart Kate. So yea, I am smart! People say I don't know anything about the real world, have no common sense, and I'm just book-smart, which is no good, but ya know what? it still takes some kind of smartness to understand whatever it is that I understand in lets say, Chemistry or Calc (well maybe not calc 4, but in general), and it's not like I'm stupid when it comes to "the real world." So yea, from now on things will be better. I decided not to waste all my time reading the hum book, since it is a 3 credit course just like bio and chem and calc, so hum should be the last of my worries. So no more wasting time on that. Ever since I decided that today, I already had a half hour of free time! Woo hoo! And look! I have time to babble! Didn't you all miss this? Yes you did. You know you did. Don't lie to yourselves. Hi Abhi!
September 15 - It's midnight. I've been awake since 8 am. This is the first second of the day that I'm not looking at HW, in class, reading for a class, or making a to-do list for tomorrow. This is insane. And the workload isn't gonna change. Except maybe my hum teacher will come to his senses. But yea, I've failed every quiz I had so far. I'm actually considering going to my teachers and asking for help with stuff I don't understand. So yea, sooo tired and stressed. I don't even have time to work out =\. I really have no time to do anything. Even if someone just came up to me and suggested we do the coolest thing in the world, I'd have to say I can't because I just don't have the time. That's never happened to me before. But other than that, the regurgitator was great, Finding Nemo was great, and Dave has been great. So things aren't too bad. And I guess I do get to do things, at least on weekends when I realize that if I don't take my mind off HW I'll go insane. Also, working at the Bowling Alley kicks ass. It's like the complete opposite of work. I love it. Ha, I met the guy I was supposed to shoot during assassins last year. Cool stuff. I've been listening to "Honey and the Moon" by Joseph Arthur non stop for the last few days. Thanks Joolie!
September 11 - So the only way not to be disappointed is to never expect or look forward to anything? That doesn't sound like much fun.
September 10 - Wow, this semester I've been reading everything that's assigned, outlining chapters, looking over and highlighting my notes after lectures, and doing the problems at the end of the chapters. How the hell do people do that??? I don't have a minute of free time during the day. I'm so exhausted. I don't know how long this will last. But it has to, otherwise I'll do bad this semester. So yea, tiredness. Need cheez its or goldfish. C-store doesn't have them. Poopheads. Need hugs. C-store doesn't have those either. How great would it be if you could buy a bag of hugs? Maybe they wouldn't mean as much then though. So maybe it's not a great idea. But the orgasm in a bottle idea is awesome. Even if they don't mean anything they still feel great every time. Ooh, mentee-Andrew just suggested bag of hugs from a certain person. That would give them meaning. But that also depends on how/why you use them. If it's because you just feel down and the person would normally be around to give you a hug but can't be there, then it's OK. But if it's because you wouldn't be able to get a hug from them normally and you want one from that person, then they can be depressing and harmful, which defeats the whole purpose of a hug. So yea.
September 7 -
Llama-wich
Another silly stick figure site
I want to marry him - Silly stuff. Go to "how to dance properly" --> "basic twirl"... and just look at the rest of the stuff.

Hahaha, I left the away message "if your name was 'homework' I'd be doing you on my bed right now" up. You have no idea how many guys IMed me saying they changed their name to Homework, their middle name was Homework, or asking if "Andrew" was close enough. Silly boys.

September 6 - Ya know what SUCKS? Fire drills at 9 am on a saturday. Yepp. Major suckage.

Meh, the fireworks were better last year. =\ Crying is stupid. But what happens when you don't want to cry, and you know you shouldn't but the tears come out anyway? How do you stop that? Does that make you weak?

September 4 - Wow, for the past 2 days (especially today) I noticed that as I'm walking on campus random guys I've never seen before either smile at me, or say hi, or say good morning. It's so cool. I love it. Like, this morning I was walking back from CPA and I looked like crap cuz I just woke up and this really pretty commuter guy was walking by and he looked at me, smiled and said good morning. Dave never says good morning. Then again neither do I. I must seem rude in the mornings because when people tell me good morning I either stare at them or mumble something or other. But anyway, that's not the point. I was just walking back from class in the rain and some guy just was looking at me and smiled at me. Whee. I like boys who smile at me.

This semester is gonna be a LOT of work. Bleh. But at least I think my hum class will kick ass. Although Abhi would be greatly disturbed by it. Hee.

I found another exploding dog type site. Here it is.

September 2 - Hee hee, all these freshman guys are soo cute. Why couldn't I have been a year younger? Meh, classes suck. Some people suck. Today's poopy. Stupid rain. I need a hug. Ya know what I don't like? Unhappy people who sit just sit there being angry. I also hate people who tell people that they're OK when they're angry. It's so easy with me. You can tell if I'm unhappy or pissed off. It's also easy to make me happy again. Why can't everyone else be like that? How come I'm so sweet and I never lose my temper or anything? It's not fair.
August 30 - I want to marry him.

Yea, I really really hate myself sometimes. Other than that things are going great. Yay, Shayna moved in today!

August 29 - Whee Stevens! Yay!

Ya know, I really hate myself sometimes.