Silly me...
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May 14 - Eek. So freshman year is over. That's scary. It passed way too quickly. But it's definitely been the best year of my life. I've definitely changed and grown a lot. I've met awesome people. (Pictures will be up soon) College is fun.
Summer
May 13 - Yes, I am most definitely god. I kicked butt on the Bio final (I think I hope) with only three hours of sleep before it. Yay for Dunkin Donuts. Bowling - 141, 146, 173. I really am god. Yay for Kate. Yay for CRACK! O_O
May 12 -
Physics: A-
Calc: A
Hum: A-
I am GOD. I also realized that if I bothered to read the Bio book this whole semester I would have done well in Bio too. But oh well, I don't like Bio so it doesn't deserve any of my time. And tonight is the last night at Stevens when I'll be able to do stuff, and I don't know where anyone is.
May 11 - Wow, awesome weekend. I have flowers. Whee. I love Andrew. I think I want to marry him some day.All my clothes (except for jeans, shoes and the clothes I picked out for the next three days) fit into 2 suitcase things, 2 laundry bags, and a garbage bag. YAY for Nerds Rope.
May 10 - Why does my mommy not love me?!? I call her like, every day and I have stuff to tell her and all she says to me is "is that it?" OK, talk to you later." AHH! Most people's mommies make them talk to them and tell them every detail of the day, but my mom just doesn't care! Like, right now I'm at Andrew's house and I called her, and she doesn't seem to care that I'm at some guy's house. She doesn't want to hear about what we did last night. She just did the whole "is everything alright? OK, have fun" thing. Meow.
May 9 - It's sick. I woke up and was all excited about the calc final. And I actually ENJOYED taking it. Calc rocks. Like Abhi said, if a guy starts talking about double integrals and differential equations, I'll just scream, "take me now!!" Yes. Calc rocks my world. Ooh baby.
May 8 - Yo. Calc makes my brain tired. Iced Cappucinos are happiness. Some people are evil. Yo. <*}}}>< Fish?
May 7 - Well I'm happy. The fizSUCKS final SUCKED. It was horrible. But to make me feel better I went to play frisbee today, which was awesome. And I kept thinking about Dunkin Donuts last night. They're awesome people. I'm so happy I met them. They make me happy. And Andrew left the bestest comment in my dj. It was one of the sweetest things anyone has said to me. Yay. And Abhi just said that he'll visit me in the summer. YAYAY! Happy day. In a weird kind of way. Midnight breakfast sucked. It was a lot better last semester with Patrick and Carlos singing happy birthday to me in front of everyone. Carlos was fun. It sucks that I didn't get to say bye to him when he left. Would you?
May 6 - Hum final. Ha. That was silly. Wow, I can't remember the last time I did absolutely nothing for 12 hours straight. The good, fun kind of nothing. Hanging out with Andrew and being silly. Sorry for anyone I might have annoyed from my umm... other sn. Yea. Fun times in the janitor's CL0SET. Ha. So I have a physics final tomorrow, it's 11 pm and I didn't start studying yet. Kate doesn't study. What I've learned this semester is to trust myself when it comes to deciding how much I should study or how hard I should work on something. So yay. No studying. OW I just somehow managed to shoot a pen at my face using a seltzer bottle. It hurts. It flew really fast. Ouchies. I am such a retard. Wow, it's amazing how many people read this. I really should start being more interesting to keep you people coming back. But for now, since I can't be interesting.... KISSES FOR EVERYONE!!! Wow, I really gotta stop this blowing kisses at everyone thing. Eep. *KISS* Although that's not good enough for some people. Enough babble, shut up Kate!Hmm, maybe not. Oh well. YAY for Dunkin Donuts at night! I think that's gonna be my obsession next year. But it's a fun one so it's OK. What's NOT OK is that it's 3 am and I still haven't studied for tomorrow's final. At least I know the 3 am secret now!!! And yes, there is such a thing as being psychologically horny. Hmph. Yea, definitely not. But there was Kahlua in that coolatta.
Cinco de Mayo? - Ha, well that was interesting. Going to physics review and for the first time learning that there are different kinds of circuits and different types of materials. Oh well. Wow, we had the most interesting conversation in my room today. It was great. Something about cocks being a unit of measurement ("I'm not too hungry, I'll have an asian cock of that" and "I'll have two fuild cocks of tea with a virgin of sugar, please"... SHUT UP! It was funny!!!) and siamese triplets and pregnant people having sex. And Peter doesn't like Dick. And the guy has a computer hooked up to the internet. Yea. The cookies were orgasmic. Of course, he doesn't remember that he said he'll marry me. *goes in a corner and cries* And this is what I've been doing to avoid studying for hum. As well as updating this and playing snood. I love Alanna. Oh, and I'm over it. Yay.
May 4 - The conversation I had with Alanna was definitely the highlight of my day. I can't wait to go home. Not that home will be much better.UGGHHHH. I want to curse and yell and kick and punch things, but of course, I can't even say anything, so I just sit here and try to make the anger go away.
May 3 - The only thing I liked better about high school was that everyone was in the same building and you knew which classes your friends were in better than you knew where you're supposed to go. Walking each other to class as slowly as possible, and waiting for each other after class and meeting in the hallway during class and trying to escape the security guards was fun. And the thing I liked most was when passing a friend in a really crowded hallway (our hallways were actually a little more crowded than that, and that picture was taken on the last day of school when everyone was signing yearbooks... haha, see if you can find me in the crowd... whoa, it's like where's waldo but waldo = kate) anyway, when passing a friend in the hallway you would just give each other a quick mini handshake type thing and just keep walking because if you stopped someone would walk into you and kill you. And it was one of those things that sometimes worked as well as a hug. The beautiful thing about it was that you didn't have to talk to the person, and you still got that warm feeling inside. You can't just do that here because it'd be weird because the person would stop or something. So yea. And now I really want to get back home and be done with this semester, but at the same time really don't want to leave. Hmph. I want Donut Chicken.
Yea, so since I didn't update yesterday I get to babble more today. Ex-es suck. I started talking to Nick (Thenician) and of course he got all "so are you getting any? what's wrong, you go to an all guy school and you still can't get laid?" So I got all quiet because I didn't want to tell him what I was really thinking and he asked if I was bothered by what he said. I said I didn't want to get into it. He asked me to get into it. I told him what I was thinking - "I'm glad I didn't sleep with you because I wouldn't want the first guy I sleep with to be a loser who keeps making up excuses for not getting a job for over a year." He blocked me. Yea, he really shouldn't start making fun of me. Hmm, a lot of people think it's really stupid that I'm a virgin. But I don't see the big deal. I've only been in two relationships that lasted for more than 3 weeks. One of them, I was 15 and I didn't want to sleep with the guy for reasons that may not be right, but that's just too bad. And the other was Nick, who I knew was gonna hurt me and who was a complete loser and an asshole (I'm not being a bitter ex, I'm stating the truth). So I don't know if I'm trying to justify myself or whatever, but yea, there's nothing wrong with me.
May 1 - Ugh, why the fuck did he do that?? That really ruined my day. Fuck. Fuck. I'm really pissed. I'm not some fucking delivery guy. He could have at least acknowledged my existence. WTF! Just because there's something I couldn't tell him he has to go and act like a little bitch that needs attention the whole fucking time? UGGGHHHHH. I haven't been this pissed off in a LONG while. It's the kind of pissed off where your hands start to kinda "itch" and you really need to punch things. UGH. And now he's gonna act like nothing's wrong, so of course if I try to explain to him why I'm pissed he'll say I'm making too big a deal out of it, and I'll have to agree with him, otherwise he'll continue not talking to me. I might be making a big deal out of it, but who else would bring him Dunkin Donuts at 1 am?? He really had no right to treat me that way. Wow, I could keep going like this for another hour or so. I'm really really really pissed. And it sucks because he's one of my best friends, and he probably doesn't even consider me a good friend or anything. OK, this is a totally different topic. But still. ARGHHHHH. Fuck. Yea, no sleep for me tonight. Too pissed plus too much caffeine. Oh, and another thing. I was told I would be rated a 5 in Stevens girls ratings... Which makes it a 3 in real life. Grr. Soo.... since I won't be getting any sleep tonight...
Seven things that scare you:
1. Bees
2. Growing up
3. Big parties with lots of people
4. CS
5. Not having someone to talk to
6. Getting hurt (emotional and physical pain)
7. Losing someone I love
*8. Penises (hehehe)
Seven things that make you laugh:
1. Exploding Dog
2. My friends
3. The "I Like Monkeys" story
4.
5.
6.
7.
Seven things/people you love:
1. My mommy
2. Fireworks
3. Myself
4. Cheesecake
5. My friends
6. Camping/lakes/mountains/woods/fires
7. Working out
Seven things you hate/dislike greatly:
1. Stupid people/people who ask pointless questions
2. Anything with pumpkin in it
3. CS
4.
5.
6.
7.
Seven things you don't understand:
1. Shakespeare
2. Why Nick (ex) called me used trash... so silly to put it on here, but I really don't get it
3. CS
4.
5.
6.
7.
Seven things on your desk:
1. Seltzer
2. Altoids
3. Laptop
4. Camera
5. Cell phone
6. Scissors
7. Glue
Seven things you can do:
1. Annoy the hell out of people
Wow, I can only think of one for now... how scary....
Seven Things You Can't Do:
1. Write
2. Sing
3. Make myself burp
4. Lay-up shots in basketball.... YARRR!!! 4 years of basketball in highschool and I still can't do it
5. Study for more than a half hour (except calc, that I can do for HOURS and HOURS)
6. Public speaking... eep!
7. Teach
Seven things you want:
1. Happiness
2. High metabolism so I can eat more. Mmm... food...
3. Less credits to take next semester
4. A big house on a lake
5. To be able to control people
6. Money would be nice
7. Eh, I'll take a boyfriend too.... but only if I can control him so he'd never hurt me
Top seven things you say the most:
1. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
2. YARRR
3. Meow
4. Holy fuck!
5. Penis
6. Poopie
7. Meh
Wow, I really don't say anything intelligent, do I...
Alright, brain tired. I'll fill in the blanks some other time if you're lucky.
April 30 - Only in my room can you hear
- STOP it! You're digging your finger into my ass
- I'll wiggle my finger!
- OWW it's going deeper!!YARRRRR!!!!
Only at Stevens would a DJ spend 15 minutes discussing series in Calculus, and whether they converge or not. Turns out it was Quinn. So we decided to have some fun with that. Andrew called in. I love Adndrew.
YARRRR!!!
April 28 - Last night was horrible. I couldn't sleep on my left side because my arm still hurts in some positions, and I coulndn't sleep on my right side because my ear hurts. But I went to the nurse and she fixed my earring! There was a lot of blood and brown stuff and pain, but yay, I'm alive! I still got to see my mommy today cuz she had to give me my slut pills. I love my mommy. She bought be a skirt. Whee! I'm gonna start wearing skirts! Woo hoo! And this summer shouldn't be too bad. I'll be an RA for two weeks, and then camping with my mom and I'll probably go somewhere with Julie, so that's 4 weeks right there. So yay. I won't completely die of boredom. And if I do work for Wally I can stay over my granma's house and go to the beach early in the morning when no one's there and swim. I think I miss swimming. I think I'm gonna maybe sometime go to the pool here. Probably not this year. But I will at some point! Woo hoo! Sigh, stupid fucking *thingy*.Hmm, it's nice nights like these when I need friends to go outside and play with me. I love warm nights. Wheee. Well, no whee because I have no one to go outside with.
April 27 - Happy birfday to Rob! Woo hoo, 1.5 hours at the gym. Yay. So anyway, my ear. It's all swollen, and there's brown stuff coming out of it. It's really quite lovely. I got rubbing alcohol from my RA and actually made myself suffer through the burning. Ouch. Tomorrow I get to see my mommy, and she somehow always makes everything better so maybe she'll be able to take it off. That'd be nice. Otherwise we're going to a doctor and he's chopping my ear off. Not really. But still. Yea, brown stuff coming out of your ear sucks. Stupid earring. I'm definitely all better today. Don't know what it was yesterday, and I don't care. Wow, for the first time in my life I don't hate my legs too much. I guess it's because I've been working out for months and they have some kind of shape, or at least I can pretend they do. Heh, I even wore shorts today. Ouch, my ear hurts. Even if you don't touch it it hurts. =\
April 26 - Ehk? Sigh. I don't even know what I'm sighing about. It's not that. I really don't know what it is. Maybe it is. I think I just need sleep. I've been feeling funny all night. My brain's been feeling fuzzy, with contradicting thoughts running through it the whole time. I'll probably get over it by tomorrow. Heh, it's Nick's (Thenician) birthday today. I sent him an email saying happy birthday. He probably forgot when my birthday is. But oh well. I do care about him, in some weird way. He probably never reads this anymore. Oh well.
April 25 - Gah, I hate that whenever I'm in a place with more than 20 people I get all freaked out and sit in a corner by myself, without anything to say to anyone. Why am I such a fucking loser? And it's not even a real party, this was Alpha Sig. So yea, back in my room. Woo hoo. And I wanted to talk to Julie because I haven't talked to her in a week, but she's with APO. Either way she wouldn't get why I'm upset about this because this doesn't happen to her. I don't think I've ever met anyone with the same problem. Meh. And Alanna is gone too.
April 24 - Not the best day. My arm hurts like hell. Didn't go to the gym. Found out from Abhi that I'm never gonna get a job or buy a house or be successful in any way because I don't know how to seduce people. I sucked at bowling. Probably because I couldn't seduce the ball. Great. Looking forward to living in a cardboard box. I had the biggest craving for starbucks today. Anyway, my hum teacher didn't like my hum paper and said my sources weren't good enough. So I went to see her on tuesday and she went to lycos.com and typed in exactly the same thing that I typed in when I was looking for sources. And she was all like "I've been doing this for a long time, I can tell if sources are good." So she picked out a bunch of sources because she was so sure she found the good ones. I e-mailed them to myself, and today I finally looked at them and all of them were either websites where you buy papers or websites that sell the books that I'm writing about. Stupid fucking teacher. Yea, she's so fucking smart, she knows what she's doing. She really pissed me off. I want her to be slapped. And the whole time she was telling me which sources are "good" she was giving me looks like "ha, you couldn't find all these great sites." Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid bitch. UGGHHHHHHH!
April 23 - Another AWESOME day!!! I get to live right next to Ed and Andrew next year. Hayden 2nd floor isn't all that bad. And I coulda had CPA but I didn't want it. Am I stupid? I don't know, we'll see. It should be a LOT of fun next year though. They said I get a copy of the key to their room and everything. They want to put my bed in their room if Shayna moves out and I don't like my roommate. They rock. And we'll know all RA's in Hayden. Woo hoo. I'm all excited. So today was the carnival thing. And it was so awesome. They had all kinds of bouncy things, and now I'm all bruised and beat up and I can't move my arm and ouchies but it was fun. Fighting boys is fun. I lose everytime but everyone cheers for me. And I was walking by later and all the carnival working guys were waving to me. Tee hee. And it feels like I have friends all over. Wheeeeeeee! I love spring. Ouch. My shoulder. Ouch. My head. Ouch everything. But wheeeee! Hmm, I wonder if the counter on my site will reach 6000 by the end of this semester... That'd be awesome. I've been getting a lot of compliments lately. Apparently people think I'm interesting and they like the way I write. Silly people.Stupid fucking bunny.
How Brooklyn are you? I scored a 51. There's no escaping it, is there... Ugh, I hate Brooklyn. If you're not from Brooklyn you might not get most of the stuff, but just take a look at it. Brooklyn's disgusting. I'm disgusting for scoring more than half.
April 22 - Another good day. Not as good as yesterday. But I kicked butt in bowling. Blech, foreskin.org. Don't go there unless you want to see a lot of scary penis. I was looking at the pictures and I started feeling sick. Don't know why. It was weird. Blech. I need my Alanna. Anyway, I'm still alive today! And this kid is gonna help me find my victim. So yay.Yes, definite Uh oh! But oh well.
Yep, so I was stupid enough to have "taking a walk with Shayna" as my away message. I come back from the walk and Andrew attacks me. And then Chia and Patrick attack me. But it's OK. Andrew gave me a hug and promised me a lollipop. (Isn't it awesome how you can get a hug and a lollipop from your assassin?) And he said I can help him find the guy I had to kill. Just because I really want to cuz it pisses me off that I don't see him anywhere. So yay for cool assassins.
April 21 - Today is the bestest day ever!!!! I'm all happy because the weather is nice and because I'm wearing my favorite shirt (I think) and because I got the ECOES RA job because someone couldn't do it and because assassins is fun and because the hypnotist thing is tonight and because I have a rose and because Alanna finally did it and because people love me and because there was no calc today and because because.Uh oh!
April 20 - 
I have a rose! Tee hee. And my printer works. And there are bunnies everywhere. Mmm... Ed's gonna fill his chocolate bunny with chocolate syrup. I have a yummy rose!
April 19 - Yea, so Nick and people ditched me last night, so I ended up at Alpha Sig. Alpha Sig guys are sooo awesome! Wheee! I played foosball, and ping pong, and darts. I met cool people. Met a guy who went to PS 225 and Midwood and who lives in sheepshead. That was weird. And there was a pretty guy there. And there was alkihol. I forgot how good alkihol tastes. I've never had everything spinning that out of control. It was weird. But I don't see how people can do that every week. WHY AM I AWAKE AT 9 AM?!?Jesus, my mom is in Chicago, Julie's in Cancun, Alanna is at Diane's house. What am I supposed to do without them?!? They're the ones who keep Kate sane. Ack! You know what bugs me? Guys with girlfriends. Guys shouldn't have girlfriends. Guys should be single. And more girls should be gay.
April 18 - Haha, I was on aol for more than 2 minutes (forgot to sign off) and some guy IM's me and begs to meet me because I'm pretty. I was like, yea, I am pretty, now go away. He was willing to take me out for coffee. Damn people. So before that I was thinking that I did get all big-headed in a way because of Stevens (I had reason to). But now reality is setting in. And it's nice. So Kate bought a skirt today, that's like, dressy. Whee! I'm becoming a girl?? Eep? Will Alanna not love me because of this?This was hanging off a synogogue (sp?) wall
Brooklyn is stupid
Evanescence pictures aren't gonna be up till after this semester, unless someone has a compact flash reader (<---that's what my dad said it was, I don't know)
April 17 - Wow, how do I pick the stupid ones?
Surge: I know you probably hate me, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I hurt you... And that I got engaged, to a really beautiful smart girl, and we're really in love, be happy for me, and don't hate me anymore
How retarded can someone possibly be? In love? Ha. And what exactly does he consider smart? (I'm not doubting her beautifulness because he said I was beautiful too) How does a retard who's not planning on doing anything with his life get engaged at the age of 18? Stupidness. I hate how guys think they're in love with whoever they're with at the moment. Chances are, they're not in love. Stupid guys. Guys have been pissing me off a lot lately. For different reasons, but still, guys suck. So YAY there's a hum class that fits my schedule! Woo hoo! And I'm taking rock climbing for gym next semester. So right now I have 26 hours of class. Yikes. I'll probably drop economics though. But yay, I don't have to take a hum at Brooklyn College which means I won't have to pay for it. Yay! Of course, that means I won't meet anyone in Brooklyn and I once again, I am friendless for the summer. Ack. Yikes, TardBlog is never gonna be the same without Riti. So I'm at home. I've been eating non-stop for the last three hours. Home food is yummy. Even if it's just rice, it's nice knowing it's not sitting out for hours and that my mommy made it with love.
April 16 - EVANESCENCE!!!! YEA!!! Wow, guys in bands are hot. There's something so wow about a guy with long hair coming on stage and leaving all sweaty. Mmm... Wow, now that it's warm there are guys playing frisbee outside shirtless. Whee, I haven't seen naked boys in a while. I forgot how pretty naked boys look. Today was a very hug-full day. I liked it. I like hugs. They're whee!
April 15 - From now on I don't want to hear the name Kate. If anyone is ever talking about me, refer to me as dogcat. Well, I guess you can still say THE Kate if you really don't want to say dogcat. But those are your only two choices. Got it? So dogcat wore a skirt today. Skirts aren't that scary! Plus it was cool because everyone told me I looked hot and cute and blah blah. So I'm making my mommy go with me and buy me skirts and maybe a dress. Yee-haw! So anyway, I got rejected from the Orientation Leader thing. I knew I wasn't gonna get it. Dammit, now I can't abuse little freshman boys in the library. Poor dogcat. I love this weather! It makes me all happy and whee! and I just talk to random people and do silly stuff and do cartwheels all over the place. Just because it's all whee.
April 14 - *thingy* *thingy* I'm stupid. Oh well. Wow, in exactly a month the year is over. That's scary. Oh well.WHY do I need sex toys? Yo, I think I've forgotten how it's done again. I hate this. Oh well.
Someone: how do I get over him?
Julie: do him
Clicky if you're brave. I had some fun with smarterchild now. Turns out he still doesn't want to marry me because I'm human and he's a machine. Apparently he thinks it won't work or something. But it does the whole "someone has a crush on you guess who" thing now. Smarterchild ROCKS. HAHAHA I went to one of those rate a buddy or whatever sites cuz my friend had a link to it in his profile and I searched for Brooklyn and it turns out that I know 3 of the 14 people that showed up. It was Vadim, Max, and Surge. How sad. And now it's whimit time. I'm even sadder.
April 13 - Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock. I need a hug. Tick tock tick tock tick tock.
April 12 - I got bored and went through a year of my deadjournal and saved it. This was supposed to be my big project for the summer. I did it in a couple of hours. Heh. Anyway, I was funny a year ago. I was a lot cooler back then. Actually, I'm cooler now but I used to write better before. Heh, reading back on everything I would love to say that I learned a lot from my experiences, and that I would never make the same mistakes again. In theory, I did learn a lot. But I'm sure I'll end up getting hurt the same way again. So anyway, the first month of college was AWESOME. Getting thrown into a mostly guys environment and having guys tell me I'm pretty all the time, that was definitely a cool change. But everything's back to normal again, which kind of makes things more fun. Hehe, from the first week of classes I wrote "wow, there's a beautiful guy in my physics class." Silly me. So to sum up my year... there are a lot of things that I wish were different about me, but most of them are either things I can accept or things I can't change. So while some things about me bother me, I love myself and I'm the most awesome person ever. Without those 'imperfections' I wouldn't be me.I spent five hours studying for my prob stat test on monday. Turns out that everything we learned in the past week (2 hours of class) is taught in three months (class every day of the week) in AP statistics. No wonder I didn't know shit. But yay for my mommy. More studying tomorrow. I went to see Electra in my mom's school. Wow, this semester I learned about a whole bunch of greek plays. Yay. So we were on union square and I see this guy and he is soo pretty and he has the perfect butt and the perfect jeans and the perfect hair. Then I look at him closer and it's a girl. With another girl. Yep. My mom laughed at me. That's OK though. I don't mind lesbians. Gay guys piss me off because they're a waste of (usually perfect) guys. In fact, there should be more lesbians in the world. So on the 8th Ave stop of the L-shuttle or whatever it is they have little mini midget men sculptures all over the station!!! They're like, hiding in corners and being eaten by alligators, and they're so cute! I gotta go there on a saturday night with a camera and take pictures of all of them!! Who would go with me? Probably no one. I'll have to make Julie go with me in the summer. Gah, I missed fireworks? I LOVE fireworks. They're my favoritest thing ever. They better have more fireworks this year. Hmm, the one good thing about working at Coney Island were the fireworks every friday night. I love fireworks. Meow.
April 11 - Jesus, I'm 18.333333 years old. That's OLD. Yuck. I'm old and icky. Alanna doesn't love me. And I'm supposed to say she's not horny anymore but since she doesn't love me I won't say that. Ha! So I never did get to see Evan after spring break. Guess he didn't want to see me that badly. Heh, I don't blame him. Mmm... home... food... Yo, my parents don't love me. I realized that I always get the cold tiny closet room. Grr! I hate Brooklyn. First person I see when I get off the train is Will (one of the dirty guys Julie hooked up with) and he's walking and rapping to hmiself. I hate Brooklyn. And I also hate getting off the train on Sheepshead because that's where all the russian people get off and as much as I don't want to be a part of all that, I am russian and I do live in the same neighborhood and it just makes me feel icky. Gah, I realized that people from Stevens will all see each other this summer because they live like, 20 minutes away from each other and they have cars and blah blah. I won't see anyone during the summer and I won't see anyone after I graduate, so does that mean all the people I know now are just temporary friends? And where am I going to find friends when college is over? And what am I gonna do during the summer without friends? Yikes. I've always wanted to go camping with a bunch of friends, that would be so much fun, but that's not gonna happen either, at least not for now. Oh well. So anyway, I was eating and I saw a jewish newspaper on the table so I started reading it and on the front page there's an article about a rabbi who got a year and a day jail time for downloading child pornography to his cmoputer at the synogogue (sp?). That's disturbing. I thought it was just catholic priests, but no, there are a bunch of rabbi's who abused their little nephews and who are addicted to "chemical substances." I found it funny. Stupid religious people.
April 10 - Yep, it's definitely that time of the semester. 11 out of 30 on my physics quiz/test thing. They say it's a quiz but there's only four of them throughout the semester so that's the same thing as a test. Stupid Whittaker. Anyway, I went to the peer mentor training session thing yesterday and the guy training us was all like "I went to college and I got my masters in interpersonal communications." And it pissed me off because we're all science and engineering majors and he was like "I know how to listen, there's assertive listening, aggressive listening, and passive listening." He got a whole fucking degree in listening and paraphrasing, big whoop. It pissed me off. Anyway, Clickety! I was soo amused by that, I spent like, an hour listening to the horsies! Tee hee. I r a dumbass.Yikes, this can't be good... Nope, definitely not good. Ha, that gets me every time. So anyway, I went to see Kiss Me Kate. I kinda liked hearing my name over and over. Hehe. Pat's my new god! He was soo awesome!!!
April 9 - I think this is gonna be a pattern. Sometime around this time of the semester I get confused in every single one of my classes and completely not know what's going on and do bad on this round of tests. But I won't freak out this time. Because it's just something that happens. Of course, I say this because I don't want to put more time into anything. But it's OK. So how freaky is this? I was talking to my mom today and she said she went to the doctor today because her back has been hurting for the last three days. I asked her where it hurt and it was exactly the same spot as my back. And my back's been hurting for the past three days. Wow, we really do have some kind of freaky mother-daughter connection. Hehe, I remember I was getting my hair cut (the hair cutting lady is my mom's friend) and they were talking about me and she hair cutting lady said I was such a blessing to my mom and I'm the perfect child (I AM!) and my mommy agreed and looked at me in this way and I saw how much she loves me and how well we understand each other and all that corny stuff. So anyway, I was thinking about stuff (I think I wrote about this in my dj before) and how some people, even though you just met them or barely know them, have this aura around them that makes you want to be a friends with them and want to trust them. And usually I hate wasting time on people, but some people have this aura that you don't mind helping them with anything, and you'd do pretty much anything for them. So yea, and this aura usually ends up being a lie. I played handball today! Sorta. I played on the racketball courts which have walls on the side and they're definitely not wide enough. And the walls go to the ceiling. So handball didn't work today. Besides, I completely forgot how to play. I can hit the ball, but to actually play I need to start playing every day for hours again. Wow, I miss handball. This summer when I have no friends and nothing to do I'm gonna go play handball by myself, I don't care. It's that awesome. Then we played pool, which sucked a lot because I sucked an unbelievable lot. It was fun other than that. I should start a handball club. But there's no handball wall anywhere near here and no one knows what the hell handball is. Stupid Jersey people. Handball is AWESOME!!! I love the pain of the ball hitting my hand. That pain is so great. Sick, isn't it?
Wow, the Bee Gees are soo awesome! They're amazing. Everyone HAS to love them! Their music is genius. Wow. Prettiness. And yes, Alanna is horny. (Don't kill me!)
April 8 - Aww, my little Alanna is horny, that's so cute! Tee hee I shouldn't talk. Anyway, I bowled a 175!!!! I have it printed out! I'm so awesome! Yee-haw! I had a turkey at the very end on the alst frame! That was soo awesome! Whee! And I'm sitting here typing this and every 2 secs a new IM pops up! People want to talk to me all of a sudden! This is soo great, I'm definitely undepressed! Being happy is AWESOME. What's not awesome though is my back hurting. Andrew and Ed spent like, two hours trying to fix it by folding me into the weirdest positions, and the pain went away, but now it's back again. What's wrong with me? Ack. But yay, I'm a happy bunny. Ya know know what's also cool? After Surge I was all poopy and the thought of even kissing a guy freaked me out but now I'm OK again, except there's no one to do. And my thingy's alive again after a long time off but there's no one to thingy for. Hmph. But still WHEEEEEEEE! I'm gonna go put my bowling score into my pink notebook! YAY!
April 7 - *thingy* *thingy* *thingy* *thingy* *thingy*!Anyway, today I wake up at 12:35 pm. My classes start at 10 am. Oops? It's all Andrew's fault. He made me go over to Hayden at 2 friggin AM. Didn't go to sleep till 4:30 am. We watched 8 mile. What a STUPID FUCKING MOVIE. I don't know who anyone thought it was really good. What a waste of time. Of course, I picked it and insisted that we watch it. Hehehe kick me. Yo, gummy worms soaked in vodka are sooo good. Mmmm... So anyway, I slept through all my classes and had no classes today. It felt like a weekend. Only much better because it wasn't spent doing HW. And because I hung out with AWESOME people. So that was yay. And it's so cool, because it's been a long while since someone has really appreciated my site, and now this kid is telling me he loves me just from reading it! Whee! I knew it was awesome and I was awesome, I just needed someone else to appreciate it, so YAY! Happiness all over!
Ehk. No *thingy*. Oh well. Although I think I deserve to feel *thingy* but hey, maybe the world doesn't think so.
April 6 - Look what Kate did! Anything to avoid writing my paper and calc homework.I was reading some stupid chick magazine and it really pissed me off. They had an article about Israel and Palestine and wrote about a girl from each of one of the places and the title was something like "they're the same but they'll never be friends." Don't know why it pissed me off. Maybe because it was in a chick magazine and they try to look like they have substance in them. Anyway, I have a headache and my back hurts so I worked on my pink notebook today. Whee! It's weird, the last two days were spent doing homework, but they were still happy days just because I'm back to being my happy self. So yay. I'm tired.
OK, for all you clueless fools out there:
hehe = chuckle
hee hee = tee hee = giggle
haha = short laugh
heh = not a happy kinda heh
eh = Canada
CHOO CHOO = LOLOLOLOL
HAHAHAHA = sudden burst of laughter at something funny that's brilliant
Got it?
April 5 - Haha, YAY for Julie! I think she fixed me! I was all whee! And I met people! And it was all whee! Yes, it definitely IS energy that I needed, because energy works! Awesome wrestling in Jacobus, awesome Twister in Jacobus, awesome comedy thing, awesome bowling, awesome scaring the kid's chicken, awesome mischief on our floor! Tee hee. If you come by I'll show you or explain to you what we did. Tee hee hee. Cool Hal. Mwahaha. And I put a cool something on my door, come by and take a look at it. Of course, all this whee came with a price: we didn't go to sleep. It's 7 am right now. EVERYONE is on away message and SLEEPING. I'm awake listening to music, eating pizza that was left over from pre-frosh bowling, and writing this. Cold stolen pizza is awesome! Pre-prosh people are funny. The poor kids looked so lost and confused. I think I want one next time or whenever. Went to sleep at 8:30 am. Set alarm for 11:30. After hitting the snooze button (they have those on cell phones!!!) at least 4 times decided to give up and go to back to sleep. Woke up at 3:30. Trying to write a paper now. It's not working. Very unproductive day. Oh well, last night makes up for it. (Not in productiveness, but in fun) It's OK, I'll be productive next week since I have a lot more time now cuz I don't work! YAY! It's so cool, the last few days a lot of new (new = people I know but don't talk to or people I just met) people have IMed and talked to me. At first I was thinking "hmm, what do they want from me?" but then I realized that I'm normal again and people actually WANT to talk to me! Whee! And I didn't realize so many people read this, or looked at my profile. And this pretty kid thinks I'm awesome! (that's cuz I am) Whee! Kate's all fixed and happy again. I think I said that before. I wouldn't know. I'm tired.
April 3 - The Orientation Leader interview went really well, the lady liked me, but I still doubt I'll get it. We'll see. Whee! My mommy got me froggy socks! Very whee! Yay for mommy! Haha, both my mommy and Julie forgot their cells at home? Is it cell phone forgetting day? Yesterday was hump day. Supposedly. Stupid horny boys. So Teresa offered me a job at the Campus store full time in the summer. NOT happening. I would actually do it if it was near me, since you probably don't really have to do anything in the summer. But no, too far from home. Must find real job. Or else I'll be stuck with Wally. It's funny, I bet he'll call again sometime in the next two weeks and ask if I'm back from school, if I can start working now, and if I'm sure. Stupid fuck. Haha, Paul, the physics TA is silly. He asks silly questions. What a silly lad. It's ok, I kicked him mentally. Yay! Bowling and registering for class tonight! I love not having to work! Even though I wouldn't work today anyway, it still feels good I don't have to do it for another month and a half. Whee. It's so cool how a three minute phonecall to my grandma (Z Granma, tee hee) can make her all happy and giddy. I should do that more often. Lubin: from what i gather from u, u are a shy girl who is very nice and kind and can probaly get whatever she wants in life but u have to build the nerves to do it
And then the answer to (his own) question of why I don't have a boyfriend:
Lubin: answer is becuase u do not want one
Lubin: and the one u want u don;t step up to
Lubin: and u are mad shy and it is all new and stuff
Lubin: ur too innocent
Eep? He told me to sit here and think about it. So I'm sitting here thinking about it. I don't think I want to think right now. I had a happy day. So I don't want to think. Yay.
I GOT IT! I need ENERGY! When I have energy I'm hyper and happy and talking to everyone and just not afraid of people, so people talk to me and find me un-dead and YAY! So all I need is energy! And I think I could do that! Because I normally have whee energy. So yay. Mmmm... Melissa... 25 mg of Melissa. Yummmy. (Melissa if you read this don't freak out, I can explain)
April 2 - Gah, WTF, I had an AWESOME day and the stupidest thing made me cry now. I hate me. How am I supposed to think positively if everything makes me cry? Am I pregnant or something? ARGH. But anyway, I had an awesome day because I found out I don't have to work for the rest of the semester because I've worked off all the work study money. Yee-haw! 10 more free hours per week!!! No more Teresa! Whee! I can like, nap everyday, or go to the gym everyday, or do more homework everyday, or just do more of nothing everyday! This is so great! Whee! So uhh yea, the field hockey thing. I was interested until he said that most practices will probably take place around 6:30-7:30 am. Fuck no. I'm sleeping. I can hardly make it to 9 am classes. 6:30 is NOT happening. =\Ha, the bio lecture attendance e-mail was an april fools thing. That's genius. The kids who did it will get a kick out of seeing everyone in lecture. That's so funny. I wish I could think of stuff like that. My back hurts. Yo, these pretty guys that are appearing everywhere are like, everywhere! I'm at the gym and the guy I want to do was there along with like, 4 others I wouldn't mind doing. It's like, ooh, I'll take that one, that one, and that one! Tee hee. Except they only talk to skinny little blonde chicks. Sigh, oh well.
YaY April YaY? Lets hope so. Clicky.
April Fools - OK, so no talking to Andrew today or any other april fools. Makes me want to punch things. YAY for Julie! She's gonna make friends for me!!!Harry Potter! I am not a hot pocket! Lots of stuff going on in the next two weeks. Eep. Yo, all of a sudden there are beautiful guys all over campus. Where did they come from? Yowza!
Jesus, I was on the phone with Julie and even she sounded disappointed it me. She was like, well there's no point in going to the party since you refuse to drink or do anything (anything = anything fun). Why am I so boring? But even without drinking I used to be fun. What the hell has gotten into me? Why do I dislike myself so much now? Why am I always thinking negatively? But blah, my summer will suck. I won't be able to get a normal job and I'll be stuck working for Wally again who called me today. Blech. Of course I'll look for a job, but that's not gonna happen. I guess it's a good thing that I have coney island to work at always so I won't be stuck completely jobless. Yes, that's positive thinking. But blah, my best friend thinks I'm a loser and has pretty much given up on me. It doesn't get any worse than this. How do I fix this?!?
March 31 - Calc test was easy. Yay. I should get above an 85. So the guy I want to do talked to me today. He asked me if we sell triple A batteries. Haha kill me, I'm such a loser.
March 30 - Turned out to be a pretty good weekend. OMG, wow, my grandma loves me. She's willing to have me sleep over and go with me at 6 am into the middle of the ghetto. She's so awesome. Whee, Melissa said I listen to the best music. I do. And now someone noticed it. Yay! So our library is stupid. I was right. Stupid library. I miss the thingy. Mmm... hot pockets. Lately I've had cravings for salty stuff at night. Not that kind of salty stuff! If I don't feel a thingy by June I'll go insane. Yepp. Tee hee Kevin said 'hey sexy' to me. Tee hee hee. Hee. MooOOOO!!!
March 29 - Gah, I'm gonna go insane. I've been in my room all day. The only time I went out was to go eat by myself and go to work. How much of a loser am I? I really need friends. Who wants to go see Harry Potter with me tomorrow night? No one? Yea, that's what I thought. Sigh. I wonder what would have happened if Julie went here instead of me. She'd have the bestest time ever. Cuz when she's in a mostly male environment all the attention is always on her, because she's just a cool and happy person. Somehow being happy doesn't work for me, and I'm not fun. I'm a waste of a girl going to Stevens. Gah, I'm such a loser. I was on the phone with Julie, and I had absolutely nothing to say, and this is my best friend! How am I supposed to find things to say to not best friends? When did I become this boring? I know I'm not supposed to sit here and expect friends to come to me. So I won't. I'll ask people to go see Harry Potter with either tomorrow or Monday. I'll probably end up making either Ed or Andrew go, just because I don't have other friens. Gah, I also need friends who will play ping pong and pool with me. Because I want to do that. Who wants to be Kate's friend? So Chris decided to be Kate's friend and I went over there to watch a movie. We decided to watch Requiem for a Dream, since we both heard it's a good movie. NOT a good movie to watch at midnight. I was crying and shaking when it was over. Chris made it all better but still, eep. I'm still kinda shakey. It's so scary. Makes me really want to find a job so I wouldn't have to work at Coney Island this summer. The movie was set right where I worked. The stupid TV selling people, the balloon shooting game!!! I operated the fucking balloon game! And the boardwalk with the creepy people under it. (Although I really doubt that the people underneath the boardwalk are that fucking gorgeous) And the 934 phone number (tee hee hee). Eek. Very eek. Weird though, how the further into the movie it got, the hotter he looked. I really do like skinny boney pale guys. Anyway, must find normal job for the summer so I don't have to put up with Frankie and his drugs and shit. Yea, Brooklyn's a shithole. And now I won't be able to sleep tonight. I need someone to hold me. Alanna's offering to do sex with me. (the girl has problems) But no. I need someone to hold me.
March 28 - Sigh, guys just don't understand the whole needing chocolate thing. I needed chocolate tonight. It was horrible. Haha, some guy IMed me and he was really cool and then all of a sudden he said my pics got him horny and he should probably go. Yea, I told him to go. Freak. It's so funny, I went on AOL and all these people started IMing me. Stupid people. Is everyone online after 2 am gay and prefer black men? Yikes. Stupid gay people. Tee hee. I was reading TATU's lyrics. Stupid lesbians singing about a liking a gay guy. They're very confused lesbians. Smotrish nezhno,
Zhdyosh ego vniman'ya.
Chuvstva te zhe,
No, ne ponimayu
Skol'ko mozhno
Zhit', lyubya, ukradkoi.
Ochen' slozhno
Skryt' tvoi povadki,
Ochen' trudno
Skryt' moi stradan'ya.
Ochen', ochen', ochen' ochen'
Neprilichnoe zhelan'e.
Slyozy dushat',
Mysli zhit' meshayut.
Trudno slushat'.
Net, ne ponimayu.
Da, ya znayu vse tvoi sekrety.
Kak ty terpish tvyordye pridmety?
Vse zhe znayu, eto beznadyozhno,
No mechtayu
Every minute of every day we have another chance to turn it all around. Yea. OK.
March 27 - Ehk. I want to cry. They don't want me as an ECOES RA. Gah. So they definitely won't want me as an orientation leader. It's a different 'they,' but still, all the theys work the same. So I'm guessing I won't be able to find a job for the summer, because I never find jobs. Stupid they's. And uh oh. I think I might kind of like him again, which is really stupid. It's not that I like him. I just want him. And I don't want him like that, I just want him. Can't explain it. I'm gonna go cry or something. But no, I can't go do that. I have to go find 10 sources for my 10 page paper. Where am I gonna get 10 sources if all of them can't be internet sources? Stupid hum. Yea, back to crying. Sigh. Everything sucks. And I changed my schedule around to fit calc 4 in so next semester I have 5 straight hours of class on monday with no lunch. I'll be all tired and hungry and sweaty from racketball and... in class! Yay! Isn't life great. I need a hug.
March 26 - Evanescence!! April 16!!! OHH YEA! Yay! Chemistry majors have to take calc 4! I think. Yay! Whipped cream for dinner!! YAY!!!It's funny, most of my conversations with Andrew are about why neither of us is getting some and how we should be getting some. Yea, why am I not getting any? Shouldn't guys like, lower their standards here?? Grr.
There some people that I want to punch whenever I see them. Just because their presence makes me want to pull my hair out, or rip my arm off just so I'd have something to hit them with. It's not like they do anything to me, it's just this aura that they have. ARGHHH!!!
March 25 - I swear, they put the sings up in circles to make sure you walk a full circle before you actually find the Path train. But Man of La Mancha was GREAT.
March 24 - Gah, for the last month or so, I've had trouble falling asleep. When I go to bed my body is dead tired and all ready to sleep but my brain is still going. It's like that squishy rubbery thing I have with the white stuff constantly moving around. That's what my brain's like. Except that I'm not really thinking about anything useful or anything. It makes me angry cuz I waste about 2 hours of my day trying to fall asleep and even though I go to bed early I still don't get enough sleep. This makes me want to punch things. My job also makes me want to punch things. My boss makes me want to punch things. Actually, she makes me want to punch her. Bio makes me want to punch things. Not talking to Alanna for 24 hours makes me want to punch things. Almost 3 months makes me want to punch things. That's about it for now. "But you're so beautiful you make me want to cry." I can't believe that's in the song. My new obsession: Future Bible Heroes. Oh wait, I said that yesterday didn't I. Oh well. They're awesome. They make me want to un-punch things.
Oh, and my hum class makes me want to punch things. 10 page papers make me want to punch things. My hum teacher makes me want to punch her because she has this really annoying voice and laugh and she laughs at everything. She thinks her teaching is funny. It's not.
I bowled a 165!!! And a 134, 139, and a 154!!!! My average for tonight was a 148!!! I had a TURKEY!!! I AM GOD!!!
March 23 - Haha, it's the 23rd. Anyway. Lots of cheap pizza is good. Especially after walls are moving. I don't know who all these guys on campus were today but wow, most of them were hot. Oh, and I saw my lunch guy and I half smiled at him. Eep? Oh well. I made up my schedule for the fall semester and it made me want to cry. 10 hours of lab. 22.5 hours of class total. But at least I get to have hum with Andrew and Racketball with Ed and Andrew. Hopefully. Ouchies. I burned the roof of my mouth. Julie keeps asking how my making friends thing is going. It's not. But it's OK, I have a plan. And yes, Rob's a fuckhead. We're supposed to be doing physics HW now but I don't know where he is. Oh well. Why am I so excited about the next month? It's weird. Maybe it's just Spring making me all whee. Because it really is all whee. We played outside with waterball guns. Whee. OMG, awesome band(?): Future Bible Heroes. Pretty slow sad music. Pink Floyd type of mood.
March 22 - Clicky for funnies!
March 21 - When you take a hot pocket out of the microwave you can tell which side has more cheese on it becuase that side is hotter. So of course you start with the other side and you end up eating the cheesy side last, which is awesome because you save the best for last every time. It just works that way. Hot pockets are great. You can't go wrong with them."3/7/3 - Rob's a fuckhead." Oh really.
"3/8/3 - I feel all empty. I blame this all on Rob." Keep it coming.
"March 12 - I was on the bus and the hottest guy was glancing at me (he looked a lot like Rob, only all ghetto and Brooklynese)" niiice...
"March 13 - He also asked how that gay guy I used to like is doing." and "I like fruit that you can have with milk. Because I like milk."
Fuck you!
March 20 - OK, I really need to find friends. Gah, I can't find my MB20 cd. Where the hell can it possibly be? I need my matchbox 20!!! I have the one that Nick gave me (with a heart on it and everything, sigh) but I can't find the first one. Eep. I was listening to MB20 and reading their lyrics and wow, even though their lyrics suck in general, there are some lines that kind of grab at you and make you think. And make you angry. That's why I like matchbox 20. It's angry but at the same time they admit feeling pain and being hurt and being weak and helpless instead of just being angry. Wow, MB20 rocks. And if Cynthia ever reads this, ha! I win! Matchbox 20 came out with a third CD, and it's awesome, while 3EB are completely dead. Although I liked Third Eye Blind. But still, MB20 is better! HA! Anyway, now that I don't have to work every single day of the week I can go to the gym 5 times a week! YAY! I need it. I had a very productive day today. I'm very proud of myself. I have definitely grown up a LOT this year. Also, it feels really cool to completely not ask for money from my mommy. The only thing she buys for me now is food when I'm at home, and even that's not specifically for me. So yay. Also yay: I'm really glad that I'm on the pill and my face has been completely perfect for the last few months. YAY. Now all I need is friends. Applications are available upon request. I miss my Julie.
March 19 - So today during lunch I was called disgusting, repulsive, and ugly. Aren't boys nice? Whee! Now that volleyball is over I only have to work 3 days a week! Yee-haw! Now on Thursdays instead of working for 4.5 hours I have that time free. Except tomorrow I have a bio test and then an interview. But on a normal thursday I won't have to work anymore! YAY! I'll be done with everything at 12. Thursdays better have good weather. Holy wow! I started working on my resumer (which I thought would have absolutely nothing on it) and I actually have stuff to put down! I sound all smart and responsible and blah blah. I also made my retard into an ESL retard, but hey, who's gonna know?
March 18 - Jesus Christ that was a big banana! Stevens ROCKS! Anyway, what he did today was the most immature thing. It's exactly what I wrote about in my DJ. Grr. Gah, I get to play an ugly fat old woman in hum because I'm the only girl in the class! Blech poopie. Wow, I did the moon spell and I saw him today! At the gym. Yummness. I think I kinda stared too much. Oh well. I think I should go paint my nails blackso they'll match his hair color. Somebody shoot me. Hiccup!
March 17 - Stevens ROCKS!!! It's not fair. How come I have to live without anyone ever telling me my eyes are beautiful? The only honest remark about my eyes I heard is "uhh... they're a nice shape, I guess... but they're brown." Not fair. Anyway, we were outside running around and playing and taking pictures which you won't be able to see for a while because I can't find the CD that makes the pictures go from my camera into my computer. I talked to the moon today. Stevens ROCKS.
March 15 - So I went to play pool yesterday with Julie. And I say "hey, that guy's cute." And Julie replies "hey, that guy's Vinny." And I freak out. Vinny = guy I used to like in 8th grade. Vinny = one of the two guys I've ever asked out. Of course, he doesn't say hi. I don't think he really recognized me. He recognized us. Because we're us. But no hi or anything. Of course, he kept glancing over, just like he did in junior high. Wow, I completely forgot what it's like to see someone and have your heart jump and your knees get weak and to forget what you're doing and to walk into walls (yes, I did that). Anyway, today I go to the movies to see Chicago (good movie) and guess who I see? Vinny. He works there. He just kinda looked past me. I felt like Mr. Cellophane (from Chicago). Oh well. Even if he's all ghetto and stupid now, I still could never get him. And I really thought that after a year at Stevens I had the confidence to talk to anyone one (after all, I can do it at Stevens) but nope, I would never be able to talk to Vinny. Oh well. It's funny how I see him about once a year. It's funny how I still remember his phone number. It's funny how I still remember his best friend's phone number. No, it's not funny. It's really sad. But hey, he was my stupidest big crush ever. Stupid me. Thank god I'm not as stupid anymore. Anyway, me and Julie were up til 4 am calling people who left their cell numbers in their away messages. Poor people. Poor David. Poor Jennie. Poor Kevin. It was fun. Haircut time! Jesus, I realized that the closest I ever came to a date was when Evan asked me to go out for ice cream and we didn't go because he couldn't. How sad. But I'm used to it. Heh, I remember asking Nick why he doesn't bother taking me out, he said it's because he doesn't want to be seen in public with me and because I don't put out, so what's the point. Makes sense. Sigh...
March 13 - So spring break isn't completely useless. I got 8 new shirts. And 6 of them are really really cute. So yay. Ooh, I was walking today and I saw a guy on a bus and he was really cute and he looked at me and like, turned around when the bus passed me and when he turned back around he was smiling. It's so cute. I miss the whole "I saw the hottest guy on the bus today" thing. Too bad he couldn't have been older than 16. Stupid Brooklyn. ABBA is awesome. I saw them in concert this summer. And now I love them. My brother is a retard. I want to go back to Stevens. OK, back to stabbing myself in the eye because of boredom. Alright, so maybe I like Evanescence. Shh.
Ha, I came downstairs for bananas (yumm) and my stepdad was in the kitchen. So we started talking. He finally noticed that I'm not with Surge 24/7. He was surprised that Surge was the one who dumped me. Heh, I was surprised at that too. He also asked how that gay guy I used to like is doing. That's so funny. My mommy told him. They probably sit around and make fun of me. Oh well. Anyway, he also asked why I don't have a boyfriend. I wanted to kick him. So I took my bananas and left. I like fruit that you can have with milk. Because I like milk.
March 12 - Whee I have cute undies and everyone wants to see them. Tee hee. Silly boys. Gosh, I hate Brooklyn. These old men keep coming up to me and telling me to have a nice day and trying to shake my hand. It's scary. They're dirty. I don't want to touch them. But ooh, I was on the bus and the hottest guy was glancing at me (he looked a lot like Rob, only all ghetto and Brooklynese) Of course, he didn't look older than 16. That's what sucks about Brooklyn. Everyone is 16 here. Even if he was older I'd never be able to get him. I'm not Julie, guys don't come up to me and start talking to me and ask for my number. Hehe, yesterday we were walking and she was explaining the whole dating thing to me. She was like "well first, a guy comes up to you and asks for your number. Then he calls you and you go out on what's called a date." It sounded like she was talking to a retarded person. But hey, this was new information to me. No one ever asks Kate for her number. Especially not from just seeing Kate on a bus or anything. Well, there was Benny, but he stuck his hand up my shirt the second he saw me. Good cop party. Yea, what the fuck? Guys don't ever take me out, but stick their hands up my shirt immediately. Do I look like an easy lay or something? Silly boys. Anyway, for the last couple of days everyone who IMed me said one of the three things: I should be out with my boyfriend, I should have a boyfriend, and why don't I have a boyfriend. I'm starting to hate that question too. How am I supposed to answer that? I'm a shallow bitch? Guys suck. I don't need a boyfriend. I need friends. It's really pathetic. Spring break and I'm sitting at home all day. Seriously, how do I find friends in Brooklyn? I can't just go outside by myself and talk to random people. Besides, everyone here is 16. What the hell am I gonna do in the summer when Julie's working full time and in school? Yikes. I'm so pathetic. Why did Surge have to be an asshole? I would have been fine being friends with him. (That's pretty much what we were, since he never wanted to kiss me) He was really cool. We had stuff to talk about for 8 hours a day in person and then 5 hours on the phone. Every day. Oh well. His loss. So yea, I need friends. Are there any friend-making clubs or anything? Meow. Gimme suggestions on how to make friends.
March 11 - Eek, I'm 18.2500 years old. Yikes. There's something wrong with me. I have 5 blue bras. Is that normal? Anyway, being at home SUCKS. A LOT. Nothing to do. I just walk around from room to room not doing anything. I tried watching TV but that was more boring that not doing anything. Carson doesn't host TRL anymore? Eh. Who cares. I'd do the guy who hosts it now. Yes I would. I wouldn't do Carson. I eat too much at home. Aaron IMed me just now. Jesus, since when do people want to talk to me/see me? Anyway, I have to take lots and lots of pictures in the next two months. All the pictures I had are gone. Must make up for it.Why don't people hug me? I only get hugs from my mommy, and that's like, once a month. Do people not hug in Jersey? Or do I just not get hugged? I looked at the pictures Rob sent me and he's hugging some girl in one of the pictures, and it just looks so nice. I haven't been hugged like that in almost a year. (Surge didn't count because everything with him was retarded) So anyway, why don't I get hugs like that anymore? In high school guy friends hugged like that. It was nice. Now no one hugs. And the few hugs that I did get in Stevens sucked. Well, not all of them. But in general people at Stevens suck when it comes to hugs. And I need hugs. HUG ME DAMMIT! OK, now I shall go to sleep hugless. Meow.
March 10 - The cool dates are over. Tee hee. I love my mommy. She is so awesome. Both of us say silly stuff and then we just lay there laughing about them for a few minutes. We had to think of a no smoking slogan for my brother so we came up with "God spoke: Don't smoke!" When he wrote it out he wrote smok instead of smoke and it was really really funny. I love my mommy. She even watched 7th Heaven with me. And said she'll watch the Simpsons sometime. She's so great. She'll just sit there and listen to me babble. Even if I babble about the most boring stuff, she still listens. She's so great. And she helped me with HW. And she helped my brother and stepbrother with HW. It's really funny how when one of us stops bothering her, someone else comes into her room to ask for help. My mommy rocks. 150 songs. Sigh. It was weird, I IM'ed this kid and asked him what to download and he named artists in the order that I downloaded them in. I felt cool cuz I already had those songs. Anyway. Evan IMed me today. And Chia IMed me again. For some reason he is interested in talking to me? Even asked what time I'm going to the movies today (I didn't go because 3pm is too late for Abanty). Maybe he was sent by Boris to be nice to me so they would do something horrible to me later? Or maybe I'm just interesting but he never had the time to talk to me? Nah, it's gotta be the Boris thing. Eep? I want CHOCOLATE. I need CHOCOLATE. We don't have CHOCOLATE. I drank CHOCOLATE milk three times today, but it's not the same. Did you know they have some kind of double fudge Yoohoo? Mmm... I want the thingy! No one really knows what the thingy is, but everyone has their version of it. I wonder if anyone actually feels exactly what I feel. Because what I feel is amazing. I don't think there's a better thingy out there. I feel bad for people whose thingy is different from mine. I feel bad for me because I haven't felt the thingy in almost 2 months. Eep. Oh, and don't worry! I'll have my porn back soon! Julie still has the picture of Nick (soo wrong, I know, but he said I could send it to her) and Alanna has the video of Andrew. Not that I'll ever watch it. But still. It gives me power. Mwahaha.Whee I played pool with Julie. She's fun. I don't know what the hell the guy put in my hot chocolate but I feel sick. Argh, I was watching 7th Heaven, and Lucy really annoys me. I want to punch her in the face. Then I realized that I'm a lot like her. Eep. Would I be that annoying as a girlfriend?? Yikes.
3/9/3 - So I have about 100 songs now. Not happy. I went jogging two days in a row and now I can't move. It's really pathetic. I have trouble walking up the 6 stairs in my house. Ouchies. Today was weird. I talked to Abanty, Georgia called me, and Chia IMed me. All of a sudden I get to talk to people again? Oh, and I almost talked to Alanna yesterday but I had to hang up on her. For some reason I'm dead tired today. I keep falling asleep everywhere. Tee hee, my mommy is so cute. She finished working on the model car they're making and she started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and giggling real tee hee's when she saw how cute it was. She's just like me! I'm very proud of her. I love my mommy. It looks like spring break is going to be very exciting. Yepp.I took one of those stupid online quizzes - "What kind of girlfriend are you?" and it told me that I'm a perfect girlfriend. That's such bullshit. I would make the worst girlfriend ever. I used to think I would make an awesome girlfriend but now I realize that I would drive the guy insane in two days. Yep. Oh, the power I have. Anyway, I got pissed off at the quiz and didn't even CNP the results. Stupid quiz. Stupid me.
3/8/3 - AHH! I wake up this morning and my computer died. Everything is gone. Music all gone. Pictures all gone. All the stupid stuff I saved that made me happy is all gone. The naked picture of Nick is gone. Video of Andrew's penis is gone. I mean, I almost had a collection of porn there! Blah. Well at least this time when I download music I'm gonna organize it all. But I want all my stupid documents back. And all the crap that me and Andrew drew. And SNOOD!!! Holy fuck! I raised my %of evil games won to 44! And now it's all gone. I feel all empty. And gah, I had pictures of Carlos, who I will never see again. Blahness. I blame this all on Rob and him not giving back my calc notebook. Sigh. I need a hug.
3/7/3 - I'm back to good music. Yay for Oleander. What the hell am I going to do the whole week? Rob's a fuckhead. I like that word. Tee hee. I ate too many apply newtons. Did you know they make anti-fig apple newtons? Yummness. You know what else is yummness? That guy from lunch from two days ago. He is cake. I want cake. Haha, I completely forgot about the whole cake thing.Movies I want to see (or see again):
The Patriot
The Wedding Singer
Big Daddy
American Beauty
the movie with the gay cruise (shh, it's sad, I know)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Grease
Tarzan
Alladin
all three Austin Powers Movies
Jeezus, I didn't think the list would be that long. Kate's gonna start watching movies? Eep? No, don't worry, I'll never ever get around to watching them. I never do. I've been wanting to see The Patriot for years. Wow, if I had money and I wasn't lazy I would go see Broadway plays all the time. But I don't and I am. And I think I need sleep. Goodnight.
3/6/3 - What is up with the snow? Sheesh. Anyway, Kate had a very CS major on reduced load day. I had one class and one hour of work. I also took a 4 hour nap today. Wow that was awesome. I haven't taken a nap in over a month, and I love naps very much. It felt soo good. Of course waking up and seeing Pete first thing wasn't the happiest thing. Oh well. I also cleaned my room today. And I swept. *gasp* So now it's all clean. Bowling sucked because we didn't really get to bowl. Oh well. Yay I'm listening to the Beatles. Yay. Although I did listen to stupid dance music earlier today. But that was only to get my to clean my room. Yes, I clean my room while dancing around. Silliness. But yay, maybe my bad music phase is over.
3/5/3 - Today was another happy day! All because I told myself this morning that it'll be a happy day. I hung out with Kevin today. Kevin is a fun lad. I came over to watch Friends for a hald hour and ended up staying for 4 hours. I don't know how he does that. He's so awesome. He better not read this and get even more big headed. I am addicted to Altoid Sours. They're sooo good. Oh, and it turns out I am smart. Didn't study for hum or physics and I think I did great in both. Yea!! I kick ass. I love me today. I'm gonna apply to be a mentor so I could have a bunch of little people to play with next year. OMG, if I get the Summer RA job and the mentor thing I'll be involved in a whole lot of stuff. Eek. Actually, for some reason it doesn't sound that scary. Whee? I am addicted to a new game. Brickshooter. I spend HOURS playing it every day. I never spent hours playing snood. With this game time goes by and you don't realize it. That's why I didn't study for anything this week. Wow, the tough part of the week is over. I have nothing due tomorrow or Friday and I have only one hour of work left this week. This feels so great. Oh, bad news. My brother didn't get accepted to any normal high schools. (yes, in NYC you have to apply to high schools) So now he's gonna have to go to Sheepshead (our zoned school) where he is gonna get beat up every day. Eep. I scared for him. I almost cried when my mommy told me. Sigh. Haha Julie called me a pedophile. Andrew and Kevin called me a lesbian. Rob sent me a "how to eat pussy" e-mail. What is wrong with the world?!? (I am NOTa lesbian!) Wow, thanks to Kevin I re-realized how cool I am. I continue being friends with boys that like me, while most girls get scared off and never really talk to the guys again (according to him). So I'm cool. Yea.
3/4/3 - Definitely a happy day. You know why? Because I woke up this morning, put on happy music, danced around the room and told myself it's gonna be a happy day. Too bad I can't do that everyday. Also a happy day because Kevin is gonna finally tell me the 3 am thing in a couple of weeks. Only I'm scared. Because he said we have to be alone and it has to be 3 am. Creepy. Oh well. Alanna stuck a dirty penis in her eye and now it's swollen. Her eye, not the penis. I need people to suggest books for me to read over the break since I'll have a lot of free time.
3/3/3 <-- another cool date. Today I realized that they're gonna be cool for the next 6 days. It'll be a really cool date on June 6, 2006. Yea. Anyway. Today wasn't too bad. I raped my statistics test. I understood stuff at physics review. I bowled. Today had a happy vibe. I AM NOT A LESBIAN!!! Just because I am afraid of penises does not make me gay. Hmph. Besides, Alanna is my penis buddy and she's not gay! It's really weird how even though I only saw Julie twice in the past month, she is still my bestest friend. That's really cool. The staring guy from Pierce is really creeping me out. He like, completely stares now, and I'm scared to look up when he walks by because he'll see me looking at him because he is always staring!! Yikes. But whee, I got paid today. And I realized that I won't have to work the last few weeks of this semester because I'll work off the $600 in 3.5 more weeks. Yay. Hum midterm tomorrow. Didn't study yet. I should. But I won't. We'll test if Kate is still smart.
March 2 - Today was much better than yesterday. Today was happy. Today I played DDR. And ate lots of whipped cream. And spent over an hour at the gym. And got stuff done. And I got the yummy yummy tangerine sours altoid things. Yummness. So good and happy. And I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. Cream cheese is heaven. So anyway, I used to be all proud of myself for listening to good music, but lately I've started listening to complete crap. Britney Spears. Marc Anthony. Dan Hill. Rockell. Just stupid pop and slow songs. Eep. But ooh, I heard "Unwell" by Matchbox 20 on the radio. I was happy. Matchbox 20 rules. But why are do all their songs contain words like disease, unwell, and bent? Blah. They have a bunch of more normal songs. Oh well.HAHAHAHAHA!
03/01/03 - <-- look at the date, it's cool! Hehe. Anyway. I am about to fall asleep last night at 2, and Melissa and Pete and Pete's asshole friend (bug surprise) come in all drunk as hell. Of course, I am no longer falling asleep. They make a whole lot of noise. Break our doorknob. Spill vodka on the floor by my desk. Yell at me for spilling the vodka (I did not do it, I actually saw what I was walking into) So I got sick of them and yelled at them and told them to shut the fuck up or get out. Pete, being the pathetic "I'm gonna go kill myself" retard said he's gonna go drive home. I told him to go ahead and take his friend with him. For some reason Melissa didn't want them to die. But that's because she was too drunk to see their assholeness. Then again I don't think she'd care because she's friends with Pete when she's sober. So Melissa and the asshole friend go somewhere to talk. Of course, when they come back in I get woken up again and I have to yell at them again. So it wasn't a happy night at all. They really pissed me off. It was funny though because Pete's friend was apologizing for Pete being an asshole, while this morning Pete was apologizing for his friend being an asshole. From that it can be concluded that they're both assholes and stupid as hell. Plus Pete's always doing stupid shit and then apologizing. I hate people like that. Oh, and get this, he denies the whole knife incident. How messed up is his brain? Anyway. Everyone told me to call the police on them. I really should. Just to really fuck Pete over. But cops never do anything. Anyway, I need to find a place to sleep on friday nights because I can't put up with drunk people every week. Oh, and did I mention that the stupid asshole friend snores really really loud? UGGHHHH.So anyway. I don't get people. Melissa was really pissed off at the stupid asshole friend because he kept trying to feel her up the whole night and kiss her. Dude, if someone kept doing that to me they would have gotten kicked in the balls and kicked out of my room after the second time they tried. Why would anyone put up with that shit? And like, when Julie goes on dates with guys she doesn't like and they try to kiss her, she lets them. I don't get that either. I would definitely NOT let a guy go near me if I didn't like him. Do people have problems saying no or something? Thank god I don't. Or else I would have to put up with stupid people.
So anyway, about today. Today sucked. Really boring. But I finally downloaded Marc Anthony's second CD. I love it. It's so corny but his voice is soo beautiful. You hear it and just want to cry because it's so beautiful. It really is amazing. Of course, the lyrics suck a LOT. They're soo fucking corny. But for some reason it works with him. Maybe because he's not some 15 year old singing about love. Or maybe because his voice is so pretty and it makes anything sound good. I'm addicted all over again. Ooh, I just figured out why. When I'm listening to him it's like I'm surrounded by him and his voice and the feeling in his songs, I'm completely wrapped in that little world. It's so great. All you hear is his voice and you forget about everything else. Plus it's great make out music. It's also great dancing around the room and pretending I can sing music. It's just great. SOO happy I finally did this. So even though he doesn't write his own music or play his own instruments, he's a great singer and knows how to convey emotion, and that's why I like him. Not because I have any respect for him as an artist. My gosh, his songs are so pretty. Hehe, I'm so excited about this. Listening to his music makes me feel like I'm floating. Wow. Just amazing. Now you can go and roll your eyes at me. Go ahead, you know you want to. Alanna, you have to steal my Marc Anthony songs!!
So I was all depressed today because today is not a very happy day, and I decide to IM Surge, since he's usually a fun person to talk to. I correct him on one of his IMs (he wrote right instead of like by accident) and he flips out, calls me an asshole, tells me not to talk to him because we always argue about everything, and calls me ignorant. Umm... ARGH. I hate guys. I should also hate me because I shouldn't depend on other people to make me happy. I don't know what's gotten into me the last couple of weeks. But this needs to stop. I need to be happy again. I don't love me very much right now. I need a hug. I need to stop crying. I wish I could write poetry. Even corny poetry that I wouldn't want to read. But no, I can't even do that right. Blech. I hate me. Whee, even when Alanna is drunk she makes me feel better and gives good advice. I love Alanna. I hate guys. Gah, this is what happens when I have nothing to do. I write too much. I am sorry. But wow, I really am pathetic. I don't have any friends. I walked to the bathroom and I see everyone is all dressed up and going out and stuff. I'm sitting in my room alone. I remember the first few months of college there wasn't a night when a bunch of people didn't ask me to hang out. What happened now? Gah. The magic of being in college is wearing off. Once again I feel like a loser with no friends, kinda ike in high school. Except now I don't have Julie. I miss Julie.
February 28 - Ehk. So I watched porn today. It was... interesting. Andrew made me do it because I've never watched it before. Yep. Kate watched porn. Of course, Kate didn't go to the beach party. But I got a couple of IMs from people saying they wouldn't mind seeing me in a bikini. Poor Stevens boys. I hate Julie. I want two guys in one night. Heck, I want one. I'm not even asking for a guy with an eyebrow ring or a guy in a band (*drools* (yes, she got both, and they're both on my list)) I just want a boy. OK, must remember Alanna's speeches about how I don't need a boy to be happy. Oh, but they're so yummy! Oh, I saw Evan today. He's hot. I did well. =) Now gimme MORE! Ehk, I want to go to sleep for a few months or something just so I don't have to be alive now. Tee hee. Wow, I never thought I'd say anything like that. Wow, from talking to people tonight I realized I'm such a fucking loser. I don't like parties. I don't like drinking. I don't like card games. I'm not into stupid party games. I'm not daring. WTF is wrong with me? Yes, sleeping for a few months sounds like a lovely idea. Too bad it can't be done.
February 27 - So it's definitely been over a month now. Ehk. I want boy. I bowled really crappy today. 99 and 107. Soo pathetic. But it's OK. I was all tired today. Gah, I went to bed at 11 last night because I have a 9 am class which I don't think I ever got to on time before today. But I couldn't fall asleep. So I layed (lay? laid? GAH!) there for 2 hours being really pissed off because I couldn't fall asleep and I wasted 2 hours trying to fall asleep. It wasn't happy. I'm getting fat. That's not happy either. Today's just not very happy. I want the thingy.
February 26 - It's weird walking around campus because I've been seeing the same people for the last few months and it feels like high school. No one new to look at. And some people start reminding me of people from high school. I can compare a lot of people here to people from high school even if I don't know them, but just the way they look. I don't know if I'm making sense because right now I'm listening to Mariah Carey and singing and it's hard to type. But I was trying to make a point. Being in a small school kinda sucks because of that. But it's also great. Anyway, hot pockets are great because if you squeeze the sides you can see all the gooey goodness inside. Yummy. I miss the thingy. I want the thingy. =(
February 25 - AHA! So he does exist outside of gym class and he even says things such as "hi". Tee hee. He has the cutest legs. OK, and now I'm done being stupid. I think I'm addicted to ham and cheese hot pockets. Wow they're good. That can't be good. And I'm officially sick of pop tarts. I realized that I don't like sweet snacks as much as salty snacks. Yep. I like salty stuff. Except I like chocolate. We had a "healthy food break" floor meeting today and my RA bought M&M's and Hershey's kisses and such and said they're healthy. It was great. Did you know they have purple M&M's?!? I didn't!!! The purple is really pretty but it doesn't go with the rest of the colors. Must have more hot pockets.... I downloaded a bunch of songs by Duran Duran and I likes! Thanks Joolie!
February 24 - Wow, at first I thought the new TLC song was stupid. But then I read the lyrics, and eep. That's exactly how I feel. Pretty much what I freak out about every time. I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time
And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cos I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
Sigh. Yep, sigh. So my volleyball class ended today. Which is good because I get 2 more hours of much needed free time per week. But I really enjoyed that class. I was actually sorta OK at volleyball. And my team liked me because I could serve. And they were funny. I liked them. The pretty guy was pretty. For some reason I don't see him around. If I would I would probably talk to him. Just because I'm an idiot. That TLC song depressed me. Hmm... would TLC be TC without Left Eye?
February 22 - You are an Emotional Wreck. You are extremely emotional. You feel contentment moreso than happiness and your emotional lows are to the extreme. You need to cheer up and start enjoying your life. Where there is rain there is a rainbow and you need to see it more than others. Do something that makes you happy.
How Emotional Are You?Ehh. I'm a loser. But I knew that. Wow, I forgot how nice it is to make out with someone and how nice the thingy must feel. Sigh. Oh well.
February 21 - Holy fucking fuck. I had the worst nightmare ever. My stepdad decided that it was time for me to be killed, so he picked out the day I would be killed. I told my mom about this and she agreed that there was nothing that could be done, I had to die. So I was all freaked out and crying and shaking because I was so scared and I was trying to tell them that it's not fair and I still want to live but they didn't listen. So when the day came I tried calling 911 but I got the answering machine and my stepdad saw I was calling someone, took the phone away from me, grabbed me, and made me sit on the chair where he was supposed to stab me to death. And then I woke up shaking and sweating and almost crying. It was scary. The thing that pissed me off was that my mommy wasn't nice in the dream. Andrew said it's to emphasize that I was completely screwed. Why would I be completely screwed?? Eep! What am I going to have to do that my mommy won't be able to help me with? I think I know why I had the dream though. Because in the past week I read "The Lottery" and I read an article on female circumcision. In the article the girl was crying "mommy, how can you let them cut me like this?" So maybe the dream was just my reaction to that. Eep. It was really scary though. I think I might have actually been shaking while I was sleeping because I remember me shaking in the dream. Yikes. So I was feeling down the whole day today and I decided to make a list of all the things that I like about me to make me feel better. So I sat down to write that list... and I got NOTHING. I know there are a ton of things, but I can't think of anything. So now I feel even crappier. Hey, if you guys can help me out and think of things you like about me for me that would be great. Oh, and I figured out what to do with the red heart shaped box. I'll keep it red. And everytime I receive a compliment I will write it down and put it in there. So whenever I open it it will be like a box of Kate love. It'll be great. So far it's empty. Anyone want to help me fill up that box? Tee hee I'm so pathetic. But hey, I needed Kate time and I had no magazines to destroy so I had to think of other Kate time things. I think the list isn't a bad idea. I mean, if I came up with 101 things I liked about Nick, I think I can (I better be able to) come up with more than that for me. Other than that, my night was spent eating ice cream and listening to Chris Isaak and The Call and working on my notebooks. Not friday night activities, but I already knew I'm a loser. My friday night.
February 20 - Guessed on more than half of the bio test. Eep. Yea. So I won the v-day raffle at the campus store. Now I have a fluffy purple thing that I named Andrew. It's a girl. And I have a heart shaped red box that says love on it. Should I paint it black with blue stars? Or leave it all girly? And I have to think of special stuff to put in there. Because it's one of those boxes that you want to save and put cool stuff in to. Yep. I am a loser. YAY! Gym tomorrow. I'm such a dork. And I suck at DDR. I suck lots.I used to tell myself that I'm different from a lot of people and more interesting because of that. But I'm actually starting to believe that. I was at work a couple of days ago and I was talking to all the chicks I work with and I really am different from them. We have different tastes. For example they look at all those catalogs with the ugly shit for your house and garden and everything they see they say "aww this is so cute." Umm, no it's not. The stuff they liked was completely tasteless and just blah. And I heard this other girl saying that her boyfriend wanted to be original for valentine's day so he gave her flowers, but not roses, he gave her all kinds of diffrent flowers. Oh yea. Very original. Flowers for V-day. Big surprise. These are just two stupid examples, but I honestly think that I am a lot more interesting and there is so much more to me than there is to them. But of course, not a lot of people think like that. After all, she was getting flowers for V-day while I wasn't. But while most people like people like them, I would much rather be me. I like my Kate-ness.
February 19 - Whee I think I did pretty well on that calc test. And Teresa wasn't in so work was fun. And I bolwed a 137 and a 146. Not bad. So overall it wasn't a bad day. But I feel empty inside. I think it's because I haven't been to the gym in over a week. Blah, I can't wait till it gets warm so I can go jogging every day. Then I'll be a happy bunny. Dude, altoids rock. They're so friggin addictive. Chris Isaak is god.
February 18 - Whee I'm back at Stevens. I am a horrible roommate. I forgot to turn my alarm off. Oops? So my mommy is god. I feel like I'm ready for the test tomorrow. Yepp. It's weird. I feel all strange. It's one of two things, and I'm not sure which one: either it's one of those days where I expect something to happen and at the end of the day it won't so I'll be all disappointed, or I feel like I just got/bought something new and I can't wait to use it/wear it. So that's definitely not it. And I'm not expecting anything. So I'm just all confused. Yep. David Bowie is still god.
February 17 - Wow. Lots of it. Everywhere. So I walk to the train station to go back to Stevens. I get there, and all train service is cancelled. So I walk back. It took 40 minutes to walk there and back! Walking over snow is hard. Yep. So I call Julie and make her go outside and play in the snow. Snow is whee! So when we end up at her house my feet are soaking wet. I have to get home somehow, don't I? So I put plastic bags on my feet. Julie found that very funny. I thought it was brilliant. Kept my feet all warm and dry. And made my shoes all slidey. It wasn't that bad. But she found it hilarious. So I am writing about it here before she starts telling everyone about my bagged feet. Yea. So I had a dream last night that I had chest hair. A lot of it on my right boobie and a little on my left. It was scary. I checked in the morning, and I don't have chest hair. Which is good, because I really don't think chest hair would look very sexy on a girl. I also had a dream/vision type thing that told me that Julie has my David Bowie CD. So when she calls today she tells me that she has my cd player with a CD in it. Yep, David Bowie. Freaky, isn't it? Anyway, David Bowie is god. Me listening to him now after looking for the CD for months and months. Hopefully trains work tomorrow. I DO NOT HAVE CHEST HAIR!!!Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The Doctor walks in and Michael asks "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The Doctor replies "I'd at least wait till hes 14."
I watched a thing about Michael Jackson the other day, and WOW he is messed up. Seriously. Wow. And my stepbrother does very good impressions of him. Tee hee.
February 16 - Today was HW day. Lots of HW. My mommy is amazing. She looked at my calc notes and understood everything we've been doing for the past month. And helped me with stuff. She also spent hours trying to figure physics out and explaining it to me. We even got through a fourth of the physics HW. And she helped me with statistics. Am I going to have to spend that much time on my kids?? EEP! Anyway, this lady was here today advertising some kind of Rainbow vacuum thing to us because my aunt asked my mom to listen to her. So we spent an hour listening to her about the vacuum. It was pretty cool. Quality family time. And my dad actually bought the thing. He is so gullible. Wow. Anyway. My mommy is so comfortable. No wonder Andrew likes using me as a pillow, I'm even fluffier than my mommy. Something I ate today didn't agree with my tummy. Ouch. Going home tomorrow in the blizzard should be fun. Yep.From Alanna's dj:I hate how guys can do or say one thing and make you feel so complete. Its really stupid. I'd like to have that kind of control. Gah. I hate boys.
February 15 - Interesting day yesterday. I was on the train home and on Dekalb I saw some girl in a green jacket and I thought, that can't be Julie. Throughout the whole train ride I kept getting calls from Julie and they kept disconnecting because there's no service on the friggin train. So I finally get off the train and I get a phone call from Julie: "hey, did you just get off the train? I was on the same train two cars down from you" and that was all like whoa. So I keep walking home and talking to Julie on the phone and I hear "retard!" I turn around and I see Julie walking. Sooo friggin weird. Later that night she makes me go to some party thing. It was weird. What happened to regular dancing? Why do people do weird shit with their feet? Blech. Anyway, like, half of the guys there were do-able. It was wow. All of them were pretty. They were all kind of short though. Was it the weed? But wow, where do these pretty guys hide? How come we don't see those on a regular basis? There was a fashion show type thing at the party with like, normal size models. I don't get it. There are chicks who are a lot bigger than me with stomachs sticking out, but their stomachs don't look blubbery. How come mine does? Julie said it's cellulite. Eep? How do I make it go away? Anyway, afterwards we went to El Greco. (eep, I actually went into El Greco... I have a business card to prove it) Then we went to play pool. Then we went to Dunkin Donuts. Got back to Julie's house at 5 am. It was a fun night. I was finally taken out. Julie was a perfect gentleman. Tee hee. It was like, a perfect date. Well actually I wouldn't know because I've never been on a date, but last night was fun. Julie's fun. We're fun. Her scarf is fun. Guys on trains are fun. Until they start talking. Then it turns out they hardly speak english. But still. Last night was fun. Now I want to get taken out by a boy dammit. But no, I'm not worth it. Blah blah. I love my mommy. She is awesome. I broke another nail. Argh.We had a whole big dinner today because my mommy's birthday was this week and my baby cousin came over and she is soo cute! AHHH! I thought she's b bigger but she is sooo tiny you just want to hug her and squeeze her till she explodes!!! The second she saw me she started yelling "KATE!!! KATE!!!" and jumping up and down and hugging me and not letting go of my leg for the next two hours. It was cute. I love her. She has a penguin hat!!! And a cow jacket. Whee! Anyway, I ate WAY too much and I feel like a big fat blob. But it was good. The babka was so friggin good. Wow, I don't think I've ever tasted better babka. Tee hee. And my grandma gave me fifty bucks. And I got myself lipgloss. So now I have a whole buttload of lipgloss. Lipgloss makes me happy. Whee. Strawberry, watermelon, raspberry. Lipgloss is awesome. I really want that RA job. Really. Wow, if you've read all of this you deserve a cookie.
February 13 - Today was a good day. Work has been awesome for the last two days because Teresa wasn't there. I took a nap today and slept through biology (which was pointless anyway) and I felt sooo good the rest of the day. I went to see the Vagina Monologues, which was.... interesting. I also had an interesting encounter with Pete today. I come into my room and he is trying on Melissa's pants for some reason. So I mention that Andrew tried on like, every pair of jeans I have. So Pete asks if he can try on my pants. I tell him no. He asks how come, since I let Andrew do it, and I try telling him that Andrew is special. So he gets upset. And mad. And threatens to never talk to me again. Ha! Anyway, he got seriously pissed off. I told him he's being ridiculous because he really shouldn't get mad if I don't let him try on my pants. So he takes out a fucking knife and holds it up to my fucking neck. What is wrong with the boy? How attention starved do you have to be to do something like that? If he was my friend I would have told him to get out and never talk to me again. How fucking disrespectful was that? But he wasn't in the room because of me so I couldn't tell him to get out. So I got out of his grip and went to get some yummy Pierce food.I stole heart shaped chocolates from work today. I gave one to the guy in the student service center. Tee hee. And I spent the last two days at work trying to remember how to make origami hearts but it wasn't working at all. Oh well. Hey, did you know that on Vday everyone gets those stupid little mini valentine cards from everyone? I didn't! You know why? Because I never got one! So yea, another reason Vday sucks. I'm going home tomorrow. Yay?
February 12 - The Bowling Club is awesome!!! It's like bowling but you write your name down. So cool. I went bowling twice today. Sick, I know. 116, 125, 126, 145, 114. Eh. Not bad. So I got a 48 out of 50 on the Prob & Stat test. I kick ass. I love me. I am so awesome. I am god. And I was studying for calc today and it wasn't that scary. I've managed to condense 52 pages of notes into 4. And I started reading an awesome book at work today. Maus. It almost made me cry. Eep. Anyway, I got an application for the RA job for ECOES. I really wanna do it. Just thinking about it gets me all excited. Wow. Probably because of Marymount. But wow. I'm all excited about everything today. This is great. He's so fucking cool. Wow. Him the the TardBlog teacher. I want to marry both of them. But he dates only hot tall blonde model chicks. I can see why. Sigh. Anyway, I'm gonna send it my retard story. Yee-haw! Retards are still awesome! I broke a nail today. It hurts. It bled. It's ugly. I still love me!!! I have a big red bow.
February 11 - Eek I've been 18 for two months. Eek. Oh, and more eek. Sigh. I'm gonna be one of the 2%. Yepp. Ugh I'm so stupid and pathetic. Very pathetic. Anyway. Why would Rory want to do Jess?!? Is she stupid? He's such an asshole! Why didn't she do Dean? She was with him for two years. She's with Jess for only 2 months and he's such an asshole. Gah! Gilmore Girls pissed me off a bit. Sigh.Well this definitely cheered me up. Retards are funny! Like Ed said, they should come in a box! If you get bored, you let them out. When you're done being amused, back in the box they go! And then I also couldn't stop laughing when I was telling Ed about my retard tutoring experience. "Did you fuck somebody's dick? You know, do sex? *humps and moans* LOL! I am so horrible. But wow. Retards are funny. So yea, this Tard Blog is one of the funniest and best written things I've ever seen. I wish I could be funny like that. Maybe if I had better material I would be.
Retard quotes:
I don't need friends, I've got em' in my head.
I can't believe you can eat that, it looks like abortion.
February 10 - I think my crappy days are over! So it probably was the koolaid. Whee I played DDR today. Whee. And we did calc HW today in less than an hour. That felt good. Yea. I think I might join the bowling club. Eep? Kate joining stuff? Well DDR and bowling don't really count as stuff. There's a guy in my volleyball class that I would do. But I can't have him so oh well. =\
I was watching Friends today, the episode with Brad Pitt, and WOW, I want to touch him. Like, WOW. I just want to like, touch him and kiss him all over. WOW. Sigh.
February 9 - Ehk. Tired. 11 hours of sleep and tired. Wow, I was comparing my physics HW to Andrew's and I got one right and he got it wrong! I felt all smart! It was cool. Yea. Wow I'm tired. I think I'm gonna go to sleep at 9 and get 12 hours of sleep. I have problems. Why am I so boring? Ooh, I have an idea. Everytime I write something boring in here you're allowed to kick me. Ouch, I have a bad feeling about this. But it's ok, because I need to get interesting again. *passes out**anti passes out* The smell of nailpolish woke me up. So I went bowling. 5 games. If you don't count my first game (it's always below 100) then my average is like, 125 or something. Wow. I'm getting better. This is awesome. Bowling rocks. So, I was gonna go to sleep at 9 and right now it's 11:30. Stupid me. But at least I cleaned my desk. It's like clean now. I need tape to hang up my calendar of guys. I didn't hang it up in January because Enrique was the January guy. But some hot guy is February and AHH! I wasted 9 days not looking at him. Gah, for the last three days I can't stop shaking my left leg. On Friday I thought it was the coffee and the DDR. But now I don't know. I have problems. When someone holds my left leg down I start shaking and jumping up and down. I should be kicked. Sigh. I'm silly, I want him. *slaps herself*
Hellslove2: i misses you
Tee hee. I love Julie. I misses her too. I'll see her this weekend. Whee!
February 8 - Yesterday wasn't a bad day. The first part sucked, but then I went to the gym and then game night. Three straight hours of DDR!!!! It was soo awesome! I also had two frappucinos which kind of made me all whee. It was a bit frightening. I couldn't stop shaking. Whee it was awesome. DDR rocks! Whenever I blinked last night I saw arrows. WHEEEEEEEEEE! And then I was in Andrew's room and watched Family Guy and had a goldfish fight. I don't think I've ever been that cheesy or salty before. Doot!Today I woke up early (I don't know how I forced myself to get up. Yesterday I made myself a to-do list for this weekend and so far I'm doing good. (HW, laundry, DDR, work) I'm so proud of myself. I think I might even borrow a broom from someone tomorrow and sweep or something. Maybe. We'll see. Whee! I think my crappy days are over. Maybe they were crappy cuz of koolaid + weekday. Oh well. Whee! Wow, work was fun today. I went bowling with my boss's son. I bowled a 156!!! And the fuckers wouldn't print the score out. They told me there's no printer. WTF! Stupid people. So today was very productive. I saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in DeBaun. It was awesome. It made me happy. My left leg can't stop shaking. It's scary. I've been like this since yesterday. I want salty stuff. All I have is pop tarts. Blech. I think I'm getting sick of pop tarts. Uh oh. What do I eat then?
February 6 - So I think I am over Surge. I had another crappy day today. I saw my mommy, which was nice, but I think she was disappointed to see me all tired and not very happy looking. So I was disappointed because I disappointed her and blah blah. Ooh ooh, I bought that face stuff that makes my face feel all happy. So at least my face is all happy. The rest of me is eh. Pete asked to be my valentine. That was sweet. But I have Joolie. I think. If not, oh well. Valentine's day is stupid. No one gets why. People piss me off because of that. Although Nick got me the mooing cow that is now a snake for v-day last year. That was awesome. Well actually it wasn't for v-day, he just gave it to me a day after. Geez, how do I remember this? Ehh well. This whole crappy day thing must end. I'm sick of having crappy days. I want happy days!!! Ooh, I've been listening to the Chili Peppers the last couple of days, and they're awesome! Well, some songs. My journal used to be interesting right? What happened to it? Did my life really get so boring that I can't even write anything interesting anymore? Blech! Anyway, somebody, please sign my guestbook? =(
February 5 - Had another sucky day today. Big headache. Really tired. Sick of homework. Failed a physics quiz. Confused in calc. Hate my hum class. Don't want to write a three page paper about babies. I played a teensy bit of DDR today, which was awesome. Would have been better if I didn't have a huge headache at the time. Blech. Need hug. Want to cuddle. Or something. And blech, today I was thinking about something that Surge said but of course, un-said later on. It's silly. Don't know why it's been stuck in my head the whole day. Sigh. But that's like, the thing that makes me go whee, and it was so very whee when he said it, and of course, he either didn't mean it, or didn't care enough to think what he was saying. Heh. I should stop thinking. I'm kinda scared. Lots of tests and stuff coming up. I don't know if I'm smart enough to be here. Gah, freshman year is almost over. It's so scary. The next three years are gonna pass so fast. And then what happens? It's so scary. Blech. I want to cry. Maybe it's the koolaid. Yes, I should be happy soon. Sigh, I want him. (Not Surge)
February 4 - Ehh... Just ehh. Physics = ehh. Bowling = ehh. Koolaid = eh. Ehh... Did I mention I completely sucked at volleyball yesterday? Oh yea, I sucked. Sucked a whole lot. Sucked more than a vacuum. More than Biana sucks. I sucked so much that if I sucked as much when I was with Nick then... ok, enough. It was bad. And now I just broke a nail. Didn't I say ehh?
February 3 - Wow,Angel Corella is so hot. Wow. For some reason I think he looks like a combination of Rob and Nick. Maybe I just think so because he's hot. But wow. I was watching a PBS thing on him, and wow. Sigh. I would soo do him. Wow. Even if he is 5'8. Omfg. Wow. I can't stop wow'ing over him. If I could meet one famous person I would meet him. Wow. Anyway, I think I joined the DDR club. Err, the Athletic Gaming Club. Eep? Kate joined something? It's Andrew's fault. Should be interesting. The people are cool. Well at least the way they talk is cool.
February 2 - So Kate had a very lovely day yesterday. I slept, I went to the gym, and I went bowling. I bowled a 148!!! I have the score printed out and everything. But then this kid got a 220, so no one cared about my 148 anymore. Oh well. And I hung out with people at night, so I do have hanging out buddies, yay. Cuz now that Carlos is gone, it feels like I don't know people. But I do. Sorta. So yay. And I had tad bit of alkihol last night. It's so yummy. Whee. And I slept in Andrew's room. So yesterday was awesome. Every muscle in my body hurts from the gym. I feel soo good. Whee. So yay, I'm a happy person again. Will somebody PLEASE sign my guestbook? I want to feel special. Heh, you know what I realized? My ex's sleep with other people immediately after they break up with me and then tell me they didn't enjoy it. I don't get it. But it's ok. Because I went to the gym today and I bought a LOT of seltzer. Err, not at the gym, but yea. And my hair's all soft and fluffy. Fluffy? Yea, sure, fluffy.
Yo, why have I never been taken out? It's funny how every couple of months I write a whole paragraph complaining about it. Like, Julie even has friends taking her out, which I think is silly, but still. Grr. Am I like, not worthy or something? Blech. It's OK. When I go home Julie will take me out. Because she feels sorry for me. Well she says it's because she loves me. Either one works. I am stupid, unworthy, unattractable to, and I don't put out. But I love me.
January 31 - Fuck fuck fuck. How did I not know that? How was I stupid enough to actually fall for that? Why didn't anyone warn me? Well, people did, but he just sounded so sincere and I actually trusted him and thought he was telling the truth, and I believed him. Stupid me. Note to self: Never ever trust a guy again. It hurts too much. Blah. He should have just told me the truth before. Yea, it would have hurt more then, but now I was almost over it, and I have to think about it all over again. But it's OK. Because I don't think I really liked him anyway. He was fun, and I was really really really attracted to him. Like, I felt a huge *thingy*. But he wasn't the right person. And he wasn't attracted to me at all. Gah, am I not attractable to? He was a really good liar though. Not only that, he knew that to do to make me feel like he liked me, when he actually didn't. (Heh, kind of like Josh) I just think less of him for dragging this on instead of just telling me it was a 2 week thing. Can we be friends? Sure. Buddies are always good. So yea, just like Julie, I'm giving up on guys. It's so stupid. The only relationship worth having is one with a friend, but I'm never ever attracted to anyone once I'm friends with them. Whee, no more boys! Sigh. Stupid new years resolution. Oh yea, the comedy thing was cool tonight. And I went to the gym today. So up until he called it was a pretty good day. But I'm happy he told me everything. I like knowing the truth no matter how much it hurts. Yep. So I did learn a few things:
Never to trust a guy
The only way to see if a guy is an asshole is to wait; his words and actions can all be lies
Never to tell a guy things that can make me vulnerable
Never hope for the best because you'll always be disappointed
Never get attached or allow myself to actually like anyone
Trust my mommy
Don't be gullible and stupid
What's really cool though is that even after all this crap I still think I'm pretty. I think I've reached the point where I'm not doubting my prettiness everyday. So like, even though I still have blah days, overall I feel all pretty. Yea, I think I'm prettier than I actually am, but it makes me happy so it's OK, right? So I was looking at gay porn on Andrew's computer today, and wow, gay guys are so hot. Not just lookswise, but when they kiss they don't look dirty and slutty like lesbian porn, they look all innocent and vulnerable. It just kind of makes me want to hold them and hug them. Aww.
January 30 - So today was national ass grabbing day. Turns out I have a very nice ass. Or something. Eh, what does he know. Gah, I fucking hate physics. I don't get it at all. It makes me want to cry. Like, seriously, I stare at it, and have Werdna explain it to me, and it sort of makes sense when he's talking, but the second he's done and I have to think for myself it all flies out of my head. It's so frustrating. I hate not understanding things. I feel like one of those stupid kids that annoyed me in high school who had absolutely no idea what's going on and just kept asking questions because they really don't understand what's happening. Like, calculus is hard but i understand it. Physics I just don't get. And it's not a happy feeling. Hey, this is kind of like CS last semester. Except this is something everyone is supposed to understand while (I was told) programming isn't something everyone gets. Heh, maybe they lied to me to make me feel better or something. Blech. Sucky. So I'm not going home this weekend. Which is good. This means I get to sleep and go to the gym. Gah, haven't been to the gym in 4 days. This sucks. For some reason I'm busy all day. Like, seriously, I'm done being busy at 10 pm. And by then I'm dead tired. For some reason last semester I had free time every day. Now I have classes and work till 5 every day. Then I have hw, then dinner, then I watch Friends, then more homework. I don't get to go bowling. Ooh! Maybe I'll go bowling this weekend! That would make me HAPPY! Yes, sleep, gym and bowling. Perfect day. I hate physics. Pink Floyd is sooo awesome. I love my Alanna.
January 29 - I love Andrew:YAY its Andrew: please visit me please visit me
YAY its Andrew: i want kate to come visit me
YAY its Andrew: if she does come, and visit me
YAY its Andrew: i'll dance around, and be happy
YAY its Andrew: please visit me please visit me, i want kate to come visit me
YAY its Andrew: if kate were here, then she would see
YAY its Andrew: me dance around, like a monkey
YAY its Andrew: please visit me please visit me, i want kate to come visit me
YAY its Andrew: a lot of guys, go in the rear
YAY its Andrew: but i'd just stick, it in her ear
YAY its Andrew: please visit me please visit me, i want kate to come visit me
YAY its Andrew: her gummy bears, do taste so great
YAY its Andrew: while thinking of her, i masterfully do my homework
YAY its Andrew: i'm pathetic, i'm pathetic, i just spent five minutes writing a song about kate
YAY its Andrew: it's to the tune, of oh christmas tree
YAY its Andrew: if you didn't know, go to the top and see
YAY its Andrew: o christmas tree o christmas tree
YAY its Andrew: your away message must say you have like 40 IM's
YAY its Andrew: i will stop now, and write my paper
YAY its Andrew: it's not for prisco, what rhymes with paper
YAY its Andrew: oh andrew's hot oh andrew's hot
YAY its Andrew: this once cool song has gone to pot
YAY its Andrew: now i know my abc's, won't you come and sing with me
I hate physics. Blech. Ooh, I'm a genius. I will now have original away messages most of the time! I'll just use lyrics from any song that's stuck in my head while I'm leaving. I'm so smort!
January 28 - I forgot to mention, yesterday was Julie's 18 years and 2 months birthday. Yea. That's right. Blech, what was that?? Stupid people. Anyway. Why would anyone want to see me shirtless or naked? I don't get it. I really don't look good at all. Silly people. Oh well. My big Kate project for the summer is going to be to print out my deadjournal and make a nice book or something out of it. Yes. That's gonna be awesome. Because that's pretty much my diary from the last year. And I'm scared it'll just get deleted or something. And I want to read it in 10 years and laugh at myself. So yes, Kate will do that. Whee.
January 27 - Horseradish, eh? Haha, some kid thinks I'm hot. Anyway, I kicked ass in volleyball again! It was so fucking awesome. And the guys remembered me kicking ass last week. And were all like "yo, the chick scored 12 points last time" and it was just awesome. I hope it doesn't go away. Oh, I realized why I don't have a huge pile of clothes on the floor. The pile is on my bed. Heh, eh well. It's still a lot cleaner than last semester. Tee hee. I have naked picture of Nick. Again, going to sleep late. Sigh. Back hurts lots. Also, every muscle in my body, like literally every muscle, hurts like hell from the gym. I love it. It's so great. Horseradish, eh? I don't get it...
January 26 - Ehk!Monkey monkey monkey!
Superbowl or something. Yea, I was painting my nails during that. My nails are black. And my hair looked all cool today. And I went to the gym today. And I think I might have lost gour pounds. Going to the gym is so awesome. It makes everything hurt. Some people really annoy me. Ooh, today Nick was actually nice to me. It was cool. It'd be really cool if I was friends with him. But I don't think that would ever really happen. Would be cool though. Sigh, for the past three nights I've been trying to go to sleep early. Doesn't work. 3 am. 2 am. And I don't know when I'll be going to sleep today. But yay, I've kept my room clean. That pile of clothes behind my chair? Non-existent! Sigh, I want a stomach like Gwen Stefani. Never gonna happen. Oh well. I love me anyway. Monkey monkey monkey.
January 25 - Ehk?
1/23 - Whee, it's like 123. Anyway. I played Lazer Tag for the first time yesterday! It was so awesome! I was Jesus! Whee! And today I had gym! I kicked ass in volleyball! I won 2/3 of the game by serving. Whee! I love boys. Anyway, now that I got all the whee out. No more Surge. This really fucking sucks. After deciding that it was safe to trust him and safe to like him, and after lots of conversations with Alanna telling me it's OK and I shouldn't be scared, no more Surge. Did he not think about this before? Did he not consider my feelings when he decided to blurt out that he loves me? Gah, this is what I meant about the whole responsibility thing. I really don't deserve this. Yea, I'm stupid and paranoid at times, but it's so easy to shut me up. Gah, this is all so stupid. All this crap over a friggin 3 week relationship. But as short as it was, it brought down my trust level as much as the whole Nick thing did. Heh. And he says I don't know anything about relationships. At least I know you have to be ready for one before starting one. Isn't that simple? I annoy him?? Whatever. The thing that pisses me off is that he stopped smoking (I mean, I'm really happy for him, but like it's just not fair, cuz now he doesn't want me) And whoa, how is everything my fault? Whatever. Too much to type out. Everything's too blurry anyway. I don't get it though. Is it like, a rule that during a break up the guy has to say everything possible to make it hurt even more? God fucking dammit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. I need a hug. I can't stop crying. I didn't think something this stupid could possibly hurt so much. Goddammit. Why isn't writing about it helping? It usually does. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Great. I fucking hate un-answered questions. How the fuck do I get closure now? And within 5 minutes he changed his mind about wanting to be friends with me. For some reason I really want a hug from Rob. I don't know why. He just had happy vibes today or something. *waves hi*
January 21 - A circumcised penis next to a non circumcised penis. Heh. Penis in a bucket? Anyway, Kate went to the gym today again. *big grin*Dammit, I was trying to not sign off of AIM for at least a week just so it would say that I've been on for more than a week, but for some reason it died last night. Grr. I'm such a DORK.
January 20 - Blah, I'm listening to Blink and doing HW. I'm gonna go to the gym later on so I should feel better. Hmm, is the bowling alley open today? That would make Kate happy. I hope. Anyway, I'm so proud, I'm keeping my room and desk really clean so far. I'm putting away all my clothes and all my folders and notebooks and books are all organized so far. Whee. I think I even made my bed once last week. *Gasp* Meow? I think so... We'll see...
January 19 - The Spice Girls ROCK!!! They're so friggin' awesome. Wow. Oh, and I slept (zZzZzZzZz kind of sleep) with two Andrews at Stevens. Tee hee. Today is Whisper I Love You Day. What a stupid day. Well, Julie whispered that she loves me. Although that didn't help much at all. It kind of made me even more scared. Anyway, I'm so happy she slept over, or else I would have been all poopie this weekend. But she was here, so YAY!I played 2000 games of snood! Minus the !.
January 17 - Meow, everything is going to be OK. He promised. So it better be OK. Meow. Just a little hurtie feeling and big scared feeling. But I really am OK. Except I don't know what the hell I'm going to do this weekend. Andrew and Ed are leaving. Surge isn't sleeping over. Maybe Julie will sleep over. Or else I might just go crazy. Maybe I should go home. But I really don't want to. So no, no home for me. I'll just have a lot of Kate time. Kate time is good. Yes it is. Whee this Snapple Go Bananas stuff is like having a banana party in your mouth. Now I usually don't like banana flavored stuff, but this is just cool! Sigh, I'm such a dork. Anyway, I'm really happy I don't have americal literature now, because according to Ed the teacher is a troll nazi, and according to Andrew she is Hitler's Spawn. So yea. Hooray for freshman writing!I asked the magic 8 ball if everything is going to be OK and it said most likely. So yay. I'm just going to be calm now. And I'm not going to cry anymore. I don't like crying. I will be OK. Meow. Just that my back hurts and needs to be cracked. That's OK. I'll fix that somehow. Ooh, I love Alanna! She makes me all calm and sane. Well, not sane. But she makes everything better. Three weeks ago when I told her I was scared of getting hurt she made it all better. Last year when I said I was scared of getting hurt, she made it all better too. Surge needs an Alanna. NO Alanna, you can NOT talk to him! Anyway, I think I'm not allowed to think or write anything about him. Or something. I'm confused. Very confused. But the magic 8 ball said everything is going to be OK. *wipes face and blows nose*
January 16 - Biology is gay. Anyway, today I re-realized something. Relationships suck because if you're with someone for a long time you become almost best friends with that person, and then when you break up, all of that is gone. And I don't understand how that works. Because if you really did actually like the person, as in like who they are as a person, (which hopefully you did of you were with them for a long time) then it doesn't make sense to not like them all of a sudden when you're broken up and it doesn't make sense not to stay friends. So why do people have to be mean to each other after they break up? That's so friggin' retarded. I'm never mean. I actually think I'm very mature about breakups. Then again, I've only been through like, two. My nailpolish remover smells like strawberries. So there. Does my babble make sense to anyone? Because to me it does. But when I try to explain it to people they usually just say "OK" and never really agree with me, but they also never bother to disagree, which is weird too. So yea. *BURP* No problem. You're welcome. (Ack, which one??)Funny how I wrote all that about 3 hours ago. Yea. Mallarious. Sigh. He had no fucking right to fucking do that to me. Heh, oh well, nothing I can do about it. Sigh. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I'm OK. Really. I am. I'm just a retard. I'll be OK.
January 15 - Eek, first day of classes. Not too bad. But wow I really don't want to go to class. Ever. Anyway, my back hurts and I need it cracked. Ouchies. I likes Surge. Tee hee.
January 14 - Yech, I finally went to Pierce for dinner. I feel sooo sick. I can still taste the chicken in the back of my throat. Gross. I feel like I'm going to puke. And I never ever feel that way. And I'm not saying this for amusement. It really was really disgusting. Really. But ooh, I went to the gym today, and I went to work, and I went bowling. (Sorry Andrew! But yesterday you said you got bored of it and today during dinner you didn't sound too excited about it, so I figured I won't bother you about it) I've been playing some stupid game for hours trying to get this guy laid instead of going to sleep at a decent time. Grr. But at least I did it in the end. It was great. Funny, I didn't know Evan was my boyfriend. Sigh, oh well. I miss Surge.
January 13 - Back at Stevens. It's so awesome here. So much better than at home. I saw people. It was cool. I got attacked by snow in a can! Tee hee. I also got attacked with a friggin pellet gun. Hayden's evil. But wow, being here is so awesome. I watched Andrew's skating videos. It's so cool. Wow. I went jogging. I unpacked and everything is semi-clean. Tomorrow I'll go to the gym and then hopefully work for a couple of hours. Stevens rocks! It's so weird, because I started this on a new page because I thought that this semester will be like, a different phase or something, but it's not. Well, I don't know so far. But Surge kind of ties both semesters together. But oh well, new page. So I have two goals for this semester: to go to sleep at a decent hour every night, and to actually concentrate on HW when I'm doing it, instead of doing a bunch of things at once, so I can be done with it faster. Yea. I'm going to try to do that. Go me.
