I fish! Therefore, I lie.

Nuke the Whales.

I swerve for cats.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....

Montana --- At least our cows are sane!

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.