Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Life is too complicated in the morning.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.

My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

Today's subliminal message is: ( )

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!

Grow your own dope. Plant a man.

My karma ran over your dogma.

I brake for…wait…AAAH!…NO BRAKES!!!!!

A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

I'm not driving fast-just flying low.

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.

Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.

Welcome to California. Now go home!

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.

If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.

HANG-UP & DRIVE

BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!