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Brunettes are like a TV. Even two year olds can turn them on!
Q: Why does it take longer to build a brunette snowman?
A: Cause you have to hollow out it's head!
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Q: Why do brunettes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
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Q: Why can't Brunettes dial 911?
A: They can't find the 11 on the phone!
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Q:What is eternity?
A: When 4 brunettes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection!
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Q: What is the fastest way to get a one-armed brunette out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.
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Q: If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first?
A: The blonde because the brunette would stop for directions.
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Q: How do you get a brunette to laugh at a joke on Saturday?
A: Tell it to her on Tuesday.
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Q: What is a blonde between two brunettes?
A: An interpreter.
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Q: Why did the brunette write "TGIF" on her shoes?
A: To remind her that "toes go in first."
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Q: What do you do if a brunette throws a pin at you?
A: Run like heck - she's got a grenade in her mouth!
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Q: What do you call a brunette who dies her hair blonde?
A: Artificial intelligence.
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Q: Why did the brunette tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
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Q:What do you call a dead brunette in a closet?
A: The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion.
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Q:Why did the brunette get thrown out of the M & M factory?
A: She kept throwing out all the W's.
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Q: Why was the brunette staring at the orange juice container?
A: Because it said (from) "Concentrate".
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A brunette is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I
want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and
repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you,
you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the brunette returns,
she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor
says.
"Did you follow my instructions?" The brunette nods. "I'll tell
you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from all that skipping."
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There's this brunette out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another brunette on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second brunettelooks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."
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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the brunette behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!
"NO," the brunette yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
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One day, a brunette, blonde, and a red head decided to have a breast stroke swim race. They had the race, and the blonde finished first, the red head finished 2nd and after 2 hours, the brunettte crossed the finished line and started complaining the minute she got out of the pool. She said to the referee,"HEY!! THEY ALL CHEATED! I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BREAST STROKE!
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A Russian, an American, and a Brunette were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Brunette said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Brunette replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
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A police officer stops a brunette for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
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A brunette was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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The brunette reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
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There was a brunette woman who was having financial trouble who decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note.
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag
behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Brunette" She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following
note...
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one brunette would do this to another!"
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A blonde and a brunette were walking in the park. The blonde says
to the brunette, "Oh look. There's a dead bird!"
The brunette looked up at the sky and asked, "Where????"
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Three women were interviewing with the police chief to see if they
were candidates for police academy. The police chief showed each of
them a side view picture of a man's face. He said to the three, "We
need to know how observant you are."
He said to the brunette first, "Look at the picture and tell me
something that you can see that would help to find this man."
The brunette looked closely at the picture, then said, "That's easy,
he only has one ear."
The police chief asked, "How did you come up with that conclusion?"
The brunette replied, "That's easy, just look at the picture."
The police chief reminded her that it was a side view, not a front
view. He than asked the redhead the same question. She looked and
looked. She wanted to get it right, and prove that she was smarter
than the brunette. Finally, she said, "That's easy, he only has oneeye."
The police chief asked her, "How did you come up with thatconclusion?"
She answered, "Just look at the picture, you can only see one eye, so
he must only have one."
Frustrated, the chief reminded her that the picture was taken of the
side of the head, not he face. Then he turned to the blonde. "You're
my last hope," he thought. "Now, can you tell me the answer?" heasked her.
She really wanted to get this one right, and prove that blondes were
smarter than brunettes and redheads. After scrutinizing it for what
seemed like a long time, she smiled, and announced, "He wearscontacts."
The police chief was ecstatic. "That's right!" he exclaimed. "How
did you figure that out?"
"That's easy," she said. "He only has one eye, and one ear. He
couldn't possibly wear glasses."
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Q: How do you make a brunettes's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ears.
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Q: What do UFO's and smart brunettes have in common?
A: You hear about them all the time, but you never see one.
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Q: What do you call 25 brunettes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
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Q: Why is it good to have a brunette passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
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Q: How can you tell if a brunette's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
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Q: How can you tell if another brunette's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
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Q: What does a brunette say when you blow in her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
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Q: Why did the brunette climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
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Q: What do you do when a brunette throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
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Q: How do you drown a brunette?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
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Q: What do you get when you give a brunette a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
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Q: Why did the brunette get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.
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Q: How do you amuse a brunette for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
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Q: How do you drive a brunette crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M & M s and tell her to alphabetize them.
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Q: What goes: VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH?
A: A brunette going through a flashing red light.
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Q: How do you confuse a brunette?
A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.
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A brunette goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being,
asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
To which the brunette replies, "Early this morning I got a
phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to
the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day. We
aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and
rest."
The brunette very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off
here. I need to keep my mind off it, and I have the best
chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the brunette to work as usual,
"If you need anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on
the brunette. He looks out over his office and sees the
brunette hysterically crying.
He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now? Are you
going be OK?"
"No!" exclaims the brunette. "I just got a call from my
sister. She told me that HER mom died too!"
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Q: How do you confuse a brunette?
A: You don't. They're born that way!
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Q: How do you know that a blonde sent you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
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Behind the seven seas and seven mountains, there's a castle. And in that castle there's a magic mirror. If you lie to that mirror, it will eat you.
A black-haired girl came and said: "I think I'm the prettiest!" Zap! The mirror ate her.
A red head came: "I think I'm the prettiest!" Zap! The mirror ate her too.
A brunette came and said: "I think..." Zap! The mirror ate her.
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A brunette phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
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Q: Why don't brunettes like to make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't get all that water in that little package!
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Two brunette observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Brunette #1: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Brunette #2: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!"
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Q: Why can't brunettes make icecubes?
A: They can never remember the recipe.
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How many brunette jokes are there?
None, they're all true.
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What do you call a brunette with half a brain?
Gifted.
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What do you call an intelligent brunette?
A chocolate lab.
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What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date?
If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!
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A brunette went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde.
I don't think I could ever eat twelve.
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One day a husband was chiding his beautiful brunette wife
about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car.
"If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned.
"Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" the husband countered.
"Oh that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a
spare key in the glove box!"
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A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted tolearn to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed
to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solohelicopter.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her
the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed
1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it!
The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get thehang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was
to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet,
and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed
about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her fromthe wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was
starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything
after I turned off the big fan!"
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Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well
over 90 mph. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "Anycops following us?"
The blonde turned around and had a long look at the roadbehind them.
"Yeah, looks like it""Are his flashers on?"The blonde turned around again......
"Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....."
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