HI! It's your monthly horoscope, brought to you by the
finest psychotics and people who think the stars are
pretty to look at. And just for fun...here's an animation
of a guy eating him self! I'm excited just thinking
about it!

Aquarius:

~You'll be forced into a family outing.
~You'll get into a tiff with your best friend, but you'll work it out before dinner time.
~You'll decide that stalking shouldn't be illegal seeing how it's so much fun.
~A total stranger will applaud your taste in socks.
~You'll find out that time travel really IS possible!!

Lucky numbers: 281-392-3657 [or is that your phone number?]
Lucky days: oh, i don't know, how does tomorrow grab ya?
Lucky objects: anything purple


PISCES:
~You'll nearly bust a cap when your cd burner breaks on you.
~You'll run around yelling "Jebus Saves" after a very-special Simpsons.
~You'll go outside to skate board before you realize that you still suck.
~There will be a "we're never mentioning this again" peanut butter incident


ARIES:
~You'll have a dream about the guy you've been obsessing about for the past SEVEN months...and yet it's still not long enough.
~Target will become your new favourite store after you discover hot guy from art class is working there.
~You'll be haunted by your past.
~"In The Garage" will become your theame song.


TAURUS:
~You'll have a crazy house party...and celebrate your youthfullnessness.
~Take your boat out for a spin. [is that supposed to be a metaphor?]
~You'll wonder excactly where this Hotel Yorba is located you keep hearing about.
~You'll go to someone's house for the first time, and break a valuable.


GEMINI:
~You'll have this random desire to learn German, don't worry, it will pass.
~Spend some time meditating, cause we said so that's why!
~You'll wonder what the difference is between spelling it "yea" or "yeah"
~YOu'll be totally intriqued with the previews for "That 80's Show" but keep it a secret.


CANCER:
~Try to talk your friend out of buying that hidious orange dress before it's too late.
~You'll be certain your head is going to explode many different times within the next month, but unfortunately, it won't.
~You're best friend will get HBO and MTV2 on their tv and you'll be green with envy.
~You'll be upstairs in a person's house that you're really attracted to, and you won't be able to resist trying some of their clothes on.


LEO:
~Clean your room. It's disgusting.
~You'll decide that homework is the devil's doing and that you will refuse to take part in anything sac-religious.
~You'll be engrossed in the hightly entertaining, yet unknown sega game "Bible Adventure".
~You'll see a guy at the mall with the same Sponge Bob shoelaces as you, and deduce that you MUST be soulmates.


VIRGO:
~You'll decide that six heads are better than two.
~You'll suddenly feel a need to go around telling "yo mama" jokes to everyone you meet. careful.
~You'll decide that the loser-homophobe on the new Real World season is a big ass.
~Your first paycheck will come in! and you'll spend the entirety of it on gummy bears and hemp necklaces.


LIBRA:
~You'll have loads of fun practicing driving after you get your permit in the mall parking lot, and learn why you shouldn't play loud music when you're a beginner.
~You'll warn your sibling that if they don't leave you alone when you ask them to, you'll drop them like 3rd period French.
~You'll watch a really disturbing movie on the Superstation and find a new love for your highly unloveable family members.
~You and a friend will light a bag of shit on someone's door. Hey, we dont' watch Adam Sandler movies and not learn anything!


SCORPIO:
~Watch the mailbox for letter bombs.
~"Always look on the bright side of life...always look at the bright side of death.."
~You'll learn how to spell encyclopedia from Jimminy Cricket in that trusty song.
~Things aren't going your way? Go the healthy way- take it out on others around you!


SAGITTARIUS:
~It's time YOU got back to the good life.
~Make a tape of a CD for a friend, it'll make you feel good about yourself, they'll think you're cool, and you'll be able to ask them for things without guilt.
~You'll spend 3 hours trying to figure out a song on guitar, but in the end, it'll be damn worth it!!
~You'll find the man of your dreams- he's confident enough with his sexuallity that he can wear purple..and you think it's damn sexy.


CAPRICORN:
~Call up and old friend that you've lost touch with and go on an outing together only to remember all the reasons WHY you lost touch in the first place!!
~You'll go through a whole bagful of Hershey's kisses and then find yourself on the way to CVS to buy more.
~You'll listen to your Pinkerton album 7 million times and decide you're going to propose marriage to Rivers pretending you're halfjapaniese
~Have you kissed your ass today?

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