Smoking Barrels (Stock)
I can't help it. Not anymore. I feel it happening again. I'm losing control. I'm going to hurt someone. I know it. I'm going to hurt them bad, too. Probably Alert. I hate him, but still… And I threatened Poe. I don't want to do that. She's been nice to me. She isn't anymore though. It's my fault, but I don't know what to do. It's so hard to fight anymore.
I used to be a bad person. A really bad person. I hurt a lot of people then. I didn't enjoy, but it didn't bother me either. I didn't feel anything. I found Barrel though, and then I felt something. I felt…good. It started to bother me to hurt people. A bit, at least. I still did it though. I had to. I'm not good at anything else. Then I met Darcy and… I love Darcy. I don't know what I'd do without her. Then I thought, what if I was taking away someone's Darcy when I hurt a person? Then it really started to bother me. I tried to avoid the people that got me to do that, but they wouldn't let me go. Natasha gave me a break for awhile, but after she fired me, I got pulled back in. Now I have to hurt people again. And now it's starting to bother me less.
I can't tell Darcy about this still. She keeps asking where I've been, but what am I supposed to tell her? Why won't someone stop this?? I don't want to do this! I have to but I don't want to! What if I get worse? What if I stop caring about everyone? What if I don't care about Darcy or Barrel anymore? Well I hurt them too? I never would…I never… I need to get out of here. I'll take Darcy and Barrel and we'll leave here. Then I'll be better. And we can be happy. We can be a family. I just need to hold out a bit longer…just a bit longer...
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