Invading the Fellowship

Part Eleven

 

A/N: Slight language warning in this chapter…and the term "pervy hobbit-fancier" belongs to Cassie Claire.

 

"Now that Larry's off with the Powerpuff Girls, we want you to join us," #5 explained to Vincent.

"……………What do I do?"

"Um…I dunno." #3 shrugged. "Just do what we do."

"…All right." Vincent shrugged too. "I have nothing better to do anyway."

"All right." #8 jumped on his new motorcycle. "Let's go!"

 

***

"…Why am I stuck in a boat with Gimli?" Renee grumbled.

"Why do I have to row?" Legolas started crying. "I'll ruin my figure!"

"…Maybe we should make all the guys row shirtless." Megan grinned evilly, Sami doing the same.

"Not a bad idea." Renee sat playing her GBA. "But make Gimli and Sam leave their shirts on."

"I'll get sunburned!" Legolas began crying again.

"WOOHOO!" Oliver and Ewan stood up, taking their shirts off. They had apparently had downed Ewan's new bottle of absinthe, throwing them into a drunken state. They had begun to unbutton their pants now…

"OoOoOoOoO!" Megan and Sami squeed.

"Thou shall not strip!!" Aragorn pronounced, walking across the water to yell at them.

"*Hic* Why *Hic*? Oliver fell back into the boat, tipping it over. Ewan fell into Renee's boat, causing Legolas's paddle to hit Katie's boat, knocking everyone into the water.

"Oh, for crying out loud…" Pippin shook his head. His and Frodo's boats were the only ones still in the upright position.

"…Where is Sami?" Renee looked around.

"Megan's gone too." Katie glanced at the water, clutching a side of the boat.

"Sméagol!" Gollum dove underwater. He reemerged, carrying a passed-out-Megan and Sami behind him.

"Yay! Go Gollum!" Katie helped pull them ashore. "That Navy Seal training came in handy!"

"They're not breathing." Oliver checked their pulses.

"Nooo!" Boromir cried into Gimli's shoulder again. "No more deaths!"

"Well…" Katie folded her arms. "You two should know what to do then." She looked pointedly from Ewan to Oliver.

"No…wait…" Oliver thought. "Ohhhhh no…I'm not doing CPR."

"You guys caused it, so now you can fix it."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Legolas laughed.

"You idiot, I don't have to!" Link whacked him with a paddle.

"Ow! Oh…" Legolas blinked. "My hair!" he started sobbing.

"Don't hit him!" Renee bashed Link upside the head with Sami's Elvish book.

"Ew…" Sami sat up. "That water is gross."

"x.x Yeah." Megan woke up as well. Ewan and Oliver sat there brushing their teeth. "Hey, you know, you could use a Tic-Tac as well," she said crossly.

"Uh…now what?" Merry asked.

"I dunno." Renee shrugged.

"Hey! Let's have a party!" Katie jumped up. "We can invite all the orcs!"

"No." Aragorn stood up. "No party. You all will need your rest. We will be in a great battle tomorrow."

"Aww. You suck." Pippin pouted, throwing a rock at Sam. It hit him in the forehead, knocking him into the water. No one cared.

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Ewan looked at Oliver.

"…I think so." Oliver scratched his head. "But I don't think that tartar sauce goes on pizza."

"Damn, I thought it did." Ewan went back to brushing his teeth.

"Hey!" Sami looked around. "Where did everybody go?"

"Renee and Haldir are training on the beach, Frodo went someplace and Boromir followed (I think he's stalking him), Sam's drowning—no, wait, Gollum just saved him, never mind, Gimli's sleeping, Link and Katie disappeared, Legolas is washing his hair, Aragorn is preaching to the fish, Megan is right over there, Pippin is doing Gondor knows what, and I'm reading your notebook," Merry replied, all in one breath. "Haha…love the fishstick jokes."

"HEY!" Sami snatched it away. "Will you stop taking my notebooks?!"

"But I like it!" he replied. " 'Specially the part about me and Pippin stealing all their stuff! That was funny!"

"OoOoO…would you review for us?" Sami asked excitedly. "We only have twenty-three…"

"What?" Merry was confused.

"Er…'kay, never mind."

"Hey, maybe they'll have some ideas for Arwen's journal!" Megan exclaimed.

"Whaaaat? Who has Arwen's journal?? Lemme see!!!!" Aragorn attacked Sami, who was holding the notebook.

"Mmm…mmm…" Aragorn mumbled while frantically flipping the pages.

"Umm…do you think we should get that back?" Sami asked Megan.

"Dunno…probably. It might traumatize him if we let him read too much…" Megan asid.

They both jumped on Aragorn and tried to get the notebook back. Merry however, was smaller and faster, and he grabbed it out of Aragorn's hand.

"HAHA!" he laughed before running towards the trees, Pippin on his heels.

"Damn," Sami said.

"Should we go find them?" asked Megan.

"Nah…they'll be back soon enough," Sami stated. "I need to stay here and work on my tan anyway."

"So…do you think we should go save Frodo from Boromir now?" Renee asked.

"WHAT?!" Aragorn exclaimed. "Frodo in trouble? I will save him!!"

"Pervy hobbit-fancier," Megan grumbled.

"Arwen's gonna get angry XD!" Sami snerked.

 

..::+*~¦««-¤-»»¦~*+::..

 

"Now, Renee-chan, Elanor, try to grab the fly out of my hand," Haldir instructed.

Renee sat with her eyes closed for a while. Haldir looked on, waiting for her, and then she struck.

"Nope," Haldir said, closing his hand.

"Dammit, can't you just give it to me?" Renee yelled.

"No, no," Haldir said. "How will you ever be quicker than the orcs if you are not quicker than me?"

"I'm already quicker than the damn orcs, what the hell does it matter?"

"Will you please keep your obscenities down to a minimum? It ruins your karma."

"Oh, who gives a shit?"

"You want to run?"

"No."

"No, what?"

Renee sighed heavily. "No, Haldir-sama…" she grunted.

 

..::+*~¦««-¤-»»¦~*+::..

 

"So, Link, who is the new girl?" Katie said bitterly.

"Um…there is no new girl," he said.

"Right. Suuuure," Katie replied.

"Fine, have it your way."

"Okay."

"Fine."

An awkward silence filled the space around them.

"Don't you believe me?" he asked, turning towards her.

She turned away. "Why should I?"

"Because, if I had a girlfriend, would I do this?" Link took Katie in his arms and started kissing her.

Katie was completely shocked.

"Ohhhhhhhhh!!" Pippin said.

They broke apart, Katie still in shock, Link wearing a big doofy smile.

"OoOoO! Wait 'til the guys hear about this!!" Pippin yelled.

"Pippin, no!!" Katie screamed. "I'll give you TWO carrots!"

He halted and looked back. "Two?"

"Yes," Katie said.

"Three," Pippin bargained.

"Two."

"Four."

"One."

"Deal!" Pippin smiled. "Carrots…I like bargaining."

Katie rolled her eyes. "What a dork…"

 

..::+*~¦««-¤-»»¦~*+::..

 

Later that evening, when the extended Fellowship returned to camp, there was a conference over which way to go.

"The sign over there clearly points to Mordor," Gimli said. "This is our route. We must go there."

"Gimli, that points to a freaking desert!" Renee said.

"No it doesn't, the desert sign points over there!" he argues, pointing to…Mt. Doom.

"Exactly," Renee said. "Someone obviously switched the signs."

"But…how?" Aragorn asked.

"Honestly, you're as blonde as Legolas," Renee said. "You pick the post up and turn the signs! It's as simple as that…"

"OHHHHHH!" The original Fellowship chorused.

"My God…" Renee muttered.

"Well, which way?" Megan asked.

"Well, we should really follow the signs," Boromir said. "Even if they do look misleading.

"Yeah," Aragorn agreed. "We should. I'm the Ranger here. Off to Mordor." He pointed to the desert.

"No way!" Megan exclaimed.

"It's obvious," Aragorn said. "If we go in the desert, it will eventually lead us to Mordor. If we go towards Mordor, it will eventually lead to the desert," he added matter-of-factly.

Sami blinked. "Wha?"

"Too much 'water-into-wine,' there, eh?" Megan joked. Sami giggled.

"Okay, whatever, let's just freaking go already," Katie said.

"Yes, Katie-sama," Haldir agreed and together they marched the Fellowship towards the desert Mordor.