Invading the Fellowship

Part Fourteen

 

"Draaaaaacoooo," Megan whined. "They stole my plothole! And my Oliver!"

Draco gave her a Look. "Like I care," he retorted.

"Without the plothole, you're never getting back to Hogwarts."

"…FINE!" Draco stormed up to Sami, grabbed the plothole, and shoved it back in Megan's hands. "HERE!"

"Geez! Someone's got a stick shoved up their ass!" Ewan nudged Oliver.

"Or a broomstick," Megan snickered.

"EEEEEEEEEWW!" Sami, Renee, and Katie made a face.

"…I don't get it." Orli blinked.

"Like your onscreen counterpart, eh?" Renee muttered in an undertone to Sami.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Legolas pointed and laughed.

"Shut up blondie, you don't get it either," Link snapped.

"Who you calling blondie, blondie?" Legolas jeered.

"Chill guys," Orli held back the bickering Elves. They stopped fighting and pouted.

"…Well, he started it," Legolas grumbled.

"I did not!! He di—"

"ENOUGH!!" Sami thundered, lightning flashing everywhere.

"EEEEEE!" Legolas hid behind Renee and started scratching himself again.

"Whoa…" Renee blinked. "That's cool."

"I know." Sami went back to normal.

"Will someone explain to me what's going on?" Orli blinked. "Ewan?"

"Hey!" Ewan waved from the tree, then fell out. Oliver started laughing, but then fell on top of him.

"What's with you?" Orli blinked again.

"YOU CAN'T BLINK TWICE! THAT'S MY JOB!" Link screeched.

"Link, shut up." Pippin rolled his eyes.

"Don't tell me to shut up, shorty!"

"Who you callin' shorty, shorty?" snickered Pippin.

"Kaaaaaaatie!" Link whimpered, running off.

"HAHAHAHA!" Legolas laughed.

"Hey, you broke a nail." Merry pointed to his left hand.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Legolas cried. By now, Sami had explained everything about their story to Orlando.

"That's weird." He blinked again.

"HEY!!"

"LINK, SHUT UP!" Sami yelled to him.

"Dude! It's like…an ostrich!" Oliver pointed to a large black thingy with huge white eyes.

"That's a monster!" Legolas shrieked.

"Wait…I've seen this before…" Sami thought hard. "Hey! It's that platypus monster!"

"Then that means…" Megan grinned.

"Hiyah!" A kid with a broom jumped out and hit the monster with a broom. Injured, the platypus went back in the water.

"SHINNOSUKE!!" Megan, Katie, and Sami all grabbed him and started fighting.

"He's mine!" Megan tugged his arm.

"No! You have enough guys!" Sami pulled his legs.

"You both just got new guys! I want one too!!" Katie pulled his other arm.

"No more people!" Renee shrieked. "We're overloaded enough as it is!"

"Oh, come on!" Katie, Megan, and Sami pleaded.

"Yeah! Megan has more than me!" Sami swatted at Megan and Katie with a stick.

"You both have more than me! I want him!" Katie chucked the stick, Sam chasing after it.

"What about me?" Link said quietly.

"……Good point." Katie let go and ran off with Link into the woods again. "You two can have him!" she called back.

"Yay!" Megan and Sami cheered.

"You shouldn't stay here! This place it dangerous and covered with monster traps!" He took a step forward and fell in a trap, getting hit in the head by a bunch of rocks.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan laughed for the millionth time.

"This place smells horrible." Draco held his nose. "And I am NOT walking through this marsh."

"Yes you are!" Oliver shoved him. Draco crashed into Megan, who fell on Sami , who knocked over Sam, who made the rest of the Fellowship fall.

"OW!" Frodo rubbed his head. "SAM!"

"Sorry, Mr. Frodo!" Sam bowed, kissing Frodo's feet.

"Darling, are you all right?" Boromir hugged Gimli.

"x.x Ew.' Megan gagged. "…Why are we in a bowl?"

"It looks more like a catapult," Merry commented.

"Pikachu!" A small yellow horror sat nibbling on the ropes.

"NO, DON'T!!" the Fellowship screamed.

"^○^ Pika!" It bit through the rope, launching the Fellowship all the way to the Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo, the one located in Middle-Earth.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" The Fellowship plummeted down, some landing in Springs, some in other places.

"HELP!" Legolas had landed in a large bush of poison oak.

"Ow. Ew." Frodo landed face first in a pile of pika-poo.

"Welcome to Jusenkyo Springs of Middle-Earth." Haldir read the sign.

"Jusenkyo?" Frodo looked at the sign.

"Woo! That was fun!" Ewan popped up out of one of the Springs. "Dude…I feel weird."

"That's because you fell in the Spring of Drowned Cat," Haldir read. "Happen 5,000 year ago. Very tragic story. You take shape of cat."

"Kitty!!" Katie waved her arms, which didn't go very far. "MEEP!"

"You fell in Spring of Drowned Gopher. Happen 3,000 year ago. Very tragic story."

"…A GOPHER?!" Gopher-Katie scampered about, squealing.

"It beats being a squirrel," Squirrel-Link grumbled.

"I can fly! Sweet!" Hawk-Orli circled the sky a couple of times, then landed on Haldir's shoulder.

"HAHAHAHA!" Ewan pointed at Draco.

"Shut up."

"Spring of Drowned Goldfish. Happen 2,000 year ago. Very stupid story."

"That accent is weird," Orli said from Haldir's shoulder. "And…drowned goldfish?!"

"I know, but the sign says I must."

"Help!!" Ewan cried. "Oliver!!"

"…That's a lawn gnome!" Boromir exclaimed.

"Dude…I know!" Oliver grinned. He was floating on his back in the water. "Er…a little help here guys?"

"Sméagol!" Gollum lifted him out of the water and dumped him on the shore.

"Lucky!" Renee jumped ashore, never landing in a spring.

"Oh yeah?" Merry dashed by, chasing Pippin. He accidentally knocked Renee into the water. "Ooooooops!"

"You still have much training, young grasshopper." Haldir bowed.

"That's mean!" Grasshopper-Renee chirped.

"Sorry, not even I could resist," Haldir chuckled, walking back to the sign.

"Shinnosuke's gone!" Megan and Sami cried at the same time.

"…Where's Sam?" Aragorn said, browsing through a brochure about the Springs.

"I can't swim!!" Sam was flailing in a two-inch deep puddle.

"Spring of Drowned Pikachu," Haldir recited. "Happen five minutes ago. Not-so-very-tragic story…"

"Ew, it's still there!" Katie pointed at the Pikachu.

"Er…how do we change back?" Goldfish-Draco flopped around a bit.

"Hot water." Katie sat gnawing at a walnut.

"You're not doing that right."

" 'Scuse me, Squirrel-Boy!" Gopher-Katie bopped Squirrel-Link with the nut.

"OoO, lunch!" Hawk-Orli grinned.

"EEE!" The rodents ran under a rock.

"Just kidding!"

"Haldir," Grasshopper-Renee chirped. "Can we have some hot water now?"

"Sure, they can, but you can't."

"WHAT?!"

"You shall stay a grasshopper for training. You will get a new perspective of the world this way."

"HAHAHAHA!" Kitty-Ewan and Lawn-Gnome-Oliver laughed.

"Shut up!" Renee screeched. "But what if I'm squished?! T.T"

"I don’t know…stay away from people's feet, I guess," Haldir replied.

"Can we keep Sam as a Pikachu?" Katie asked. "I know I've got a Pikachu-Bat™ somewhere," she added.

"^_^ That would be fun!" Dog-Sami said. "Hey! I'm a dog now! HEY! CAT!!" She chased after Ewan.

"Mroooooow!"

"Sami, no, heel!!" Haldir barked. He threw a bucket of hot water on her.

"But you're not supposed to bark." Sami stopped and looked up. "Only I can bark." She blinked.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Hey Katie!" Grasshopper-Renee said.

"Whadda-what?" Gopher-Katie looked around. "Oh, there you are!"

"Funny. Anyway, remember that one book you were reading and you kept saying 'You rape girl! You go hell!' "

"Uh…yeah…"

"Okay, just wondering!"

The Fellowship stared.

"What?" Grasshopper-Renee asked.

They kept on staring.

"You guys are good at that, aren't you," she said.

"Yeah, guess so," Aragorn replied.

Over in the corner, a normal Orli was pulling on Legolas's ears and hair.

"You know the hell I went through to get these on?! I HATE THEM!!" Orli screamed.

"T.T OW! LEGGO! THEY'RE REAL!" Legolas yelled.

"Give—me—that—wig!!"

"IT'S NOT A WIG!"

"Dude…Orli, chill out…come, have a drink with us," Kitty-Ewan said in a singsong voice.

"Ohhh! Absinthe!"

"Yeah, that's it," the Lawn Gnome-Oliver said. "Er…can I have some hot water? I can't drink properly as a lawn gnome."

"Trust a Gryffindor to drink himself to death," Goldfish-Draco muttered.

"Hey Draco?" Oliver asked.

"What?"

"If you wanted to turn back, you would need hot water, right?"

"…Yeah…"

"Well, doesn't hot water boil fish?"

"……………Um, Haldir?"

"Don't ask me, I just read the signs."

"X.X I'M DOOMED! DOOMED TO BE A FISH FOREVER!!"

"Don't worry, we'll tell you if you taste good with ketchup," Sami told him.

"SHIT!" Orli suddenly yelled.

"What?!" the Fellowship asked in unison.

"T.T I think I'm getting poison oak."

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Legolas laughed.

"Shut up you flake!!" Orli screamed.

“Oh, okay.” Legolas went off and cried.

“Here, I’ll help you,” Sami said.

“Thanks, love,” Orli sighed as she reached over and scratched his back.

“OHHH!” Grasshopper-Renee chirped.

“What?” Orli blinked.

“ORLI!!” Link’s voice shouted.

“Dude, shut up! Yes love?” He looked around for Renee.

“I love it when you do that,” Renee said dreamily.

“Do what, love?”

“THAT!”

“Which is what, love?”

“THAT!!” Grasshopper-Renee screamed.

“And that is what, lo—“

“WHEN YOU SAY ‘LOVE!’” Sami finally shrieked.

“Oh, okay love,” Orli said.

“Renee, he’s mine!” yelled Sami.

“Trade you for him!”

“Hmm…who?”

“Um…Draco?”

“But he’s MINE!!” A Snake-Megan poked her head out of a Spring.

“u.u I know, but I don’t want to give up any guys though.”

“¯o¯ Then, no, you can’t have him!” Sami said.

"What if I just take him?"

"Then I'll step on you."

Grasshopper-Renee stuck her tongue (or something that was assumed to be a tongue) out. "Poo."

"The hot springs are over there." Haldir pointed to the sign.

"Yay! ¡Peina el cesped!" Gopher-Katie dragged her backpack up towards the hill.

"…He combs the grass?" Orli was about to blink, but Squirrel-Link blinked first.

"HA!! I blinked first!!"

"…Dude, that's pathetic." Kitty-Ewan was trotting toward the hot spring, carting Lawn-Gnome-Oliver on his back.

"It is not," Link whined.

"Link, you're starting to sound like Legolas." Snake-Megan sat coiled up on a rock. "So shut up."

"Ack!" Link dashed off to find his Legolas Jokes book.

"^○^ Hi!" Katie came back, munching on a handful of Chex Mix®. "Who's got the plothole?"

"It's mine!" Megan hissed.

"Oh, gimme, Snake-Girl!" Katie snatched the box from Snake-Megan, now a cobra.

"Hey!" Snake-Megan pouted. "Why's everyone taking my plothole?"

"'Cause Gandalf's not here," Katie said.

"And I can't find my Elvish book either," Sami added.

Katie stuck her hand inside the plothole.

"NO MORE PEOPLE!!!" the Fellowship screamed at her simultaneously.

"¯o¯ I'm not!" Katie pulled her hand out.

"…What the hell is that?" Grasshopper-Renee hopped up and down to see it.

"It's a mercury djinn! ^○^" Katie held out the little blue thing that was barely bigger than her hand.

"It's ugly," Draco sneered, once again a human.

"Bad move." Ivan jumped out of the plothole and shut it.

"Why?" Draco turned up his nose.

"Who you callin' ugly, ugly?" The blue thing slammed into Draco's face, sending him flying fifty feet into a tree. The Fellowship winced.

"…You didn't…" Oliver shuddered in terror.

"^○^ Yep! Guys, meet Dew!" Katie pointed to the blue thing chasing Legolas about.

"T.T GET IT OFF!" Legolas shrieked, swatting at Dew. Reaching up, Katie caught Dew and shoved her in a flowerpot.

"You know that thing is pure evil!" Merry was busy hitting Orli with a stick. Orli broke the stick and Merry ran away.

"And Sam isn't? ^○^ Besides, Dew's cool!"

"You like queer stuff." Legolas flipped open his compact and began applying another layer of foundation to his face.

"T.T Renee, Legolas is being meeeean…"

"Legolas, be nice, or we'll poor absinthe on your poison whatever." Boromir and Gimli came out of the woods, Pippin following them.

"Hey! You took my camera!" Renee folded her arms.

"Yeah, but look what I got with it!!" He held up several pictures of Boromir and Gimli kissing.

"Eeeeeeeew!" Megan covered her eyes.

Aragorn cleared his throat. "If you all have changed back, we shall now move forward." He floated past everyone.

"Yeah." Frodo pulled out a list. "I'm taking attendance. Just say 'here' when I call your name!" He looked at the list. "Boromir 'n' Gimli?"

"Huh?" They looked up from making out again.

Frodo rolled his eyes and read on. "Legolas 'n' Orlando?"

"Here!"

"Here, love."

"EW!"

"Oh, shut up."

"Sami and Renee!"

"Over here!"

"And here!"

"Merry and Pippin!"

"…They're chasing the ducks."

"Oliver and Ewan!"

"They're eating the ducks."

"Haldir and Gollum?"

"Here, Frodo-sama."

"Hereses, sir!"

"Link and Katie?"

"Guess." Pippin snickered.

"O.o Right…Draco and Megan?"

"What?" Draco looked up from kicking a duck into the hot spring.

"Hi Frodo!" Megan waved.

"Hey, babe." Frodo winked. He checked the list again. "Aragorn and the new kid?"

"I am here. Believe in me…" Aragorn floated around some more.

"Um…here…" Ivan shrugged.

"And Blue-Thing?" Frodo asked.

Dew screeched from inside her flowerpot.

"Okay! That's everyone, let's go!" Frodo folded up the list and put it away.

"What about me?!" Sam, whom Haldir had changed back to a hobbit, jumped around. No one cared.