Invading the Fellowship

Part Sixteen

 

***

 

"Now where are we?" Some Orc asked Some Guy.

"We're an orc biker gang in Waterloo." Some Guy replied. "We have to hunt down the Fellowship."

"Oh yeah. We've picked up transmissions from a Wal*Mart. They're headed to St. Louis. Let's go."

 

***

 

"Buy this car and I'll eat a bug!" Salesman Pikachu sat on the counter.

"XD Lisse'!" Ewan grinned. "We'll take…that one!"

"Okay!" Pikachu ate the bug that Link threw that was still in Gimli's beard in Moria.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan laughed, hopping in the car. "Hey, Midgets, c'mon!" Oliver waved to Merry and Pippin, who jumped into the back.

"Uh-oh…" Frodo looked at his sword. It was glowing blue again. "Trouble…"

"Gah! Everyone in the car!" Orli shoved Sami, Renee, Draco, Legolas, and Megan into a Camaro and took off after Boromir, Gimli, Aragorn, Frodo, and Sam in their 1982 Ford POS.

"Meep! Orc bikers!" Katie pointed behind her.

"Turn around!" Link hissed, stepping on the gas.

"Don't get us killed!" Haldir sat in the back of the convertible with Ivan and Gollum.

"FIRE!" Some Orc yelled. The bikers started shooting at the cars.

"HELP!" Megan, Sami, Renee, and Legolas shrieked.

"Sméagol!" Gollum peeked over the backseat and started to shoot the bikers with his brand-new sniper rifle.

"I'm hit!" An orc fell back, but was soon replaced by another one.

"Our wedding is going to be ruined!!" Boromir cried.

"Crap!!" Frodo jumped in the front seat and started driving since Boromir was sobbing into Gimli's shoulder. "Sam, get up here and hit the pedals! I can't reach 'em!"

"Yes, Mr. Frodo!" Sam crawled under the dashboard and sat on the accelerator.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas screamed.

">/ Oh, shut up!" Dew sat on the steering wheel, getting in Orli's way.

"AHHHHHH!" the orcs screamed.

"………oh no………" Katie grumbled.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ewan, Oliver, Merry, and Pippin laughed.

"Cloud, go away!! >p" Katie stuck her tongue out at Cloud, who was busy chasing orcs on his motorcycle and whacking them with a sword.

"Shut up!" Cloud snapped, stealing stuff from the orcs.

"Katie, you play way too many games!" Megan called from her car.

"XD So?…Hey, we made it to the bridge! Hurry!" Katie pointed. Cloud got bored and drove off, and the orcs began gaining on them again.

"Sméagol!" Gollum whipped out his machine guns and, jumping on the back of the car, he unleashed his wrath on the orcs.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" The orcs all fell back.

"Aw, nuts," Some Orc grumped to Some Guy.

"Hurray!" The flies in a spider web cheered.

"…Okay, that's freaky." Link blinked.

"So now what?" Renee asked.

"Argh! Mall! Need dress!" Gimli grunted. They were now at the South County Mall.

"No, we're not gonna do this…" Renee protested, getting out of the car.

"Yes, we are!" Boromir growled.

"AWWWW NO!!" The Fellowship groaned.

"¯o¯ Might as well fulfill his final wishes," Sami muttered.

"What about the orcs?" Megan pointed out.

"We'll get back to the school in time," Ivan assured her. All of the sudden, Gimli stomped up in a kilt.

"Hey, a baby!" Gimli looked at Ivan. "I'm gonna eat yeh!" I'm bigger than yeh, I'm higher in the food chain! GET IN MAH BELLEH!!"

"Gimli!" Katie admonished, cradling Ivan. "Don't taunt him like that!" Renee, Sami, and Megan started laughing.

"x.x Ow. Can't breathe!" Ivan gasped. Katie let him go and he ran behind her.

"Gimli's just hungry, that's all!" Boromir hugged Gimli.

"I want my babyback, babyback, babyback riiiiiiiiiibs…" Gimli danced and sang.

"Well, we can—ORC!!" Orli pointed.

"Huh?" Boromir turned around. "They followed us here!"

"Guess we're fighting the orcs at South County!" Renee drew her sword.

"Attack!" Random Orc shouted, and they all charged at the Fellowship.

"Meep!!" Katie grabbed a water bottle. "We gossa fight! C'mon Ewan!" She dumped the water on him.

"Meeeeeow!" Ewan blinked. "I'm a cat!"

"^○^ A magic kitty!" She threw some magic powder on Ewan, who turned into a huge catbeast.

"Uh-oh." The orcs stopped dead with their swords in the air.

"Get 'em!" Katie commanded, sitting on Ewan's back and pointing to the orcs.

"Yay! Go Ewan!" Sami cheered, watching him maul some orcs. "Oh yeah, LIGHTNING!!" She raised her arms and shocked some orcs, hitting a glue bottle in the process.

"SSSSSCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHLLLLLUUUUUURRRRRPPPPA!!!" It exploded.

"Lisse'!" Oliver grinned.

"Told ya!" Renee yelled.

"Take that! And that!" Legolas shot some orcs.

"Roar!" Random Orc growled in his face.

Legolas winced. ">/ Ew!" He whipped out his can of hairspray and shot the orc in the eyes.

"Go Raikou!" Megan threw out a Pokéball. The huge electric Pokémon started to fry the orcs as Charizard and Blastoise sat eating some more. "Dew! Go!"

"What do I look like?!  A Pokémon?!" Dew slammed into a few orcs.

"Hey, Gollum lend me some firepower, eh?" Orli asked.

"Sméagol!" Gollum handed him a machine gun.

"Thanks, love." Orli ran off, leaving a confused Gollum behind.

"Plasma!" Ivan cast a quick spell before running into a shop.

"Get him!" The orcs followed him, but Ivan was gone.

"Plasma!" He was now outside the shop, and he locked the orcs in.

"Not bad for a newbie," Draco sneered at him. "But watch this!" He muttered a spell under his breath and blew up some orcs. "Can you do that?"

"No." Ivan shrugged.

"Loser," Draco thought to himself.

"I am not," Ivan's voice popped into his head. "I just don't know that spell."

"EEEEEEEEE!" Draco screamed, killing a few orcs by popping their eardrums. "Stay outta my mind, you Mudblood!!"

"…What's a 'Mudblood?' " Ewan stopped fighting an orc to ask.

"I dunno." Various Orc shrugged. "Hey, let's go get something to eat.

"Okay," Oliver walked up. He, Ewan, and Various Orc all walked to the food court.

"HELP!!" Frodo ran about, screaming.

"We'll save you!!" Merry and Pippin ran after him, but were caught by Uruk-Hai. "Hey!! Let us go!!"

"Hiyah!" Renee slashed a few orcs. Suddenly, one of them threw dust in Renee's face. "MY EYES!!"

"Put her in the cage!" Indiscriminate Orc scowled.

"Oh no! Renee!" Sami cried out, watching the orcs throw her into the cage.

"Boromir!!" Gimli sobbed, dashing over to the spot where he lay. The orcs ran away from Gimli, heading towards the exit.

"No!!!" Aragorn ran over to them. "This is bad…Frodo, who are we missing?"

"Boromir's dead—"

"NO!" Gimli blubbered. "My love!"

"Merry, Pippin, Renee, and Ivan have been captured by the orcs, and a few of us are injured. He pointed to Legolas who was running in circles, bawling.

"XD Look who got shot in the ass this time!!" Link pointed and laughed.

"T.T It's not funny…" Legolas wailed.

"I want Ivan back!" Katie cried, clinging to Link.

"We'll get everyone back, calm down Katie!" Megan said, helping Draco up from the ground.

"Boromir…" Gimli wept, burying his face into Sam's shoulder.

"Don’t start nothing…" Katie growled. Sam glared evilly and pulled out his pitchfork. Katie ran behind Haldir, who was just standing there looking morose.

 

***

 

"Renee, wake up!" Pippin shook her.

"Unhhhh…where am I?" Renee sat up.

"Hi!" Cynthia waved cheerfully.

"AHHHHH!" Renee shoved herself against the bars of the cage. "Get her away!"

"What?" Cynthia asked, puzzled.

"They don’t like you," Dennis said boredly from the opposite corner.

"AHHHHH!" Renee backed into another corner. "There's no escape!"

"Hey, you!" This Orc called.

"What?" Everybody said at once.

"You with the red hair." Another Orc clarified.

Dennis stuck his tongue out at Merry, Pippin, and Renee.

"Congrats. You get to be a Ringwraith," Different Orc told him, pulling him out of the cage.

"Cool. Uh…what's a Ringwraith?"

Meanwhile, Cynthia was busy hitting on Pippin.

"NO!" Renee cried, bonking Cynthia on the head with her Elven Samurai sword. "My Pippin!"

"Fine." Cynthia sulked for a bit. "Then can I have the other midget?"

"I'M NOT A MIDGET!" Merry yelled. "I'M A FRICKIN' HOBBIT. A HOBBIT!!"

"Okay, whatever. You're still hot. Get over here."

"EEEEE! Renee, get the scary girl away from me!!" Merry retreated into a corner.

Renee looked up at the ceiling of the cage. "HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!"