Invading the Fellowship

Part Seventeen

 

"Now what?" Oliver looked at Ewan.

"Beats me." Ewan shrugged.

"Frodo and Sam go off to Mordor…" Orli thought out loud.

"Sam!" Frodo cried. "We cannot afford any more deaths!"

"Boromir!" Gimli cried. All of the sudden, the sky began to swirl and everyone was once again thrown back into the forest before the desert.

"Well, that was a waste of time." Megan kicked over the sign, which ran away crying.

"How'd we get back here?" Sami looked around. "Hey, look! Orc tracks!" She pointed to the chip bags on the ground.

"We'll follow them then." Aragorn stood up. "We must rescue our friends."

"Well then, we'll be off to Mordor." Frodo and Sam headed towards the boats.

"Wait!" Megan ran after them, Draco trailing behind her. "I'm going with you!"

"But Mr. Frodo—!" Sam began to protest, but Frodo held up his hand.

"Sure babe." He winked at Megan. "You can come."

"ooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!" Sami, Oliver, and Ewan snickered. "Frodo likes Megan, Frodo likes Megan! XD" They danced and sang.

"Bye, Boromir!" Legolas kicked the boat into the water, watching it fall over the waterfall.

"Argh…oh well…" Gimli grunted.

"Sméagol!" Gollum hopped in the boat with Frodo and Sam. "I goses too!"

"Riiiiiiiight…" Megan nodded from the other boat.

"Be careful, guys!" Sami waved. "Send us an owl some time!"

"Ugh. I'm not paddling," Draco griped.

"Rowses!" Gollum threatened. Draco quickly picked up an oar and started rowing.

"So what about us?" Legolas walked up beside Aragorn.

"We shall follow the orc tracks!" He pointed to the trail, fireworks going off in the background.

"Er…yeah." Sami blinked.

"Will you cut that out?" Link grumbled. "Oh, and we found this." He pulled a out a plothole and chucked it at Sami.

"oOo! Nifty!" She shoved it in her pocket.

"When I get my hands on those orcs, they'll be sorry they took Ivan!!" Katie picked up one of the boat oars and slung it on her back.

"O.o Is that your weapon?" Sami poked the oar.

">| Yes…" Katie grumbled, storming up to Aragorn. "Can we go already?"

"Yes, let us be off." He floated down the path.

"Is it just me, or is Katie in a bad mood?" Sami whispered to Link.

"Yep. x.x They took Ivan, so she's pissed." Link shrugged.

"XD I'm! Too sexy for my fur! Too sexy for my fur…yeah, so sexy…" Ewan, still a cat, danced about and sang.

"XD Dude, that's cool!" Oliver started dancing too. "I'm! Too sexy for my………plaster! Too sexy for my plaster!"

"O.o Plaster?"

"XD Yeah, dude!"

"Lisse'! XD"

"Um…yeah…" Sami blinked again.

 

***

 

"I'm bored." Pippin leaned against the back of the cage.

"I can fix that." Cynthia advanced toward him.

"GET AWAY FROM MY HOBBIT!" Renee kicked Cynthia back to her corner of the cage.

"Woo! Go Renee!" The hobbits cheered.

"…Hey kid, you okay?" Renee looked at Ivan, who was very pale. "Cynthia scaring you too much?"

"…She's kissing the enemy…" Ivan pointed a shaky finger at Cynthia, who was busy making out with an orc.

"X.X This day just gets worse and worse…" Renee covered her eyes.

"…Wish we had a plothole…" Merry sighed.

"Hey…I'll sell you this…" A color guard member whispered from another corner.

"Thanks!" Pippin shoved some money in her hand. "We gotta plothole!"

"Yay!" Renee, Merry, and Ivan celebrated.

"…So we're owned property now?" Pippin grumbled.

"No…we're hobbits." Merry blinked.

 

***

 

"It's too hot, I'm getting a sunburn, and I'm too tired." Draco threw down his paddle.

"Draco…it's 50º out, it's cloudy, and you only took two strokes," Megan informed him.

"Yeah, well…" Draco quickly thought. "I'm a wizard, and wizards don't row!"

"Frodo!" Megan cried.

"Hold up, babe!" Frodo jumped in her boat. He threw Draco into the other boat, picked up the paddle, and began rowing.

"Rowses!!" Gollum shouted at Draco and banged on a drum.

"This isn't a Viking warshi—" Draco protested, but Gollum beat him with the drum mallet. "OW!"

"ROWSES!" Gollum commanded again. Draco reluctantly picked up the paddle and started to row.

"Thanks a lot, Frodo." Megan sat writing in her new band story that she and Sami were writing together.

"No problem, babe." Frodo winked.

 

***

 

"Oh god…YOU'RE the new guy?" #5 looked down at Dennis.

"That's what the pig dude said." Dennis blinked.

"Er…yeah. Larry, get lost." #7 drop-kicked Larry into Oblivion.

"Guys, we gotta do something about him." #8 pointed to Dennis. "He's so…ugly."

"Hey, I happen to be very beautiful!" Dennis pouted.

"Right…you wash your hair with vegetable oil?" #1 tapped Dennis on the head. "x.x Eeeew…"

"No, canola oil. Not as much saturated fat."

"Still, you could use a makeover." #2 dragged Dennis back to Mordor. "C'mon guys, we've got work to do."

 

***

 

"I love *hic* TURKEY!" Oliver and Ewan swayed back and forth drinking Sake.

"Will they give it a rest?" Link mumbled, sharpening his sword.

"KISS ME!!" Ewan threw his arm around Sami, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek before passing out.

"x.x As much as I love you, Ewan…" Sami paused, wiping the glob of saliva off her face. "That was gross."

"T.T Sami…" Legolas walked into the campsite.

"Oh, what did you do now?" Sami opened her plothole.

"I got poison sumac!" he cried.

“HAHAHAHAHA!!” Oliver laughed, then passed out next to Ewan. Dew immediately attacked their backpacks, searching for food.

“Love, you eat too much.” Orli picked up Dew.

“Yeah, well…XD…you’re pretty hot for a bag of skin.”

“Dew, he’s mine!”

“You’d think I’d know that!” Dew hopped on Aragorn’s shoulder. “Hey buddy, spare me $5?”

“I cannot. You shall earn your own money. I must go pray in the garden.” Aragorn walked off to go pray some more.

“>| Aw, damn…Link, gimme five rupees before I bite you.”

“DEW!” Sami scolded, busy applying calamine to Legolas’s new poison sumac.

“We’re in the middle of a forest! Why do you need money?” Link blinked.

“>/ Because.” Dew hopped on his knee.

“FINE! HERE!” Link chucked a blue rupee, then fell backwards off the log. “x.x Ow.”

“Thanks, moron.” Dew flew off into the woods.

“Argh! Look at me!” Gimli flounced about with Katie’s poncho on his head.

“Hey! That’s mine! Give it back!” Katie chased him.

“Yeah, well I’m dead sexy, and you’re crap!” Gimli spat.

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!” Link jumped up, but Orli held him back.

“Calm down, dude.”

“GIVE IT!” Katie ripped it off Gimli’s head. “x.x Eeew…”

“oOo, frisky aren’t we?” Gimli grinned. A look of total terror spread across Katie’s face.

“HALDIR!” Katie screamed, hiding behind him. Haldir pulled out his sword, but Link stopped him.

“This one’s mine.” He cracked his knuckles, then headed towards Gimli.

“Uh-oh…” Gimli gulped.

“Ooo…ow…eek…aww…” The remaining Fellowship cringed, watching Link clobber Gimli.

“Ten!” Sami held up a board.

“Ten!” Orli held up ten fingers.

“¯o¯ Two-point-five.” Legolas held up a Post-It® Note.

“What?!” Link folded his arms. “2.5?!”

“¯o¯ I don’t like you.”

 

***

 

“Are you sure this is the right way?” Megan looked around. “It looks like we’re in Italy…”

“Welcome to Italy-Town, located someplace before Mordor,” a dude said with an Italian accent.

“Aw, do we have to stay here?” Draco whined, watching Sam pull the boats into a parking spot.

“Yes.” He put some money in “el parquímetro.”

“Nice town…” Megan glanced about.

“Hey Megan, wanna go on a date?” Frodo asked.

“Sure!” Megan said happily.

“Gollum, you’re in charge.” Frodo ordered, he and Megan heading off.

“Aye, aye, sir!” Gollum saluted.

“EW. I am not obeying a blue thing.” Draco sneered. Gollum pulled out his peace-maker and Draco shut up.

“Hey look!” Sam cried. “El Wal-Marto! Can we go, Sméagol? Please?”

“Well…alrightses…” Gollum shrugged, dragging Draco behind him.

 

Meanwhile…

 

“Flowers!! Get your flowers!!” Aeris held up a bouquet.

“I’ll take some.” Frodo handed her some money.

“Thanks, little master.” Aeris pocketed the money and handed Frodo the flowers.

“Here.” Frodo handed the bouquet to Megan.

“oOo! Thanks!” Megan smiled sweetly.

“Anything for you, babe.” Frodo grinned.