Invading the Fellowship
Part Twenty-One
"Um…which way?" Pippin blinked. "Left, right, or straight?"
"Let's try straight." Merry suggested. The three of them entered the forest, but only wound up at the entrance again. "Damn."
I don't even think we're in the right forest…" Ivan looked around.
"WE'RE LOST!!" Pippin threw up his hands.
"If these wood are right…we go right, left, right, left, left, right, straight…" Ivan blinked. "But those last three may not be entirely right…"
"Let's just try it!" Merry dragged them into the Lost Woods again.
***
"Do we have to kill Hojo?" Sami grumbled.
"Yep. Watch." Katie used Gollum's grenade launcher and blasted the Shinra Inc. building to pieces. "^○^ 'Kay, I'm done!" The group headed out of Midgar.
"Hm…we shall go to Fangorn…" Gandalf looked at a map. "Go North!"
"…It's upside down and backwards." Sami flipped the map over. Katie snickered, and Link gave her a nasty look.
"Oh, oh…I see. Go east!" Gandalf pointed.
"Yay! Pasar la a spiradora!" Katie hopped in a car that…just…^^; happened to be there…XD
"We get the motorcycles!" Ewan and Oliver jumped on the two bikes.
"O.o Okay." Sami got into Katie's car, pulling Orli behind her. After five minutes, the Fellowship was once again lost.
"Dammit! Where's the map?!" Sami looked around the glove compartment.
"…I think Legolas used it as a gum wrapper…" Orli pointed to the sticky mess in the ashtray.
"I just bought this car!!" Katie screeched.
"No you didn't, I DID!" Link screamed.
"…Oh, yeah…"
"Argh, maybe we should ask for directions…" Gimli grunted for about the millionth time.
"Okay." Link pulled over next to Ms. Borger's Pokémon sales.
"Hey, y'all wanna buy a Pikachu?" she waddled up in a straw hat.
"Yeah, thems funds go to my retirement!" Larry belched from his chair.
"No thanks, we're looking for the highway," Sami replied.
"Oh, you know you wanna buy a Pikachu," Ms. Borger said. "They're so sweet. Which one of y'all wanna go with this big company thing?" she asked the Pikachu.
"No, we don't want to buy a Pikachu, ma'am," Sami repeated.
"Well, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the blonde there." She pointed to Legolas. "They're so cute! How about Pika here? You can get his brother Chu for ½ price!"
"Listen lady," Sami said louder, "we just need directions to the highway. Can you give us those?"
"Well, sure. I'm not retarded," Ms. Borger said. "You go down this road 1.8 leagues until you find Lon Lon Ranch, then you turn right and go 5.27 leagues until you see this big white sign with orc graffiti on it. Go straight on from there."
"Thank you, ma'am," Sami said, sinking in the back.
"Yes, thank you!" Legolas chirped.
"And here you go!" Ms. Borger handing Legolas a bag that read, 'I ♥ Pikachus.' "Remember, feed a Pikachu!"
"oOo! A new makeup bag! Thanks!" Legolas squeed some more.
And with that, the company started off down the road.
***
"Hey, Megaaaaan…" Draco whined.
"What now, Draco?" Megan asked, skipping along with Frodo.
"I'm hungry."
"Sam, food check," Megan commanded.
"Well, we have a couple of pieces of line, some lembas, and a corn kernel or two…wait…nope, no more corn kernels." Sam popped the last one in his mouth.
"Oh, this could be bad," Draco said, falling to the ground, clutching his stomach.
"Marches!" Gollum poked Draco.
"Uh…guys…" Frodo spoke up.
"Well, I don't want to march anymore. I'm hot and tired, and I'm not listening to you just because you could load your gun and bl—"
"GUYS!" Frodo yelled.
"What?" Megan asked.
"Just be quiet, I think I hear something!"
"Lord, now he's hearing things too," muttered Draco.
A shadow moved across the path.
"But it's broad daylight!" Megan protested.
A dark figure darted in front of them.
"…What was that?" Frodo whispered.
"Halt," a voice demanded.
"Who are you?" Frodo looked at him.
"Who are we?" the man repeated. "I think we should be asking who you are." They strode forward and Frodo's company saw they were dressed in hues of he forest. "Or what you are…you're short."
"Well, they're not orcs," one green guy said.
"Elves?" Another guessed.
"No, Elves are way taller, and they're supposed to be fair to look at."
"Hey! I object!" Megan exclaimed.
"My word, a woman in the forest traveling? And with trousers?" The leader looked disdainfully at her.
"Okay, from where I came, everyone wears these. They're called jeans. And these two," she indicated Frodo and Sam, "are hobbits. As I think you can see, I'm a woman. And this is a Gollum." She pointed to Gollum, who was glaring at the men.
"All right, thank you, I guess." The guy looked at them. "I am Faramir, son of Denethor. Steward of Gondor. And by law, I should slay you now, without leave of Gondor."
"Well please, don’t. That might be disastrous," Draco drawled.
"Oh yeah. Forgot about you," Megan said. Draco glared. "That's Draco. He's a boy."
"Charmed," Draco said sarcastically.
"Now, be quick, declare your reason for being here. I have work to do."
Frodo looked at Megan. Megan leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Do not tell them about the Ring…"
Frodo nodded. "Well, you see, it all started back in Rivendell…"
***
"Haldir, do you know where we are?" Renee asked.
"No, but I'll find it," he assured her.
"Well, I'm hungry," Dew said.
"I'll get some food as soon as the plothole recharges," Renee waved her off.
">P You suck." She flittered away.
"Ah, we go this way!" Haldir said, pointing in some direction.
"Yay, more walking. Woohoo!" Renee said.
"Nyah, nyah, I get to fly!" Dew zipped around.
"Oh, come on, where the heck is this place?!" Renee screamed.
"Patience, Renee-sama. You will need to know that for the arts."
"Great. More training."
"Yeah, sucks to be you!" Dew said from above them, sticking her tongue out.
"Thanks Dew, I love you too," Renee replied.
"Dew, keep down here. We need to make speed. We should be there by tomorrow, nightfall," Haldir said.
"Thank you Gondor," Renee sighed. "My back hurts."
"Keep on, Renee-sama."
***
"Look! There's the sign!" Legolas pointed.
"Wow, 5.27 leagues, exactly!" Ewan said, surprised. "Now we just go straight, and—AHHHHHHH!!"
"Oh no!" Sami screamed.
"Argh," Gimli grunted.
"This could be bad…" Oliver filled in.
On the left side of the hill there was a sign they saw as they were crashing down.
–You–
"AHHHHHH!" They screamed.
–should–
"AHHHHHH!"
–have–
"AHHHHHH!"
–bought–
"AHHHH*gasp*AHHHH!"
–a–
"AHHHHHH!"
"This is getting old," Katie said.
"It's new to me," Link told her.
"Shut up."
–Pikachu!–
“AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” *CRASH* The car flew off the cliff and landed in a large pile of other cars.
“Oh. My. Gondor,” Sami said.
“………” Link clutched the steering wheel.
“AIEEEEE!” Legolas shrieked and pointed at a skeleton lying nearby. It was holding an ‘I © Pikachus’ bag.
“Uh-oh…” Oliver said.
***
“If we even set foot in ANOTHER forest…” Pippin’s eye twitched neurotically.
“Hommmm…welcome to the Forest of…whatever it is……hommm…”
“…Is that Treebeard?” Merry poked it with a stick. A hand like Orli's appeared and snapped it in two. Merry ran behind Pippin.
"I think that's the Deku Tree…" Ivan looked up at the sleeping tree.
"Hola! Me llamo Leaf Gôte! What's up, dudes?" A leaf with a smiling face and a goatee floated by.
"Gah!" Pippin shrieked. "…What the…?"
"Hey man! You guys lookin' for Treebeard or somethin'?"
"I think so…" Merry scratched his head.
"All right! Follow me then!" Leaf floated off, the two hobbits and wind adept following.
***
"Halt!" Ash Ketchum rode up to Renee, Haldir, and Dew. "We are searching for two hobbits and a young blond child. Have you seen them?"
"No, we haven't." Haldir shook his head.
"Very well." Ash nodded. "You may pass." He and a few of his trainers moved aside.
"What was that all about?"
"Those were the riders of Pokémon." Haldir stopped. "…The orc army…"
"Waah…" Renee looked at an orc. "Hey, isn't that Some Orc?"
"No, that's pieces of Some Orc." Haldir looked at the ground. "Hobbit tracks." He pointed to the Hobbits Weekly magazine, a few chip bags, and some gum wrappers.
"Litterbugs…I'll bet this belongs to Merry." Renee shoved the magazine in her pocket. Dew sat picking at the chip bags.
"Come through the woods." Haldir chucked Dew in his bag.
"Okay…" Renee trudged behind him.
