Invading the Fellowship

Part Twenty-Four

 

"They wrecked my car!" Frodo grumbled, kicking the broken van in the parking lot.

"Let's just steal this one." Megan climbed inside some SUV that just happened to be there.

"I wanted a window seat!" Draco whined from the back. He was stuck between Sam and Gollum.

"Hahaha!" Sam laughed at him.

"Both of you hush or there's no more stops the rest of the way!" Frodo started the engine and drove off down the road.

"…Can we get Dairy Queen?" Sam pointed to the exit sign.

"Yeah, I think we're all pretty hungry," Megan added.

"Okay, we'll stop." Frodo smiled at Megan, pulling into the Dairy Queen drive-thru.

"Hallo?" A lady's voice came through the speaker.

"I wanna cheeseburger!" Draco demanded.

"#6 with a Sprite! No, a Coke…wait…yeah, a Sprite…no…" Sam looked at the menu.

"Chicken salad," Gollum ordered.

"Okay, we'll have a cheeseburger, a #6, a chicken salad—" he looked at Megan.

"#2."

"—and two #2's."

"…Okay, so that's a fish sandwich, a #1, a milkshake, and six #4's?"

"Um…no. A cheeseburger, a #6, a chicken salad, and two #2's."

"Right…a cookie-dough concrete, a #3, a dirty fries, and 3 #5's?"

"Oh, Gondor…" Frodo sighed. "Listen up. I WANT A CHEESEBURGER, A NUMBER SIX, A CHICKEN SALAD, AND TWO NUMBER TWOS!"

"…A dirty fries, a large coke, a burger with ketchup, and two #7's?"

">/ Forget it! We're going to McDonald's." Frodo drove off.

"That was a waste of time." Draco pouted as they pulled into McDonald's.

"Hi!" A cheery voice greeted them.

"Okay…we want a cheeseburger, a #6, a chicken salad, and two #2's."

"A cheeseburger, a #6, a chicken salad, and two #2's?"

"Yeah!" Frodo smiled, everyone cheering.

"Okay, pull around front please!"

"Hi, Kindra!' Megan waved at the McDonald's worker.

"Hey, what's up with all the short dudes?"

Megan shrugged. "Dunno. Why are you working at the McDonald's in Mordor?"

"It pays better," Kindra explained as she handed Frodo the food.

"Can we get going now?" Sam demanded.

"Sure!" Frodo peeled out of the parking lot, taking the corner on two wheels. "Pass out the food, babe."

"All right, Frodo." Megan grinned at him as she grabbed the McDonald's bag. "Chicken salad?"

"Mineses!'

"#6?"

Sam speared the meal on his pitchfork.

"Cheeseburger?"

"Yo." Draco, being an expert Seeker of course, caught the flying cheeseburger effortlessly. "Ew!" he exclaimed as he unwrapped it. "This has secret sauce on it!"

"Eatses!" Gollum ordered.

"No." Draco sat there with his arms crossed.

Frodo sighed. "You know," he said to Megan, "I'm really starting to get tired of this Draco kid."

Megan nodded in agreement. "Yeah, he's always complaining. And he doesn't even wear leather."

"Is the plothole all charged up?"

"Should be." Megan checked the power meter on the plothole, which was plugged into the cigarette lighter. "Yep! Who do we trade him for?"

"You pick, babe."

Megan though for a moment, then grinned evilly. "Pull over," she whispered.

"All right." Frodo pulled over to the side of the road.

Megan quietly snuck into the backseat, then activated the plothole and jammed it over Draco's head.

"Damn," Draco said as he disappeared into the plothole.

Then, she pulled the next Fellowship member out of it.

"Where am—" His question was cut off by Megan's enthusiastic glomp. "Get—off—of—ME!!"

"Uh, Frodo? D'you think you could cut these spiderwebs off of me?" Megan asked, trying to free herself.

Sam snickered quietly. "I think I'm gonna like you," he told the new guy.

"Er…thanks…I think."

 

***

 

"You guys…HELLO?! ANYBODY HOME?!" Sami screeched at Oliver, Ewan, Aragorn, Gandalf, and Gimli.

"o.o Dur, wha?" Oliver and Ewan looked up, long strings of drool hanging from their mouths.

"X.X Ew." Link winced.

Sami whipped out a frying pan and peat them over the head. "Come on! And you shouldn't be looking at—that—anyway!" she added, gesturing toward the stage. She turned around and took a swing at Aragorn. "You! You're a hypocrite!"

"Thou shall not hit Jesus," Katie muttered under her breath.

"Well…I…er…see…" Aragorn looked around for help.

"¯o¯ It was your idea to follow Oliver and Ewan," Gandalf said, leaning back and smoking some more pipeweed.

"Oh. Right."

"Anyway, we gotta go, you guys," Katie said. "Gotta meet Merry, Pippin, Dew, Haldir, Renee, and Ivan in Orthanc. Come on!!" She pulled Oliver and Ewan up by their collars. "You guys too!" she yelled at Gandalf, Aragorn, and Gimli.

"Right, right…"

 

***

 

"Ring, ring, we have to find the riiiiiiiiiing!" Dennis sang loudly.

"X.X Dude, you sing AWFUL," #7 covered his ears.

"Yeah, it goes more like this." #2, 4, 5, and 8 lined their hippogriffs up in a row.

"Ringwraaaaaaiths…" #2 sang in a deep bass voice.

"Ringwraaaaaaiths…" #4 joined.

"Ringwraaaaaaiths…"

"Ringwraaaaaaiths…"

"O.o A barber-wraith quartet?" Dennis asked.

"Only the best in Middle-Earth," #1 told him, applauding.

"…oh…okay."

"Come on, guys," #3 said. "We have to get the ring soon. Or else he might cut the power on our tanning beds."

 

***

 

"AIEEEEEEE!" Renee screeched. "Merry, you're supposed to LOOK if you're the pilot!"

"Sorry." Merry looked sheepish. "Dropped my gum on the floor."

"We'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnaDIE!!!" Renee closed her eyes.

"Relax." Pippin put his arm around her. "Merry's a pro!" Just then, the plane took a sharp dive.

"MERRY!" Renee yelled.

"I could do a better job flying than that chump!" Dew shouted.

"Yano, I actually think you could," Renee told her."

"Ha. So lemme fly!" Dew started to peck at Merry's head.

"OW! THAT! HURTS! OW!" Merry ducked.

"AIEEEEEEEE! DEW! STOP!" Renee shrieked as the plane rocketed upward.

Ivan yawned in the corner. He, Pippin, and Haldir had started a game of Egyptian Rats.

"Hey, look, I think we're here!" Merry cut the engine and the plane fell 2900 feet to the ground.

"Ow."

"Oops, sorry 'bout that!" Merry apologized. "Little rough landing."

"Oh, yeah, just a little," Renee said sarcastically.

"Come on!" Ivan said, opening the plane door. "Let's go!"

 

***

 

"So…who are you?" Sam cast a sideways glance at the newest Fellowship member.

"Peter Parker!" Megan squealed, latching onto him.

"Ow."

Frodo glared at Peter. Peter sat there, still confused.

"On to Mordor!" Gollum demanded.

"Fine." Frodo grumbled, turning the car back on.

"So…what's Mordor?" Peter asked Sam. Megan was too busy ogling him from the front seat.

"Land of Doom, basically. We have to destroy some Ring, something, something, yeah."

"Oh…hey, you like physics?" Peter asked, pulling out a book.

"Oh, sure." Sam nodded, he and Peter looking at the physics book.

"u.u Aw…" Megan sighed. ">/ Evil Sam."