Invading the Fellowship

Part Three

 

A ringwraith interlude…

 

***

 

"Good work, Morton." Saruman turned to Mr. Brown. "Now, with the school in our possession, we can corrupt the world! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and Larry! Come here!"

"Yeah, boss?" #5 wraith spoke up.

"Did you get my ring yet?"

"Uh…no…" it blinked. "Me and the guys wanna go surfing. And doesn't the ring belong to Dark Lord Sauron?"

"IT'S MINE! But…okay…you can go surfing.

"WOOHOO!" #5 ran out. "Hey guys, we can go!" Loud cheers came from the back room.

"Ringwraiths…" Saruman mumbled.

 

***

 

"74 bottles of beer on the wall!" The four girls could be heard singing from inside the bathroom. Haldir stood outside the door, watching Sam's every move.

"It's no use sneaking in!" Haldir glared at him. "You can't get past me."

"Aw, crap." Sam pouted, putting his pitchfork away. He walked off, then fell down the stairs.

"Argh! Hobbit stupid…" Gimli grunted from the table.

"Yes, very," Aragorn agreed. "Don't know why they've entrusted such an important task with a hobbit and four girls who came out of nowhere.

Sam then turned up at the bottom of the stairs.

"Stupid hobbit," Gimli sighed.

"Hey guys," said Megan, "time for supper."

"Hey! Yeah!" Katie exclaimed, climbing on Haldir's back.

"Oh, Legolas, will you carry me down there?" Renee asked.

"Here, Sami." Katie gave her the bat yet again who proceeded to hit Sam a few more times.

"Ow! Why me?" Sam asked.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!" Katie screamed.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Sam said, pulling his pitchfork out of who-knows-where and lunging at her.

"HALDIR!!" Katie shrieked. Haldir grabbed Sam, took him into a closet, and started beating his up.

"Ah, that's better," Katie said.

"Wait, what about Frodo?" Pippin asked.

"Oh yeah, forgot again," Megan said. "Go check on him or something."

Merry and Pippin ran up the stairs to Frodo's room. They checked on him and charged back down.

"Well, he's still a little green, but not so bad. More yellowish now, like squash in the spring," Merry reported.

"Yeah, he's fine, now time to eat," Pippin said.

"Yeah, uh, right, okay," said Sami.

Haldir then showed up with Sam trailing behind him. Sam had a black eye and his clothes were torn.

"Serves him right!" Katie said, and they all laughed.

"Now that everyone's here, the meal may begin." Elrond stated. "Who wants to say grace?"

"OH! I WILL!" Renee shouted and stood up.

"Oh, look Renee, your leg! It's better! This is wonderful!" Legolas cheered.

"Crap! I mean, ow, ow! That hurts!"

"Yeah, nice try" Sami said. She then dropped her fork. "Oh, Legolas, I've dropped my fork. Could you pick it up for me, please?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," he said, bending down to get it.

Sami stuck her tongue out at Renee. Katie dug out her bat and gave it to Renee this time, who took Sam from his place at the table and dragged him to another room.

"Guys, I still need a protector!" Megan said.

"I will protect you!" said Boromir, just because he hadn't spoken in a while.

"Well…" she looked him over. "Okay. Just sit here and don't bug me. And for God's sake, take a shower sometime!"

Boromir looked embarrassed, but muttered an "Okay."

"Hey guys!" said Frodo! "Look at me!"

"FRODO!" Sam said, getting up from the pile on the floor Renee had made of him. He went over and kissed Frodo's feet.

"Sam, if you're hungry, please don't eat my feet…" Frodo looked a bit scared.

"Sorry, Mr. Frodo." Sam sat up.

"Okay, I'm full. I'm off to bed. Haldir, there's a chair outside my door. You can sit there tonight," Katie said. Haldir nodded, and walked with her, Sam sneaking close behind. Then there was a series of thuds and a loud "OW!" as Sam fell down the stairs again, probably from being pushed by Haldir.

"Will he ever learn?" Gandalf asked, somewhat rhetorically.

"Um, no," Renee said.

"Legolas, I'm awfully tired. Will you carry me to my room?" Sami asked. Legolas picked her up and walked away. Sami laughed at Renee from over Legolas's shoulder. Renee picked up the bat and went after Gimli.

"Ow, what was that for?" Gimli asked.

"Oh, you were wearing a helmet! What does it matter?" Renee barked and stalked up the stairs to bed.

"Okay, well I'm off too," Pippin said. "You coming?" he asked to Merry, who nodded. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna smoke another pipe, then I'll be off. Gandalf said.

"Boromir. Carry me to my bed," Megan commanded.

"Well, I don't—" he began, but Katie's voice wafted from upstairs cut him off.

"NOW!"

"Fine, fine…" Boromir said. He picked her up gracefully and took her upstairs.

"Well, Arwen. Where have you been to lately?" Aragorn asked, not yet ready to go to bed…alone, anyways.

"Mmm…well I know where we could go…" she purred, petting his chest.

"EW!" Renee cried from behind a chair. She had come back downstairs to see if anything interesting would happen. She didn't mean that kind of interesting.

"XD…that's creepy." Katie popped up out of nowhere next to Renee.

"Where'd you come from?" Renee blinked.

"Plothole." Katie shrugged, then a lightbulb appeared over her head. "I have an idea!" She turned and headed off to her room.

"What is it?" Renee asked.

Katie paused for a minute, and shrugged again. "Dunno. Kinda…forgot…hm? What's that sound?"

"It's coming from outside." Renee pointed out to the garden. She and Katie headed outside, only to find Sam singing to someone.

"What the din are you doing?" Katie demanded.

"Serenading Mr. Frodo!" Sam pulled out his pitchfork and started chasing Katie.

"-.-…whatever…" Renee hit them both on the head with a frying pan. Yawning, she dragged Katie upstairs and chucked her in her room before heading to her own.

 

***

 

"Uh…go fish," #3 told #2.

"Guys, we should be tanning, not playing cards." #6 adjusted his shades.

"Yeah, #1 over there could use some color," Larry said, leaning back.

Out of nowhere, a loud voice rang out. "GO GET MY RING!" Saruman screeched.

"Okay, okay," #4 yawned. "Geeez…"

"Who does he think he is?" #8 grumbled. Making bishounen like us go ring-hunting.

"I AM THE GREAT SARUMAN! NOW GET!"

"-.-…fine." The wraiths got up and left, grumbling.

 

***

 

"We're off to see the ringwraiths, the ringwraiths, the ringwraiths!" Katie and Merry pranced around, singing. Legolas was about to scream, but Elrond came back with horses.

"You can travel much faster on horses," Elrond told them, before getting chased off by Katie with a pair of scissors.

"We're short one," Sami said, counting the horses after mounting one. "Someone has to walk."

"Make Sam walk," Megan suggested.

"XD…I have my own horse!" Katie whipped out the Ocarina of Time and played Epona's song 52 times.

"Katie…you're creepy." Megan blinked.

"I don't see a horse…"Aragorn looked around. Katie played it again, but Legolas took away the Ocarina.

"IF I HEAR THAT SONG ONE MORE TIME…" Legolas began, but Epona finally showed up.

"XD, only works on the 53^rd time!" Katie climbed upon the horse. "You're creepy when you're mad…"

"Legolas, will you help me on the horse?" Renee asked sweetly. He nodded, then helped Renee mount the horse. Furious, Sami turned and kicked Sam off his horse.

"Ow." Sam hit the ground.

"Sam!" Frodo scowled. "Quit playing around! We must get to Mordor."

"And find Smeagol!" Katie said happily, then she and Merry started singing again.

"EGG ROLL!" Gandalf bellowed. The two nuisances shut up, then the four girls burst out laughing.

"…Argh! No!" Gimli grunted.

"……EW!" Sami pinched her nose. "What's that smell?"

"SAM!" Megan growled. Sam pointed at Gimli, who pointed back at Sam.

"Er…excuse me…" Boromir cleared his throat. "Taco Bell last night…"

"They have Taco Bells here?" Renee asked. Boromir nodded. "Sweet!" Renee said happily. "Hehehehe…"

"But…ew!" Megan exclaimed.

"Hehehe…ehehehe…hehe," Sami giggled uncontrollably. "Rather amusing, though…hehe…"

"Um…" Katie began, "where exactly are we?"

"I dunno. Ask Boromir," Aragorn said.

"Ask Sam."

"Ask Mr. Frodo."

"Ask Merry."

"Ask Pippin."

"Ask Legolas."

"Ask Gimli."

"Ask Gandalf."

Gandalf shrugged. "I thought Aragorn knew."

"Great," Sami said sarcastically to Gandalf. "Legolas, we're lost!" she cried, burying her face in his shoulder.

Katie, seeing this, handed over the Sam-bat to Renee. She disappeared.

"Ow…ow! Oh, ouch! No, don't!" Sam screamed in the background.

Legolas put a comforting hand on Sami's back, and Renee proceeded to hit Sam harder.

"Guys, wait! According to my calculations, we should be close to Caradhras," Megan said smartly.

Just then, the Fellowship, plus the four girls, got over the hill and there in front of them stood the snow-peaked Caradhras.

"Let's rest here for tonight," Aragorn suggested.

"We'll rest until dusk," Gandalf said to Aragorn, who only glared back.

Katie, then, snuck up behind Sam, stole his pitchfork, and ran away.

"GIVE THAT BACK TO ME!" Sam yelled, his eyes glowing demon-red.

Katie screamed, threw the pitchfork to Haldir, and then hid behind him. Haldir stabbed Sam in the butt with the pitchfork.

"Go," Haldir said simply to Sam, who cowered in fright, then ran.

"Oh, Legolas, I'm awfully famished," Renee said, batting her eyelashes. Legolas created a little bed of moss for her to lie on, then gave her something to drink. Sami kicked Gimli across the camp again.

"Ow! What was that for?" Gimli asked, rubbing his rear end.

"Like you actually have to ask now?" Megan muttered.

"Hush, I hear something," Boromir said.

A swarm of black birds was heading towards them with a purpose.

"Crebain!" Aragorn yelled.

"Hide!" Gandalf commanded.

Legolas covered Renee under a rock. Sami went over to Gimli and began to repeatedly smash his helmet against a rock. Gandalf, Boromir, and Aragorn hid the hobbits, then hid themselves.

Katie and Megan stared blankly.

"What?" Katie asked.

"Hide!" Boromir mouthed. "Hide!"

"Hi…hello to you too. Er…him? Heinz? Yeah, 57 varieties, but…what's that got to do with anything?" Megan asked, puzzled.

"No, HIDE!" Aragorn finally yelled.

"Why?"

"The crebain! They're spies for Saruman!" Boromir explained.

"Those black things?" Katie asked.

"Yes!" Aragorn, Boromir, and Gandalf replied.

"Oh, no, those are just crows…see? They landed over there," Megan said, pointing her finger.

Sami continued to beat Gimli in the background.

"Oh," said Aragorn.

"XD Yeah, bet you feel stupid!" Katie said, grinning and winking. Aragorn blushed, and Katie and Megan laughed.

"Legolas, you can stop hiding now!" Sami barked.

"Oh, right," Legolas said, standing up. Renee stood up, fuming, and Sami stuck her tongue out again.