Day One:
Yay. Arwen has brought her entire dress collection with her. Happiness. Much happiness. Off to go try them on!

Later
Ooh…green…and purple…and light pink…nice…very nice…silky smooth…

Aragorn being rather disagreeable. Preaching about sin, dammit. Sin is when you want pretty dresses…but they belong to another…must go look at them again…

Even Later
Legolas proclaiming loudly that he is the prettiest here. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin his self-esteem. However, everyone knows I am the prettiest.

Day Two:
Legolas left today! Am now prettiest by huge landslide. Said he had a split end. That is why I don't deal with real hair. See, no one knows about this, but…I wear a wig. Yes, it's true. My beautiful Elven hair is fake. But don't tell anyone.

Later
DAMMIT! Stupid half-men walking around not bothering to knock on doors. Have put hole in Arwen's dress because of foolish hobbit scaring me. Must try to sew it. Argh. Forgot. Do not know how to sew. Off to brush wig again.

Even Later
Watched Boromir chase Elf-whores today. Rather attractive they are. Can't blame Boromir. But really, he is no substitute for a real Elf. Must go show those ladies how a read Elf feels.

Day Three:
Okay. Eye hurts. Boromir has punched me. He can get awfully jealous sometimes. Said the Elves only liked him. Yeah, right, that's why they run form him, eh? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Later
Gimli is complaining again. Something about Moria. I was there once. Very nice clothing. Though the light there did hell to my complexion. I mean, I have no pigment as it is, but when I came out of that place, I was translucent!

Even Later
Gimli offended Gandalf who showed him his longest finger that held pipeweed which was lit and got Aragorn high. So, anyways…in other news…

Have seen Neo here again. Spotted him once in the forest yesterday. Must ponder idea on how to catch him…

Day Four:
Arwen complaining again. But what's new? That daughter was an accident if there ever was one. She said Legolas used her hairbrush, conditioner, and purple pen. Well, I was the one who used the conditioner, but how will she know? She needs to learn how to share, anyways.

Later
Galadriel! The evil wench! She said she wanted my ring! She called it a "super ring," though I have no idea why. I got it out of a gumball machine, but I am very fond of it. She said I could be her "dark king," or something like that. Don't know what that means. I slipped under her arm and ran away. She can be as scary as Arwen sometimes…

Even Later
Had some fishsticks today. Not half-bad, really. Though these boxes are everywhere! Can't seem to get away from them…perhaps they are following me?

Day Five
Saw Neo again today. Decided to follow him. Went over the river, then through the woods…and to somebody's house we did go. Thought it looked odd. Something rather fishy going on. I can smell it. Oh…wait…that was just the fishstick in my shoe…sorry…

Later
Poor Gandalf very frightening. Grey is just so not his color! Back to the point, he wanted me to go to Narnia with him. Was very puzzled. But he seemed amused. Very odd bird he is…very odd.

Even Later
Ah, poor fellow. On his pipeweed again. That clears everything up.

Boromir chasing Elf-lasses again. Have decided not to follow this time as I still have a small bruise under my left cheek. Have been covering it up, of course, with Arwen's concealer. Must preserve my reputation as the prettiest. Shhhh…do not tell her!

Day Six:
Spent the last half-hour being lectured on "the moral issues of being a transvestite." And blah-blah-blah. Have decided not to…HEY! WAIT A SECOND! WHO SAYS I'M A TRANSVESTITE?!?

Later
Ha! Saw Gimli hiding behing the wardrobe as I was trying on this absolutely gorgeous purple…er…shirt. No, not a dress! A…a long shirt. Really! Put on a "fashion show" for him. But who does Gimli think he's kidding? No way in the name of Gondor is he ever getting his hands on me.

Blast that hobbit. Have almost put another hole in Arwen's dre—shirt…

Even Later
Ah! Neo! Have spotted him again by that nosy hobbit! (The one who always walks in on me! You know, Figo! Or maybe it's Fido. Frodo! That's it, Frodo!) I will drag Neo back to the Matrix! He will not escape!

Day Eight
Okay, after being hit by the frying pan and jabbed with countless cooking utensils, I think I will rest…ouch…

Later
Oh, just now noticed. Those other little hairy midgets…Perry and Mitten? Well, they fell off the cliff. [*Shrugs*] Oh well.

Even Later
Aragorn now has pipeweed too? Must find out the retail price. I want to be in with the in crowd! Maybe Gandalf will sell me some?

Tried on more—er—shirts today. I have to say, green works with my complexion nicely. Compliments my eyes, too.

Day Nine:
ARWEN! Stupid wench of a daughter! She has cut my beautiful wig! What am I to do? I only wanted some silver-ice eyeshadow to go with this new dress—no! Not dress, shirt…forgot the names of my clothing articles! Yes, eyeshadow to go with the shirt…IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK OF MY *FAVORITE* DAUGHTER?

Later
Beheaded fishsticks. I keep trodding on them. Stupid Gollum.

Have proceeded to lock myself up in the bathroom until I fix my wig. Though Gandalf happened to be in here at the time. Now, the lock is broken and I am stuck here with this nuisance and a very intriguing smell…

Even Later
Ohh! SCORE! Hair extension kit! Ha, I always knew my daughter's hair was fake. Our family is known for its receding hairline at age 3500.

Day Ten:
Alas! Door has been unlocked! I'm free! Just in time too, as I see Neo again!

Day Eleven:
Got lost in forest. Neo got away within five minutes. Then got hair stuck in branches. (However, on bright side, stretching through the branches made it five inches longer!) I guess I will follow the fishstick trail back to the cabin, as that seems the most reasonable thing to do…

Later
I knew it. They dig my hair. Except for Galadriel. She claims I copied her hairstyle. Just because I used Arwen's curling iron to make a bit wavier…and bleached it a little…doesn't mean I copied her.

Does it?

Even Later
Arwen accusing me of getting into her extension kit. How did she find out? Drat that Gandalf!

Now Arwen is high. Blast that Gandalf!!!

Day Twelve:
Well, Gimli has been ejected form the game. Gollum called him a "hairy asshole" (thought I don't know why…Gimli waxes regularly…). But now, Gimli, his helmet, chunky braids, and axe shall rest in peace.

Or pieces…if he landed on his axe…Poor axe…

Later
Hmm…do I like this color, or this color! Oh! I like this style here…*GASP*…Just found beautiful sparkly iridescent dress in back of closet…trying on…Oh my Gondor, this makes my butt look huge! I knew it! Those damn fishsticks go straight to the hips!

Even Later
Well, what about this one? Nice and simple…kind of like a summer fr—wait—what are you still doing here? Go away! GO! SHOO!

Day Thirteen:
Everyone seems preoccupied except Gandalf and me. Though this room is very funny where we are. Colored smoke is everywhere…smells rather good. Hmm…going to rest for awhile.

Day Fifteen:
*YAWN*…nice nap that was…oh Gondor! It's the fifteenth! AHH! What have I done? My metabolic rate must be going *so* slow right now!

Later
Aww…Female Elven undergarments so lacy and smooth…maybe if I just slip one on…[*Creak…*] Ack! No! Frodo, wait! Come back! I can explain!!

Much Later
I'M NOT A TRANSVESTITE, I SWEAR! I JUST LIKE A HEALTHY BREEZE 'ROUNG MY PRIVATES ONCE IN A WHILE! Feels awfully nice…

Day Sixteen:
Maybe I can duct tape the dress…er…forgot…have no duct tape. Perhaps if I put the dress in the very back, she won't notice. No…cannot try in on…resist temptation…do not give in…oh, what the hell…

Later
AHH! Arwen has caught me. Well, I suppose it's okay…maybe she won't find the hole. [*Loud Elvish cursing.*] Suspecting maybe she is angry with me. Oh damn. She found the hole. HEY! WAIT! PUT ME DOWN! I DIDN'T DO IT! IT WAS THAT HAIRY DWARF WANNABE OVER THERE! AHH!

[Arwen: And don't you dare try them on again, Daddy!]

Fine, last time she gets the charge card…