I wrote most of the articles on this site in October and November of 2002. A few other articles are newer. I'm writing this on August 11th, 2003. I thought it would be useful to give an update of sorts on what I'm doing now socially.
First off, I'm associating with and hanging out with alot more people than I was a year ago or two years ago. I'm not going to the movies anymore by myself which is nice, I'm flirting with women much more, I'm still doing well in Toastmasters, I've won a few awards for best Table Topics and Best Evaluator on particular weeks.
It almost seems hard to believe at some of the things I use to do around people. When you are really shy, you start to believe that everyone around you is having more fun than you, and you start to put them up on this pedestal as if they are perfect. When you walk into a room full of strangers, you mentally put everyone "above you", and you figure, "What's the point of saying anything, all these people are so great and perfect, why should I say anything". I can tell you now...that that's one of the biggest lies I've ever believed in my life. No one is perfect! Nobody. Really.
I've met alot of different people over the last 6 months. One guy is a very successful lawyer, he probably makes 6 figures a year, he's a blackbelt in karate and an all around good guy. When I first met him, I thought, "Sure, his life is better than mine". And thus you don't talk as much, you don't open up. Yet after a while of knowing him, I realize he's just like anyone else. He was scared and didn't go to a bad part of town to attend some business development meetings that I go to. Yet he's a freakin blackbelt! I'm just an average guy, and I made it to those meetings. That once "perfect person" is really just like anyone else.
I've met small time actors, financial planners, people in sales, regular college girls, etc. One woman I met who use to be seriously depressed, she's very social and has a good social network. The people in my Toastmasters group are really cool and nice. And some of them have opened up about being depressed or shy in the past in some of their speeches. They didn't let their past determine how to live their life now.
When you go to a restaurant or a shopping mall or anywhere, instead of walking around feeling like you're so small and everyone else is happy and perfect, etc....realize they are no different than you. If you see a cute waitress, don't slip into the old habit of thinking you are so small and she's "above you". Maybe she's worrying about paying her rent. Maybe she's working two jobs to pay for her parents medical bills. Who knows. Fight the urge to view them as better than you. She's not perfect, and if you're at all ashamed or embarrassed about your life (no matter how bad you may think it is), raise yourself up and focus on what you're doing right. When she comes down from perfection, and you come up from being ashamed or embarrassed, you two meet as equals in the center.
If you want to improve talking to hot women, try this. When you see them, realize they go to the bathroom like you, they have probably had their share of boyfriend drama (no girl out there has had a perfect relationship all the time), they have insecurities, hopes, fears, dreams for the future. You are one human being talking to another.
Two sites that I liked for improving my skills with women are, Fastseduction.com and SoSuave.com.
Another thing thats helped me is to focus on improving 3 really important areas of my life:
Job/Career
Health/Fitness
Fun/Hobbies
When I got these three parts of my life going in the direction I wanted, it became even easier to invite people into my life. I started working out more, I've got more focused on what I want to do after college, etc.
The key is figuring out what you want. I don't want to be the life of the party. I don't care about that. What I wanted and will continue to get is:
Feeling perfectly normal with people.
Having friends to hang out with on a regular basis
Wanting to invite people into my life
Having confidence and success with women
I also stopped worrying so much about what others think. Take this site for example. I could wonder..."do people really like it or are they saying it just to be nice?" People don't use the word "excellent" or "oustanding" as much as I'd like. Hmmm, I wonder if people think I'm kind of weird for writing so much. My articles aren't real short.
That is all a bunch of B.S. thinking. Your mind can think up all kinds of crazy things (Here is a great article on how your mind works by the way: How to run your own brain ) The things that I just wrote about, I've never focused on. It would have seemed so ridiculous to do so. My goal was to make a comprehensive shyness related site that could help people. I could worry all day about what people might think of the site, or I could focus on something right in front of me, like reading the positive responses in the guestbook. This can be a metaphor for your life. You can focus on what girls might have thought about you 3 years ago if you were nervous or shy, or whatever. Or you can focus on something right in front of you, like a great conversation you had with someone a few days ago. You get to decide what to think about and what things mean to you.
