"Sex & Bonding"

The speaker chose five men from the audience. Then she tore off a strip of duct tape and applied it to the forearm of the first man.
"This tape represents a woman. She has just had a sexual experience with this gentleman and they have bonded. But after awhile, for one reason or another, they separate."
The speaker tore the tape off her volunteer's arm as he winced at the pain. She held it up for the audience to see. "There is hair and bits of skin sticking to the tape. The separation has been painful. They bonded and now have parted, but each has taken some of the other with them." She then applied the same tape to the second man and repeated the story. By the third man, the tape was not sticking very well. There was too much garbage on it. By the time, the tape was applied to the fifth man, the tape could not stick at all. The woman is incapable of bonding. No bond can take place. It has become easier and easier to leave each person with no pain involved.

Ephesians 4:17-19 makes it clear that our thought life determines whether we will grow in maturity or not. If we continue in sensuality, we are putting scar tissue on our souls and preventing ourselves from feeling. The result is a continued lust for more impurity in order to "feel something/anything". It is a downward spiral away from G-d.
It interferes with the bonding process and prevents any real relationship from developing with anyone.

The cure is outlined in Ephesians 4:20 through chapter 5:1-33. A brief outline:

  1. Put off your old self, put on the new - created to be like G-d.
  2. Deal with your thoughts & attitudes; truth, righteous anger, honesty, etc.
  3. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit: get rid of all bitterness, rage, brawling, slander and be kind to one another.
  4. Be imitators of G-d, live a life of love, just as Messiah loved us and gave Himself up for us.
  5. Do not allow even a hint of sexual immorality.
  6. Live as children of light.
  7. Do not be foolish, but be wise; be filled with the Spirit.
  8. Cultivate a thankful, praising spirit.
  9. Submit to one another out of reverence for Messiah.
  10. Follow the instructions for marriage, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Messiah loved the church and gave Himself up for her." "He who loves his wife loves himself."
  11. Marriage represents the Godhead here on earth. Following the principles of G-d guarantees happiness & harmony in marriage.

G-d said that it is NOT GOOD for man to be alone. Genesis 2:18 In other words, G-d created man incomplete. He created him with a desire that could only be fulfilled in his other half - a woman who is also created with a sense of aloneness until she comes together with a man. When the Lord made man & woman, he declared it to be "VERY GOOD."

This explains the overwhelming desire to be connected to another person. The Creator Himself made us that way. The L-rd desires to be involved in our relationships. He made Adam & Eve to suit one another and He was involved with them intimately every day. He walked and talked with them in the garden. He is the only One Who can truly bring harmony into our lives as partners and lovers. It is His desire to bless us in marriage, by being involved with us and showing us things about our partners that we could not understand otherwise.

Sex cannot take the place of true relationship. Sex is a biological function, which can be performed without thought by just about any lower life form, while relationship involves communication and true intimacy. Sex does not give true fulfillment; it only gives a temporary release to a biological urge. Sex used in that manner is not what the Lord had in mind when He created it. It is an aberration when used in that manner. Sex without relationship is only lust, which results in fornication - SIN.

Sex is supposed to be the RESULT of a commitment that bonds two people to one another before God and witnesses. It seals that contract. That is TRUE MARRIAGE.

"We were meant to experience the love between a man and a woman so deeply and radiantly as to defy comprehension."*

Marriage on earth is supposed to demonstrate to the world the harmony that exists in heaven between the members of the Godhead in heaven. (That is the main reason, it is under attack by Satan. - more about that later)

Marriage without God's personal involvement is doomed to failure. There can be no true intimacy without inviting the Lord into the marriage & the bedroom. Intimacy in relationship is God's "VERY GOOD" that removes aloneness.*

"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken (man, wife, God)." Ecclesiastes 4:12

Anything which we attempt on our own without God is doomed to failure. "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

God's Principles to consider regarding relationships: from I Corinthians 6

 

  1. "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." (I will not become a slave to any particular kind of behavior.)

     

  2. "The body is not for sexual immorality, but for the Lord and the Lord for the body."

     

  3. "The Lord said, "the two shall become one flesh." (this is a universal law, like gravity.) When two become one through sexual contact, souls are united, not just bodies. When sex is entered into outside of marriage, the spiritual & physical consequences are many & it actually interferes with developing a true relationship.

     

  4. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."

     

  5. "Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. You are not your own. You were bought at a price."
  6. "Because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife. Do not deprive one another. It is better to marry than to burn with passion." This is God's solution to the natural desire, which He has placed in each one of us.

FOLLOWING THE PRINCIPLES OF THE LORD BRINGS BLESSING, HARMONY AND FULFILLMENT OF THE DEEPEST LONGING OF EVERY HUMAN BEING. IT TURNS THE "NOT GOOD" OF ALONENESS INTO THE "VERY GOOD" OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MAN, WOMAN AND CREATOR. It's your choice!

Lura Maiman, Congregation Yeruel, Israel

*Recommended Reading: More than Married by David & Teresa Ferguson, pub. Countryman, Nashville, TN