How do I know I am in love? Is it real? Will it last? How do I know I won't get hurt? Maybe the other person will let me down????!!! I know how I feel, but the other person might change.. What happens if an accident occurs and I can no longer have sex???
How do I know this person is right for me?
Are any of these questions the right question? They all have one thing in common: "I", "Self", "An Ego-centric viewpoint". Perhaps, judging from the many many broken relationships surrounding us, we have been asking the wrong questions.
A better question might be:
"How does G-d get what He wants out of our relationship/marriage?"
G-d is the Author of Love and the Bible tells us that He IS LOVE. I John 4:16 So we need to start with the basics of Love and we need to go to the Source of Love to find out what it is.
First, Love is an act of the will. G-d tells us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul, and strength." Deut. 11:1 & to "Love the stranger…" & to "Love your neighbor…" Mt. 5:43 The Psalmist says, that "I will love thee, O Lord." Psalm 18:1 Love, in this sense, is an act of the will and has little to do with emotions or feelings. It has to do with choices. Some actually "…hate good and love evil." Micah 3:2 Men loved darkness rather than light." John 3:19 Love is an act of the will, not a feeling. It is a daily choice to begin each day with Love, not with an emotion, which can rule your life without thought.
IN FACT, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE CAN LEARN ABOUT TRUE LOVE IS THAT IT IS BASED ON THE CHARACTER OF THE PERSON DOING THE LOVING. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BEHAVIOR OF THE ONE BEING LOVED. In other words, the Love that comes from G-d keeps on loving no matter how the one being loved responds.
Second, Love protects & is not judgmental. "Love covers all sins (wrongs)." Proverbs 10:12 "Love each other deeply, for love covers over a multitude of sins." I Peter 4:8
Third, "There is no fear in Love, because perfect love casts out fear. 2 Tim. 1:7
Fourth, "Love is patient. Love is kind." I Cor. 13:4a
Fifth, "Love is not jealous. It does not boast. It is not proud." I Cor. 13:b
Sixth, "Love is not rude. It is not self-seeking…" I Cor. 13:5a
Seventh "Love is not easily angered. Love does not keep a record of wrongs." I Cor. 13:5b
Eighth, "Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth." I Cor. 13:6
Ninth, "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE NEVER FAILS." I Cor. 13:7,8
All these things involve an act of the will, to voluntarily submit yourself to the L-rd and allow HIM to be active in your life. If you want True Love, you want G-d, because He is Love, personified! G-d (Love) is eternal!
Emotions & feelings are all valid expressions, but they are temporary and influenced by everything from a hormonal imbalance to a whiff of fragrant flowers. Emotions are not trustworthy when it comes to choosing a life partner. You need something more stable on which to base a decision. Emotions were given by G-d to enhance life and make it more enjoyable. He gave you a mind with which to think and reason and make decisions. The mind is like the locomotive engine that pulls the train and the emotions are like the caboose that trails along behind and makes everything run better. When the caboose gets in front, the whole train is stalled.
The ultimate expression of Love in Action was expressed in Y'shua's (Jesus') desire to die for us that we might live forever in the Presence of G-d. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 He willingly went to the tree and laid His life down for us. He took our place so that we would not have to face the penalty of our sins. He took our punishment upon Himself. The innocent for the guilty. Love covers a multitude of sins.
When choosing a life partner, you need to ask - "What does G-d want from our marriage?" He wants you to learn to love one another the way He loves you. He wants you to focus on Him as the center of your marriage, not yourself. He will lead you to a partner with the proper character; someone with lasting values, someone who is actively following HIM.
Love is choosing G-d's way of doing things. His way of looking at people. His way of putting others first. Not my will but HIS WILL be done. Only by understanding what Love is, can we put it into action in our life. Anything less is self-centeredness, not love. Y'shua said if we seek to preserve our life, we will lose it. If we freely give it away, we will gain it. True fulfillment comes in giving to and serving others. Love does make the world go around. What the world needs now is love, sweet love: True Love--G-d Himself living in us.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" I John 3:1
"…if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." I John 4:12
Lura Maiman, Congregation Yeruel, Israel