Funny stuff 3
1st Page Go Back Bumper Stickers
1.Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
2.This car is designed by a computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.
3.This truck has been in 15 accidents... and hasn't lost one yet...
4.If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.
and the answer is
If your bumper sticker wasn't so damned small I wouldn't have to drive
so close to read it!
5.Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
6.I brake for no apparent reason.
7.Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!
8.UNFKNBLVBLE
9.If you get any closer I'll fart!
10.Clones are people 2
11.FOLLOW THAT CAR, GODZILLIA -- AND STEP ON IT !!!
Shit List
THE GHOST SHIT
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the
toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet.
THE CLEAN SHIT
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is
nothing on the toilet paper.
THE WET SHIT
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels
unwipped so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and
your underwear so you don't ruin them with a brown stain.
THE SECOND WAVE SHIT
It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to
your knees, and you realise that you have to shit some more.
THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT or
THE POP A VEIN IN YOUR FORHEAD SHIT
The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically
have a stroke.
THE CORN SHIT
Self-explanatory.
THE LINCON LOG SHIT
The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the
toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush.
THE DRINKER'S SHIT
That is the kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of
drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread marks left on the
bottom of the toilet.
THE GEE, I WISH I COULD SHIT, SHIT
It's the kind where you want to shit, but all you can do is sit on
the toilet cramped, and fart a few times.
THE SPINAL TAP SHIT
That's the kind where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it
was leaving you sideways.
THE WET CHEEKS SHIT or THE POWER DUMP:
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt
cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
THE QUAD SHIT
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt,
splatters all over the inside of the toiletbowl, the whole time,
chronically burning your tender anus.
THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT
A class all of its own.
THE OTTOMAN SHIT
The kind where the odour of the mess creeps out of the restroom and
throughout the building to make the entire building sick or near
evacuation. (This has been noted to happen in several bowling alleys
in the past few years especially.)
THE CROWD PLEASER
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have
to show it to someone before flushing.
THE MOOD ENHANCER
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your old self again.
THE RITUAL
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with
the aid of a newspaper.
THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity
within the next 7 hours is affected.
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
THE GROANER
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
THE FLOATER
Characterised by its floatability, this shit has been known to
resurface after many flushings.
THE RANGER
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage
in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution
is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
THE PHANTOM SHIT
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to
putting it there.
THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you.
Requires patience and muscle control.
THE BOMBSHELL
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either
inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you
are nowhere near shitting facilities.
THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a
frightening position - usually harmless.
THE OLYMPIC SHIT
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any
competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close
resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the
woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from
God when you actually CAN'T shit.
PREMEDITATED SHIT
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
SHITZOPHERENIA
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!
ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.
THE POWER DUMP SHIT
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when
you're done.
THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows
all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the
Lincoln Log Shit.)
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and
size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space
remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
THE PORRIDGE SHIT
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming.
You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it
piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of
your rectum on the way out in the morning.
THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles
and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't
warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand
innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin
and gasping for air.
THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to
drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the
place.
The "TURBO-CHARGER" SHIT
You're sitting there, minding your business, so to speak, thinking
everything is normal, and suddenly there is a totally unexpected,
yet full and robust passing of wind, followed by more, perfectly
normal shit. This typically results in a completely soaked behind.
THE FLOCK OF SEAGULLS SHIT
You drank some very yeasty beer the night before, you're driving
along the only stretch of freeway with no service station for the
next 50kms, you skid to a halt when you get there, drop your pants
on your way in to the trap, and there's an immediate explosion,
followed by the realisation that there's a new mottled wall-paper on
the wall behind the bowl.
JACK THE RIPPER SHIT
The kinda shit that rips the hair outa you ass when it comes out.
THE FRIGHTENED TURTLE SHIT
The kinda shit that pokes its head outa your asshole and then shoots
right back into your ass.
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