I can't concentrate.

Nothing. No motivation whatsoever.

But I need this. I need my 4 A's.

It's so stupid that I'm still wishing for them. Even though there's a fair chance that I won't.

I can't do this to my life anymore.

I can't keep letting myself down time after time after time.

But it seems like this is something I cannot control. I can't control myself.

They always said life wasn't going to be easy. But they never said that it was going to be this hard either.

I'm trying. I'm trying not to think of unhappy things. I'm trying not to die.

I need to block everything out. Everything. So I can think, straight.

I can't make myself do this. I keep giving up halfway. It's so stupid and naive of me to let myself give up. But I can't bring myself to hold up a book and read it. To absorb it's information.

Because we learn, to pass exams, to learn another whole set of information to pass more exams. Is there more to life than the exams and learning?

What, like we're supposed to enjoy this journey of learning and examinations? Everything in between? All the laughs, admist all the backstabbing and the hating?

This life doesn't get any harder. The happy times will be cut down short. Love plays only a minor role, but in the end we'll get hurt. Only to be healed again by someone else who might break our hearts.

"In the end, everything is going to be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

I really want the end to come. Now. Now. NOW. I have to wait until the 6th of June. I don't know if I can wait that long.

My grades are slipping and this is my only chance to pull them up again. I want to, I really do.

And if I really do. Then I should be able to have the strength to make myself.

But I'm too weak for that.

Do you see it? Do you see the freaking cycle here?
When does it end???? WHEN DOES IT END???