DAY ONE:
I met a young boy in the Prancing Pony today. I was checking him out, and then his cute little friend pointed me out. I almost blushed, but I covered it up by sucking on my pipe sexily. Then I found out that he was Frodo Baggins! Do you know who that is? Well don't you? I don't. But it sounded really hot so I invited him to sleep in my room, along with his tightbutted little friend. And the other midgets. We played strip poker! (Frodo couldn't keep his eyes off of me. I have to admit, I was pretty sexy!) I have to go now, men in tacky cloaks are stabbing pillows to death.
DAY TWO:
Guess what I found out! Frodo has a magic mood ring. It said he was passionate, I bet he's hot for me! Well it's going to be a burden loving him but he has a baby face. I love babyfaces! At least his two hooker midget friends and that Sam midget are kind of cute. Must go, we have to run away from those men in tacky cloaks. I think that they're hippies that want our moodring. Ring Wraiths, Gandalf calls them.
DAY THREE:
Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and I had to run away from the ring people. Where is Gandalf??
LATER: I saw a pretty lady and now I think i'm bi. Shit! She used to be into me in high school when I was 100% gay but I guess she couldn't take a hint. Ah well, I can enjoy the best of both sides! Oh yea, Frodo got stabbed.
DAY FOUR:
I got to spend the whole day with that tightbutted little Pippin! Merry was so angry that he... well he... ok he just yelled "I AM SO ANGRY!" It's a start. Anyway Pippin isn't very gay. In fact he's very into his food. I swore that I could change him this morning but I don't think I can. All he ever talks about are potatoes, carrots, corn, mushrooms, bacon, and anyother food he's ever heard of. (Believe me, he's heard of a lot of foods! What on Earth is a Pasteleo? Sam is definately straight. He likes a girl named Rosie. Maybe he's bi too! I'll have to ask him tomorrow.
DAY FIVE:
I talked to Sam. He says the Rosie thing is a cover on his crush on Frodo! Oh yeah, I also met a hunky elf today. He's kind of girly. A girly elf. Frodo thinks the elves are aliens, what a blonde. I mean... uh... brunette? Yeah, well Gandalf is back. He said, leave Frodo alone and threatened to curse me if I got anywhere near him. Tou-u-u-chy! I wish he was more touchy that is! He is really wrapped up with Frodo though. Ah well, Girly elf is a good looking type! Maybe I should pee on him to make him my property.
DAY SIX:
I peed on girly elf today. We are so close now, but I can almost feel his elfy cleanliness trying to crack through my outer layer of caked mud but I'll always remember to sleep in the mud after I spend a day with him. Oh yeah, I wish that dirty clean elf wouldn't slap me so much, my cheek is bruising.
