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B'Nai Noach - For My Beloved Gentile Friends
You May Ask, What Exactly Does "Shuvah Yisrael" Mean?
I'll Tell You.
Undoubtedly, the most popular words of the prophet Hoshea are his message of rebuke to Klal Yisrael, "Shuvah Yisrael ad Hashem Elokecha ki chashalta ba'avonecha" - "Return, O Israel, to G-d your G-d for you have stumbled through your iniquity" (Hoshea 14:2). This message has been most appropriately selected as the Haftarah reading for Shabbat during the Aseret Yimei Teshuvah - Ten Days of Repentance - for its compatibility with the theme of teshuvah, which is the call of those days.
If you are Jewish and currently flirting with, or are attending a messianic congregation, then I implore you to read my story and then, click on the many links above.
If you are not Jewish, please do the same, but make sure you click on the "B'nai Noach" link.
"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear"
The above picture of me in a Lake George stockade epitomizes my state of mind while in the Messianic/Hebrew Christian movement. I seemed happy, fulfilled and "saved", but in reality I was trapped in a false belief system and didn't even know it.
To learn about my journey, please read on...
I was born in Maimonides Hospital in Brooklyn 40 years ago. I was raised in Canarsie, in an area that was so Jewish that for my first few years of elementary school, I really thought that non-Jews were a minority people in the United States. My paternal grandparents were extremely secular. Interestingly enough, I recently learned from my 97-year old grandfather in Delray Beach that his parents AND grandparents near Kiev, Kishinev & Mogilev, Russia, were basically secular irreligious Jews who didn't keep kosher or Shabbos. They only went to synagogue on the High Holy Days, like many secular Jews do today.
So that means I'm descended from FOUR generations of zero Torah knowledge on my father's side. My great-great grandparents, my great grandparents, my grandparents and my parents were (and still are) secular. However, my maternal great-grandparents (on both sides) were observant Orthodox Jews. My mother recollects how she wasn't allowed to touch the light switches on Saturdays in their homes. She's not sure, but thinks her great grandfather was a Rabbi. However, my maternal grandmother passed away before I was born. And the only person who had just a tenuous connection to that long-lost world of Torah was my maternal grandfather, who passed away when I was 9 years old, from a major heart attack while working at the main Post Office near Madison Square Garden.
Being raised in 1970's Canarsie was very interesting. Even though we were brought up secular, being "culturally" Jewish was an important part of our close knit family. We celebrated the Jewish holidays by staying home from school, and having nice dinners with some close relatives. Unfortunately, there were no prayers or explanations of what we were doing. Once in a while, we'd attend services at the Canarsie Jewish Center (Conservative) on East 107th Street. Everything seemed to be done out of habit. I never felt any spirituality there. Years after leaving Brooklyn, I found out that there was a very large Orthodox population in Canarsie. But they were on the other side of the neighborhood. I vaguely remember seeing people dressed up in hats on Saturdays & Jewish holidays as we drove to do errands. Unfortunately, we had nothing to do with them.
The Jewish community of the Seaview Village area of Canarsie was almost totally secularized. While there were about five synagogues within walking distance, there was no spirituality. Most went to the synagogue that was closest to their home, not for any spiritual or denominational concepts. Nobody I knew was interested about the reasons we celebrated the holidays. We did it because we were Jewish, and we were supposed to.
I learned from an early age that part of being Jewish meant using your brain. Throughout our elementary & junior high school years, my two sisters and I were in the special "IGC" and "SP" classes (Intelligently Gifted Children and Special Progress). Most of the kids in our classes were also Jewish. Intellect was emphasized in our home far more than religious or spiritual mandates. The latter were viewed as ancient rules and traditions - nice to know about, but basically impractical and irrelevant. All of my Jewish childhood friends also had similar upbringings. Ironically, my shul was actually the more religious one, as half of my friends went to the Reform Temple (Emanuel) on Rockaway Parkway. So, I can only imagine what they were (or weren't) taught.
Beginning in the fifth grade (you're supposed to start anywhere from 1st thru 3rd grades), I attended Hebrew school three days a week for three years. There I studied Jewish history and learned how to read Hebrew but did not learn much about God. I truly disliked being there, and looked forward to when I would never have to return. I was the class wise guy, the one who wrote, "Jesus Saves" on the blackboard one day before a teacher whom I especially disliked came in. I thought it was pretty funny to watch her huffing and puffing as she erased it. To me, the name "Jesus" meant as much as the name Leroy, Bob, or Buddhah. But I knew it would get my teacher upset. Mission accomplished.
I had my bar mitzvah at age 13 and that ended my Jewish education. I remember the planning of the celebration at the Colonial Mansion catering hall in Bath Beach more than any part of my haftorah. While we had a great time, I learned almost nothing (besides some Hebrew and how to torture frustrated teachers) from the typical non-spiritual Jewish education I had.
We all had nice bar/bat mitzvahs, ate bagels & lox and no bread or cake on Passover. But for what reason, not many truly understood why. If any of my friends did know, most certainly didn't act as if they did. Unfortunately, we came to believe that being Jewish was simply like any another ethnicity, just like being Italian, Irish or Puerto Rican. In school, we extensively studied, read and were shown films such as "Inherit the Wind", "Brave New World", "1984", etc. which didn't exactly lead one to a Torah-observant lifestyle. If you didn't know, the public school system teaches a totally atheistic worldview.
Within society in general, there was a spirit of a new age upon us (the Age of Aquarius, if you will). It was the late 1970s, and the concept of the American "melting pot" was being pushed upon us by the educational system. I learned about Communism, Karl Marx, the 1948 Chinese Revolution, Socialism, etc. These "enlightened" teachings, mixed in with my middle-class, know-it-all Brooklyn Jewish sensitivities to fit into the popular culture, created within me a recipe of contempt for Judaism, and "organized religion" in general.
Up to that point, 90% of my friends had been Jewish. In ninth grade in junior high, my social circle suddenly opened, and I had plenty of friends from various backgrounds. We never discussed religion; we were all too busy going to teen discos, meeting girls and getting into minor trouble. I had a vague notion that Christians believed in some guy named Jesus who said that he was God. It seemed even less relevant to my life than Judaism was.
In high school, I started staying with a mostly non-Jewish crowd, as I became a huge fan of nightclubs & disco music. Brooklyn was the center of the disco universe, and I gladly took part in that scene. The drinking age at that time was 18, but fake identification cards were readily available at numerous stores in Times Square. Even though the I.D.s looked so fake, the bouncers gladly let us in. For some reason, my previous group of Jewish friends wasn't that interested in that lifestyle.
My grades suffered slightly as I aspired to be more like my fun-loving new friends. At first, all we'd do was drink a bit. But soon, we experimented a bit with different drugs. Driving to East Flatbush to buy a dime bag was almost a daily occurrence in 12th grade. I purposely took classes that I'd breeze right through, with hardly any exertion. I wanted to come across as being cool, so instead of studying, I put extra effort into not coming across as making any effort or being too smart. Smoking all that cannabis made the effort a bit easier. I went from being a studious kid with top grades to an average student with mediocre grades and lots of tough friends (many had bona fide close relatives in the mob). My new friends liked that I let them cheat off of my tests. I still managed to graduate with a decent SAT score and a Regents diploma. By that time, I had stopped being friends with my entire pre-high school group.
In 1983, I went on to Baruch College. It was hard to get back into the swing of actually studying for challenging subjects. I still enjoyed the nightclub scene. But during my first year of college I totally stopped partying with drugs. I wasn't promiscuous like many of my friends, but I really liked girls, and dated almost non-Jewish ones exclusively. I never much cared for sports, so I paid extra attention to girls instead, and they appreciated it. The Jewish girls I knew seemed to be more into material things. They dated the less cool Jewish guys that had nothing in common with me (how could anyone then NOT love disco & NYC nightlife, with its world famous clubs like Studio 54, Xenon, the Funhouse, the Roxy, Starbucks, the Red Parrot, 1018, Limelight, the Paradise Garage, etc?).
At Baruch, I happened to take an elective course on comparative religion. The professor was a devout Zen Buddhist, so the material he taught was slightly subjective. The class, however, did instill within me a new curiosity about God, as one of the required textbooks was a Catholic version of the Bible. I enjoyed reading what was required, but I put God back on the backburner for almost a decade more. I graduated in 1988 with a Baccalaureate Degree in Marketing & Sales.
During my second-to-last semester I met Maria, my future wife in an International Marketing class. We started dating pretty steadily but we hardly discussed God or religion, despite her Catholic background. Not only was she beautiful, but I deeply respected & was attracted to her sense of old-fashioned values. Even at 20 years old, she had to be home by a certain time and was NEVER allowed to sleep out. She was nothing like all the other girls I had gotten to know over the years.
From 1988 to 1991, I acquired the much-coveted position of DJ at a West Hempstead nightclub called Jamz. What a life! I was having a great time mixing disco & freestyle dance music, drinking and getting home at 4:30 am. I had not a care in the world as I had a brand new Acura Integra and my own basement apartment in my parents' home, and came & went as I pleased. All I wanted to do was have fun, be with Maria and make even more money DJ'ing private parties on the weekend. God was the LAST thing on my mind.
After my relationship with Maria got a bit more serious, we were engaged in 1992. Since I really didn't care about God or my religious background, I agreed with her requests that we would raise our future children Catholic (as it was somewhat important to her mother). I had agreed as I thought religion, as well as belief in God were a crock and simply an opiate for the masses, as per Karl Marx (thanks, commie teachings). I was pretty much agnostic, and truly believed that if God existed, why would He be concerned with my life.
In July of 1993 we were married by Rabbi Bruce Goldman and Father Henry Fehrenbacher (from Catholic Rent A Priest), both obviously ultra-liberal
My spiritual quest was rekindled in February, 1994 and took me quite by surprise. My wife and I had just come home from seeing the movie, Schindler's List, a deeply moving experience. As I was flicking through the cable channels I came across a show about the Holocaust. I had never seen the program before, nor heard of the host, Zola Levitt. I sent away for two books he offered: "Our Hands Are Stained With Blood" and "Meshumed", expecting them to be from a traditional Jewish viewpoint.
When I received them I was enraged to find that they were Christian books, posing as something Jewish. I was determined to send them back the next day, but instead, I actually began reading, as I grew a little curious at first. Then my curiosity became a deeply felt need to know more about this weird Jesus mixed with Jewish stuff. I began videotaping Zola's program and reading all kinds of materials from many sources, including the Christian Bible (NASB & KJV), Hebrew-Christian authors, as well as counter-missionary literature. I also sought out both Jews & Gentiles of various beliefs on-line. While the internet was still in its infancy, there was no shortage of newsgroups, chat rooms and people waiting to answer my inquiries.
I had a million questions and one of those people who made himself readily available was a staff worker with Jews for Jesus in San Francisco. While we never met face to face, we had a rapport, as it turned out he grew up in Canarsie, too. We went back and forth via email for months. Because of my lack of even basic Torah knowledge, his missionary training succeeded in reaching into my post-modern worldview,
Understand that I was receiving literature and email from traditional Jewish groups, counter-missionaries and other religious groups as well. I didn't want to meet them in person either. The counter-missionary material I was receiving was very mean & hateful: not what I wanted to hear. Some actually told me to divorce my wife immediately and become frum. "Yeah, right!" Not the best of advice to someone who had a huge anti-authority attitude, and quite full of himself.
After corresponding with some of these strange Jesus-believers, I decided to finally meet some by visiting a few Hebrew-Christian congregations. I was very curious about knowing how someone could actually still identify as a Jew and yet believe in Jesus. I was pretty shocked that there were actually six local congregations, some more Jewish-flavored than others.
After New Year's of 1995, I had found a local congregation about twenty miles away, on Long Island. It was called Shuvah Yisrael. I began attending services there. At first, I was very uncomfortable, as they met in the East Rockaway Nazarene Church. I had a gnawing feeling that this was some kind of cult. I remembered that as a kid, the teenage son of one of my paper route customers started wearing a "Jews For Jesus" button, which seemed very bizarre to me. I crossed the street whenever I saw him, as I didn't want to speak to the weirdo.
I clearly remember the first Shabbat morning I attended Shuvah Yisrael. There were about ninety people there, with all the men wearing kippot & tallit. There was an ark with a Torah scroll. There were the traditional Hebrew prayers that I remembered from my despised junior congregation & Bar Mitzvah preparatory days. However, there was also joyful singing and some people with tambourines. When the Torah was paraded around, there was such a feeling of joy & fellowship that I had NEVER experienced before. So many people came to greet and welcome me. I started attending regularly. The people were so nice. The food was plentiful. And the music & singing were awesome.
The "Rabbi", David Rosenberg, was a great speaker, intelligent and an all-around nice guy. He was different than the other messianic congregational leaders I'd recently met. Other leaders wore the Jewish accruements just during services, and some not at all. One place in Brooklyn, led by the evangelist Sid Roth, even had a cross with a tallis wrapped around it. UGH! But David wore tzitzit and a yarmulke at all times. He was sincere, honest and convinced that Yeshua (also known as Jesus) was the messiah. After meeting with him weekly for two months that summer of 1995, I was hooked! David took me under his wing. This was the way to go. The people were great. In got a high every time I was there. Plus, what better way to combine my Jewish heritage with my wife's Christian faith system. The best of both worlds, I reasoned, with some help from my new friends.
David taught me a lot. He explained many things including what he believed to be the differences between "Hebrew Christianity" and "Messianic Judaism". I hadn't known that there was even a difference, as the Christian testament taught that we were all simply "Jew & Gentile, one in Messiah". I was about to learn how Shuvah Yisrael & the so-called "messianic Jewish" movement differentiated between themselves and the traditional missionary groups like Jews for Jesus, and Jews who chose a church over a "messianic congregation".
For example, within the so-called "Messianic Jewish" movement, the terms "Jews for Jesus" & "Hebrew-Christians" are synonymous (as opposed to "Messianic Jews"). Our belief was that those in the Hebrew-Christian groups accepted Jesus as Messiah (converted to Christianity) and paid some lip-service to their Jewish heritage. They'd have some type of fellowship with other Jewish Believers, but they preferred attending churches. One of our missions was to get those church Jews into our messianic congregations.
"Messianic Judaism", on the other hand, was the true Judaism, just with the added concept of Jesus as messiah (& God). We were to be "one with the Jewish people". If there was a disagreement between say the Southern Baptists & the Jewish community, us "Messianic Jews" (David's group and like-minded organizations like the MJAA & UMJC) would take the side of the Jewish community. The Hebrew-Christians would side with the Baptists. Us messies were to be the fifth branch of Judaism.
No matter how hard the messianic groups try to distance themselves from the label of "Hebrew-Christian", they are truly one & the same. I now see that it was more of an ethnic pride issue, combined with "messianic Jewa" wanting to distance themselves from the traditional church as to show the rest of the Jewish world that we weren't like THEM (the church), with their history of anti-Semitism, replacement theology, Inquisitions, Pogroms & forced conversions.
Here's an interesting story that shows the strong feelings we had regarding the differences between us & those "church Jews". Late one night, Dave called me up to tell me about what was transpiring on the Larry King Show. The executive director of Jews for Jesus, David Brickner, was debating Orthodox Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. How dare CNN have on an assimilated Hebrew Christian as a spokesperson for us true "messianic Jews"? We then frantically tried to call into the show to explain that David Brickner did not represent true Messianic Jews; that Larry King should have Rabbi Rosenberg on with some other local "Messianic Rabbis", to truly represent us as true Jews. But we couldn't get through, and nobody ever answered our faxes or emails.
I learned about the "The Great Commission". A brief explanation of that concept is as follows: within so-called "Messianic Judaism" and evangelical Christianity, there is a direct command from Jesus to his followers, to spread the message of Jesus in order for others to become believers as well. Since the Christian Testament teaches that unbelievers are going to hell, the "real Christians" take it quite seriously. One can't blame them, as they sincerely, honestly and truly believe what's in the their testament. All in all, so-called "Messianic Judaism" is simply Christianity marketed to Jews. The core belief systems of "messianic Judaism", "Hebrew-Christianity" and born again evangelical Christianity are identical.
Within the "messianic Jewish" congregation, as much as possible is done to make Jews feel comfortable. The core message is the same as in every evangelical church, but the culture, language, ethnicity & historical flavors are quite different. But we did have some great monthly "kosher-style" Shabbos onegs!
In late 1995, my wife was pregnant with our daughter, Emily. I felt I understood this very interesting new theology. It all made so much sense, to have my Jewish culture mixed with my wife's Christian background, the best of both worlds! But now I had to consider my previous promise to my wife to raise our children Catholic. I understood that this "Messianic Judaism" was theologically related to evangelical Christianity (which I had almost no personal exposure to), but it seemed very different from the few Catholic masses & wakes I attended over the years.
So I started investigating the ideas and claims of Catholicism. I went into Catholic & Protestant chat rooms & newsgroups on America Online, asking very deep questions about their beliefs. Again, I read many books on the pro & con side of everything. It was after this time of study that I had the intense desire to do everything possible to not raise my future children Catholic (for reasons that I shall not delve into here).
Being a new dyed-in-the-wool "believer", I wanted nothing more than to bring my wife to "believe" and have eternal life. My new messianic/evangelical theology taught me that, as a typical, lukewarm Catholic, she wasn't truly "saved" as were most misled Catholics & Protestants.
Maria came with me numerous times to Shuvah Yisrael, but she wasn't comfortable there, as she was unfamiliar with the prayers and the sprinkling of Hebrew thrown in to give the place a satisfactory Jewish flavor. So, I went on a hunt for a non-messianic Jesus-believing congregation (aka a church) that she would feel comfortable in and be "saved". In the spring of 1997, I found a very Italian-oriented Church of the Nazarene. She liked it. We went to weekly services, attended Bible studies for a year, and she became a "believer".
In the meanwhile, I was also meeting with (and being taught by) Mitch Forman of Jews For Jesus & Mitch Glaser of Chosen People Ministries (with whom we shared a messianic Pesach seder at his home two years in a row). Later on, Mitch Glaser actually offered me a full-time position with Chosen People Ministries, but I declined the offer.
In early 1998, the Nazarene Church was preparing for the Lent season (where Christians become introspective for forty days and try to clean out the bad from inside, up to Easter day, sort of like the Jewish ten days of awe (lehavdil). At the Lent service, the Pastors made crosses of oil on the foreheads of those who wanted it (I didn't). It was at that point that I knew I couldn't stay there any more. My neshoma (soul) started screaming for me to "GET OUT". I rationalized that I had to get back to the messianic world once again. I verbalized my feelings to my wife. She wasn't too happy, as she had gotten very comfortable there.
But, once again, we started attending Shuvah Yisrael sporadically. I needed to know more and more about "Messianic Judaism" so we attended the 1998 Union of Messianic Jewish Congregation's conference in Washington DC. I also went to two UMJC "yeshiva" classes in Connecticut, with the goal of eventually becoming a messianic "rabbi" myself. In May of 1999, my son, Daniel, was born. He had a brit milah by an Orthodox Mohel from Boro Park alongside messianic "rabbi" David Rosenberg.
The next summer, I took the whole family to the Messianic Jewish Alliance of America's "Messiah 2000" conference in Grantham, PA. It was a truly a motivating experience, literally a messianic week-long pep rally, geared to strengthen our faith in "Yeshua" and "messianic Judaism". After returning from Pennsylvania that July, I felt compelled to truly commit myself to Jesus & Shuvah Yisrael.
At the conferences and "yeshivas" I attended, the "Messianic Jewish" leaders & scholars stress that we should become more Jewishly knowledgeable, so I began to read basic traditional Jewish books by those within the different branches of Judaism. We were attending Shuvah Yisrael almost weekly. I loved going there, singing, worshipping and learning with David Rosenberg. We had great fellowship with many of the regular attendees there. We attended weekly Bible studies, and there were monthly couples club gatherings where we would socialize with our new mishpucha. Maria was a childcare volunteer, and she even liked going. Life remained status quo for about nine months until I started realizing that I really didn't know much whatsoever about Judaism. It suddenly dawned on me that all I was learning about Judaism was from the messianic and Christian worlds. Shouldn't I perhaps learn about Judaism from Jews who realize we are here today because our ancestors rejected the theology I was now embracing? Hmmmm.....
The catalyst for my spiritual backflip was a book by a convert to Judaism. I read "The Lord Will Gather Me In" by David Klinghoffer (former editor of both National Review and Toward Tradition). The title caught my attention as it has a very Christian-sounding name, but it was in the Judaism section of Borders. Mr. Klinghoffer had undergone somewhat similar struggles. It was enlightening to see how he dealt with them. Reading his book pushed me to buy tefillin, which I had never even put on before.
After teaching myself how to put the tefillin on (there are video tapes on this, believe it or not) major doubts started nagging me, and I felt like I was betraying God, my soul, my heritage, my people & my family. I then read a book called "We Are Not Going To Burn In Hell" by S.J. Greenstein, which even more solidified my doubts about Yeshua, the messianic movement and what is called the "body of Messiah". While this book is a great basic book on why us Jews should reject Christianity, it is so clearly & honestly written, that it broke through all my messianic defenses I had built up, immediately.
Meanwhile, I was still attending Shuvah Yisrael, but I couldn't sing any of the "Yeshua" songs anymore, nor could I participate in the prayers that all ended "in the name of Yeshua" (which are pretty much all of them).
Then, I emailed Len Mansky, a local acquaintance from my early seeking days (in '94 & '95). After explaining my newfound confusion about Jesus, he lent me Rabbi Tovia Singer's cassette series called "Let's Get Biblical". I had known about Rabbi Singer and his tapes for years, but never wanted to listen to them. Even if I did, they would have had no effect as I was deeply & emotionally involved. However, now that the ice had been broken a bit, after listening to the tapes numerous times, I saw with extreme clarity that Jesus was not Messiah. Yeshua was not G-d. Christianity (& so-called "Messianic Judaism") as the fruit of the faith system started by Jesus, Paul, the apostles and the church fathers is definitely not kosher and is sadly very mistaken. If you need further clarification, the hundreds of reasons I needed to find & hear for myself are now available at www.messiahtruth.com. For an immediate refutation of the Christian interpretation of Isaish 52:12 - 53:12, then please study and absorb the information at the following web page: http://www.virtualyeshiva.com/counter/isaiah53a.swf
We stopped going to Shuvah Yisrael almost immediately. David Rosenberg approached me after services one Saturday, as he heard some rumors that I was "struggling with my faith" (a cliche in the Messianic/Christian world, used quite often when one has doubts about Christianity). We spoke briefly. I explained that I no longer believed as I used to. I returned one more time and that was IT!
Now a message to my former co-religionists within the Hebrew-Christian/messianic world: If you consider yourself a "Messianic Jew", a "Jewish Christian", etc. then you truly need to find out the TRUTH about Yeshua as Messiah/G-d. You most likely have found your current belief system as a result of seeking the Truth. However, where you are right now is just a temporary detour.
You must investigate this further because, as you clearly know, it is a matter of extreme importance. Your neshama (soul) desires to connect to Hashem, and you cannot do it via Jesus. Hashem is calling out to you, my friend. Below are some fantastic web pages that will enable you to see the beauty & truth of true Judaism. You can discover true Torah Judaism via your intellect via www.torah.org, www.ou.org or www.aish.org. Or you can discover it with your soul at www.Chabad.org, www.azamra.org, or www.meaningfullife.com. Either way will bring you back into the relationship Hashem desires to have with you. Get yourself to an amazing weekend of learning Torah at either www.gatewaysonline.com or www.shabbaton.org. Don�t worry. Nobody will stare at you for wearing jeans & sneakers.
If you would like to listen to Rabbi Tovia Singer, please let me know & I'll either email or snail-mail you some digital mp3 files (with his approval) that you can listen to on your computer.
My life has been turned upside down thanks to certain choices I'm made in my life. But whenever construction is done, the old must be torn down and rebuilt. I am committed to my two precious, beautiful children, so this is a major struggle. But I trust Hashem to bring us through it just as he brought our people out of Egypt. The newly finished product will be much improved due to G-d being the builder.
It has been over 4.5 years since I discovered that Yeshua is not the Messiah, and my thoughts are as follows:
It's weird but I feel that if I had married a secular Jewish girl, there'd be a very good chance that I'd now be like those Jewish parents in my old Brooklyn neighborhood (and living in most middle class Long Island towns as well), totally assimilated and not concerned with G-d or spirituality. Since only Hashem knows my soul intimately, perhaps this was the method that had to be used as the catalyst to challenge me to learn more about what Judaism really is?
Just like a candle in a sealed jar flickers just as it's about to go out as it runs out of oxygen, and yet fires right back up the moment the jar is opened, the spark within my soul has been ignited after that "sealed jar" was opened to allow in the oxygen (Torah Judaism) it needed. Life is a journey, and my journey has been bumpy for a reason, perhaps to keep others from traversing that crazy path?
That messianic path I was on did teach me much. I learned about spirituality and prayer. I learned to study Scripture. I learned how to be discerning. I learned that I wanted to know my Creator quite a bit more. I learned that I wanted to know what being a Jew really meant. I learned what the concept of Messiah really is. I am grateful for the many kind & seeking souls I met within the Messianic movement. I am thankful that G-d had me there for so long, as my familiarity with the movement, Christianity and their adherents gives me to right and the knowledge to discuss why Jesus is NOT the Messiah, and why Hebrew-Christianity/"Messianic Judaism" (all its branches) & Christianity are wrong. The messianic experience showed me not to be satisfied with a soul-less or joyless Judaism. Torah Judaism is the most beautifully intense experience a Jew can possibly have. Any movement of Judaism that teaches differently will just develop more bored and confused kids like I once was. And the world sure has plenty of things available for bored kids to bring into their lives besides Torah.
I've been in touch with lots of my Messianic friends since I've left, and many are interested in why I don't believe anymore. Many have broken free themselves. I've been blessed in that they've then found me and I've been able to point them in the right direction, according to their individual needs. Some have even joined me in local Torah classes, or have found a Torah-true Rabbi to study with wherever they live. Some have rejected me and believe that "the devil has blinded me". I get scores of interesting emails monthly from serious seekers, former messies and even Gentile former Christians who realize their former belief system is a farce. It is absolutely awesome being able to help as many of you that I can.
My children are being raised Jewish (they will be officially converted before a Bet Din at bar/bat mitzvah age). I've been studying with a young Torah-observant Rabbi, Yossi Korngold of the Jewish Heritage Center of Queens & LI, as well as a local Chabad Center. I am learning amongst many other things, Torah, Kabbalah, Talmud, Mishnah and Chassidus. I used to go into NYC every few weeks for amazing classes at to the Manhattan Jewish Experience on West 86th Street, Isralight & the World Tikkun Center where there were ( and still are) scores of young Jews coming to seek out the truth of a vibrant Torah-Judaism, from a real down-to-earth yet totally spiritual perspective. I am constantly learning about and am doing more mitzvahs as the months go on. I've been putting on tefillin and privately davening every day since June, 2001. By studying and praying, Hashem has increased my knowledge as well as my relationship to Him.
The key to successfully navigating the path to a Torah-observant lifestyle is to understand that one can't be in a rush as there is much to learn, and that Hashem wants one to take things slowly, to correctly acclimate Yiddishkeit into one's life. It's not easy desiring to be a frum Jew, while in a mixed marriage. At first, we lit Shabbat candles on Friday evenings, said an abbreviated kiddush, hamotzi, blessed the kids and tried to be as shommer Shabbos as possible. I was told that the trials & tribulations I've gone through are going to help blaze a path to Hashem for many others to follow. I now see that this idea has a lot of merit.
Regarding kashrut... I am now eating exclusively glatt kosher. At first, in 2002, pork, shellfish & non-kosher meat were the first to go. Now, we are kashering the kitchen, and we only eat in glatt restaurants. Thank goodness there is a huge selection of kosher places & supermarkets in West Hempstead & the Five Towns.
Wherever Hashem places me within the Jewish world, I plan on using my intimate knowledge of messianic worship, outreach, prayer & warmth to spread a vibrant, friendly and joyful Torah-Judaism. Joyful beginner services are the key to a spiritually Jewish revival in our Jewish neighborhoods. The status quo of bringing spiritually-ignorant (not their own fault) people to a boring synagogue (with a great fashion show) two or three times a year is no way to perpetuate a strong or real connection to the Creator of our existence.
Especially since the devastating terrorist attacks of 9/11, many have discovered this huge vacuum within their souls. Thankfully within the Jewish world, there are amazing groups like the Jewish Heritage Center of LI, Chabad (of the 5 Towns, Dix Hills, Mineola, Port Washington, 770), the Manhattan Jewish Experience, Aish Hatorah, the Jewish Enrichment Center, Gateways, the World Tikkun Center and others that are able to show us from Torah that the vacuum calling out to be filled can only be satisfied by knowing Hashem via a more spiritual, joyful and awesome Torah Judaism.
Since September, 2004, thanks to Rabbis Naftali Portnoy & Yossi Korngold of the Jewish Heritage Center, as well as some awesome and understanding Torah giants, both my children have been attending a Torah-observant Yeshiva day school. They LOVE it. I'm looking forward to this next stage in our lives, hopefully leading my wife to seriously consider conversion, which will facilitate the children converting with no problem, and our family becoming a testimony for the thousands of mixed marriages, as well as Jewish families that don't yet see the beauty of Hashem's Torah.
I am available to speak to your group or organization. It's a mitzvah if I'm able to stop just one Jew from going down the confusing, emotionally manipulating and soul-destroying messianic path.
Feel free to email me at Canarsie66@aol.com or just click on the link at the bottom of this page.
UPDATE: March, 2006
Last summer, my daughter spent an awesome month of July at Camp Nageela, an amazing Shommer Shabbos kiruv camp. Besides teaching responsibility, the warmth the staff brings in regards to Torah, Mitzvot & Hashem is unparalleled. Rabbi Shenker of JEP LI (www.jepli.org) is a true Tzaddik and does awesome work with Camp Nageela.
My son went to Chabad Camp Gan Israel, and loved it. The interesting thing is that he was only one of a handful of boys who wore a kippah all the time.
My path to becoming 100% Shommer Shabbos is now complete!
Becase I am a self-employed musical entertainer, since the 1980's, my business has been based on doing non-Orthodox and non-Jewish events, mostly on SATURDAY afternoon. Since I started studying Torah, I knew that it would only be a matter of time before I stopped doing those parties. In March of 2004, I stopped working Friday nights, after doing an extremely eye-opening Sweet 16, where the kids were being given alcohol by the adults in attendance. It was actually a huge relief, as I was undergoing a lot of stress while driving to these gigs as Shabbos was actually starting, and then facilitating people dancing & having a great time until12 or 1 in the morning. I also stopped booking Saturday day events at the same time, and finally finished my last one (an intense Bat Mitzvah, by the way) in February, 2005.
So that left me with dealing with the Saturday night events. These weren't a problem from November to April, as Shabbos ends very early. I then committed myself to concentrating on not working on those Sat. night events that I have to start preparing for before Shabbos ends.
This was the hardest step, as Saturday night is prime event time.
As a Jew who wants to honor Hashem & Torah, I couldn't do ANY events on Shabbos anymore, so now my journey to becoming Shommer Shabbos is complete. No driving, no working, no TV, etc....
What an awesome feeling of peace & tranquility I've been experiencing on Shabbos as a result of following through on my decision.
My new DJ company called Azamra DJ, catering to the Orthodox market in the NY tri-state area, is now over a year old. So far, every party done has gotten rave reviews from the Orthodox Jewish world. Success in this market has enabled me to be completely Shommer Shabbos, as well as not having to shlep all my own food to catering halls anymore, as these parties are all Glatt KOSHER.
Since Pesach, 2005, I have spent at least half of all Shabbos' in the 5 Towns, being hosted by some dear new friends. There's something wonderful about the area, which slows down on Shabbos much more than the rest of Long Island, due to the large amount of frum people living there. It's awesome as total strangers greet me with a "Good Shabbos" when I walk to and from shul in the morning and then once again when Shabbos is drawing to a close.
I'd like to thank Rabbi & Chanie Wolowik of the Chabad of the 5 Towns as well as Menachem & Devorah Rosenzweig for their amazing hospitality on Shabbos and Yom Tovs.
Also, I can never say "thank you" enough to Rabbi (& Aviva) Korngold of the Jewish Heritage Center for their patience with my crazy questions, for being so non-judgemental when I really had no clue what Torah was, for studying Talmud & Torah with me, for being a source of strength when I may have had some doubts, and for simply being a dear friend who I can even call just to chat about non-Torah subjects once in a while.
Regarding my marriage, even my lovely Maria has spent a quite a few Shabbats away from home with me & the kids. Every day is different. Somedays, I feel that she is slowly warming up to Yiddishkeit. Other days, not so much. Time will tell. If you pray, please do so for us.
Life's a journey that's not supposed to be painless and full of easy answers. The struggle we have is all part of the Divine plan to have us grow and become better human beings by learning, understanding and living life according to what Hashem wants of us, all with joy & wonder!
Blessings,
Jeff Neckonoff
