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This is just here to fiz a table pro-blem.
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Fun Flash
Jokes* What happens when a PAKISTANI eats a rat? he will have more brains in his stomach.
* what do u do to make a PAKISTANI pay attention to you? start ur sentence with the word kashmir.
* There is a diamond at the center of a square room. Batman,Superman, Spiderman & an intelligent PAKISTANI are at the four corners of the room.If they all run at the same time to grab the diamond who gets it first? No one ! all are fictious charaters.
* how do u stop a PAKISTANI tank? shoot the men pushing it.
* how do u diable a PAKISTANI missle launcher? u cut the rubber band. Q: How do you break an Paki's neck while he's drinking? A: Slam the toilet seat Q: How to you stop an Paki from drowning? A: Take your foot off his face. Q: Why did God give Pakis noses? A: So they'd have something to pick in the off season. Q: What is a Paki limo? A: A garbage truck with mercedes hubcaps Q: What do you say to a Paki in uniform? A: I'll have a big mac, coke and fries. Q: Why don't Pakis have barbeques ? A: Because the re-fried beans keep falling through the grill! Q: Why don't Pakis have checking accounts? A: Because you can't sign a check,with a can of spray paint. Q:How do you fit 100 Pakis in a phone booth? A:Throw in a food stamp Q:How do you get them out? A:Throw in a bar of soap Q: what do you call a bottle of whiskey with a food stamp inside it? A: A Paki fortune cookie Why couldn’t a Pakistani woman terrorist blow up a car? A: Because she burned her mouth on the tale pipe.
Q: What sexual positions produce the ugliest children? A: Ask any Pakistani.
Why was there lipstick on the Benazir’s steering wheel? A: She tried to blow the horn
Pakistani Air Force officials have recently motioned for a name change for the PAF. They want to call it the PMC, the Pakistani Mining Corps. This is because their planes end up in the ground anyway.
Pakistani military researchers have recently ordered for the enlargement of the hatches on tanks and other armored vehicles. This is so they can be more easily abandoned in enemy territory.
* have u ever seen a PAKISTANI war hero? neither has PAKISTAN
* did u hear about the the latest PAKISTANI invention? the new automatic parachutes. they open on inpact.
* how do u sink a PAKISTANI battelship? u put it in water.
* did u hear about the 747 that crashed into a cemetry in karachi? the PAKISTANI officials have recovered 3000 bodies so far.
* did u hear about the PAKISTANI admiral who at asked to be burried at the sea? 5 PAKISTANI sailors died digging it.
* did u hear the shutdown of the karachi national library? somebody stole the book.
* ur looked in a room with saddam hussien, adolf hitler & a PAKISTANI. u have a gun with only 2 bullets. what do u do? shoot the PAKISTANI twice to make sure he is dead.
* what is black &brown and looks good on PAKISTANI? a doberman.
* how can u tell when a PAKISTANI is lying? his lips are moving.
* what do u have when a PAKISTANI is burrien up to his neck in sand? not enough sand.
* did u hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of PAKISTANIs? he threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Gags
Post-it Prank
Try popping a post-it note underneath your colleague's computer mouse. It will stop it working while not inflicting any lasting harm.
Better still do the whole office while they are out at lunch.
Telephone Teaser
Now for a *harmless* practical joke. My favorite telephone gag is to call someone at random, and with an official tone rattle off this warning before they can interrupt: "This is the telephone company calling. There is some trouble with your line. Please do not answer any calls for the next five minutes or the person on the other end may be electrocuted. Thank you." Hang up, and wait about two minutes. Call them back. When they answer, just scream "AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!" and hang up.
One joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, I don't quite know why it is called that. Anyway.. The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and set it on fire, toss it under the door into the stall. Yell fire as everyone tosses the water into the stall. Needless to say the fire as well as the victim get very wet. This one fellow in the house was hit a number of times and took to relieving himself in other locals. We followed him a couple of times and nailed him in many parts of the residence. Later of course we conspired with our victim to get back at the original instigator of the drill. The guy in the stall had a bucket of water, and when the the instigator tossed the bag in we all hit him.
It is common for draftsmen to sprinkle SCUMEX (powdered rubber eraser) on tracings prior to doing any drawing on it. This reduces smearing of the pencil marks and such and results in a cleaner tracing. At a former employers we had replaced the Scumex at one draftsmans desk with dried parmesian cheese. It looked about the same. It was extremely interesting watching him draw for a while and then begin to smell the paper. Took the poor dude almost 10 minutes to guess that he had been gigged!
New secretary (second day on the job) answers telephone as is told in official tones: "This is the phone company. We are testing a new circuit wiring scheme in your offices. Please keep everyone off the phones for the next 10 minutes. We will be verifying the correct wiring of your system by passing HOT STEAM through the wires. Instruct your employees to place their phones on the floor, or, better yet, wrap them in towels to avoid scalding themselves. We will advise you when the tests are complete *click*" After momentary panic, the secretary begins a frenzied "Paul Revere" routine, running from desk to desk while glancing frequently at her watch. Just as the 10 minutes are about up, she bursts into her boss's office (while he is in the midst of an important long-distance call) and, screaming, grabs the receiver from his hand and flings the whole phone under his desk...
Several years ago at our site I had an argument with a co-worker about the use of menu screens. I argued that they are fine for a while, but that soon become tedious and that direct verb commands were preferable. His argument was that menus were the ultimate in user- friendliness, and that he would always prefer them. A few days later I heard him holler from his office. Seems he started up the local editor, which gave him a menu selection to a)insert b)modify c)delete a character It was talked about for some time.
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