True Emotions; True Selves
It is true; in a sense, that we all have a dark side to us. Human beings are naturally evil, at least that is what many of the most intelligent minds in history have said. And to this I believe to be true, that we as a race, are doomed to our most primal instincts. We are indeed the most evil of all kami-sama's creatures, but humans they pretend and deny this. They hide this true side away like cowards. And I, Nara Arashi, am one of the most notorious of these cowards. I hide my true self away from all prying eyes, from all of the dirty humans in which I can not truthfully stand. I, Nara Arashi, am a hypocrite. I hate the very race I am born from, I hate the vices that bind this culture, I hate the selfishness, the greed that holds our dear precious society together. The very people I see every single day of my life. The very people whom believe me to be one person, when I am really another, the people in which believe this hateful actor in front of them, I can not stand them. I despise everything they do, the darkness in their eyes, the lies they spew from their blasphemous mouths. These dirty wretches in front of me. Not a clean one in the lot. They've all sinned, I've sinned. As I said before, I am a hypocrite. The worse of them all. And thus, the reason I hate myself over all of these sheep, the reason I can not bare to see my own reflection more than I must. Is that I sicken myself. I am what I hate, and I hate what I am. What a horrible circle you must think, and in your assumption you would be correct.

So why, you might ask, do I even pretend to be someone I am not? Well, I would have to admit one thing to you before answering this question. That one thing would have to be, that like my fellow humans I have a flaw. I as well get lonely. That damned need to be around others of my kind, drove me for years to seek out a kindred spirt. And yet, over those painful years I found none. What I did find was the depths of my hatred for the people within the same village as me. But I digress. The question that was placed before me was one that is complicated to answer. Why, if I hate these people so very much, do I try so hard to be normal and fit in with them? Why do I not excel over all of them and leave them behind. It isn't like it would be to hard to accomplish, seeing how I am already the best above them all. Even the mighty bloodline clans prized children can not stand up to me in a real fight. So why. Why do I care? Why do I try? I hate them, I hate them so..so much. And yet...I try. The answer, can be summed up in one name. One person. The person that forced me to face the darkness within myself and attempt to mingle with the very people I wish only to be apart from. Who is this person you ask? I met him the first day I entered the academy. He was ...different, from all of the other kids. Something about him made me curious. From that day forward, I ignored my own way of life. I stopped ignoring the dirty humans that bothered and attempted to speak to me every day, and I dove head first in to the world around me. I finally stepped down from the clean crisp clouds, and landed my feet on the ground. To meet this person, to know who he was. To understand why out of hundreds of people I had met in my life, this one person. This, small kid. This annoying brat. Intrigued me. Why was I drawn to him? These are the questions I had to have answered, for I hated not knowing the answers.

As time passed I found myself more annoyed with this person, he knew how to push my every button. He knew what would make me lose my cool, yet I did not. He tried however, everyday, to my surprise to challenge me to a fight. Of course, I never took the challenge why would I? I already knew I was stronger what was the point? Annoyed that I still felt a draw to him, and the more I observed him the more I realized how normal and un-unique he was. In a sense I was jealous of him, the way he got to live his life without others bothering him endlessly as they did me. I quested within myself to find the answers and found none. I only found more questions. So in my last ditch effort to receive the answers I so wanted out of him, I attempted to come out of my hateful shell. The mask I built, the one that confided my true self. If I were to look in a mirror I would not recognize myself. The me everyone knew, the me they all loved- was not me at all. I was polite and kind, I helped people when they asked and I was always nice to girls. Even if I hated them, I knew being totally alone would be worse than having to deal with these ...creatures. None of them touched me the way that boy did, I went through the motions and lacked the emotions. But that all changed because of him. I started to listen to these people, I started to open my eyes to the humans in front of me instead of prejudging them as creatures driven by their own vices. Some of them, were actually gentle. I could bare to be around them longer than the others, and the more I lost myself in the chase for the answers to my inner questions. The more I found myself climbing out of that hole I had dug for myself to escape in to.

We went on, and time passed. I tried more and more to be like him, normal. As I did that I noticed he tried harder and harder to out do me. The challenges, the name calling, it just got worse. It hurt. The words I wanted, needed to say, the questions I wanted to ask him never came when I turned my chair to speak to him. Instead hateful words of discouragement and pain floated off my lips as I taunted him. His annoyance towards me stopped at one point, and I was merely playing along with a game that I couldn't escape. We would argue, and I would say something rather hurtful or sarcastic that would drive him over the edge and cause him to challenge me again. My reasons for not fighting him by that time were different than before. I no longer ignored them for the feeling of superiority, no now it was the feeling of something more. Something inside of me did not want to see him hurt, and even more I did not want to be the one hurting him. I found I had became more calm, docile, I no longer simply hated without question. My smiles became few and rare, as before I would smile simply to put up appearances. Now the only time one would grace my lips would be a real genuine one. I stuck to frowning and glaring more than anything else. And I began to complain openly now, my voice would be heard and others would agree. I never asked them why, seeing how even now that I had began to drop my mask they still adored me.

Then the day came. The day we were to graduate, I was full of regret and remorse. All that time and I had yet to ask him any of the questions I meant to. All those times I could have been kind to him, instead I had been rough and mean. All those times I could have said I was sorry, I threw hateful words in his face. I damned myself for putting the one person I cared so much about down so much. If he only knew if they only knew, because of him I had changed. Before I met this boy I was a caterpillar, the feelings that confused and bounded me was my cocoon, and by the end of the term, because of him, I had emerged as a butterfly. The mask was nearly gone, and my heart stung with pain. Soon he'd be gone, and I would never know why I had felt that connection with him. Why had I been so stupid? I had to be the most stupid genius to ever grace the earth, I wanted to thank him. Thank him for helping me notice all the beauty in the world. I could now walk down a path and simply enjoy the breeze through the trees, I could fall asleep in a field of flowers without any harmful thoughts. That boy had set me free, had help me release all the anger I had inside of me and let it go. He had made me change without lifting a finger, and I could never thank him. Because he would never know.

No one would ever know.