i am letting myself
slowly
drive myself crazy
over you
without your permission
without your annoyance
privately
you are driving me
out of my mind
perplexing
and frustrating
self-image deleting
obliterating slowly
stewing in consideration
seething
grinding my teeth
and sleeping prone to forget you
i find my head
beneath my pillow and blanket;
i can't seem to let you escape
if you were an idea
i'd try to forget you
but you are a formula
incorporated into the hard wiring
entirely too damn appealing
i am letting my thoughts,
my emotions, shifting semantics
grind through my brain
splattering my gray matter
in frenzied anger,
cooking too slowly,
and boiling over suddenly
you're provoking reaction
without your knowledge
i hope you never know
you'd only laugh
i can wait it out
if i know it's still a secret
it's no longer my fear
of taking risks controlling here;
i feel i understand you
as much as i need to
the necessary words have come
from your own lips
and your body language
and in the things
you'd never say
wonderful
it's a passing thing,
and i can't resent
any bit of it.
and since you'll never read this,
i've written it
god forbid i should impose upon you,
but i forbid that i should go mad
by keeping it all inside