"You know, I don't like meeting people who are too attractive, and not just TV stars at my job, but anyone who's good-looking or charismatic. It stirs up longing."
-
"Of course, one can just do one's best to have sex with that person, and that assuages some of the longing. but the problem is that sexual longing has no real assuagement ever, it's like longing for the moon; you can never have the moon no matter what you do, and if you were foolish enough to take a spaceship up there - and if the people running NASA didn't see to it that you were killed - you would just find that the moon was this big chunk of nothing that had nothing to do with what you were longing for at all. Oh, Olga, let's go to Moscow, and all that. There is no Moscow, there is no moon, there is no assuagement of longing."
Christopher Durang, Laughing Wild
"You never notice me;
some day you will."
Mary Lou Lord
"The real liberators of American women were not the feminist noisemakers, they were the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, the freezer."
Pat Buchanan, loved by feminists everywhere
"Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when lubricated."
Quills
"I could never live in paradise, she said. I don't look that good naked."
Brian Andreas, Hearing Voices
"I'll smack the assonance out of you!"
parisfalls.com, episode 4
"You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican my loins explode."
thespark.com
"Do you want to be back where I found you? Unemployed?? In GREENLAND???"
"The Princess Bride"
Jennifer: "Who eats bull?"
Brad: "I eat bull... bull-ogna."
Advising a student having trouble with her comb/Saran Wrap musical instrument:
Prof. Clark: "You should be able to get some sound out of it. Talk into it."
Cindy (to comb): "... Hello?"
"The secret of the man who is universally interesting is that he is universally interested."
William Dean Howells
"Voorhies sans power!
This prevents my work-time joy:
my shared mp3's."
Eve’s spoiled existence touched by construction
"In real life, extremely few bridegrooms jump out of windows just before their wedding, for, apart from other considerations, it's not a convenient mode of escape."
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, on Gogol's "The Wedding," in The Idiot
"Hey, good lookin'..."
"Hi!"
Kosta while singing, and the 50+ year-old man who answered him
"Remember: people in positions of power don't try to make you jealous."
Eve
"To accept the contingency of starting-points is to accept our inheritance from, and our conversation with, our fellow-humans as our only source of guidance... Our identification with our community--our society, our political tradition, our intellectual heritage—is heightened when we see this community as ours rather than nature's, shaped rather than found, one among many which men have made. In the end, the pragmatists tell us, what matters is our loyalty to other human beings clinging together against the dark, not our hope of getting things right."
Richard Rorty, Consequences of Pragmatism
Jennifer: "Oh, you can do that."
Kosta: "You want me to put my fingers there?"
Jennifer: "Lower."
Kosta: "Like that?"
Jennifer: "Oh yeah. That feels good."
back massage conversation
"If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names."
Elbert Hubbard
"I've always followed my father's advice: He told me, first, to always keep my word and, second, to never insult anybody unintentionally. If I insult you, you can be goddamm sure I intend to. And, third, he told me not to go around looking for trouble."
John Wayne
"Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"Ugliness is in a way superior to beauty because it lasts."
Serge Gainsbourg
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
Oscar Wilde
"We are dissecting a horse this quarter. Each group of six gets a pony that is on hooks suspended from rails. It looked like a really morbid carousel, at the beginning of the quarter. Now it has only degenerated. But that is probably more than you ever want to know, so I will leave descriptions of the wonderful pustular diseases we are learning about until later (just kidding)."
my friend Rosalind, one of the South African pre-vet twins...
Susan: "So Seth, what kind of girls' underwear do you like?"
Seth: "Doesn't matter, as long as it comes off."
Susan: "AAAaaaAAAHHHHHH!!!"
"I long for eternity because there I shall meet my unwritten poems and my unpainted pictures."
Kahlil Gibran
"But the satin leopard print feels so good."
Jonathan (context irrelevant)
Emily: "I went to Victoria's Secret today."
Keith: "Did you find out the secret?"
Emily: "No, but I bought a bra."
"Romance languages are to Latin what Ebonics is to English."
Seth
"Just dangle that carrot!"
Jessica on using femininity against the male libido
Daniel: "We're syncopated without syncopation!"
Professor Clark: "Whatever that means."
"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right."
-
"Feel disillusioned? I've got some great new illusions."
-
"A new dramatist of the absurd
Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
I learn from my spies
He's about to devise
An unprintable three-letter word."
from http://scv.bu.edu/~aarondf/fortunes.html
"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."
Jeff Berner
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."
Paul Beatty
"Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art."
Charles McCabe
"Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours."
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
"His mind is like a steel trap--full of mice."
"Foghorn Leghorn"
"Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see each other whole against the sky."
Rainer Rilke
On dating:
"If you never stick your neck out, you never get a hickey!"
Allison
"I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Football in general is like a man... it's weird, moderately entertaining if you have any vested interest in it, rational only within its own parameters, seemingly stupid to at least half the outside world, and fraught with unnecessary-looking equipment."
Eve, in response to someone’s comparison of women to their favorite losing football team
"A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's."
Jean Paul Richter
From Maxim's "History of Sex":
"1994 AD: The Wonderbra is sold in the US. Not since Christ's miracle with the loaves and the fishes has such bounty been made from so little."
About her naughty former boyfriend:
Kosta: "You like those bad boys, huh?"
Susan: "I wanted to fix him. Not in the 'neuter' sense
"Yeah, runners have a lot of endurance."
-
"I think if you had the choice, you really wouldn't want to be a eunuch."
-
"It's not a love handle, it's a HOSE!"
Kosta: track star, innocent, and master of innuendo
"With my great affinity for buttons..."
Brad, explaining why he could never be a Mennonite
Republican J.C. Watts, a member of the House leadership, glowingly introduced Bush at a Democratic retreat as "leader of the free world." Returned Bush, "Pretty darn eloquent guy, being from Oklahoma."
from an AP news story
"We find comfort among those who agree with us and growth among those who don't."
Frank A. Clark.
"...Hindu priests blamed the [earthquake] disaster on sins 'blacker than mascara.'"
from a Reuters story on the 26 January 2001 earthquake in India
"Are you guys Mexican?"
girl to Monique and me at a church tutoring session; neither of us are, actually
"Honestly, having someone as president who you didn't want to be in office is like knowing you'll be married tomorrow to a heartless, powerful-yet-insignificant, clammy-handed, horny, lecherous middle-aged man who is going to make you have sex with him that night. It feels like that ALL THE TIME."
Eve on the new president
"Sometimes I wish I had never met you because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there. The greatest pain that comes with love.... is loving someone you can't have."
Anonymous