Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal
feet and comfortable sandals. Made from recycled materials.
Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
Bite-The-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with
pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood, and the ability
to perform surgery on herself in the Outback.
Blue Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles,
lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay
scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and
cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are
holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
Our Barbies Ourselves: Anatomically correct Barbie, both
inside and out, comes with spreadable legs, her own speculum,
magnifying glass, and detailed diagrams of female anatomy so that
little girls can learn about their bodies in a friendly, non-threatening
way. Also included: tiny Kotex, booklets on sexual responsibility.
Accessories such as contraceptives, sex toys, expanding uterus
with fetus at various stages of development, and breastpump are
all optional, underscoring that each young woman has the right
to chose what she does with her own Barbie.
Rebbe Barbie: So why not? Women rabbis are on the cutting
edge in Judaism. Rebbe Barbie comes with tiny satin yarmulke,
prayer shawl, teffilin, silver kaddish cup, Torah scrolls. Optional:
tiny mezzuzah for doorway of Barbie Townhouse.
Homegirl Barbie: Truly fly Barble in midriff-bearing shirt
and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories,
and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and she says things like "I
don't think so,""Dang, get outta my face," and
"You go, girl." Teaches girls not to take shit from
men and condesending White people.
Transgender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
Robotic Barbie: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous
two-legged walking machine! After falling over, she says "Control
theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"
Dinner Roll Barbie: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly, generous tits and ass, and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner rolls, Bucket o' Fried Chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Sealtest ice cream, three packs of potato chips, a t-shirt reading "Only the Weak Don't Eat," and, of course, an appetite.