The below is the alternative disclaimer for an Internet related
freeware product (yes - he has a real one as well, just not as
funny).
DISCLAIMER: This program and documentation reflects the thoughts, opinions, ideas, and body odor of myself; it does not reflect the thoughts, opinions, ideas, and/or body odor of my company, my friends, my wife, my daughter, my fish, my roses, my dog, or my trash. All rights reserved, all lefts reserved. This software is subject to change without notice. Bits are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual software, running or hung, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Type hard, you are making five copies. This software is a void pointer to null where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Software is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied. User assumes full liabilities. Not liable for damages due to use or misuse or inability to understand. An equal opportunity electron employer. No shirt, no shoes, no software. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Quality may vary. Since software is hand-crafted, there will be slight differences in each object. If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. No Parking. No Standing. No Spitting. Posted no Bills. Parental Advisory - explicit source code. No one under 17 admitted. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Limit one per family. No money down. No purchase necessary. Cache and carry. You do not need to be present to win. Some assembly and C++ required. Batteries not included. Action figures sold separately. Take a number please. Preservatives added to improve freshness. Safety goggles must be worn at all times. Hard hat area. Sealed for your protection. Call before you dig. EXTERN use only. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use and consult your magic eight ball. Use only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures. Store in a cool dry place. Refrigerate after opening. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Avoid contact with eyes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. If this software begins to smoke, run, do not walk, towards the nearest exit. Do not place near any magnetic source. Smoking this software may be hazardous to your health. You are not in Kansas any more. Code used in this software was made from 100% recycled electrons. Prosecutors will be violated. No animals were used to test the runtime performance of this software. No extra salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If symptoms persist, delete yourself immediately. If you suspect an overloaded operator, destroy immediately. Constantly volatile when exposed to static pointers. The white zone is for passenger loading and unloading only. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Free software offer valid only at participating FTP sites. Slightly higher outside of the continental US. Allow four to six seconds for delivery. The white zone is for passenger loading and unloading only. Motor vehicles only. Actually, I am a mouse in the middle of an incredibly complicated plot to take over the world. This disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of Bob, misuse, neglect, repair, attempted modification, bugs in the code, damage from improper installation, incorrect line voltage, cosmic rays, missing or altered serial numbers, attempting to actually run the software, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, and incidents related to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, alien attack, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying squirrels, verbal assaults, or house arrest. Other restrictions may apply. Your mileage may vary.