Woman - A Chemical Analysis
Element: Woman
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary from
105 to 175
Discoverer: Adam
Occurance: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with
slighlty lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject
to seasonal fluctuations.
Physical Properties:
- Surface usually covered with painted film.
- Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
- Melts if given special treatment.
- Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with
care!
- Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common
ore.
- Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties:
- Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many of
the Precious Stones.
- Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
- May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
- Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when
saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
- Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
- Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.
Uses:
- Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
- Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
- Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
- Can cool things down when it's too hot.
Tests:
- Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
- Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution:
- Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme
care when handling.
- Illegal to possess more than one, except in Utah.