"The Satellite of 'Dite,
the Fanfic of Riffing of Other Fanfics"
By: Jaimielée Rocket and Maelstrom
Disclaimer I: To whom this concerns, it belongs to you!
Smut: Uh~ debated
Violence: Hm~ debated
"Episode Four: The SuperBowl Tickets, Old and New Version,
Why Does Jessica Keep Being Mistaken for a Boy?"
WARNING: SEVERE WEIRDNESS. ^_^ or should I say SEVERE UNBELIEVEABLITY.
Disclaimer II: Jessica and Cleo belong to me, Kasey belongs to Maelstrom and Angie belongs to She-wolf or Bardokmegami. Mike and the 'Bots would go under Disclaimer number one along with Pearl-tachi. The fanfics belong Amber.
A Big Thanks: Amber! I love you so much! You came through when I needed REALLY crappy fanfics!
~*~*~*~
The Satellite of Love had been traveling the universe for ten Earth years now, passing into the future and slipping into the past, seeing quite a few wonders along the way. But through it all they were tormented by bad movies. Never to fail were the bad movies.
The first captives on the SoL was Joel and the 'bots he had created himself, Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo, Gypsy and Cambot. But after watching a terrible Joe Don Baker movie, he left the 'bots behind. But being sent up to them was another human, his name being Mike, and he has lived there ever since. The first couple of people ever to torture them was a mad scientist named Dr. Forrester and his assistant, TV's Frank. But sadly, they passed away, and Mike, Servo and Gypsy almost escaped, traveling to the edge of the universe for five hundred years, leaving poor Crow and Cambot on the SoL, but then they were somehow pulled back, and they learned that they had a new torturer. There was a gal named Pearl Forrester and the monkey-man Professor Bobo, then they picked up a albino along the way, who carries his brain in a pan and has extraordinary mind powers. After a few mishaps, Pearl-tachi and Mike and the 'bots finally made it back to present day Earth, and Pearl and her "friends" are now happily living in a Castle called Forrester, sending bad movies to Mike, Crow and Servo.
One can imagine living alone, seeing the same faces over and over again CAN get on a person's nerve after a while, but these guys somehow managed not to rip each other apart. You have to give them credit, for being complete losers they sure can be admired for their stubbornness to keep living. Right at this point of my narration, Crow and Servo are playing a nice game of checkers while Mike is off doing whatever a human does on a satellite. But the 'bots friendly game was ruined when the ship was struck by something and it rocked dangerously back and forth.
The checker pieces flew all over, and the 'bots were thrown to the ground. Picking themselves up, sad that such an occurrence had just occurred. Mike ran in off to the side, shouting, "What was that!"
"We didn't do it," Crow said, making that point quick, so Mike wouldn't suspect that they had done something wrong.
That's when Gypsy entered, calling, "The ship was just struck by a fast moving object! And it looks like it's in a human-like shape."
Mike nodded, and being the sort of, kind of captain, he ordered, "Cambot, rocket number nine, please."
The hexfield opened and camera nine clicked on, showing the view outside, floating just a few yards away from the SoL. There was a hazy object floating by one of the bumps of the bone shaped ship. "Zoom in," Mike said, and it did so. It clicked forward and forward until it came close enough to see the object more clearly and the dent it had made.
"Gee, Mike," Crow pointed with a claw. "Not only is it human shaped, it IS a human!"
And indeed the object WAS a human, a human in a purple jacket, blue pants that were tucked into large boots, a white scarf wrapped tightly around their neck, and an odd helmet with a tinted window visor. Strapped on this person's back was a pack-like item and another thing that appeared to be a jet pack, but it wasn't working. Staring at this for a bit, Servo first came to the conclusion that, "This person must have stupidly drove themselves into the side of the ship, going at top speed."
"But why would they do that?" Mike asked, scratching his head. "This is a pretty big ship, it's hard to miss."
"There was a wormhole nearby, Mike," Gypsy told them.
"There was?" he exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Because I was on my way to navigate around it right when this guy rammed into the satellite. When they appeared, the wormhole shrunk and we can now pass under it safely."
"Well, what do we do?"
"I say leave him out there," Crow stated. "He has a jet thingie, let him drive back to Earth."
Mike wove his hands. "You can't enter Earth's atmosphere like that! It'll crush him."
"Mike," he asked calmly, "do I look like I care?"
The human sighed, then Servo said, "I think he's knocked out. Either that, or the jet doesn't work anymore."
"Maybe he's dead," Crow suggested. "How can you survive wearing that out in space? What about the big bulky suit?"
"We're not leaving him out there," Mike snapped. "Gypsy," he turned to her, "go retrieve that poor idiot and bring him in here."
"Yessir," she nodded and went away.
Crow sighed in disappointment. "Mike, why are you bringing him in?"
"He could die! If he isn't already."
"You and your stupid human morals."
Mike glared at him and waited for Gypsy to return with the man. She brought the person in, holding him up by the jacket held in her mouth, and she deposited him on the counter. "How is he?" Mike asked.
"Well," Gypsy returned, "SHE'S all right, just unconscious."
"A she?" Servo gasped and was instantly more intrigued. He floated up onto the counter and stared at the body. "How can you tell? The clothes are too baggy."
"One way to solve that," Crow replied, walking up. "Take off all the clothes!"
"Yeah!" the red 'bot agreed.
"No," Mike said sternly. "Why don't we just remove the helmet and look at the face?"
"Oooh, I hope she's pretty!" Servo spoke in anticipation. "Or at least cuter than some of those girls on the movies we see."
Shaking his head, Mike reached for the helmet and, after studying it for a bit, found the way to open it. He pressed two buttons on the side and it opened in a split between the visor and the back of the helm, and it was now loose enough to pull of the head. He yanked it, and the head jerked up, then fell back with a hollow thud as it was released. Crow flinched, and muttered, "Smooth one, Nelson."
Laughing nervously, he gripped the chin and turned the face toward them all. "Uhhh," Servo began uncertainly, "is that a girl . . . or a boy? I still can't tell." The person wore no make-up, and their hair was cut short like a guy's. They wore two silver hoop earrings, but in this time and age, most boys have about three earring holes per ear.
Gypsy stated, "I swear, it's a female."
"But the face and the hair is masculine," Servo pointed out.
"What do you think, Mike?" Crow asked.
"I have no idea either," he answered.
"I still say we take off the clothes."
"Crow, no." He released the person's face and it lolled back, facing away from them.
"Well, if not all the clothes, how about just the jacket? They must be wearing a shirt underneath."
"Well, you do have a point, Crow."
"Of course I do! Now, off with the jacket!" He sounded as if he was wishing that the human didn't wear a shirt underneath.
Mike first pulled off the scarf, and a necklace with three pendants on it clanked to the counter. One was a ball being sat on by a gargoyle, the other a dragon and the third some plastic catlike creature. Passing over that, Mike hesitantly reached for the jacket, unzipped it, took hold of the edges and was about to open it when the red button on a series of three buttons lit up.
"Looks like Pearl's calling," Servo said and he tapped on the button. They all looked ahead, the view of Pearl in Castle Forrester appeared. Mike still had his hands on the jacket when Pearl began to talk.
Castle Forrester:
Pearl had a piece of paper in her hand and she was looking down at it. "Hello, Mike, Tom, Art, Gypsy, I got a message from . . ." She glanced up. "Mike, what are you doing? Is that a GIRL who's body your hands are upon?"
SoL:
Mike flushed and he pulled his hands away and behind his back. "No, ma'am."
"You can tell this is a girl?" Crow inquired.
CF:
"Yes, can't you?"
SoL:
"Maybe it's a woman thing," Servo whispered.
"Maybe," Crow repeated.
Mike, overcoming his blush, gestured at the girl. "Do you know who she is, by chance?"
CF:
Nodding, she replied, "Yes, I do actually. That's what I was about to say." She waved the piece of paper in front of the screen. "This is an email from a man named Rob Tapert--"
SoL:
"The creator of 'Xena'?" Crow and Servo both asked eagerly.
"Maybe," the golden 'bot said, "this is Renee O'Conner with her new short hair!"
"But isn't she a blonde?" Servo asked.
"I thought she was a redhead," Mike added.
CF:
"You're both wrong," Pearl interrupted them. "She's a strawberry blonde. And that girl is NOT Renee O'Conner. Her name is Jessica, she comes from a different Dimension."
SoL:
"A different Dimension?" they all reiterated.
CF:
"That's what I said. She belongs to a fellow mad man, who happens to be Rob Tapert. Our dimension is very close to hers, only with slight differences. Such as, what's going on right now, here, in our real world, is just a TV show in her dimension." She read off the sheet. "Mr. Tapert refers to us as, 'The Entertainment Dimension'."
SoL:
"Oh, yeah? Well, I refer to him as a big a--"
Crow's comment was muffled by Mike's hand. "So, this is a girl named Jessica? What is she doing here?"
CF:
Pearl consulted the sheet again. "She is in a predicament similar to yours. She and her friend and her cat were sent into space and back in time to watch her recorded Xena episodes, on a satellite that they call ' 'Dite'. But then Rob accidentally fell into an open portal and was transferred to the 'Pokémon' Entertainment Dimension and he became the boss of a big corporation called Team Rocket. For a year, over a three thousand years in her time, he worked on an invention enabling him to communicate between realms, and he sent me this email via a dimensional computer." She cleared her throat and continued. "In his realm, Rob stole several anime characters and sitcom characters from their Dimensions and sent them to the SoD, including people from two of his favorite movies, the Evil Dead and Austin Powers."
SoL:
"Those are good movies," Mike confirmed, with appreciative nods from the 'bots.
CF:
"Yes, I agree. For a year they lived without word from Rob, then he finally got the communications to work and he sent Jessica her cousin 'Angie' and they are now forced to read bad Team Rocket/ Pokémon fanfic to boost ratings on his Pokémon website. But Jessica's cousin Angie got lost out in space and entered a wormhole and Jessica went after her and apparently she ended up here. So, there, there is Jessica's long and boring back story."
SoL:
"Wow, ma'am, that was wonderful," Mike nodded. "So, now what?"
CF:
"Well, Rob realized this could help his ratings much, so I agreed to let him continue his experiments on Jessica using you three as well."
SoL:
"Pokémon?" Crow asked. "We watch that sometimes, don't we?"
"Are you kidding?" Servo exclaimed. "I own both the red and blue versions!"
"Great, our own personal Pokémaniac."
"But what about Jessica?" Mike asked, concerned. "She's kind of pale, and sickly." He motioned to her and her lips are a bit blue and she was quite white.
CF:
"Brain Guy!"
"Yes, ma'am?" Observer came up immediately, carrying his green brain in a tray.
She pointed at Jessica. "Go up to the SoL for a bit and get that girl well. Then send her into the theater, for Mike and the dear 'bots shall begin the experiment without her." She began to laugh maniacally as Observer disappeared and reappeared on the satellite, carrying a small medical bag. Pearl stopped laughing and held up a disk. "Today's fanfics you shall be reading a couple of classic crappiness called 'The SuperBowl Tickets, Old and New Versions', have fun." She stuck it into the complicated machine that would connect the disk to the theater screen.
SoL:
All three lights on the buttons went off and twirled and the ship rocked as buzzers were let off. "We have fanfic sign!!!" And all three of them disappeared, leaving Brain Guy and Gypsy to take care of the unconscious Jessica.
~*~*~*~*~*~
(three shadows enter the theater. First to enter is Mike carrying Servo, who he sets in the third seat out, then he sits in the second, and Crow comes in and hops into the first chair.)
MIKE: So, fanfic, huh?
SERVO: Let's go Pokémon, let's go! Whoo!
CROW: I'll be depending on you to give me any info on this subject. All I know is that Pikachu is sickeningly cute.
SERVO: Can do!
The SuperBowl Tickets
MIKE: What the~ Oh-ho, American ideas in a Japanese cartoon.
SERVO: Hey, if they can call rice rolls donuts, then you can use SuperBowl tickets.
CROW: Where the hell IS this place the Pokémon are supposed to live?
MIKE: Maybe inside Mt. Fuji?
(old version)
CROW: (old lady) Those young whippersnappers. Just 'coz I'm an old version they think they can just push me around.
By: Jaimielée's friend, Amber!
MIKE: J-jay-mee-lee? Jaime Lee?
SERVO: No, it's French. That's "Jjeh-ma-lay".
MIKE: . . .
Author's note:
CROW: (author) I would like to say ahead of time, I am SOOOOO sorry for this piece of crap I dare call a fanfic. Thank you.
Okay everyone -
MIKE: Ooo, freaky. It's as if she knows we're reading this.
this is my first
SERVO: (author) . . . pathetic . . .
attempt at writing anything besides reports
CROW: Reports, such as; How to light a bong.
MIKE: The story and life of Hitler, and how he was the greatest man alive.
so give me a break.
SERVO: I COULD break out singing a certain candy bar jingle there, but I decided I won't.
CROW: Good. (puts away duct tape)
And seeing how the only Team Rocket stuff I've read was fanfics, I'm probably totally lost without even knowing it.
MIKE: (author) Some totally cute guy with an umbrella and a yellow bandanna gave me directions . . .
(And yes, this fanfic is supposed to be
SERVO: Sucky?
insane!!!)
SERVO: Oh.
CROW: She's INSANE!
MIKE: At least she gave us ample warning.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MIKE: God, you don't want to be driving your car across THAT road.
Jesse and James practically skipped into Team Rocket HQ
SERVO: (Jessie and James) We just murdered those annoying brats, and we feel FREE! Lala~
(ya know - headquarters).
CROW: Oh, gee, thanks. I thought she had meant HINDquarters. Imagine my embarrassment.
Jesse was holding two tickets in her hand.
MIKE: Phantom of the Rocket! Bwahahahahaha!
They were SuperBowl tickets.
SERVO: If the Niners are playing, I am SO there!
The instant that Ash and Brook
CROW: Ash and Brook? Aren't those elves from Elfquest?
SERVO: I believe she means Ash and BROCK.
MIKE: Ash? The guy from the Evil Dead movies?
SERVO: No! Ash Ketchum, the Pokémon Trainer guy with the Pikachu.
MIKE & CROW: Ohhhh.
realized this, they practically flew to our fav lovebirds.
SERVO: (snicker) LOVEBIRDS?
MIKE: So Ash and Brock know where their enemy's HQ is and flew there?
CROW: Musta been a pretty durn fast plane.
"Oh my god! I thought the SuperBowl was sold out!"
SERVO: (nervous) Uh, who's talking?
"Uh, well, um." As usual, James knew JUST what to say (wink wink).
CROW: Upp, that's my signal to go kill the president. See ya. (walks off)
MIKE: Get back here, Crow. (Crow walks back, dejected.)
"Say duh-
ALL: Duh!
of course that sold out weeks ago! We just managed to win a pair. Nothin' spectacular."
SERVO: (whoever is talking) I mean, they're on the zero yard line, they're no good.
It was Jesse to James's (does James's even sound right?
ALL: No.
oh well) rescue.
CROW: I, uh, guess he fell into a well and she rescued him, huh?
And of course all this excitement started the pokemon on an endless babble!
MIKE: I thought they WERE always talking in an endless babble. I mean, "Pika-pi" and "Jiggly-PUFF!" is about all they can say.
SERVO: I think this Amber gal thinks the HUMANS are also called Pokémon. She really HASN'T seen this show.
(off to the left side, Gypsy enters carrying a body)
GYPSY: Brain Guy said Jessica'll be fine in a minute, so I brought her in. Where should I set her down?
(Servo moves out of his seat and sits in the one next to his)
SERVO: Here, a gentleman should always offer his seat.
CROW: (whispering) Whatever . . .
(Gypsy sets the comatose Jessica in Servo's old seat and exits)
MIKE: She still looks like she's dead.
CROW: She looks like Brain Guy, yech!
"James-y, I'm gonna go put the SuperBowl on our calendar." called Jesse, as she ran upstairs toward their room.
SERVO: Whoah! I think the fanfic continued without us!
Not 30 seconds after she rounded the corner, Jesse let out an ear-piercing shriek that scattered the pokemon as they ran to hide.
MIKE: (Jessie) MEOWTH!!! What ARE you doing in my underwear and make-up!!!!
CROW: That is an image I soon did not want to hear, Mike.
"The Super Bowl's on the exact Saturday that you and I are leaving on that week long cruise!
SERVO: Who's she talkin' to? Me? James? Misty? Who.
CROW: How is she saying all this stuff? Screaming it from the apartment window?
(Jessica tips over and lands across Servo's seat. Grunting, he pushes her back up and she slumps, but is still in her seat.)
This is so not fair! Damn it James,
MIKE: (Jessie as Bones) I'm a Rocket member, not a secretary!
don't just stand there- do something!!!!!"
SERVO: Well, at least Amber got Jessie's screaming ability down good.
CROW: There's a leech in the shower and she wants him to do something.
"What am I supposed to do! It's not like I can tell the whole world to wait a week for Super Bowl just cuz I'm gonna be outa town. We could be reasonable about this and give the tickets to Ash and Brook."
MIKE: Which IS the good thing to give to your worse enemies.
SERVO: James is acting quite strong-willed and aggressive . . . It's scary . . .
CROW: Who is this Brook person? Ash's girlfriend, or what?
At this, Ash and Brook tried to look angelic and deserving of free Super Bowl tickets.
MIKE: (James) Hand over the Pikachu, and we might have a deal.
SERVO: (Ash) Done! I'll throw in Misty, too.
But nothing anyone said could calm Jesse down,
CROW: That's what happens when you eat a hundred pounds of sugar. James TRIED to warn her.
it was two in the morning.
SERVO: And this is relevant because . . .
MIKE: Maybe Amber wanted to portray Team Rocket as truly good Rocket Members, waking up at the crack of dawn.
CROW: Or, all four of them were possibly up that late 'coz they were having a little *fun*.
SERVO: Whoah, two guys, a girl and a BROOK. That HAD to be somethin'.
The next morning
MIKE: The Apocalypse came, and no one went to the Super Bowl. The End.
(with a few hours sleep and a dry vodka martini [Bond, James Bond. Vodka martini, shaken - not stirred.] under her belt)
CROW: That line totally lost me there.
SERVO: Uh, fanfic? Is there something you'd like to share with the rest of us?
(Mike sits Jessica up straight as she begins to fall over to his side.)
Jesse was a lot more rational about the whole Super Bowl tickets thing.
MIKE: (Jessie) Urp- I got so hammered last night, I thought they were candy bars, and I ate them, so I suppose that we go on the cruise!
"Why don't we just give them to Ash and Brook?
SERVO: Maybe this "Ash and Brook" are new Team Rocket members, that's why Jessie and James are being so nice to them.
Then you and I can still go on that cruise and SOMEONE will enjoy the game." Across the room, Ash whispered to Brook,
CROW: (Ash) Let's hightail it to the closet and have some fun, what say?
"Gee, isn't that what we told her last night?! And anyway, if we get the tickets, I'm taking my girl - not you."
MIKE: (Brock/Brook) So you admit? You've been CHEATING on me? Wahhhh!
SERVO: Ash has a girl? I should hope not.
CROW: Maybe he means Misty.
"You have a girl? OOWW!!!"
MIKE: Brock/Brook spontaneously bursts out in pain . . .
Taking the offensive, Ash had belted Brook
CROW: That cad! Punching a girl!
[I wonder why!!
SERVO: Because you wrote it, you dipstick!
Let me count the insults. 1...2...]
MIKE: That's as high as the author can go.
"Yes, Brook, I have a girl. And we're going to the Super Bowl together." "Bull.
CROW: Brook! A lady should not speak like that!
I'm gonna take my girl."
SERVO: Knowing BROCK it could be Nurse Joy, Officer Jenny, or anyone he can pick off the street.
MIKE: (Brock to a woman on the street) You look clean enough, let's go!
CROW: (woman) That'll be two hundred dollars an hour, hun.
One fist goes flying and by the time James and Jesse looked up there was a knockdown, dragged-out fistfight.
SERVO: Amber has destroyed the innocence of Pokémon, forever . . .
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
ALL: Ack!! The ears! The ears!
MIKE: (rubbing ears) My problem is that now I am quite deaf.
And there went Jesse,
SERVO: Off the cliff she went. Bye, Jessie! That'll teach ya to drink and drive! Hahahaha-erk!
(Jessica lands on Servo half way through his maniacal laughter.)
SERVO: Uh, Mike, a little help?
(Mike grabs the collar of Jessica's tank top and pulls her up straight)
SERVO: Thanks
MIKE: S'all right.
proving yet again that she is a kick-butt girl. "IF YOU TWO ARE GONNA FIGHT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF YOU GETTS TO BRING A DATE, I'LL JUST GIVE THE DAMN TICKETS TO YOUR GIRLS AND BOTH OF YOU CAN STAY HOME!!!"
ALL: Groan, the ears . . .
CROW: I don't think I wanna meet this Jessie anymore.
And that is how
MIKE: . . . God created this mighty Earth.
both Ash and Brook both managed
SERVO: . . . to kick their own asses.
to miss Cher
CROW: . . . removing her ribs.
singing live at the Super Bowl. Corny, ain't it?
SERVO: No, corny is Mike's feet.
CROW: That's disgusting!
SERVO: It's true!
MIKE: Shut up, you two, that WAS the end of the old version, you know.
CROW: It was? Wow!
MIKE: (picks up both Jessica and Servo) Let's go.
(all exeunt)
~*~*~*~*~*~
CF:
Pearl stepped close to the communications screen, and gloated as she asked, "So, how was THAT fanfic, Nel-dork?"
SoL:
Trying to hold the heavy Jessica up, he grunted, "Quite painful, I assure you. It made no sense and it didn't go along with what I knew about Pokémon already."
"I thought it was quite interesting," Servo stated proudly. "Albeit really dumb . . . Where was Meowth, and Pikachu and Misty?"
CF:
Pearl laughed, glad she had caused so much pain. "Wait until you read the new version, which I'll be sending to you very soon." She popped the disk into the machine and began to type madly away.
SoL:
"Uh, Pearl?" Mike began hesitantly.
CF:
Busy with typing, she barely glanced up. "What is it, Mike?"
SoL:
"Uh . . . Jessica's still out . . . What d' we do?"
CF:
Hearing this, Pearl lifted her head and glanced at the girl he held. "Well, Brain Guy should have made her better." She squinted and studied the girl. "She's not dead, is she? Rob won't like that."
SoL:
"No, she's quite alive and very heavy."
CF:
"Well, then, she should be waking up soon." She turned back to the keyboard. "Now, leave me alone, I'm busy sending you your next horrible fanfic!" And she proceeded to laugh again. In the background you can almost hear the echoing laughter of Observer and Bobo.
SoL:
"So, now what, guys?" Mike asked the 'bots.
Crow came up close, saying, "I still say, take off her clothes!"
"Crow, no!"
"Aww, c'mon Mike," he whined. "She's halfway there, anyway. All she's wearing is a spaghetti stringed top and shorts, and the boots. You know you want to, Mike. You haven't seen another woman for quite a few years, y'know . . ."
CF:
Indignantly, Pearl cleared her throat and asked nastily, "Hasn't seen another WOMAN?"
SoL:
He wove his claw dismissively. "Another PRETTY woman." As he said that, he recieved a very thorough shock. "Ouch! What the~"
CF:
Pearl held up a red-button buzzer labeled with the name "Crow". Her index finger held steady over it. "What?"
SoL:
Sweating, (if he could sweat), Crow stuttered, "Uh, well, I didn't mean that, Pearl. I mean, uh, that you ARE the most smart, wonderful person any man is blessed to meet. You're so beautiful with those bugging blue eyes and well-rounded figure and your hair, which isn't really blonde--" BZZZT! "Err, I mean, IS naturally blonde. This girl is younger, but she can't compare to the beauty and splendor that is Pearl. hehe."
CF:
Pearl placed the buzzer away. "That's better."
SoL:
Mike was about to say something in response to this, when the girl suddenly stirred and groaned. "Mike, Mike!" Servo shouted. "She's waking up!"
Jessica got a small smile on her face as she realized someone was holding her and she asked dreamily, "Tee-hee . . . James . . . Did you slip me something in my drink again? Tee-hee . . ."
Clearing his throat, and seeming a bit embarrassed, Mike said, "Uh, miss? I'm Mike . . . not James."
When that news finally sunk in, a half a minute later, Jessica's eyes became quite large and she stared at him in fear. "Then who are you and where am I?"
"You crashed into our ship, the Satellite of Love, and we saved you, and my name is Mike Nelson."
"Mike? . . ." Slowly, she peered down from her perch in his arms and saw a gold robot, and a bubble gum machine robot. "Crow? Tom?"
"That's us!" They both said in unison.
Swearing, she screamed, "I entered an Entertainment Dimension! Noooo!" Taking a deep, calming breath, she turned her head to Mike again and asked, "Have you, by chance, seen my cousin? Her name's Angie, and she's about five foot five, brown hair and eyes . . ."
"Nope," the man replied.
"Damn," she snapped her fingers. "Uh, can you possibly let me down, so, you know, I can walk on my own, maybe . . ."
"Oh, yeah, here." He lowered his arms and she swung out, staggering a bit.
"Are you okay?" Servo asked with what seemed the utmost care in his voice. "Can you walk on your own?"
"Yeah, it just feels drafty. Where's my bag? I have a pair of levis and a T-shirt in there."
After she asked that, the sirens suddenly went off and she faintly heard Crow cry, "Quick! Throw the clothes overboard!"
"You can't change right now," Mike told her. "We have fanfic sign!"
"As if I could," she muttered, since Crow HAD indeed jettisoned her clothes out into space. "Fanfic?" she inquired a moment later as she stumbled after Mike. "I thought you only did movies . . ."
~*~*~*~*~*~
(all four enter, Jessica's carrying Servo now, since she has his seat and he sits next to her. They all sit in the same seats as before.)
MIKE: We did used to do only movies, but that Rob guy got permission from Pearl to continue his experiments on you while you are here.
JESSICA: Aww, geez, I'm sorry. This'll be the third one I've read since he first began on fanfics, out of four. I used to review Xena episodes, you know. All Joxer episodes.
SERVO: Geez, you were so lucky.
CROW: Yeah, watching all those babes flip around in leather.
JESSICA: So, what fanfic are we reading?
Okay, you said to send you this so here goes nothing.
MIKE: Who is she talking to?
JESSICA: Who IS *she*?
But I still haven't thought of a title.
SERVO: I thought it was the "Tickets" thing.
CROW: That musta been added on later.
Feel free to riff it. It should create a lot of laughs.
JESSICA: This gal's cool! Who's writing it?
The SuperBowl Tickets (new version)
MIKE: With the new scent of pine!
By: Amber
JESSICA: Amber! I remember! This is my friend AMBER! Hi, Amber! You wrote a Pokémon fanfic?
SERVO: Yeah, before it was the "Old Version". I can't wait to see the *new* version!
----------------------------------------------------------
CROW: The road has a bunch of small potholes, then it's the granddaddy o' 'em all!
Author's note:
JESSICA: Ah, thoughts from Amber's mind. 'Shrooms and naked buff guys galore.
SERVO: Hmm, I shall like to meet this fair lady named "Amber".
Okay everyone -
MIKE: (author) You had better take notes on this, 'coz there's gonna be a quiz!
this is my first attempt at writing anything besides reports
CROW: How to be a professional prostitute.
JESSICA: How to kill your driver's ed instructor and get away with it.
so give me a break.
SERVO: I suddenly have a craving for a KitKat Bar . . .
And seeing hoe
CROW: (snicker) I guess seeing a "hoe" would inspire ME to write a Pokémon fanfic.
the only Team Rocket stiff
MIKE: She saw a Team Rocket *stiff*? Oh, the mafia finally caught up to Jessie and James and little Meowth.
I'v
JESSICA: "IV"? Why would she need one of those?
read was fanfic, I'm probably totally lost without even knowing it.
SERVO: (author) I had come across that cute guy with the bandanna again and had asked for more directions.
And yes, this fanfic is supposed to be totally mental.
JESSICA: Just like dear Amber is. Sighghghgh, I miss the Earth.
MIKE: Me, too. (sniffsniff)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jesse and James
CROW: (pirate) Argh, follow the dotted line till ye reach the Jessie and James . . .
practically skipped into Team Rocket HQ
SERVO: But instead they failed even at that, and landed flat on their faces.
( for those who don't know, HQ =
MIKE: Hair Quartets!
head quarters) . Jesse was holding two tickets in her hand.
JESSICA: To the sumo wrestling match at Raticate Auditorium.
The instant Ash and Brock
SERVO: (sad) Oh, Brook disappeared . . .
JESSICA: Brook?
MIKE: Don't ask.
realized this, they practically flew to our fav lovebirds.
JESSICA: Stay away from MY James, ama-shogi!
CROW: Ooo, sounds like someone's a little jealous.
JESSICA: Bite me!
"Oh my god!
MIKE: . . . Betty! Look at her butt . . . It is soooo huge!
I thought that they sold out weeks ago!"
SERVO: Yes, tickets ARE quite popular in Pokémon Land.
"Um, well, uh." As usual, James knew just what to say
JESSICA: (James, whiny) I'm huuuuuuuuuungry!
(wink wink) .
MIKE: Why, that little pervert! Imagine, Amber winking at me!
Say duh -
ALL: Duh!
I wonder why it sold out!
CROW: Pikachu is just too cute, those plush dolls went like THAT.
It's a wopping two weeks away!
SERVO: What's a whopping two weeks away? Christmas?
JESSICA: No, Girls' Day.
MIKE: I think she's talking about the day that Zeus was born.
CROW: Oooo, people on Pokémon land are Pagan!
Where were you when they passed out the brains?!"
JESSICA: (Ash) I was out, trying to catch a Pokémon. I failed miserably, of course . . . Maybe that brain could've come in handy then, huh?
It was Jesse to James's (does James's even sound right? Oh well)
SERVO: No, the correct way should be "James' ", but I'm not saying anything . . .
rescue. And all the excitement sent the Pokemon on an endless babble that was too spastic to follow, much les understand.
MIKE: Much like this fanfic.
CROW: "Spastic"? How old is this gal?
JESSICA: Fifteen, and she's a hyperactive Valley Girl type female, transplanted from California to Idaho.
CROW: Hm, maybe that explains a few things.
"James-y, I'm gonna go put the game
SERVO: (in deep voice) . . . of Risk . . .
on our calender" called Jesse as she bounded up the stairs. Not seconds after she rounded,
MIKE: She had been scarfing down on Twinkies and Ho-hos again, hasn't she?
Jesse let out an earpiercing SCREAM
JESSICA: . . . a horror movie that put me to sleep . . .
that sent the Pokemon into full battle alert. (Do they even have a battle alert?
CROW: Well, I'm guessing when you go "Pikachu, I choose you", you ARE putting them in battle, therefore they must be alert.
Does it matter?
ALL: No.
I think not. To both questions.)
SERVO: Amber likes to answer her own questions, doesn't she?
"The Super Bowl's
MIKE: Ohhhhh! They are SUPER BOWL tickets.
ALL: Ohhhh!
on the exact Saturday that you and I leave on that weeklong cruise!
CROW: Pray to God that it isn't on Carnival.
This is so not fair! Damn it, James -- don't just stand there,
JESSICA: (Jessie) Do a belly dance or something, I'm upset!
do something!!!!!!!!" "What am I supposed to do?
JESSICA: Oh no! The disease spread from Chibi Team Rocket to Amber!
SERVO: Disease?
JESSICA: There's a disease that me and my friends discovered that makes people forget to put paragraph breaks when they are needed! Dr. Evil made a vaccination, but I don't have the recipe and I can't save my friend! (breaks down crying)
MIKE: (patting shoulder) There there. Do you really think it's this disease, or is Amber not too good in English?
JESSICA: (sniffles) Hey, you're right! She's good at MATH, not ENGLISH! Whoo, thanks, Mike. I feel much better.
Tell the whole world that because I'm gonna be outa town with my gal
CROW: Did James used to live in the Bronx?
SERVO: No, he lived in a huge mansion with psycho parents, a fiancée that liked to whip things, and a cute little Growlithe.
JESSICA: I love that episode . . .
the Super Bowl's gotta wait a week?!?!?!"
"Yes." "Oh come on, be reasonable!
MIKE: (James) We don't TELL the Super Bowl to wait a week, we threaten it's LIFE then tell it to wait a week.
We can't use the tickets cuz there is no way they'd postpone the game, so why don't we give them to Ash and Brock?" At this, our fav single guys
JESSICA: Well, I DO like Brock, but Ash could use a thorough beating.
tried to look angelic and deserving of the tickets. " Like I am gonna give tickets to those slimeballs." "Jesse, honey,
CROW: (James) Give me some honey, we'll pour it over Ash and Brock, then stuff them into an anthill.
take a deep breath. It's either give up the free tickets or the really expensive tickets. Don't overwork your brains on this one.
SERVO: (James) Last time you did that, I was cleaning up the mess for a week.
It's not that hard of a concept."
JESSICA: James is acting smarter than Jessie! Unreal.
SERVO: Then Jessie pulls out her mallet and whaps him over the head for being insolent.
"Are you saying that I don't always use my brain?" The words dripped with proverbial venom.
CROW: My brain is racked with proverbial PAIN.
"Aw, shit.
MIKE: Ack! Censor?!
No, babycakes,
ALL: (snicker) Babycakes?
SERVO: First he swore, and now James sounds like a '50's greaser.
it was sarcasm. Funny ha, ha. Don't kill me."
JESSICA: Now THAT'S more like my James.
"Pikachu."
CROW: (James) Jessie, my name's James.
"Pika"
MIKE: Ack! Where did he come from?
CROW: Kill the annoying hamster with the lightning bolt up it's ass!
JESSICA: You sounded like my friend Josh for a second there.
"Go get me a drink. On second thought, get me a drunk. As in a really big drink. And how would you like to go to the Super Bowl with me?
SERVO: Oh, I see. This is just an elaborate trick in trying to capture Pikachu, right?
We'll give the cruise tickets to Serena and Darien."
MIKE: And you can faintly hear the crash as two worlds collide.
"Pika, pika, pika!!!"
JESSICA: When did Jaimielée and Pika show up?
OTHERS: ???
JESSICA: It's a fanfic plug.
OTHERS: Ohhhh.
"Let's go" And with that, Jesse (with martini in hand) and Pikachu left.
CROW: (Jessie) -gulp- Boy, can that rodent make a good alcoholic beverage. -burp-
"Nice going James." "Yeah, just lose the tickets for us."
SERVO: O_o. Woah, who's talking?
"It's not all my fault. You guys had something to do with it too."
MIKE: (James) I mean, you ARE our enemies!
"Hey Ash?"
JESSICA: (Ash) Yes, Linda? No, wait, that's the OTHER Ash.
"Yeah?" "You take the left, I;ll take the right." "Gotcha" BAM! BOOM! BAH! excetera!
CROW: They'll take the left and right of what? A piece of beef, what?
MIKE: ZIP! POW! KABLOOEY!
SERVO: (sings) Batman! Danadnadana, Batman!
JESSICA: Shouldn't that be spelled ET CETERA?
. . . . . . .
MIKE: Hello? Fanfic?
SERVO: Is that it?
JESSICA: No clue.
CROW: (jumps out of seat) Well, it's done, let's go.
MIKE: (grabs him and pulls him back) Stay, boy.
CROW: (sarcastic) Bow-wow.
(a sign appears on the screen that says "downloading" and the percent bar. When it reached 100%, the screen flickered back on.)
JESSICA: Here we go, the story must have split into two parts.
Her goes the rest of my fanfic . . . . . . .
SERVO: Isn't that a song?
oh, and Mike, sorry about not censoring
ALL: (silence)
JESSICA: That's . . . scary . . .
CROW: Does Amber posses the gift of telekinesis?
MIKE: That's- uh- all right, Miss Amber . . .
As Ash and Brock proceeded to beat the crud out of James; he was reaching for
SERVO: James, no!
one of his paralysis bombs.
SERVO: Ohhh-- huh?
He quickly pushed the timer and rolled it under a nearby table. "I hope that stupid, ugly tablecloth will protect me from the shrapnel.
JESSICA: KABOOM! (James) Aaah! The shrapnel-el-el-el!!!
These are surrounded by WAY too cheap casing. 8 . . . 9 . . . 10" KABLEWIE!!!!!
MIKE: KEY LIME PIE!!!!!
CROW: What?
MIKE: I'm hungry and that word reminded me of key lime pie.
SERVO: I can see that.
The bomb sent out not only shrapnel but also cosmic
JESSICA: Moon Power, Make-Up?
SERVO: You watch Sailor Moon, too?
JESSICA: I'll watch anything I can get my hands on. I like DragonBall, and Ranma 1/2 and Urusei Yatsura, too!
SERVO: (like Homer Simpson) Mmmm, Lum . . .
CROW: This is sad.
rays (O_o).
ALL: O_o
MIKE: Amber's confused by her own writing? Now THAT'S sad.
These rays caused the guys to
SERVO: . . . have massive diarrhea
CROW: (Hermy) Ooo, don't want that.
be instantly yet temporarily paralyzed. Ash and Brock couldn't even voice their thoughts
JESSICA: (Ash's thoughts) Duh . . . . Thoughts? What kind of Pokémon is THAT? Duh . . .
CROW: (Brock's thoughts) I never realized how cute James is in drag . . .
of "What the h***!" [happy Mike?]
MIKE: Yes, very much so. But I don't mind if you say "hell"
OTHERS: Gasp! Mike!
until the rays wore off.
SERVO: This shouldn't be so surprising, Team Rocket probably has the strongest weapons in all the world, probably even quite a few nuclear ones.
JESSICA: (Giovanni, nervous/insane) C'mon, Nato, make your first move . . .
Meanwhile, Jesse
CROW: . . . James is being held in the state prison, awaiting his verdict.
and Pikachu were just getting to Darien's place.
MIKE: (in British accent) And now, for something completely different . . .
{{near nudity alert}}
CROW: Yes! Yes! Serena without her top on! Yes!
Moments after Jesse rang the bell, Darien opened the door.
SERVO: (eagerly) And a near nude Serena was behind him?!
He was met by two shocked stares.
SERVO & CROW: Yes? Yes!
"Darien, do you realize that you're only dressed in a towel!!!!!!!????"
SERVO & CROW: Ahhh!!! My eyes! My eyes! Oh, it hurts!
" Yeah, well, I wasn't expecting anyone.
JESSICA: (Darien) And when I'm not expecting anyone, I always answer the door partially nude, to teach them a lesson, you see.
Were you here for anything in particular?"
MIKE: (Jessie) Yeah, can I borrow a cup of sex-- Imean, sugar! A cup of SUGAR!
" Pika chu pi chu ka!"
SERVO: Translated for, "Ash's is MUCH smaller!"
(Jessica smacks him upside the head for such a gross comment)
"Sorry. Come on in. Make yourselves at home while I go put on some pants." So go already! Just make it snappy. I'm gonna use your phone, okay? Not like I want your permission but . . . . . . ."
CROW: Yeah, since Jessie's such a bad ass!
JESSICA: (Jessie, scared) Now, where's that article . . . Here it is! "Trouble on a date? Was a rape? . . . Call 521-6 . . . ."
James had been exposed to cosmic rays many times before, so
MIKE: . . . during the night he would glow like a night light.
the effects wore off quickly. As he stood up, he pulled another paralysis bomb from his belt. "Ash, Brock, I know that you can hear me.
SERVO: (James) Now SLEEEEEEP!
In order to make sure you guys don't jump me,
CROW: Jeez, they belong to a pretty rough gang!
am I gonna have to set off another one of these?
JESSICA: (Ash and Brock) Oh, yes please!
Hold your breath for no. So the answers yes.
MIKE: (news reporter) The bridge that spanned across the gap between "no." and "So" collapsed today . . .
Whatever." And with that,
JESSICA: Amber stole that classic phrase from CTR!
CROW: Sue! Sue!
JESSICA: Don't tell CTR to sue my friend!
CROW: How about just a slight, severe beating?
JESSICA: That's fine.
he walked out while tossing the set bomb over his shoulder.
"So anyway, who'd ya call?" asked Darien as he walked out,
SERVO: . . . out the front door.
MIKE: (Darien) I don't care who you called! Bye!
still toweling his hair. "Just Serena. She should be here any minute." Ding-Dong.
JESSICA: I could sure go for a Ding-Dong right about now. I'm soooo hungry.
"Pika!" "Darien!
CROW: Servo!
SERVO: Jessica!
JESSICA: Mike!
MIKE: What?
OTHERS: Sigh~
CROW: Thanks for ruining that joke for us, Mike.
MIKE: What?
You who?
MIKE: (Darien) I'm Darien, you just said that!
SERVO: Shut up, Mike!
MIKE: . . .
Jesse said that you were expecting me." " Come on in. I think Jesse has some explaining to do."
JESSICA: This is almost as weird as a crossover as Sonic the Hedgehog meets Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
In a taxi not two miles away, James was telling the driver
CROW: . . . Judd Nelson . . .
how to get to Serena's apartment building.
MIKE: But, I thought she lived in a house, with her mom, and dad, and brother--
JESSICA: Try not to think about it. I don't think Amber watched too much of Sailor Moon either.
He figured that Jesse would go straight to Serena's and give the tickets to her.
SERVO: Which ones? The Super Bowl, or the cruise? Details! Details!
"If I hurry, I still might
CROW: (James) . . . make it to the Early Bird Special at Sizzler's.
stop Jesse," he thought.
"...so anyway, I decided to give you two the cruise tickets. You'll have a ball."
JESSICA: (Serena) You mean they give away free beach balls?! Yay!
" Gee, golly Jesse, thanx!
MIKE: (Serena) Jeepers! You're swell, Jessie!
I think that a week away from it all is just what Darien and I need.
SERVO: (Serena) If I don't get pregnant soon I won't have an annoying pink haired daughter . . . wait a minute . . .
We'll send you a dozen postcards!"
CROW: (Jessie) PLEEZE don't do that!
" Okay, I'll be sure to get you something from the Super Bowl. Bye!"
Bzzzzz.
JESSICA: Shimatta, is there a bee in here?
SERVO: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .
James had just rung the buzzer to Serena's apartment for the fifth time. "I give up. I'm going home. Jesse probably called Serena from Darien's and had her come over so she could give the tickets to them together."
MIKE: He knew that 'coz he picked up the fanfic and finally decided to read it.
OTHERS: Ohhh . . .
" Honestly, Pikachu,
CROW: (Jessie) Why'd you go and do that to Darien's leg? Now we are never allowed back to his apartment.
I just don't understand why you have to get a doughnut from every bakery we pass!?!
JESSICA: Is James' soul trapped in Pikachu's body now?
SERVO: (Pikachu) They're not DONUTS they are RICE ROLLS, get it straight.
Oh, no! There's James!
MIKE: (snicker) Those are two separate ideas!
CROW: I need some milk. Oh, no! There's Jabba the Hut!
This is his favorite bakery. There's no chance he will just walk by!" Ding. As Jesse's eyes widened in horror, James walked into the small shop and saw them. "Pikachu.
SERVO: (James) So we meet again, Pikachu. You fooled me once, but you won't twice! And if you do, thrice is the charm! Bwahahahahahah!
You put her up to this, didn't you? I'm gonna kill you, you little weasel." "How dare you cal
JESSICA: Who's this Cal person? ANOTHER of Jessie's boyfriends?
MIKE: I figured out what this fanfic's genre is!
CROW: What?
MIKE: Soap Opera!
CROW: Hey! Yeah!
Pikachu a weasel! I'll show you!" And with that,
SERVO: And with that, and with that! And with that, I went nuts!
Jesse (with Pikachu's help) attacked James. In the end, Brock and Ash got to use the tickets because Jesse, James, and Pikachu were in traction at the local hospital.
JESSICA: (new reporter) The carnage here at Lord Bavery Bakery was horrible this afternoon, when two teenage Rocket members, Jessie and James, were sent in critical condition to the Hanaharu Hospital with severe electric burns and shocks. Pikachu is reported to be in stable condition with a severe case of *donut* backlash.
All three watched it in the hospital rec-room.
CROW: And to make matters worse, their team lost and they had to shell out fifty dollars to twenty people in the rec. room.
There you go Jessica.
JESSICA: She means JAIMIELÉE, JAIMIELÉE, hehe . . .
And it's okay that I talk to Mike cuz to me,
SERVO: Amber's your cousin, Mike?
MIKE: I don't think so.
he's in a story from the entertainment dimension.
MIKE: It's always nice to be reminded that your tortured existence serves as nothing but a comedy TV series in a different dimension.
CROW: Hey, Jessica, was your life a TV show in another dimension?
JESSICA: If you mean my life before being kidnaped, I have no clue. It would've been sad, though, if it had been. All I did was eat, sleep, go to school, draw, type and watch TV.
SERVO: Maybe that's excitement to people somewhere. Maybe to a world populated with smart, but boring amebas. Or the world is attacked several times a day by aliens, dark forces and the such, and everyone are either heroes or villains and a life like yours to them is a dream that they think is exciting but can never be attained since their world is racked with violence.
JESSICA: Great, now I'm gonna feel guilty if there ARE planets out there really like that.
CROW: Is it the end yet, 'coz that certainly sounded like it.
Later!
Amber
CROW: Yay! It was! Let's book it.
(all exeunt)
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey, I'm sorry I jettisoned your clothes out into space!" Crow apologized for the utmost time.
Shivering, Jessica had her arms crossed, head tucked down to her chest and was bouncing. "What good that does me! I'm still freezing my rear off!"
"Well, I would give you something else to wear, but I'm a robot."
She glared at him. "I know."
"Hey, here we go, I found something for you!" Mike walked into the room, holding onto a green piece of clothing. "This is my smallest jump suit, but you're pretty big, you should fill it out well."
"Oh, thank you!" She smiled gratefully and took it from him. As she began to slip it on, the red button on the series of buttons began to flash.
"Pearl's calling," Mike stated the obvious and pressed the button.
CF:
Pearl was holding a clipboard decorated with several stickers and had a pen held at the ready over it. "So, guys, now I have to ask you, how was that fanfic?"
SoL:
Servo is now with Mike, Crow and Jessica, who is now putting the sleeves on. "Why do you need to know that?" Crow asked.
CF:
"It's all part of Rob's rating booster," she answered, shrugging as if it didn't concern her. "But by telling me what you thought of it, I will be recording your reactions, therefore making this one, nice big experiment."
SoL:
Jessica zipped up the jump suit, which sagged on her slighter frame. She was the first to speak. "I loved it! Mostly 'coz it made no sense, and I like that, and because me friend Amber wrote it!"
CF:
Pearl glared at her. She looked down and wrote, while saying out loud, "No more fanfics written by Jessica's friends. Make sure they are less than weird, or TOO weird."
SoL:
"Well," Servo began, thinking it over. "It WOULD have been interesting if SERENA had been near nude and not Darien."
"Yeah!" Crow agreed heartily. "We need female nudity, not guy nudity!"
CF:
Pearl smiled cruelly and noted, "Make sure if there is any nudity in the fanfic it is MALE nudity."
SoL:
Both Crow and Servo stared down at the floor in disappointment. "Awww . . . "
Mike scratched his head and told the woman below, "I thought it was quite painful. I think it was even MORE confusing than the Old Version." He shook his head and walked off, muttering, "I need some aspirin."
"Use TYENOL!" Jessica hollered after him. Then she turned back to smile at the communications screen as the 'bots continued sulking.
CF:
"Rob should be pleased by this review. Brain Guy! Bobo! Get over here!"
Observer ran up, wearing olden day football gear. "Yes, ma'am?"
"Go send this to Rob," she handed him the review, then she noticed something was missing. "Where's Bobo?"
"Playing with the ball," he replied, jerking his thumb behind him. He turned and yelled, "Hey, Bobo! Throw the ball!" The football was chucked over to them and Pearl caught it easily. Observer left, saying, "I'll get right on this review, ma'am."
She turned to watch him walk off, nodding and holding the football out a bit. "Okay, be sure to send it--"
"ARRRRRGH!"
"Huh?" She spun around and saw a charging Professor Bobo. "No, Bobo! Stop!" The ape rammed headlong into her, however, and everything went black.
The end
JESSICA: So can I get home?
SERVO: I think you're stuck here for awhile, babycakes.
JESSICA: . . . ummm . . .
______________________________________________________________________________
Wasn't that fun? I liked using Mike and the 'bots! Can't wait till I do Joel and the 'bots next episode. Can I pull that off? I HAVE seen all of their episodes, but the last Joel episode was in 1993, and I only have four Joel episodes on tape so . . . Oh well. I couldn't think of anything for the ending, but I needed to put Bobo and Brain Guy somewhere for a little skit. I know it was predictable, Bobo ramming into Pearl, but it's supposed to be corny and it goes along with the overlaying genre of the fanfic. This was my favorite one to do so far! The story was just really easy to riff. See why we MSTiers like "bad" fanfic more than "good" fanfic? It's more fun! Wait until you see her "Xena: Warrior Princess" and Team Rocket crossover which will be epsiode 10. That is the best Team Rocket fnfic in the world and no one can convince me other words! It has JOXER and Autolycus and James ^_^! Unless if someone can find a 'fic crossover with Joxer, Hank Stone, Autolycus and Ash the Demon Hunter, James and Brock and Mike and Joel and the 'Bots (a bunch of my fave guys in TV ^_^). THAT would be an interesting crossover . . . ahem~
Well, bring me feedback! I still hafta think of a theme song for the SoD but I have the SoL's various Love Themes to help. This is the newest one for the SoL:
In the not to distant future, somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals, are caught in a nasty place
They try to survive the wrath of Pearl,
Just an evil gal who wants to rule the world,
From her castle below she sets her sights above, to torture all the captives on the Satellite of Love.
MIKE: Get . . . Me . . . DOWN!
PEARL: I'll send them cheesy movies, the worst I can find- Lalalala
He'll have to sit and watch them all and I'll monitor his mind- Lalalala
SINGER: Now keep in mind Mike can't control, where the movies begin or end- Lalalala
He'll try to keep his sanity, with the help of his robot friends.
Robot Roll Call: Cambot! ("You're on!") Gypsy! ("Oh my stars!") Tom Servo! ("Check me out!") Crooooooooow! ("I'm different!")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts- Lalalala
Just repeat to yourself, it's just a show, and you really should just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000! (twang!)
And the original went:
In the not too distant future, next Sunday AD
There was a guy named Joel, nothing different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute, just another face in a red jump suit
He did a good job of cleaning up the place, but his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space
DR. F & FRANK: We'll send him cheesy movies, the worst we can find- Lalalala
He'll have to sit and watch them all, and we'll monitor his mind- Lalalala
SINGER: Now keep in mind Joel can't control where the movies begin or end- Lalalala
Because he used those special parts to make his robot friends.
Robot Roll Call: Cambot! Gypsy! Tom Servo! Crooooooooow!
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts- Lalalala
Then repeat to yourself it's just a show, and you really should relax!
For Mystery Science Theater 3000! (twang!)
And I did good on making up the one for Mythological Fantasy Greek Theater 1186 B.C., but that's because I only had Jessica, Kasey, Cleo, Satyr and Camharpy to make do with. Now I have a whole cast of anime, cartoon and movie characters to deal with! This is how mine went, (this includes actions) . . .
In the not too distant past, 1186 B.C.
Jessica and her little pals were sent into outer space (They wave)
Sent there by a man who's name is Rob
(A pix of Rob is held up by Jessica's hand with additional devil horns and pointed tail)
A TV producer who wanted a ratings throb
He threw a cat and two girls into a machine
And he sent them into a past and space scheme
ROB: My . . . i . . . dea!
(The pix of devil-Rob now has its mouth cut out and someone's lips are there lip syncing)
ROB: I'll send them Jessica's recorded Xena episodes
(A tape is held up saying "T#26, All Xena")
The most I can find- Lalalala
They'll have to sit and watch them all, and critique them with their mind- Lalalala
SINGER: Now keep in mind Jessica can't control where the episodes begin or end
(shows the three, looking confused)
THREE: La. . . la. . .la?
SINGER: She'll try to have some fun, with the help of her strange li'l friends
Strange Friend Roll Call: Camharpy! Satyr! Kasey G! Cleooooooo!
If you're wondering how they got into space, if they're in the past- Lalalala
Just repeat to yourself it's only a stupid fanfic, and you really should just relax
For Mythological Fantasy Greek Theater 1186 B.C.!
Now, you are probably wondering, what is she getting at? Well, I'm thinking of having a nice little contest. Anyone who can come up with a decent remake of that song will win and-- that's all. I can't offer a real good prize like a talking Zenigame, but I can draw a bunch of pixes for them, or a story or something. I can only offer that. Besides, it might just be fun to try to write it. I could post it at the beginning of every SoD episode (until I need it changed) and totally give the winner credit for it, I don't take things without asking. Any MST3K fans out there? I believe Frogwoman is one, she said she couldn't wait till my MSTing was up. It might help if you hear the tune to it first, and if you don't know it, try to catch an episode of MST3K, or find a website that features a sound file. You don't need to include actions, I like putting actions on myself. These are the people you might want to include in the song, the Captains: Jessica, Kasey and Cleo (of course), Angie and Camharpy maybe, along with Vegeta since he's in almost all of my MSTings, Satyr, and maybe Jessie and James. James can fit in, since he's Captain Jessica's boyfriend, but I don't know about Jessie. And you hafta fit Rob in there definitely, since he's the bad guy. Or maybe Jessie and James could SING it! Ahhh. Well, I'll go now to let you ponder this. Farewell my warrior chums! (Maybe on one of these end notes I should include the small story on how Jessica, Kasey and Cleo got sent up to the SoD . . . If you wanna hear, it, tell me! If up to 7 people say they wanna hear it, then I will, since 7 is my fave number ^_^ as if you couldn't tell) NOW WATCH AS NO ONE RESPONDS!
And didn't I tell you, this crossover WAS a bit weird! And like I said, Joel is on the next episode, and that's gonna be weirder! (Especially whatwith I'm gonna do with Angie and Joel [sneaky laugh]. Maelstrom was the one who took it off! I suggested it and she made it perverted!)
And here a couple more quotes from Pod People:
BOY ON MOVIE: You know what playing is, don't you?
CROW: (Trumpy the alien, in funny British accent) Yes, it's where I break you in half.
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CROW: (as Trumpy sucks up peanuts in snout, in same accent) Oh, little peanuts . . . -suck- . . . now you try.
BOY: Now, we'll put these (peanuts) away for later.
CROW: (Trumpy, accent) No! More!
BOY: Now we can play.
CROW: (Trumpy, accent) Like hell! More food!
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JOEL: (interuptting Servo's singing) If you don't stop doing your Anthony Newly, I'm gonna throw you against the wall.
CROW: He'll do it, too!
That's my fave epsiode I have thus far . . .
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The next morning (with a few hours sleep and a dry vodka martini [Bond, James Bond. Vodka martini, shaken - not stirred.] under her belt)
c 1999, Jaimielée Rocket & Maelstrom
(Next "week's" episode-
"Episode Five: icecube's Fanfics,
Angie's Midriff is Seen by Crow and Servo")