This was originally called:

"Mythological Fantasy

Greek

Theater

1182 B.C."

Now, uh, it's:

"Mutekimamno

Anime

Kabuki

Time unknown!"

Okay, that made no sense. I just said "Invincible Demon Cartoon Kabuki (type of Japanese theater) Time unknown!" So, to make it simple, it's:

"The Satellite of 'Dite,

the Fanfic of Riffing of Other Fanfics"

Ah. That's decent. Anyhoo!

By: Jaimielée Rocket and Maelstrom

No introduction or anything! (Gasp! Jaimielée Rocket broke tradition!)

Disclaimer I: To whom this concerns, it belongs to you!

Smut: Uh~ debated

Violence: Hm~ debated



Episode One: "Rocket Princess I,

Jessica Awakens to a Strange Surprise,

Kasey has Quite a Few Awards

and Cleo Claws the Hell Outta Vegeta's Uniform"

Disclaimer II: Jessica and Cleo belong to me, Kasey belongs to Maelstrom and Angie belongs to She-wolf or Bardokmegami. "Rocket Princess" belongs to Chibi Team Rocket.



Prologue



The interior of the Satellite of 'Dite (SoD), is curved, for the SoD is in the shape of a chakram, a round piece of metal, like a frisbee with the middle cut out. Better yet, like a sharp-edged donut! There were bedrooms, a helms room, boiler room, kitchens, store rooms, bathrooms, dens, living rooms, swimming pool room, and everything you would need to live in and travel through space. But the main feature of the SoD was the giant, surround sound theater that was located in Curve D, Deck 2. In Room 7, on Deck 2, in Curve D, was where three legendary figures once played:

Jessica the Mighty

Kasey the Warrior Queen

And Cleo the Wonder Cat!

Visited by their two friends:

Satyr the Chef

And Camharpy, the baby harpy!

All that is in Room 7 now is a snoring, drooling Jessica and Cleo the Nothing. Kasey hadn't ventured into Room 7 for quite awhile and Satyr and Camharpy had disappeared, and Jessica and Cleo slept through it all.

One odd thing about space, no matter how long you spend in it one doesn't get older, yet they do change, like hair growth, and food gets old. That makes no sense, you say? Of course not! It's a plot hole! heehee. No one knows how much time had passed, but as Jessica rolled off her back and cradled her head in her arms, fixing the cramp she had in her leg, her brown hair poured out from under her, settling onto the floor. When she had fallen asleep, it had been only chin length.

The SoD floated aimlessly over Earth. What time it was on Earth, nobody knew. Last Jessica had checked, it was 1186 B.C., the time Rob Tapert had sent them to, using the miniature car time machine from "Back to the Future". Jessica and Cleo just slept on and on, Cleo perched on Jessica, Jessica on a chair, leaning over the counter. She was soon about to get a rude awakening.

The Magic Voice of the SoD chimed on. First it beeped loudly, then shouted, "Jessica! Wake up! Jessica! Wake up!"

Mumbling, the girl reached out to her side, fumbling for her Garfield alarm clock that was in her bedroom, not in Room 7.

"Jessica! Wake up! Jessica! Wake up!"

Groaning again, the brunette cracked open an olive eye and let it become adjusted to the light in the Room. She rubbed under her right eye, unaware that she had drool dribbling on her chin. She sat up in the chair, waking her Cleo who squealed, flinging her arms about wildly, and the cat crashed to the floor. Stretching and yawning a mighty yawn, she asked Magic Voice, "How long have I been sleepin'?"

"For three thousand years, five hundred years past your original time, then you accidentally hit the time machine and we are now back above your Earth, only it's 1999 and not 1998."

"Great," Jessica murmured. She laid her head back down, not even thinking about moving to her bedroom, to her soft bed. She ordered, "Wake me when five hundred years pass again. 'Kay?" Cleo clawed back up her owner's back and nestled into her vast amounts of hair.

Yes, Jessica remembered- sort of- 1998. She and Kasey and Cleo had been walking through the streets of Hollywood, heading for Universal Studios so Jessica could get another autographed picture of Ted Raimi, the man who plays Joxer on "Xena". It turned out to be a trick, and the evil TV show producer, Robert Tapert, creator of "Hercules" and "Xena", captured the two girls and cat and sent them into space and back into time, to the time where Xena was supposed to exist. (The time she would exist, that is, if Rob hadn't totally screwed up the space-time continuum by having Xena be with Ulysses then with Caesar, and don't forget the birth of Christ!) To boost ratings of his shows, he made Jessica, Kasey and Cleo watch Jessica's recorded Xena and Hercules episodes and give it a review, like Siskel and Ebert. But then they got bored and began to make fun of the episodes, to help them get through it. But then the summer of '99 rolled up back on "Their" Earth while they were on the SoD. The reruns began, and Jessica hadn't recorded very many episodes since the local TV station that aired them on the SoD was screwing up and kept on playing X-Files episodes instead! So, Tapert and his cronies broke off, saying they would be back with a better idea! Jessica and her friends waited for his return, taking shifts. On their shift, Jessica and Cleo fell asleep in front of the Comm Port and had been asleep ever since until Magic Voice had woken them up.

"Jessica! Wake up!" the voice pleaded. "You have guests coming!"

'Guests?" she muttered, half-asleep. " 'Ave Rob an' Liz an'- <yawn>- Alex an' Bob returned?"

"No."

"Doesn't 'cern me then. . . ."

"Yes it does!!" the Voice was quite teed off.

Jessica jerked awake, flinging Cleo off of her again. "Okay! Okay! I slept for three thousand years, that's a good enough nap." She pushed the chair back and stood on wobbly legs. "Hmm," she rubbed life back into them. "They must've atrophied away while I slept."

"I'm surprised you're not dead," Magic Voice quipped. Jessica shot a glare into a general direction, meaning it for the Voice. "And check out your hair."

The girl reached up to pat the length it had been. She felt it had gotten quite a bit longer, and she reached down as far as she could without bending and pulled out a handful of brown hair. She took a step back, surprised, only to have her head jerked back painfully. It was so long, she was stepping on it! "Where's Kasey!" she began to panic, Cleo pouncing on any tendrils that may have wandered too far away from the pack.

"In her room."

"Get her!"

The Voice left, and it returned saying, "Here she is."

The door next to the theater entrance door opened and the redhead stepped in, looking the same as always. Her hair hadn't grown an inch. "Hey! Jessica! You're awake, finally!" Kasey called pleasantly, her eyes shut. When she opened them, though, she was startled. "You look awful! All pale and shaky, and your hair's longer than it should be!"

"I've been ASLEEP for over three thousand years as we traveled through time!" Jessica snapped, adjusting her glasses to see her friend more clearly. "No one BOTHERED to wake me or Cleo up! What were YOU doing? Why didn't you fall asleep either?"

Kasey smiled proudly and boasted, "I was busy! I've written 899 best selling novels, one of them was using your 'Linexia' idea! I figured, 'She's asleep, why not? She missed her chance!' And I wrote three award winning history books, one using your notes, and two of them I did from our experience in 1186!" She didn't notice Jessica's eyebrow twitch and the subtle fang that popped out of her mouth. "I also won the Pulitzer Prize four times! Then I did ten feature length animated films, adapting the Redwall series! Oh, and I made an Oscar winning movie using that one idea you had about the Death Gate Cycle series, and then I made Austin Powers 3, 4, and 5! In number Six I wrote the songs and sang them! I won two Grammy's for that, and I collected ten Emmy and Oscars combined! And I did a few comic books, won awards for that, too!" She paused. "Plus I had that one little coffee problem, so I couldn't get a decent night's sleep for at least one thousand, nine hundred twenty-three years."

Jessica sustained the urge to kill Kasey.

"Well," she brushed hair out of her face, "will you cut my hair?"

"Sure!" Kasey pulled out giant garden sheers, and in a snap, Jessica's hair was back to its original length.

"Thanks, oh mighty one. By the way, Magic Voice says we have visitors."

"Rob?" she asked apprehensively.

"Magic Voice says it isn't. Let's go check this out."

They went to Curve A where the boarding dock was, and inside were THOUSANDS of people! Literally thousands! Most of them were anime characters, but there were a few non-anime characters. It overwhelmed them. Why did they have all of these people! To make things easier, they split everyone up. On one side were all the people they were totally familiar with. People from Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball, Pokémon, My Dear Marie, Urusei Yatsura, Ranma 1/2, Project A-ko, Robotech, Austin Powers, Oh! My Goddess!, the Evil Dead Trilogy, and just about any decent American cartoon were on that side. The middle were people they knew some of, like the people from Slayers, Gal Force, Akira, Bastard!, people from the Tenchi universe, Record of Lodoss Wars, Video Girl Ai, Gunsmith Cats and so on. On the other side were those that they had never heard of, or knew nothing about, like El Hazard, anything dumb like Street Fighter, and any movie that only had useless killing and wasn't all too good, like the Eight Man. Also with them were people from prime-time sitcoms that they deemed not necessary, like Sabrina the Teenage Witch and that crap. Also, some of the Pokémon that came aboard were put there, like Togepi, and they tried to put Ash there, but Misty wouldn't let them . . .

Jessica asked what they were going to do with the unknown and hated people, which was the majority of the thousands of people. They also put some of the "know a bit about" people there, like the Gunsmith Cats, Gal Force and Akira, among them. Kasey got a good idea and put them all into a machine she had invented that shrunk things so small, you'd need an extremely powerful microscope to see it. (Luckily, she invented the microscope, too! ^_^) She shrunk them to the lowest size, and she declared them "Aninites", little creatures that would help them take care of the ship and the larger population it now held.

Fortune smiled on Jessica, Kasey and Cleo, for they had enough rooms to house everyone. All but Curve C was populated, and all Decks but Deck 1, which was the basement, and Deck 7, which was the attic. After having the Aninites do some adjusting, Room 7 was now the focal points of everyone's lives. They would gather there to mingle and talk, and to eat. Satyr and Camharpy had returned from wherever they had disappeared from and Satyr had some help to feed all of these people. Brock was pretty good, so he helped out, and so did Makoto, and Ataru's mother did as well, figuring since she did that all the time on Earth, she might as well do it up on the SoD. Satyr made the mistake once of letting Lum and C-ko help him, and half the crew nearly died from stomach complications.

Everyone was assigned jobs, based on what they were good at. The characters from the Slayers, Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, Shampoo, people from DragonBall Z, Mousse and Shinobu were guards. People from Robotech (the Macross series) were the space defenders, even though they had no ships, (if they did, Kasey, Jessica and Cleo would have taken them and escaped back to Earth long beforehand). The Sailor Senshi and any other "Magical Girl" were there to save them from monsters, Ash the Demon Hunter was there to save them from Deadites, and Austin Powers was there to, well, spy! Dr. Evil, Professor Oak, Sakura, Karigari, Ami and any other highly intelligent people were to help teach, give advise and provide the occasional medical aide, (even though most people stayed away from Dr. Evil). Rei, Rei's grandpa, Cherry and Sakura were there to provide spiritual aide (plus it's cool looking into the sacred flames!) And I think you can see where this is going.

A year passed of this new way of life, and the Captains- Jessica, Kasey and Cleo- still had no clue as to why all these fantasy people had appeared on their boarding dock. However, it was quite fun and much better than sleeping for three thousand five hundred years.



Episode One Begins!



On the anniversary of the day all the people appeared, a party was being celebrated in Room 7, with much rejoicing, (in more ways than one, you know! Couple of times Jessica had to douse Usagi and Mamoru in water!). Camharpy was flapping happily through the jumbles of people, recording the festivities and the more hilarious moments, like when Jessica accidentally missed Usagi and Mamoru and hit Ranma instead, who then proceeded to chase her through Room 7, trying to kick her rear into next week.

But then the Comm Port began to ring. No one else but the baby harpy could hear it, except for maybe some of the other animals, like the Growlithe's ear was twitching. She flew over to it and clicked it on. She gasped as the person on the other line asked to see Jessica and Kasey and Cleo. Camharpy nodded and flew away, sweating. She reached the Captains, the brunette laying sprawled out on the counter, a large knot on her head, undoubtedly from Ranma, food bowls being piled on her for convenience. Lina Inverse walked by and didn't hesitate to double dip her potato chip into a bowl of clam dip balanced on Jessica's belly. Kasey was talking to Meowth and Ash the Demon Hunter, and Cleo was having a nice conversation with Luna and Ryo-ohki.

Camharpy told Kasey that *they* were back. Kasey asked *they* who? She replied, *THEY*, and Kasey finally got the idea. First she shoved Jessica into a cooler of ice to wake her up and took hold of Cleo, who howled indignantly. As Jessica picked herself groggily out of the freezing cold ice and water, Kasey told everyone to be quiet. *They* were on the phone, and everyone knew who *they* were, since the Captains regaled them with the tales of their first years on the SoD. Everyone that were in the path of the Comm Port cleared out of the way before it, like the Red Sea parting before Moses. On the screen was a man in a brown suit, a cigar in one hand, the face shadowed over.

Jessie, James and Meowth gasped. "It's the BOSS!"

The Boss chuckled, but his voice wasn't that awful, raspy voice they would usually hear over the phone. "Hm," he began in a normal voice, "I'm glad to see everyone made it to the SoD."

Jessica screamed. "Giovanni killed Rob Tapert and took over Renaissance Studios!"

"Baka!" Kasey hit her upside the head. "The Boss isn't Giovanni he's actually . . ." her head snapped in the Comm Port's direction, with the trademark Xena "whoosh", " . . . Rob Tapert!" She faltered, "R-right?"

The video pulled back to reveal the orange headed Mr. Tapert dressed in the Boss' clothes.

Confused, James scratched his head. "Our boss is the creator of Xena: Warrior Princess?"

"Yes," he laughed. "Giovanni was actually the one who created Team Rocket, but he was met with an . . ." he gave an ironic pause, " . . . accident. Bwahahahaha!"

"But Pokémon Island isn't a real place on our Earth," Jessica turned to Kasey, "is it?" The redhead shrugged.

"No it's not," Rob replied. "I've been gone for so long because I accidentally stepped into a dimensional portal and it whisked me away to this reality, the reality where the way of life revolves around cute, little monsters that serve no purpose other than to fight! In different dimensions, time can pass differently than that of the original dimension, sort of like living on different planets. A few years pass here, how many pass there?"

Smugly, Kasey announced, "I've seen the year 2314! Without using the time machine!"

"Huh, three thousand years?"

"Yup."

"How'd you get back to 1999?"

"Jessica rolled over and nearly crushed the time machine."

Magic Voice added on, as if this fact amused it much, "She slept for three thousand five hundred years."

Growling, the object of the amusement said, "I'm lazy! I admit it! So sue me!" Recalling her composure, she asked, "If you're in another dimension, then how'd you send all of these people here? Huh?"

"I had my researchers at Team Rocket work on a dimensional transporter. It worked, and, using the Comm Port on that, I traveled it through time, going into the 'Entertainment' Realms picking up people from one of my fave movies, Austin Powers, and my personal favorite, Evil Dead!" Kasey scoffed. "Then I went to anime shows, every kind translated into English, or at least with subtitles, and then I kidnaped sitcom stars. What'd you do with those?"

Jessica looked down under her foot, "I think I stepped on Chandler Bing."

"Ah, you turned them into Nanites."

"No," Kasey argued, "they're called Aninites."

"Whatever. Then after I finished that project, I made this dimensional Comm Port so now we can communicate across realms. Now I'm working on a project to get me back to my realm."

Jessica cocked her head. "Does that mean there will be no new Xena episodes for a while?"

"If I can get back to MY time, then no. If I CAN'T then yes, for a very long time."

She had no idea what that meant, so she asked, "What're ya gonna do now?"

"Boost ratings on my webpage!"

"How? By making us watch my recorded episodes of Pokémon?" She began to laugh as if he were a fool.

"No. You are going to read Pokémon/ Team Rocket fanfic!"

Everyone was silent in the room, but on a higher plane of existence you could hear the slight harmonizing of "Duhhhhhh . . ."

"I got this idea while reading some anime MSTings! These people, SI authors, along with self-created characters and other anime characters had to read bad anime, or just bad anything fanfic! Wonderful, huh!"

Kasey grimaced. "I think I'm gonna puke."

"I put a variety of people with you so it won't be just you three reading the fanfics all the time! You can have up to four people in a theater, and I have a surprise for you, Jessica!"

Suspiciously, she glared at him. "What is it?"

He reached below the screen and yanked up a light brown haired girl with brown eyes and glasses, holding onto Captain Comics and Suncoast bags.

Jessica's eyes became large and she wheezed, "That's my cousin! Bardokmegami!"

"Huh?" Bardok called within the crowds of anime people.

"My cousin! My cousin Angie! She loves Bardok!"

Skuld, Usagi, Bulma and Minako giggled at the big Saiyjin as he blushed.

"What're you doing with Angie! You're not gonna hurt her if I don't do this, are you?"

"No!" Rob looked highly insulted. "I thought you would like to have her there with you. She has quite a few comics and videos for you!"

Shyly, Angie continued, "Since you disappeared, Aunt Kathy was convinced you'd come back and that you would still like your comics and all when they came in, so she gave me your money and I went to Suncoast and the comic book store for you. A new 'My Dear Marie' tape came out."

"Really! How 'bout that Slayers box set?"

"No, not yet."

"Oh."

Rob handed her over to a Rocket member while saying, "I'm sending her over to you along with your first fanfic!"

Through Room 7 rose the cheer of the bland " . . . yay . . ."

"It's called 'Rocket Princess I'. Enjoy!"

The episode, now turned fanfic, sign went off.

"Who's going in first?" Kasey asked.

"We are," answered Jessica, "so we can teach these guys what to do. And we'll also take-- HIM!" She grabbed the arm of an unknown man next to her, the flashing lights blinding her. She pointed at Luna, who she thought was Cleo, ordering, "Cleo! You stay here for this one!" And the three entered the theater door.

*



KASEY: (Sitting in her usual seat, the second one down, in front of a dark movie screen) So, Jessica, who'd you grab?

JESSICA: Him! (Holds out extremely small man with funky hair)

KASEY: Eeek! It's Viagra!

VIAGRA: (Taking the fourth seat) I'm VEGETA, thank you very much.

KASEY: Hehehe, sorry Vegeta-sama, hehe . . . he

JESSICA: (Sits in her seat, between Vegeta and Kasey) Who's gonna be the fourth person?

ANGIE: (Pops in) Hi! (Sits in first seat) Rob sent me in here. Here's your comics 'n' stuff, Jess.

JESSICA: Hey! Thanks! Ahh, Pokémon, Ranma 1/2, hey they got Boku No Marie in! Even though it's in Japanese and I can't read Japanese . . .

VEGETA: I can. I'll help you.

JESSICA: Hoo, I love you, little troll doll!

ANGIE: Oh, why didn't you bring Bardok in?

KASEY: Minako was having fun with him. It's like Studio 54 out there!

ANGIE: I think a few heads will roll.

KASEY: This is taking a while.

JESSICA: The theater's for MOVIES not FANFICS, Camharpy's probably having some difficulties.

KASEY: This place has a lot of great memories.

JESSICA: Whatever you say Kasey.

KASEY: Well, it has! Remember when we watched "Callisto"? That was fun.

JESSICA: Fun?! You hit your head and thought you were Callisto and you ran around wearing my black, spaghetti string shirt, smacking things with a broom handle! Then you tied me up among ladders!

KASEY: Yeah, that was great.

JESSICA: Great?! You had me tied up by my bra and tied up Satyr on a pole below, and made Cleo jump 'round on the ladders and fight you to save me!

KASEY: Wonderful times.

JESSICA: The horrible memories-es-es . . . <sobsob>

(The movie screen flickers on with the Netscape tool bar appearing above. A few seconds later, a webpage loaded.)

ALL: Way to go Camharpy! You rule!



Rocket Princess



KASEY: Fed up with being ignored, the rocket from Apollo 11 made its OWN movie.



-A Pokemon / Sailor Moon Crossover



VEGETA: The recipe for disaster.

JESSICA: Am I the only person in the world that knows how to make the accent aigu!

ANGIE: The accent "egg-you"? Wha?

JESSICA: Augh! One Level I French speaker! PLEASE!



~By Chibi Team Rocket~



VEGETA: Squiggly Line By Little Team Rocket Squiggly Line? What kind of Inter-Net name is that?



[very tiny dotted line box]



JESSICA: <author> If you have any complaints, try to fit them all in HERE! HAHAHA!



[Header Picture]

(removed for technical reasons, to see it go to TR Torture Chamber's fanart

or to Team Rocket Palace's Illustrations)



ANGIE: My God! Princess Jessie's hair is attacking everyone!

VEGETA: I say, BLAST IT ALL!

KASEY: Whee!

JESSICA: My goodness, is that MEOWTH on James' head?

KASEY: Either it is or it's a freaked out Ratatta.

ANGIE: No, a Gremlin.

JESSICA: James is about to be eaten by a Critter!

VEGETA: Where's that bucktoothed bounty hunter when you need him?

JESSICA: He belongs to a Union now. He and the faceless guys are off on a two week long lunch break.

ANGIE: Ouch.

KASEY: Hey, at least the rest of the picture's decent.

JESSICA: Prince Endymion doesn't look too well in the head area.

VEGETA: His hair is a little diving board! Kawaii, Mamoru.



[Box index of chapter links, Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, all the way to 10]



KASEY: (Hums a tune) Clicking to chapter 10 . . . aww. The mouse isn't working.

JESSICA: That's 'coz you're using Sailor Mouse! Let 'er go!

KASEY: (Drops the evil Senshi) Oops, sorry. (Mouse walks off)



Prologue



KASEY: <deep voice> In a galaxy far, far away . . .

OTHERS: Stop it now!

KASEY: There-there, ohhh . . .



The Moon Kingdom.



JESSICA: There's a legend of a beer here.

KASEY: Oh, and I suppose YOU can take riffs from Mystery Science Theater 3000, huh!



It was once a happy place filled with love and peace.



VEGETA: And sex galore! It was in it's '60/'70's phase of development, free love and all.



Existing over one thousand years ago,



JESSICA: Uh, it's now 2000 A.D., so, uh, uh 1, 2, 3 . . .

KASEY: It was 1000 A.D., Jessica.

JESSICA: Oh, hahehe . . .



the race of Moon People lived together in tranquillity. The beautiful Queen Serenity ruled over the Moon Kingdom with a firm, but gentle hand.



VEGETA: Ahem . . .

ANGIE: Don't even mention it . . .



Everyone loved her and protected her with care.



KASEY: So Serenity-sama was a China porcelain doll, but one arm was an action hero super-grip arm?

JESSICA: Isn't it the Queen's job to protect the people, not the people protect her?

ANGIE: She had a disease, leukemia or somethin'.

JESSICA: Oh, how sad.



Serenity had a daughter as equally as beautiful as her named Princess Serena.



JESSICA: Even though it's supposed to be SERENITY-hime, but that's fine. Serena's- gag- fine.



Serena was very happy on the Moon Kingdom, but loved a man of planet Earth, named Prince Endymion. It was dangerous for these two people to be in love, for the Moon and the Earth were in conflict with each other. Endymion was on the side of the Moon, yet that was also dangerous.



KASEY: Then why keep seeing Serenity-hime! She's not THAT great! Go with Ami-hime!

JESSICA: What I don't get is that, if this is during 1000 A.D., quite near to our present time, then why don't people remember it? I mean, wouldn't you write down the incident that happened when Queen Beryl becomes a viscous Empress and the Earth people are SOMEHOW going up to the Moon to fight them. While in school, shouldn't Sakuda-sensei be teaching history to Usagi and Naru-chan and those guys saying, "On April 14, 1001 A.D., Queen Beryl led an army of ten thousand Earthlings to the Moon to destroy the Silver Millennium, an Empire that was extended from the Moon to several other planets."?

ANGIE: That was complicated, Jessica.

JESSICA: It's true, though!



One evening, the Palace of Queen Serenity was struck by an evil part of the planet known as the NegaVerse. Everyone would have died that night, if not for the courage and the love of Queen Serenity.

KASEY: Oh, Serenity-sama is just WONDERFUL.

JESSICA: Serenity didn't save everyone, just those that "deserved" it, like Serenity-hime, who, like a coward, killed herself during the fight just 'coz Prince Endymion was killed, and the Sailor Senshi and Luna and Artemis. So that makes about twelve people.

VEGETA: NegaVerse? NegaVerse. Is that a part of the Saiyjin army? Or Freeza's army?



She saved everyone with the Silver Imperium Crystal and sent them to be born



JESSICA: All at once, from the same mother . . .

ANGIE: Serenity-sama didn't plan too well, now did she.



one thousand years later, into the Future.



ALL: <hum the "Futurama" theme song>

JESSICA: <Darien> Hi, I'm Dry.

KASEY: <Serena> I'm Sleela.

VEGETA: Ooo, Serena's name doesn't work out right . . .



Alas, she died using that power.



ALL: <With grins> Awwww . . .



Still, if this had all happened over one thousand years ago and all memories were erased of this time, then who's to say there couldn't have been another ruler on the Moon?



ANGIE: <uncertainly> Naoko Takeuchi?

OTHERS: <snicker>



Was Princess Serena the only one,



JESSICA: To wear frilly red thong panties under her dress?



or was there another?



VEGETA: Another corn dog?



We may never know . . .



KASEY: <author> No, wait, I'm writing this right now, so you WILL know eventually!



______________________________________________________________________________



ALL: Hey! Limbo! How low can you go!

JESSICA: Aww, Vegeta won.

KASEY: 'Course he won, he was probably balancing himself with his tail when he did it!

JESSICA: I thought Fatman cut it off!

VEGETA: I-uh-got better.

JESSICA: . . .



Chapter 1- "Light Show"



ANGIE: Light SNOW?

JESSICA: Get your glasses back on.

ANGIE: OH! Light SHOW.



It was a typical day for Team Rocket...



KASEY: First they did it in their sleeping bags, then in the bushes, once even in the movie theater when they decided NOT to have a typical day.

JESSICA: Kasey!

KASEY: Hey!



And you know what that means!



VEGETA: James gorged himself on donuts in self-pity, then threw up on Lum's bikini top again?



"We lost again!" a badly bruised James moaned.



KASEY: He had found boxing wasn't quite his sport.

ANGIE: Especially against Bardok!



Jessie, all tattered and torn, nodded.



KASEY: Huh . . .

JESSICA: Don't even think about it!

KASEY: You guys are picking on me today . . .



"Yeah...And that's the twenty-fifth time in two weeks!"



VEGETA: Of . . . losing their watches?

JESSICA: Of . . . losing the condoms?

KASEY: Of . . . losing the birth control pills?

ANGIE: Of . . . losing the Superbowl?



Meowth had a calculator in one hand



JESSICA: And with the other he typed in numbers while saying, "Well, one day Dolly Parton went to the doctor and asked if she could get her breasts larger, and he said take these pills TWO times a day, SEVEN days a week . . . and she got 80085!"



and a pencil and a piece of paper in the other. "If we keep going at this rate, we'll have lost forty-two times by da end of dis month..."



VEGETA: Lost what! I've never seen this show in my life! Forty-two bucks? Forty-two ginzu beans? Forty-two STAMPS! What!!!



Jessie kicked him.



ANGIE: Such abuse! We need to call the Humane Society about this!

VEGETA: I say blast 'em all! Get this over with!

JESSICA: I've read this story! There's two parts and the first ten chapters make up 21 pages!

VEGETA: <SOB>

JESSICA: Hey, you could be reading one of MY stories! My chapters are an average of thirty pages long!

VEGETA: Dear God, I'm not a praying man, but please don't let Rob Tapert send us one of Jessica's series . . .



"Meowth, that's no way to talk! We should at least try to not lose hope." "But we lost that a long time ago,"



KASEY: Hey! Jessie! Double talk! You're being hypocritical with yourself!



James sighed.



KASEY: Oh, Chibi Team Rocket just forgot how to do a paragraph break there . . . hehe



A petal from his rose wilted and fell off.



VEGETA: <Beast> If they all fall off, I die as this creature!

KASEY: That's not what happened in Beauty and the Beast!

VEGETA: Cut me slack, I've never seen that cartoon either.

KASEY: Well, as long as you have the CONCEPT right.



James grumbled something at this, and the petal fell onto Meowth's head. Meowth blew it away and continued calculating his numbers.



KASEY: <Meowth> Now, if I set the bomb THIS MANY feet close while I'm THIS MANY feet away from Jessie and James, and the bomb has a radius of THIS MANY feet, would it kill them and not hurt me? . . .



"I just don't understand



VEGETA: Trust me, you're not the only one, dear.



how the great Team Rocket can lose to a ten year old every time,"



JESSICA: Vegeta, there's your answer.

VEGETA: Yeah, but lose WHAT!



Jessie wailed. "It doesn't seem right."



KASEY: It doesn't seem DECENT.



Nearby stood a great tree.



JESSICA: This tree was not just an ordinary tree, he was the Great Tree, Master of Illusions! And he once saved a bus load of children from falling of a broken bridge and saved li'l Timmy's life when he fell down the well. He certainly was a GREAT tree.

OTHERS: <snicker>



Jessie walked over and leaned against it.

James and Meowth joined her. "We're hopeless," James said as he sat on the opposite side of the tree Jessie was sitting by.



ANGIE: I wonder, is Great Tree's *bark* worse than his bite!

JESSICA: Ooo, low one, Ange.

KASEY: That's usually the type of joke Jessica makes.

JESSICA: And I'm jealous.



Jessie nodded again. Suddenly, Jessie noticed a bright light zooming across the sky.



VEGETA: <Jessie> Hmm, mother ship's early . . .



It was brilliant



JESSICA: Did my Geometry homework in a second!



gold and it sparkled brighter than the sun. Jessie's eyes grew wider every second. The light zigged and zagged, to'd and frow'd.



KASEY: Sounds like some health freak's yogurt flavor "to'dfrow'd".

JESSICA: I thought it was spelled "fro" not "frow".

VEGETA: Whatever floats her boat. Saiyjin's aren't big on spelling either.



Then, it just disappeared.



JESSICA: The pain is gone! . . .



Vanished out of thin air...



KASEY: Now let's see if I can bring my beautiful assistant back. . . . Aw, crap . . .



Jessie turned to James and Meowth.



ANGIE: Even thought they're *behind* Great Tree.

JESSICA: Great Tree's so great, he can make his wide girth slim for the convenience of those sitting around him.

KASEY: I want a Great Tree of my own!

ANGIE: Just as long as it doesn't suck the life force out of the Earth.

JESSICA: Or that two aliens live with it.

KASEY: Good advice, must write it down.



"Did you see what I just saw?" she gasped.



VEGETA: <Jessie> Jimmy Hoffa! It was amazin'!



James yawned. "See what?"

"The bright light that flashed across the sky!"

Meowth looked up and shrugged. "Must've been your imagination."

Jessie waved her arms around.



ANGIE: <bonk!> Ouch! Son of a bit--



"It was zooming around,



KASEY: At least it wasn't animated. We might've gotten seizures!

VEGETA: Big no-no in my book.



like a crazy lunatic!"



JESSICA: A Love Story!

VEGETA & ANGIE: ???

KASEY: (Shaking head shamefully) It's from a stupid Ted Raimi movie.



"You REALLY shouldn't set yourself up like that, Jessie," Meowth thought to himself.



VEGETA: <Meowth> It's not a blind date if you set it up yourself. Jesus!



James laughed and pointed at Jessie. "I think YOU are the lunatic!"



KASEY: Not again!

JESSICA: A Love Story! Wheeeeeeeee!



He was immediately konked on the forehead.



ANGIE: By Great Tree!

JESSICA: Since Jessie couldn't reach around Great Tree herself, he smacked James for her.





"Serena! Hurry up..."

"I'm cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooming!"



VEGETA: Whoah! That flew at me outta nowhere!

JESSICA: So, no scene change break? Just an extra space?

KASEY: All those 'o's hurt!

ANGIE: There are thirty-two 'o's, if you'd care to know.



A small foot tapped impatiently. A sphere, which had an appearance somewhat like a cat face, floated beside a little girl with pink hair.



JESSICA: Chibi-Usa shouldn't dye her hair so young! It could damage it as she gets older! She'll be a bald thirty year-old woman!

VEGETA: How's the ball staying afloat? Does it have ki?

KASEY: No! It's the work of Great Tree, the Master of Illusions! Ha-HAH!

ANGIE: How long is THIS joke gonna last?

JESSICA: Probably forever.



"That Meatball-Head is gonna be late for our picnic again."



KASEY: <Usagi/Serena> And WHAT'S gonna be the main course at that picnic? ME! 'Coz I was born with this stupid meatball head! <sobsob>



An older girl laughed, her short, blue hair bouncing as she did so.



VEGETA: That's not the ONLY thing that bounces when she laughs.

(Angie throws shoe and hits Vegeta in the face)



"Oh, Reenie.



JESSICA: <Ami/Amy> You're such an imbecile.



you can't blame Serena for who she is. It's what gives her her charm."



KASEY: Yeah, her charm of disgusting cheerfulness and squeakiness.



"Yeah," a taller girl with green eyes and long brown hair done up in a ponytail agreed. "She maybe a clutz-o-holic,



VEGETA: <snort!> "Clutz-o-holic"!?

JESSICA: Oooh, a classic, goes up next to "Are you off your gourd!?"



but she's a true friend."



KASEY: Huh . . .

JESSICA: Kasey, no!

KASEY: Geez, how do you know what I'm gonna say? . . .



Another girl with dark eyes tossed her long, black hair behind her and grunted. "Still, Serena isn't what you would exactly called a 'Born Leader'!"



VEGETA: But I thought she was! Isn't she a princess?



"Oh, stop it, Raye!"



JESSICA: I already cleaned my ears this morning, I don't need your TONGUE!

KASEY: You are so unfair! I can't make lesbian jokes and YOU can!

JESSICA: It wasn't SUPPOSED to be a lesbian joke.

KASEY: Ohhhh . . .



a girl with blue eyes and long blonde hair tied with a big red bow scolded.



JESSICA: Hey, Minako! If you wanna hear somethin' sick, I read this fanfic called "Artemis' Lover" and Artemis was in love with Min--

KASEY: <clamps hand over Jessica's mouth> Jessica, talk about that in PRIVATE.

JESSICA: Fokayth.



"You still aren't after the Leadership of the Sailor Scouts, are you?" The Four Guardians (Amy, Raye, Lita, and Mina), Reenie, Luna and Artemis



JESSICA: Artemis, you naughty cat!

KASEY & ANGIE: JESSICA!!!

JESSICA: Oh, sorry.



all stood outside the doorway to Serena's house. Suddenly, they heard a crash coming from upstairs.



KASEY: Finally sick of his sister's whininess, Shingo had bashed Usagi's skull in with his mother's iron.

VEGETA: Thus ended the fanfic. . . .



They all groaned



VEGETA: Shimatta!



as Serena came tumbling down the stairs face-first with a shoe in her mouth.



JESSICA: Just to make sure Usagi was truly dead, Shingo had shoved a tennis shoe down her windpipe and tossed her down the stairs.



Her eyes swirled.



ANGIE: With the flavors of chocolate and vanilla.



"Look who's arrived," Artemis, the white male cat, grumbled.

Serena stood up, dusted herself off, and spat the shoe into her hand. "Sorry I'm late, guys," she laughed. "But I was having trouble finding this shoe."



KASEY: <Usagi/Serena> And there it was, the whole time, in my MOUTH! Can you believe it?



She held the slobber-filled shoe for all to see.

"Big surprise..." Luna, the female black cat, muttered sarcastically.



JESSICA: <Garfield> Big fat hairy deal.



"It's about time you showed up," Reenie yelled.



VEGETA: In that awful voice that makes innocent people's heads explode.

ANGIE: <Ryoga> Kuso! I'm lost again and to top it off Akane found out I'm P-chan and-- Kaboom!

JESSICA: <Akane> Omigod! P-chan!



"Darien's waiting for us at the park." "Yay!" Serena squealed.



KASEY: Oh, that awful disease where an author forgets to put a paragraph break has just hit Chibi Team Rocket.

JESSICA: Let's all take a moment of silence.

. . . . .

VEGETA: Are we done?



"Both of my loves...Darien and food! Let's go eat!"



JESSICA: <Usagi/Serena> Ooo! I hope there're strawberries!

KASEY: <lewd giggle>

JESSICA: To find out why we giggle at that joke, go read "Rebellion" by Musashi! (Warning, it's hentai!)



The girls all agreed and off they ran to the park. "It's a good thing the present Serena isn't the Queen of Crystal Tokyo," Reenie laughed to herself. "She still has a lot of work to do..."



ANGIE: Well, I would hope so! She's only in high school!

VEGETA: Now, what is this Crystal Tokyo they keep referring to?

JESSICA: Basically, it's the future city that is Tokyo and it's made completely of crystal.

VEGETA: Isn't that inconvenient?

JESSICA: The Japanese obviously thought not when Serenity-hime suddenly became the Queen of Earth.

VEGETA: Huh? Oh, forget it.



[ Return to top ]



VEGETA: And start this chapter over again? I don't think so!



______________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 2 - "Speech Tournament"



JESSICA: Okay, okay. Ahem. "You look at me weird, So I took off in a jet, And my cat ate steak." No, wait, that's a haiku!



Darien sat in the park.



VEGETA: Already the action is terrific!



When he saw the girls coming to greet him,



KASEY: He shrieked in terrible horror and ran away.



he got a big smile on his face and stood up.

Serena ran towards him. "Hi Darien!" she exclaimed. She was about to run up and hug him when Reenie pushed her out of the way.



ANGIE: The thing of the matter is, Chibi-Usa's Mamoru's future daughter, but Chibi-Usa's in *love* with him.

VEGETA: This is screwed up.

JESSICA: Then Usa goes and kisses a man with a horn on his head, and this man can turn into a pegasi-unicorn.

VEGETA: I don't think I like Sailor Moon . . .



"Hi Darien!" Reenie said as she got to Darien first.

"You little spore..." Serena muttered under her breath.



ANGIE: I'm allergic to spores! Ah-choo!!!

KASEY: Jeez! Right into my ear!



Jessie was still trying to convince Meowth and James



JESSICA: That she hadn't done anything with Bill Clinton while she was his intern.

KASEY: Ooo, below the belt there.

JESSICA: I know.



that what she saw was NOT just an illusion. "...And then it circled through the sky and disappeared!"

James yawned. "Jessie...Please! I'm busy trying to take a nap."

"You call that being busy?" Jessie growled.



JESSICA: I do, when I sleep, I SLEEP!

KASEY: You slept for three thousand five hundred years, I should say so!



"That's more like being lazy!"



ANGIE: <James> Sure I'm lazy, but it's a disease.



"Whatever," James said as he snuggled against a tree.



VEGETA: Not only is Great Tree great, but he is so soft he's like a pillow.



Soon, snores were heard.



ALL: SNORE! snxxxxx . . .



Jessie groaned and turned to her feline companion. "You believe me, don't you, Meowth-chan?"



JESSICA: <Meowth> I would have if you hadn't used a Japanese suffix on my American name!

KASEY: Oh dear, another fanfic where they don't use "-kun", just "-chan".

JESSICA: Insult upon insult, she's using American names! My rule is you never use Japanese suffixes on English dub names unless it's for cuteness, like calling Meowth "M-chan"!

OTHERS: Right!

VEGETA: If anyone called me "Vegeta-chan" then they'd be laying on the ground in three different pieces.



She had a huge smile on her face.

Meowth brushed her aside with his paw. There was a long pause before he replied. "No..."

Jessie sat on the grass and pulled a few blades up.



KASEY: <blade of grass> Oh Dear Lord! Owwwww!

ANGIE: <blade of grass> No, don't! AAAAA!!

JESSICA: <blade of grass> Nooo! Linda!



"It's not fair! I'm supposed to be the brains of this group.



VEGETA: And quite a brain it is, too!



Why don't you guys listen to me?"

"Hold on a sec!" Meowth shouted as he scratched Jessie clear across the face. "I'M da brains of Team Rocket!"



ANGIE: He's "da brains"?

JESSICA: Not only is he a member of Team Rocket, but he also runs the Italian mafia.



Jessie rubbed her swollen face. Meowth continued. "And youse guys are supposed to listen to me!"

Just then, the two of them heard laughing. "What...?" Meowth and Jessie pulled out their handy binoculars.



VEGETA: Where did their handy binoculars come from? Where could a cat possibly pull binoculars out from?

JESSICA: My theory is that . . . well, if you were to do a cavity search on them, you'd find a lot of stuff!

VEGETA: Ewww.



"Look!" Meowth whispered. "It's a picnic at dat park over dere..."

Jessie smiled. "There must be some good Pokemon Trainers over there."

"And where dere's Trainers..." "THERE'S POKEMON!"



KASEY: That disease struck Chibi Team Rocket once again.



Jessie walked over to James and kicked him. "Get up, you lag-about! We've got work to do!"

"Ouch!" James whimpered as he got funny Anime tears.



ANGIE: You know, that joke sort of loses its magic when it says "funny anime tears".



"That hurt."



"I saw it first!"

"No, you didn't! It's mine!"

"No way!"



KASEY: Hey, it sounds like me and you, Jessica.

JESSICA: No! It's my gummy bear!

KASEY: I had it first! <whaps Jessica>

JESSICA: WAHHHH!!!



Serena and Reenie were fighting over a huge slice of watermelon. Although no one said anything, they wanted the watermelon too. It was a sticky Summer's day, and the two clowns



VEGETA: Were making cute balloon animals.



were hogging everything for themselves. "Gimme!"

"YOU GIMME!"



JESSICA: That's MY jujube!

KASEY: Dammit, it's mine!

BOTH: ARGH!



Darien sighed. "Must it always be like this?"



ANGIE: <Darien> Must I ALWAYS use Viagra?

VEGETA: I told you! I'm VEGETA!

ANGIE: Calm down, it was a JOKE!

VEGETA: . . .



Suddenly, the park was filled with odd-colored smoke.



KASEY: Huh . . .

JESSICA: Kasey, Nooooo!!! That's disgusting!

KASEY: I am soooo gonna kill you after this! You won't let me make a gross joke!



When it cleared, two evil-looking silhouettes struck a pose.



VEGETA: Well, I suppose the silhouette of Jessie's hair COULD be considered evil.



"Prepare for trouble!"



JESSICA: Huh! The speech! Yay! (Says the speech along with Jessie and James)

"And make it double..."

The girls looked at each other. This was their cue!

Serena and Reenie snuck



KASEY: Snuk!! Oh, SNUCK . . . I miss that rat . . . <sniff>

(Author's Note: From "Mad Jack the Pirate" ^_^)



off behind the park playground.

"Cosmic Moon Power!"

"Moon Prism Power!"



JESSICA: Sad No-Life Power, Make up!

KASEY: Depressed No-Life Power, Make-up!

ANGIE: Shameless fanfic plug #1

JESSICA: Go read the No-Life Sailors!



A flash of light and ribbons filled the sky. Serena and Reenie transformed into Sailor Moon and Sailor Chibi-moon.



VEGETA: I wonder if the Sailor Senshi realize that they are naked for a moment while transforming?



Chibi-Moon's Kitty Ball appeared as well. They ran back to the scene of the crime.



JESSICA: How do they know it's a crime? All that's happened so far was a bunch of smoke and the beginning of a speech. For all Usagi and Usa know, it could be Shakespeare in the Park!



"To protect the world from devastation,"



KASEY: Well, it was nice for Jessie and James to wait for Sailor Moon and Chibi-Moon to return to finish their motto.

JESSICA: Shush! I'm trying to go along with them!



"To unite all peoples within our nation,"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love,"



VEGETA: <Canadian> Oh, yes, truth and love ARE evil, I must say.



"To extend our reach to the stars above..."

"JESSIE!"

"JAMES!"

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

"Meowth! Dat's right!"

JESSICA: Now the song! <sings> You know us as Team Rocket, and we fight for what is wrong-- <whap!>

VEGETA: Thank you, Kasey.

KASEY: S'all right.

JESSICA: Gaaaa . . .



Darien, the four girls, and the cats all gasped. Who were these tacky dressers?



ANGIE: White against black . . . Yes, it matches, VERY tacky!



Jessie laughed. "Alright, you! Hand over all your



VEGETA: <Jessie> Panties! I'm running low. THANKS James.

JESSICA: <James> I didn't mean to get THAT carried away!



Pokemon!"

Amy, the smartest of the group, stood up and innocently asked, "...Um...Excuse me. What's a Pokemon?"

"Jessie, James, and Meowth all got sweatdrops. "What's a Pokemon?!" they exclaimed.

The girls shrugged. Mina laughed. "I've never heard of that."

James got one of those little Anime veins on his head. "Where have you people been living? In LaLa Land?"



KASEY: <Minako/Mina> No, just in a different dimension.

JESSICA: That brings up an interesting topic. HOW did Team Rocket appear suddenly in Tokyo?

KASEY: Maybe it was the same portal Rob had stepped into.

JESSICA: Where did the portal come from?

ANGIE: From GREAT TREE!

VEGETA: Jeez, he can cook AND make dimensional portals?

KASEY: I want a Great Tree!!!!



"Regardless..." a woman's voice shouted. Everyone looked up to the top of a tree.



KASEY: <sigh> Great Tree . . .



Two more silhouettes stood in similar poses. The first shadow spoke again.

"...You have spoiled a wonderful picnic that should have been used for fun. I cannot forgive you!"



VEGETA: <Moon> Therefore I must blast you to Hell with my magical powers! Hahahahah!



"I cannot forgive you!" the second shadow, smaller than the first, echoed.



JESSICA: Aww, it's Mini-Me Sailor Moon. Dr. Evil's cloning experiments have gone a little too far!

ANGIE: Shameless movie plug #1

KASEY: Go see Austin Powers! The Spy Who Shagged Me!

"I am the pretty Sailor Soldier, Sailor Moon!"

"And I'm Sailor Chibi-Moon!"

"We stand for love..."

"We stand for justice..."

"And in the name of the Moon..."

"WE'LL PUNISH YOU!"

ANGIE: Ultimately, I'd hafta say Team Rocket's speech is more creative. It has oxymorons and it rhymes.

JESSICA: Here we have two girls standing in short skirted sailor uniforms with their hair in awful pigtails and everyone else thinks TEAM ROCKET looks tacky?

VEGETA: Fashion sense is totally lost on ditzy magical girls.



"Sailor Moon!" everyone, aside from Team Rocket, exclaimed enthusiastically.



KASEY: <"everyone"> Sailor Moon! She's being eaten by a Charizard! Yay!



Team Rocket looked bored.



VEGETA: Boy, can I identify with them!



"Is that the best you can do in trying to top off our speech?" Jessie yawned.



JESSICA: <Moon> No, wait! Lemme try again! "We stand for love, which must be set high above, and if you do anything wrong we must shove!"

KASEY: <Meowth> Upp, that sucked, we get the car!

ALL: Yay!

ANGIE: Well, that was . . . interesting.



"Our's is way better," James grinned proudly.

Sailor Moon and Chibi-Moon both got sweatdrops.



VEGETA: Geez, all this sweatdropping can't be good for one's health!

JESSICA: You wouldn't believe all the anime souls we lose everyday to that sweatdropping.



They jumped down from the tree and faced Team Rocket. Sailor Moon crossed her arms. "We weren't trying to top off your evil speech. We always say that!"



KASEY: <Moon> We always sound this dumb and foolish!



"Sure..." Meowth sighed sarcastically.

[ Return to top ]



VEGETA: What the? Why does that always show up? Why go back up to the chapter index?

ANGIE: <reader> Duhhh . . . I just finished Chapter 2, now off to Chapter 9 . . .



______________________________________________________________________________



JESSICA: Hey, it's a DOOZER bridge!

KASEY: A "doozer".

JESSICA: Yeah, those little green guys from Fragglerock.

KASEY: Oh. <shudder>



Chapter 3 -"Moon Encounters of the Pokemon Kind"



ANGIE: Shouldn't that be "Moon Encounters THE," no "of", "Pokemon Kind"?

JESSICA: Not if you wanted it to sound like a CERTAIN movie . . .

VEGETA: What movie?

KASEY: Forget it.

VEGETA: If I don't know what movie, how can I forget it?

KASEY: Just kindly shut your noise hole.



The two groups continued arguing about their speeches for a long time. Then Sailor Moon pulled out her Moon Sceptre.



JESSICA: No!! Wait! <SOB> She's gonna kill them!!!!



"I don't care anymore, Nega-scum! It's time I finished you off..."



KASEY: How does she immediately presume that Jessie, James and Meowth are from the NegaVerse? All they did was throw flash powder and said a speech, they didn't drain anyone's energy.

JESSICA: She's gonna kill James-s-s-s <sobsob>



Jessie got a sweatdrop. "What? Finish us off?"



VEGETA: Instead of freaking out and running away, Jessie sweatdrops and asks a dumb question. Smart.



James cried. "I'm too young to die!"



ANGIE: You know, if James had been born into the Saiyjin community, he would've been killed.

VEGETA: Of course, we can't have crybabies on the army.

"Wait!" Meowth shouted, holding his paws in front of his face. "I didn't say da speech. It was dose two morons. Don't hurt Meowth...HURT DEM!"



JESSICA: In times of great crisis, you can always count on Meowth to pull you through!

Jessie and James glared at Meowth. "YOU UNGRATEFUL, LITTLE BEAST!"



KASEY: <Jessie and James> Yeah, we ordered you around and kicked the snot outta ya, how COULD you do that to us!



Sailor Moon took this opportunity



VEGETA: To run away and cry, Meowth was JUST TOO CUTE to kill!

JESSICA: Nah, you got Meowth confused with Pikachu.

KASEY: If Pikachu was there with Ash, I would CHEER Sailor Moon on to kill 'em both.



into her hands. While Team Rocket fought, she spun her Sceptre around and held it out in front of her. "Moon..."

"Noooo!" Team Rocket shouted as they noticed what Sailor Moon was doing.





JESSICA: <Team Rocket> She's swinging a sceptre at us! Aaaa!



"...Sceptre..."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"



ANGIE: Twenty 'h's!



"...Elimination!"



KASEY: <Luna> Sailor Moon! You Neanderthal ninny! They were regular HUMANS! Look at all the blood and guts!

VEGETA: <Moon> Uh, duh . . . I like pudding?

JESSICA: <Artemis> I think we're gonna hafta kill her.

KASEY: <Luna> Fine with me!





All was black.



ANGIE: They were in Idaho Falls during an afternoon in the winter.

JESSICA & KASEY: <snicker>



Jessie lay in darkness.



VEGETA: She shouldn't have had all those bangers. God knows WHAT she did last night!



"What? Am I...Dead?" She tried to sit up, but found she couldn't.



JESSICA: James was on top of her. Jeez, what HAD she done last night?



She seemed to be...Floating. Beside her, James was floating upside-down,



KASEY: . . . his non-exsistant rear in her face.

JESSICA: You know what they say about men with broad shoulders, they have no butts!



eyes closed. He hadn't come-to yet. Jessie did sort of somersault and sat up, crossed-legged.



JESSICA: Even though sitting crossed-legged in Japan is considered rude and . . . Oh, never mind.



"Where am I?"



ANGIE: <Mr. Tumnus> You're in the land of Narnia! Come, have some tea and crumpets with me!





A short way away, Serena, no longer in her Scout uniform, floated in space. "What went wrong?" she gasped.



VEGETA: Using his ki, Great Tree blocked the blast from the Sceptre, unfortunately it opened another portal . . .



"I said the right words.



JESSICA: <Usagi/Serena as Ash the Demon Hunter> Well, I said them almost, kind of, completely right.



Did my Sceptre back-fire on me?



KASEY: Sure, BLAME the Sceptre for something YOU did wrong!



Did I annihilate myself?!?"



ALL BUT ANGIE: Yay!!! Oh, uhm, how sad . . .



She turned around and saw Raye. "Raye!"

Raye was floating on her stomach, still out-cold. Serena shook her and she opened her eyes. "Serena...I...I had a Vision..."

VEGETA: <Rei/Raye> (lewd giggle) You and I were . . . never mind, how are YOU?



"What?" Serena asked.



KASEY: She said, "SERENA...I...I HAD A VISION..."!!!

JESSICA: <Grabbing her ears> Gee, thanks, Kasey. I had been thinking, "Gosh, it's been a long time since my ear last BLED!"

Raye smiled. "We're on our way home...To the Moon Kingdom."

Serena's eyes went blank.



ANGIE: Had she forgotten to turn off her oven before leaving home? Oh, well, nothing BAD could happen . . .

JESSICA: Meanwhile, back home, Ikuko-mama and Kenji-papa had died in a house fire, while Shingo is in serious condition with third degree burns . . .



The last time she had gone to the ruins of the Moon, she had seen her past life as Princess Serena. Why were they going back?



JESSICA: Someone had left their mascara, Serenity-sama was seeing whose it belonged to.





Serena, Lita, Amy, Raye, Mina, Darien, Reenie, Luna, Artemis, Jessie, James, and Meowth



KASEY: Oh, that poor narrator!



all felt themselves being tossed in circles.



ANGIE: <Jessie> I HATE ROLLER COASTERS! URP!!



All that were asleep woke up.



VEGETA: And all that were awake fell asleep! <rimshot>



Everyone screamed as they spun faster and faster.



KASEY: Yes, I heard being pulled through the Moon's albeit thin atmosphere due to the gravity without a spaceship could do that to you.

JESSICA: They should just be thankful they weren't being pulled back into EARTH'S atmosphere!

VEGETA: <vendor> Fried Sailor Moon! If that doesn't suit your taste, try baked Meowth!



Serena reached for Darien's hand. "Darien! I'm scared!"

Darien shot out his hand, just grabbing Serena as she flew by. He held her close.



ANGIE: <Usagi/Serena> Uh, uh, Mamoru, darling? You're crushing my-- crrk!!-- SPIIINE!



"Don't worry, Serena!" he shouted over the commotion. "Everything will be fine!"



VEGETA: The surface of the Moon is rushing up to meet them, but since Mamoru said everything would be fine, baka Usagi believed him.

JESSICA: Meanwhile, three of the Senshi have just died and no one seems to care since the whole WORLD revolves around Sailor Moon!

KASEY: If she needs to be protected from the NegaVerse, then WHY do they let Usagi fight!?

ANGIE: She doesn't want to be like her mother, who should've PROTECTED her people, but instead they protected HER.



"Jessie! Jessie! I'm scared!" James wailed as he grabbed Meowth. "We're gonna die!" Meowth wriggled, trying to free himself from James' tight grasp. "Ack! Let go of Meowth, you goofball!"



KASEY: Oh, the disease hit Chibi Team Rocket.

ANGIE: It's so awful! I say after this, we get all the doctors together and try to find a cure!

ALL: Right!



Jessie screamed.



JESSICA: <Jessie> Leonardo!

KASEY: <Jessie> Let's go kill him!



She had never experienced anything like this in her life. Suddenly, the swirling stopped.



VEGETA: The rocket ride in front of the grocery store had ran out of quarter.



Team Rocket landed on ground.



ANGIE: In a horrible splatter! Oh, the humanity!!

JESSICA: JAMESSSSS!!! <keen!>

Likewise, so did Serena and her party.



ANGIE: In a horrible splatter! Oh, the humanity!!

JESSICA: Uh, uh . . . I know! AMIIIIIII!!! <Keen!>

KASEY: Took you awhile to think of someone from Sailor Moon to cry for, huh?

JESSICA: It was REALLY hard. If Umino and Naru-chan had been there, then THAT'S a different story.



Luna got to her feet quickly and glanced around.



VEGETA: Such a trooper, that Luna! All four of her legs are broken, yet she feels compelled to go for help.



"The Ruins of the Moon Kingdom!" "So," thought Serena. "Raye's Vision was right." She sat down inside a huge crater. "Why am I here again?"



KASEY: Oh-ho! Two no-paragraph breaks in one page! It's getting more serious!

JESSICA: I thought the Moon Kingdom was rebuilt after they defeated Metallia!

ANGIE: You're thinking of the COMIC BOOK, Jessica. This is the TV show.

JESSICA: <blushes> Oh.



James crouched on the ground and clutched his stomach.



VEGETA: Lum had better watch her top. Last time he did that she nearly electrocuted half the crew.



"Ohhh...I think I lost my lunch back there..." He was suddenly blinded by a great light.



KASEY: Oh! Oh! It's Great Tree's cousin, Great Light!

ALL: <lol>

JESSICA: Ahhhh, wonderful times.



The Light shimmered brightly and everyone had to shield their eyes. It seemed to speak. "Welcome back, Princess Serena."



JESSICA: Serenity-hime!!!-- oh, cripes, forget it.



Serena stood up. She then looked down at her feet and noticed she was in her Princess gown. The other girls were also in their gowns, even Reenie, and Darien was in his Endymion armor. The Moon shone on Serena's forehead.



ANGIE: Geez, that must be heavy!

OTHERS: <sarcastic> Hahaha . . .



"Mother...?"

"No," the Light replied.



VEGETA: <Serenity> THEN WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!

JESSICA: Whoops, there goes my other ear. Great, now I'm deaf.



"I am not your mother. I am Queen Jessica,



JESSICA: Me?



Queen Serenity's dearest friend."

"Jessica?" Serena gasped.



JESSICA: What?

"Jessica?" James repeated.



JESSICA: WHAT!?



He then looked at Jessie. "Hey! Isn't Jessica your full name?"



JESSICA: Yes! I go by nothing else!

Jessie looked back at him. "Why, yes it is, James..."



JESSICA: <blushing again> Oh, he was talking to Jessie.



The Light spoke again.



KASEY: A science experiment gone horribly wrong! I light bulb with a BRAIN!



"That is right. I am Princess Jessica's mother..."



JESSICA: Me?

KASEY: Now cut that out!

JESSICA: . . .



Jessie's mouth dropped open. Princess? Did the Light mean her?

VEGETA: No, she means the Jessica from Murder She Wrote. Of course she means you!!

Meowth suddenly pointed to Jessie's forehead. "Y-you have a Crescent Moon...Just like hers!" He then pointed to Princess Serena.



ANGIE: . . . For SHE had been the one to steal the Queen of Heart's strawberry tarts.



Serena's and Jessie's eyes met and locked.



JESSICA: <Usagi/Serena> From then on in, I knew I could love no other in my life.



They were both Princesses of the Moon? "How could this be possible?" Serena thought. "I thought there could only be one Princess..."



KASEY: Another time the disease struck . . .

VEGETA: How could it be possible there were TWO Princesses of the Moon? Maybe Serenity-sama got a bit happy one night, had Jessie, then handed her over to her "dearest" friend, Queen Jessica.

JESSICA: Works for me!



Luna seemed to read Serena's mind.



ANGIE: <Luna> But I CAN read Serena's mind, and all of YOUR minds, too! And James isn't thinking clean thoughts about Jessie!



She turned to the Light. "But there can only be one Princess of each planet."



KASEY: So, if one of the Queen's just happened to give birth to a second princess, you'd kill her? That doesn't seem very fair to me.

VEGETA: Maybe that's why Serenity-sama gave Queen Jessica Princess Jessie.



The Light seemed to nod. "Yes, that is true. But my daughter was also part of the Royal Court. If such an occurrence happened that Queen Serenity and Princess Serena had an accident, my daughter and I would take charge and become the next Queen and Princess."



JESSICA: <Queen Jessica> Mind you, if an ACCIDENT occurred, an ACCIDENT . . . hehe . . .



It was a great honor given to me after I met your mother, Princess Serena."



ANGIE: <Queen Jessica> Yes, a WONDERFUL honor, just to sit around on my butt and wait for the Queen and Princess to keel over so WE could take over.



Serena could not believe what she was hearing. A replacement? She had a replacement?



KASEY: Yes, Usagi, your mother HATED you and had you replaced.

VEGETA: I don't blame Serenity-sama, Usagi is quite the idiot.



And it was a villain?

Jessie felt the same way.



JESSICA: Gassy, they had both eaten the chicken dish. Augh.



How could she, such a low-life Pokemon Trainer, be Princess material? What was the story?



ANGIE: <sings> Lemme tell you a story about a girl named Jessie, she didn't have a cat or a cow named Bessie, but then one day she happened to the Moon, and she learned that she was a Princess and felt like she was about to swoon. Faint, that is. Pass out.



"Come!" the Light spoke once more.



VEGETA: Jeez, she just won't shut up!



"I will show you your Past..."

Again, everything turned black.

[ Return to top ]

VEGETA: Ah, so the answer that we may never know, we just found out.

JESSICA: The magic of fanfics.

KASEY: Onto Chapter 4, to get this over with! Just 6 more to go!



______________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 4 -"Blast to the Past - Part I"



ANGIE: Hmmm, a new ki attack?

VEGETA: Let's see. BLAST TO THE PAST! <ki ball shoots out from hands>

JESSICA: Smooth, Vegeta. You just blew a hole in the side of the theater!

VEGETA: Gomen nasai.

JESSICA: Just be thankful it wasn't the hull! We'll hafta get the Blacksmith to fix it.

KASEY: "Blast to the Past - Part I"? There's parts? Isn't that what chapters are for?



The group watched in amazement as they were taken to the Moon Kingdom.



ANGIE: Uh, weren't they ALREADY there?



The Light began to tell the story.



JESSICA: Oh, no, I see! The Light took them back to the PAST Moon Kingdom.

ANGIE: Ohhh.



"You Sailor Scouts know of the Silver Millennium.



KASEY: <Senshi/Scouts> The condom? Sure.

JESSICA: Shimatta!

KASEY: Missed me on that one, didn't you.

JESSICA: Why are YOU suddenly making all the perverted jokes? I do that!

KASEY: Hey, I was awake for over three thousand years, you pick up a few things.



It happened over 1000 years ago,



VEGETA: So it could have happened 2000 years ago? Hmm?



but I do not think my daughter and her two friends do..."



JESSICA: <Jessie> Oh no, we do, we learned that in ancient history in seventh grade.



"Does she have to keep calling me 'daughter'?" Jessie muttered under her breath. "...Team Rocket, the Silver Millennium was a time of great peace and eternal happiness. Everyone was joyous and free."



ANGIE: Team Rocket was the Silver Millennium and it was a great time of peace and all?

VEGETA: Jessie must've picked all that up from her mom's vibes.

KASEY: Nah, the disease just struck again.



"Makes Meowth wanna gag," Meowth said aloud.



JESSICA: <Nyase> Nyaa! Gomi! Nte ne! ("Gomi" means "rubbish" ^_^)

KASEY: Smaarrrt, Jessica.



The Light seemed to glare at the little Pokemon. She then turned to Jessie. "Princess Jessica.



JESSICA: Nani? <Whap!> Kaseyyyyyyyy!!!



you were as happy as the others living in this peaceful world."



VEGETA: <Queen Jessica> "As happy" meaning that she was "less happy"



Jessie stuck her tongue out in disgust. "No way! I could never be happy in a good world. I'm evil!"



KASEY: Why do anime bad guys always say that? If I were a bad guy, I wouldn't be going around saying "I'm evil! Hey, you, I got the Devil in my soul! Wonderful, ne?" If you were evil, you'd figure you were good, since you'd think the forces of "good" were the "evil" ones.

ANGIE: O_o



"But you weren't always like that. Take a look..."



VEGETA: <Queen Jessica> Here you are, sitting demurely, kneeling to your lord as you serve him tea. There, wasn't that happy?

JESSICA: <Jessie> SOOOOOB!





"Serena!"

"Coming Mother..."



KASEY: <Serenity-hime/Serena> You old bag, wait until that assassin I hired gets here, you'll be sorry, I hope your death will be-- Oh, hi, Mother!



A graceful, meatball-headed Princess rushed down the stairs of her castle.



ANGIE: Okay, calling her meatball-headed is just like saying "funny anime tears", all the magic disappears. She has BUNS in her hair, say BUNS.

JESSICA: Stupid DiC, I wish they kept "odango-atama".

VEGETA: Dumpling head?

KASEY: If they had kept "Odango-atama" then no one in America would have understood.

JESSICA: Do I look like I care?



Her mother was finally home after a long absence, and she wanted to be the first to meet her. "Mother!"

"My daughter..." Queen Serenity greeted her daughter at the bottom of the staircase. How have you been doing?"

"I've been having a wonderful time," Serena smiled.



VEGETA: <Serenity-hime/Serena> Yep, just sitting here. Fun. Oh, I knitted a sock, that elevated the fun for a bit.



"Jessie's been helping my make the arrangements for tonight's Ball."



JESSICA: Princess Jessie's name should be "Jisusika-hime."

ANGIE: How do you know that?

JESSICA: I'm All-Knowing, that's how I know.



Queen Serenity took Serena's hand. "Really? What will it be like?" The two walked off, Princess Serena happily chattering about the decorations. Her mother listened eagerly.



VEGETA: Or as eagerly as one COULD listen to a voice like Serena's.



She loved to have her daughter so happy.



KASEY: Which is odd, since most mothers love to have their daughter's so sad.



At once, a beautiful woman who looked about the same age as Queen Serenity greeted them.

"Your Highness," she bowed. She was a beautiful woman with soft, dark purple eyes and long, flowing red hair that dragged behind her feet.



ANGIE: That can't be sanitary.



Her gown was similar to Queen Serenity's and she had a glowing Crescent Moon on her forehead. "You have returned."

"Yes, Jessica," Serenity smiled.



JESSICA: It's so confusing to have your name in a fanfic . . . O_o



"It's good to be home. Although, I must say my meeting on Earth did not go too well..."

Serena and Queen Jessica cringed. That was not good. The war with Earth had been terrible. Queen Serenity was trying to make peace with the Queen of the Earth.



ANGIE: Queen Hiliary Clinton . . . Oh, no, wait . . .



Serena thought her name was Beryl, or something.



VEGETA: Or something. Since she was the Princess, the future Queen, of the Moon, it wasn't necessary for her to know.



"Come, Jessica," Queen Serenity motioned for Jessica to follow her to another room. "I have to discuss the meeting with you..." Serena looked up at her mother wide-eyed. "May I come, Mother?"



KASEY: Whelp, the disease again.



"Sorry, dear. I need to discuss these matters with Queen Jessica alone..." With that, the door was shut in Serena's face.



JESSICA: <Serenity-sama, muffled> Hehe! Did you see that? Slam! right in her face. God, I have such a lame daughter . . .



Her eyes wobbled. A shadow approached her and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

Serena spun around and gave a sigh if relief. "Oh, Jessie! It's only you..."

The girl Serena was talking to looked much older than her, around her twenties. Her long, magenta hair draped over her shoulders. She wore a long, light yellow gown and a band around her forehead which covered another Crescent Moon under it.



KASEY: For Jessie was ashamed to be a Moonfolk and wished she could KILL 'EM ALL!

VEGETA: Blast 'em all! Whoo!



She wore a necklace with a red 'R' on it. "Hi, Serena!"



JESSICA: Why does she have an "R" on her necklace? Other than the obvious reason, but still.



"Mom won't let me go listen in on the conversation."



ANGIE: Meanwhile, inside the room.

JESSICA: <Queen Jessica, muffled> Then what?

KASEY: <Serenity-sama, muffled> Then she popped in the tape, "Big Bangs", and the men on there were gorgeous and they had BIG--

ANGIE: Okay, that's enough.

Princess Jessie's face darkened a little. "It's about that dumb war, isn't it?"

"Uh huh..."

"I wish every planet could be as tranquil as the Moon..."



VEGETA: The only reason why it's tranquil is because Serenity-sama killed everyone that could be of trouble, which was just about EVERYONE, and now there's only about FOUR people left; she, Queen Jessica, Jessie and Serena. Oh, and Luna. Serenity-sama's insane, Queen Beryl just wants to save the rest of the Universe from her evil rule.

ANGIE: I bet you after the NegaVerse attack, Serenity-sama actually SURVIVED and went off, abandoning all of her subjects and she became Freeza.

VEGETA: I wondered why she looked so familiar.



Jessie said as she crossed her arms. "The Earth doesn't know what they're up against."



JESSICA: News flash for ya, WE WIN! In your face! Ha-HAH!



"Yes," Serena sighed. Her eyes wobbled again. "But...At least we have Endymion on our side!"



KASEY: Yes, bishoonen Endymion and his four generals that turn against him! That's POWER!



"Shhh!" Jessie whispered as she looked around to make sure no one was watching. "Your mother and I are about the only people who know about him..."

The two girls giggled.



ANGIE: <Jessie and Serena> Our lives are in danger! It's fun!



Suddenly, a man's voice was heard. "Serena!"

"Ack!" Serena screeched. "Endymion's here...Excuse me, Jessie-chan!" Serena lifted up the ruffles of her dress and ran off to her love.



JESSICA: <sings> Loves lifting us off where we belong . . .



Jessie called back after her. "Good luck!"



KASEY: <Jessie> Hope the abortion goes well!



Then, as Serena left, a tear trickled down her cheek.



VEGETA: <Jessie> They grow up too fast.



She leaned against the wall. "I shouldn't be jealous," she thought to herself.



ANGIE: <Jessie> One day I'll get red frillies of my own!



"I should be happy my best friend has a love. But...I...I love Endymion as well..." She clasped her hands over her face and cried.



JESSICA: Eeek! I'm gonna be sick!!!! <proceeds to puke>

KASEY: Why am I not surprised . . .

VEGETA: Jesus, Jessica, how much Ramen noodles do you eat?

JESSICA: <groan> James and I had a Ramen noodle party last night. HORK!



[ Return to top ]



______________________________________________________________________________



JESSICA: <kid> Pull the car over, dad, I'm gonna be sick. Urppp . . .

KASEY: Cripes, all over my boots. Thank you fanfic!



Chapter 5 -"Blast to the Past - Part II"



ANGIE: Is this a movie title Chibi Team Rocket's ripping off?

JESSICA: Back to the Future?

KASEY: Did it have Brandon Fraeser in it?



Jessie felt several tears fall from her eyes.



VEGETA: She learned never to have C-ko cook her food for her ever again.



"I...I remember..."

James and Meowth looked back from what they were watching at Jessie. James' eyes wobbled. "You loved him?"

Jessie nodded. "Yes. I was in love with Prince Endymion. I was so jealous of Serena...I couldn't stand it! I wanted to marry him, and I was his age..."

James turned away from her. "I see..." Meowth noticed the sadness and jealousy in his voice.



ALL: Awwww.

KASEY: I know how Jessie feels, first time I saw Mamoru- Bam! I wanted to kill him.

JESSICA: She LOVED him, Kasey.

KASEY: Oh, well, then I DON'T know how she feels.





Tonight! The biggest Ball of the year was tonight! Princess Serena felt giddy all over.



JESSICA: Funny, I feel sick all over.

KASEY: I feel angry all over.

ANGIE: I feel normal all over.

VEGETA: I feel pretty all over.

OTHERS: ???



It was a masked Ball, and Endymion had promised he would come.



JESSICA: If Leonardo DiCRAPio shows up, I'm gonna hurt someone, namely Chibi Team Rocket!



That was not all.



VEGETA: <TV salesperson> But that's not all! He also makes julienne fries! Get your own Endymion by calling this number!



The Guardian Princesses of the Inner Planets were also joining.



ANGIE: The Outer Senshi aren't worthy enough to come to this ball.



It was going to be a grande event. Princess Jessie and Serena looked back at their wonderful decorating job.



KASEY: And found that it sucked terribly.



"I believe we've outdone ourselves this time, Serena!" Jessie laughed. "There may be so many decorations, that people will hardly be able to move."



JESSICA: <Serenity-hime/Serena> Maybe the pigs' heads WERE a bit much.



Serena nodded. "Yes! But it will truly be a night to remember..."

Little did Serena know how true those words would be...



ALL: BumbumBUM! Budum!





"Come, my Generals! Jedite! Neflyte! Zoycite! Malachite! Tonight is the night the Moon will regret not surrendering to us..." A hideous woman sat on her throne in a dark room filled wit black Energy. She wore a long purple gown, and had red hair that entwined her body and reached the ground. Three men and one woman appeared in front of her.



JESSICA: I always considered Beryl to be a freaked out version of Naru-chan.

ANGIE: She liked Endymion, too, y'know.

VEGETA: Geez, why do they keep falling for the wuss that throws roses?



"Yes, my Queen?" a man with long brown hair and blue eyes said.



JESSICA: Nephrite! I like Nephrite . . .

"We are here to serve!" a second man with short blonde hair and blue eyes shouted.



KASEY: Aw, Jadeite, the General who sucked big time and was sent to THE LAND OF ETERNAL SLEEP!



"Long live Queen Beryl!" the woman, with a long dirty-blonde ponytail and olive-green eyes, said.



KASEY & JESSICA: You're not a girl!!!



"What is your wish, Your Majesty?" the final man with long white hair and ice-blue eyes sneered as he bowed gracefully.



ANGIE: Aww, the gay one.



The Queen rose from her throne. "Tonight, we shall overthrow the Moon Kingdom!" she laughed. The Four Generals echoed her laughter.



ALL: Bwahahahahahahahahah! Bwahahahahahahahahah! Bwahahahahahahahahah! Bwhahahah! Bwahahahah . . . Hahaha. Haha. heehee, ha . . . <ahem>





Queen Serenity and Queen Jessica gathered their two daughters



JESSICA: THEIR two daughters? Nudgenudge. <WHAP!> Kasey! OWWWW!



together for the welcoming of the Four Guardian Princesses.



KASEY: Hey, I just thought of something. What if the Queens had SONS instead of DAUGHTERS? What then? Do they kill the Princes? Maybe Shingo was a Prince, born before Usagi, but Serenity-sama killed him and he was reincarnated by accident.

VEGETA: Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen ANY other males other than Mamoru and his generals and they all come from EARTH! How are all these princesses being born?

ANGIE: Do we want to know?

JESSICA: Frankly, I don't.



"Announcing...Princess Mercury!"



VEGETA: <announcer> Sorry, forgot for a minute there.



A young girl of Serena's age entered. She was dressed in a blue gown, and had short blue hair and blue eyes.



JESSICA: Question; Usagi has a Princess name, Serenity. But the other Senshi . . . do they?

ANGIE: I don't think I've ever read any other than in fanfics.

JESSICA: Okay, I'll call Mercury IRIS then. Iris-hime.



She also carried a Geometry book in her hand.



KASEY: Hahaha, one-dimensional views of a character, they're great.



When she reached the quartet, she bowed and moved on.



JESSICA: <Mercury> The quartet from Titanic, the musicians who wouldn't stop playing?! I bow to you!



"Announcing...Princess Mars!"



VEGETA: <announcer> Gawd, I forgot again! I should write these all down . . .

JESSICA: I'm gonna call her--

KASEY: Lemme guess, Ares-hime.

JESSICA: Scoff! No! I'm gonna call her "Eris-hime". Neener.



A beautiful girl with long black hair and dark eyes entered after Princess Mercury.



ANGIE: She then got impatient with Mercury's slow-paced walking and trampled her.

JESSICA: She's IRIS-HIME!



Her gown was fiery red. She also bowed, after giving Serena a dirty look, and exited.



VEGETA: <Mars> I told her to keep my crush a secret, then she HAD to go blab to Princess Jupiter that I liked her!

ANGIE: What?! Ewe!

VEGETA: How else do you explain the lack of guys and the growing number of girls?



"Announcing...Princess Jupiter!"



KASEY: <announcer> Well, writing down the names didn't help me to remember their names, since I can't read or write!

JESSICA: Jupiter's name is now "Hera-hime".



The next girl wore a green gown.



ANGIE: With tennis shoes!

OTHERS: ???

ANGIE: Well, everyone else seems to have something TYPICAL and PREDICTABLE happen to them, why not Mako have tennies?



She was much taller than the first two.



KASEY: The Japanese must be REALLY short if the height of five foot six is tall to them.

JESSICA: I'M five-nine! Jessie and James are five-ten, which leads me to think they're part American . . .

ANGIE: Usagi's only four foot eleven, she's SMALL! VEGETA can identify with that!

VEGETA: Don't make me kill you!

ANGIE: Ooooo.



Her brown hair was in a ponytail and her green eyes shimmered with excitement.

"Announcing...Princess Venus!"



KASEY: Okay, Jessica, you're gonna name her "Aphrodite-hime" right?

JESSICA: Excuse me! No! That's her MOM'S name! Her name's "Delight-hime".



This blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl wore a gown of orange and gold



VEGETA: She wore a gown made of GOLD ORANGES? That must smell awful and weigh a ton!



Her hair was tied in a big, red bow but was still very long. She looked very happy.



KASEY: I'm not even going to mention the bow . . .



Serena noticed something in her arms...A white cat with a Crescent Moon on its forehead. Serena, despite her mother's complaints ran up to Princess Venus.



JESSICA: Delight-hime, thank you very much!



"How adorable...I have a cat, too..."



ANGIE: So even though the Guardians are supposed to protect the Princess, they have never met before?

VEGETA: Of course not, Jessie's protection enough. That mallet of hers is lethal!



Princess Venus smiled. "His name is Artemis, your Majesty!" She happily bounced off.



KASEY: The palace floor is actually a giant trampoline.



Princess Jessie smiled.



JESSICA: There sure is a lot of smiling. Everyone must be happy, even though they are in the midst of a war.



These girls, minus Princess Mars, seemed to like Princess Serena. Queen Serenity called to her daughter. "Serena, why don't you show the girls around?"



VEGETA: <Serenity-sama> Make yourselves easy for the NegaVerse to spot and kill.



Serena nodded. "It would be my pleasure!" The two Queens nodded. Queen Jessica turned to her daughter.



KASEY: <Queen Jessica> Go make yourself useful, honey, and go *entertain* the guest. Make a few extra Moon Bucks while you're at it.



"Make sure they don't get into trouble, Jessica."



JESSICA: Oh, the disease again.

VEGETA: <Queen Jessica> Make sure they don't fall into a crater or something.



"Yes mother," Jessie sighed. She was twenty years old, yet her mother still seemed to treat her as if she were ten.



ANGIE: If you hate it so much why don't you move out of your mother's palace and go buy one of your own?



But, she thought, it was probably for her own good. And watch the Princesses?



JESSICA: <Jessie as a Valley Girl> Yeah, as if I'm totally sure!



She was close friends with Serena and always seemed to keep her happy. What could possibly go wrong?



KASEY: A meteorite could crash into all of them.

VEGETA: They could all be eaten by Moon Lions or Moon Dragons.

ANGIE: They could all traipse into a group of men that hadn't seen a woman in ten years.

JESSICA: OR THE NEGAVERSE COULD SO THEN DECIDE TO ATTACK!!!



As Jessie exited the room, she heard someone calling to her. "Psst! Hey, Princess Jessica..."

Jessie spun around. Her eyes twinkled and she blushed. "Why...Hello, Prince Endymion..."



KASEY: <female guards> Hey! There's a MAN! He must be from EARTH! Get him!!



"Princess, I need to speak with Serena right away. It's very important."

"Oh," Jessie sighed, seeming somewhat disappointed. "Yes...I'll go get her..."



VEGETA: <Jessie> And bring her back in a BODY BAG!





"Darien!" Princess Serena exclaimed as she met him on the balcony.



JESSICA: <Serenity-hime> I almost didn't recognize you with that horrible mask on! Wait, that's your face! Eeek!



"I've been waiting all day to see you. I though you weren't going to come."

"Serena," Endymion sighed. "I have bad news..."



ANGIE: <Serenity-hime> It's another girl, isn't it?

VEGETA: <Endymion> Kind of, it's Zoycite . . .



"You cannot come to the Ball?"



KASEY: <Endymion> I AM at the ball, you twit!!



"If only it were that, Serena." Serena gasped. Endymion continued.



JESSICA: He spoke. She gasp again. He resume.



"Queen Beryl is very mad right now.



ANGIE: <Endymion> Someone took her Victoria's Secret, she's really irked off.



She is planning on attacking the Moon Kingdom."

"That cannot be possible!" Serena said. "Why would they want to attack us?"

Behind the wall, Princess Jessie sat listening. What Endymion was saying sounded bad.



VEGETA: <Jessie> Beryl going to attack? . . . duh, sound bad, or does it sound good? Ask mom . . . duh.



"You're too naive, Serena," she whispered to herself.

"Serena...I..."

Suddenly, guards surrounded the area. "Freeze intruder!"



JESSICA: <woman> There's the MAN! I told you there was a horrid MAN among us!



"I can't stay, Serena. Your mother knows I'm not an intruder..." And with that, he ran away and was gone.



KASEY: The Moon's defense wasn't all that good, so criminals and murderers escape often.



Serena's eyes wobbled heavily. She walked back into the palace.



JESSICA: Geez! I feel like I'm reading "When the Legends Die" again!

KASEY: Stupid stupid book!

JESSICA: <from book> She want round lodge. Must have roundness. She sing song of roundness. Roundness of tree. Roundness of Sun . . .



Inside, everyone was dancing and having a wonderful time. Jessie greeted Serena, acting as if she had heard nothing. "Hey, girl! You look glum. What is wrong?"

Serena pulled Jessie aside. "Endymion said we were under attack. Is it true?"



VEGETA: <Jessie> How'm I supposed to know, ditz!



"How should I know?" Jessie said calmly.



ANGIE: Hey, you were close, Vegeta.



"Look, I'm just as scared as you are, but the people don't know about it. We can't let the guests know anything is wrong. Understand?" Serena whimpered and nodded. Jessie walked off.



JESSICA: Jessie's plan is to wait until the NegaVerse starts killing people then have people panic and trample each other.

KASEY: It's a good plan.



As Serena was about to exit, a hand reached out and grabbed hers. "Mind if I have this dance, Princess?"

"Darien!"



ALL: What the!? What the Hell!?

JESSICA: DARIEN? Why does he have TWO names? That's, that's-- woah! O_o



Serena smiled. She and Endymion entered the ballroom floor and began to dance.



JESSICA: <sings> Lady in WHITE, is dancing with me, cheek to cheek. There's nobody here! Just you and me!

VEGETA: That's enough now.

JESSICA: Yessir.

KASEY: Why do you shut up when he tells you to but you don't when I do, Jessica?

JESSICA: Once you know how to do ki attacks then I will.





Jessie saw them again.



ANGIE: The perverts that liked to watch her undress from the garden wall. Sons of bit--



"Again..."



KASEY: Uh, I think we established that.



She exited the ballroom and ran out into the garden. "...Again they must torture me!"



JESSICA: <Karigari> Looks like I must . . . *punish* you . . .



she exclaimed as she sat by a fountain. She ripped the band off from around her head and looked at her Crescent Moon in the reflection. "I'm a Moon Princess, too..." She began to sob softly. Suddenly,



VEGETA: . . . a man with blue haire stumbled in holding a *donut*, and he tripped into the water. From then on in, (or until she died), she never thought of Endymion ever again.



loud laughter was heard, and it was not coming from the guests from the party. Jessie looked up and saw black smoke throughout the sky. "What is that?"



JESSICA: A Moon Charmander caught a cold and accidentally lit the forest on fire.





Inside, an alarm was heard. Endymion, Serena, and all the other guests immediately stopped dancing.

Two cats, one Artemis, and the other a black cat with a Crescent Moon on her forehead, ran through the room. "We're under attack!" Artemis screamed.



KASEY: <Artemis> Save the BOOZE!



[ Return to top ]



______________________________________________________________________________



ANGIE: Hey, I know, Tarzan was swinging through the trees when a strong wind picked up.



Chapter 6 -"Blast to the Past -Part III Finale"



VEGETA: Yay! It's done!

JESSICA: Meaning the "Blast to the Past" segments are finished, not the whole fanfic.

VEGETA: Oh . . .

KASEY: Only four more, then Rocket Princess I is finished!



"We're under attack! We're under attack!"



ALL: We heard! We heard!



The two Cat Guardians approached Queen Serenity and Jessica.

"Queen Serenity," the black cat gasped.



JESSICA: <Luna> Why'd you kick me for?

ANGIE: <Serenity-sama> You wouldn't shut up!



"The Earth is attacking the Moon!"

Queen Serenity was taken aback.



KASEY: The Queen got back! ^_^



"Luna, when did you find this out?"



VEGETA: <Luna> Well, Queen Beryl's right there at the front doors slaughtering guests, did you need more of a clue?



"We just saw them approaching, Your Majesty," Luna said. "They're attacking with full force!"



ANGIE: They're using the Force? That's gonna be hard to beat.



The guests were in an uproar.



KASEY: <a guest> This salsa's from New York City!

OTHERS: <guests> NEW YORK CITY!! Lynch the Queen!!



Everyone was panic-stricken. The Four Princesses, Mercury, Mars, Venus, and Jupiter,



JESSICA: Otherwise known as Iris-hime, Eris-hime, Delight-hime and Hera-hime.



scrambled together.

"It's our job to protect the Queen and Princess," Jupiter began. "No matter what!"



VEGETA: <Jupiter> And we've sucked thus far!



"Right!" Mercury agreed. "We must transform into our Super-Hero selves so we can be stronger..."



ALL: <lol>

ANGIE: "Super-Hero selves"?

KASEY: Do you think they *had* SUPER heroes a thousand years ago?



"Yes," Mars said as she clenched and unclenched her fists. "The Sailor Warriors! I am Sailor Mars!"

"I am Sailor Venus!"

"I am Sailor Mercury!"

"And I am Sailor Jupiter!"

"The Sailor Scouts are here!"



ALL: <snicker>

JESSICA: I know the Silver Millennium MUST be a bit more advanced than Earth, but do you think they had SAILOR girl uniforms back then?

VEGETA: I know the fuku are cute and quite revealing, but don't you think they should've been wearing WARRIOR armor? Leather or metal, or chain or SOMETHING?

ANGIE: It's all too confusing! Stop reading deeply into it.





"Darien!" Princess Serena screamed. Endymion had disappeared during the scramble of guests. "Where are you? Jessie?" She looked all around her. Neither her love or her best friend were in sight.



KASEY: Jessie's her love and Endymion's her best friend! ^_^

JESSICA: Ouch.



Behind her, a shadowy hand reached for her neck. Serena turned around a screamed.

"Mars Fire...IGNITE!" yelled a voice.



VEGETA: Sailor Mars had successfully assassinated the Moon Princess . . .



The shadow was immediately burnt to a crisp.



ANGIE: CAN shadows be burnt to a crisp?



Serena turned around to face her savior and was surprised at who she saw. "Princess Mars?"



JESSICA: <Serenity-hime as Shampoo> Oh, great, Moon law now say we be married.



"Princess," Sailor Mars said as she gripped Serena's shoulders. "You have to get out of here."

"But I can't find Jessie or Endymion..."

"Never mind that. The Sailor Scouts will take care of them.



KASEY: <Mars> They'll kill them before the NegaVerse does, don't worry.



You just need to get to safety."

"But..."

"GO!" Sailor Mars grabbed Serena's hand and led her away from hideous monsters. As Serena was evacuated from the premises,



ALL: ???

VEGETA: Where was she evacuated to? Deep space?

ANGIE: The Voyager crew will pick her up.



she looked around her. Her once peaceful home was in shambles. She began to cry. "I want my mother!"



KASEY: Why do I have the strong urge to STRANGLE dear Princess Serena?





Sailor Mars kept dragging her.



JESSICA: Through acid and ice shards and row after row of thistle-pricks . . .



"Don't be such a cry-baby! Everything will be okay..."



Princess Jessie frantically searched for people she knew. "Serena! Endymion! Mom!" Suddenly an arm gripped her neck.



VEGETA: Geez, Chibi Team Rocket sure likes hands to appear out of nowhere and grab people, don't she?

JESSICA: Which, by the way, is one of my greatest fears, along with needles and horses . . .



She tried to wriggle free, but to no avail. "Help!" she managed to scream.

A rose flew from the sky and slashed at the monster's face. It screeched in pain and released Jessie. Endymion immerged from the shadows.



ANGIE: Chibi spelt "emerged" wrong.

KASEY: I know the roses have diamond tipped edges, but STILL, what good are throwing roses? A little scratch here or there, that's all!



He drew his sword and thrust it into the monster's gut.



KASEY: Yeah!! That's what Kasey's asking for, baby!



Then he picked up Jessie and ran, carrying her to safety.



VEGETA: Once again, to deep space.



Jessie felt her face get hot. Endymion actually came to her rescue!



JESSICA: I'm glad to see Jessie can find joy in all of this as her people are all being BUTCHERED down below.



When they reached the secluded spot behind the castle,



ANGIE: . . . in the sewer . . .



Endymion put her down. "Where's Serena, Jessie?"

Jessie snapped out of her daydream and realized what was happening. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Serena? No! I don't know!" This was it!



KASEY: She was going to kiss Endymion then drown herself in sewer water!



Her best friend was nowhere to be found. "Serena..." she sobbed.

"Jessie, get a hold of yourself!" Endymion said as he took her in a comforting embrace. "We've got to keep our cool,



VEGETA: <Endymion> Our Aura of Smooooth



or we'll never get out of this alive!"



ALL: <lol>

JESSICA: It's so funny 'coz we know they fail miserably!



Not knowing what to do now, Jessie snuggled deeper into Endymion's grasp.



ANGIE: That's how I always respond to MY problems, especially if my family and friends are being killed right before my eyes.





Queen Serenity, Queen Jessica, Luna, and Artemis fled



KASEY: . . . from the Moon, deciding that it was more important to save their own hides rather then their people's.



outside where the source of the evil Power was waiting. It was Queen Beryl.



JESSICA: I thought it was Metallia!

ANGIE: THAT'S THE MANGA, BAKA-ZURA!

JESSICA: . . . oops . . .



She laughed in their faces.



VEGETA: Not to mention spit in their faces and clawed their faces.



"So, Serenity, having a fun time? You can tell, I'm having a ball!" She laughed more wickedly.



KASEY: Queen Beryl's quick with her puns.



"How could the Earth let you do this, Beryl?" Serenity yelled.



JESSICA: <Beryl> It was quite simple, really. I offered them money, and they said "GO on ahead!" <sings> Money makes the world go round! The world go round! The world go round!



"Earth?" Beryl sneered. "Earth? I am not Earth. I am the NegaVerse!" She then disappeared.

"No," Jessica silently gasped.



ANGIE: <Queen Jessica> My rates went up? They said that couldn't happen!





Sailor Mars had led Princess Serena to a safe place. "You wait here." Mars said as she smiled. "I'll try to find your friends."



VEGETA: <Mars> If they're not all DEAD and MAULED by now.



Serena sadly watched her leave. It was strange Sailor Mars was so concerned about her. Hadn't Princess Mars hated her?



Princess Jessie and Prince Endymion were huddled together, each in fear for the other's life.

JESSICA: Jessie should worry about the life of her maidenhead, bada-BING!

KASEY: Oh, Jessica . . . Ugh, that was low and sick.

JESSICA: Thanks, I try!

Suddenly, Endymion stood up. "I have to find Serena."

"Jessie looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Endymion, don't leave me. I'm afraid for you and me..."



VEGETA: <Jessie> Because, you see, I love you and-- WAIT! What am I SAYING?! In love with YOU! Hah! That's a laugh! Hahaha!!

ANGIE: And off Endymion went, dejected and depressed, his ego majorly injured.

JESSICA: He hadn't died because the NegaVerse killed him! He died by committing suicide since Jessie totally ragged on him there.



Endymion looked down sternly at her.



KASEY: <Endymion> Could you please let go of my leg, I sort of need it.



"And I'm afraid for Serena. I love her!"



JESSICA: Sh-wing! Right through Jessie's heart.



Then he ran off, leaving Jessie alone and frightened. Jessie stood up and shouted at the top of her lungs. "ENDYMION!"



VEGETA: Forgot another paragraph break there.





Endymion ran and searched with all his might, calling Serena's name.



KASEY: He then fell into a pit and broke his neck in three different places. The end.



Serena,



KASEY: Oh . . .



in her corner heard him and called his name back. The two were reunited at last and shared a warm embrace.

"Serena..."

"Darien..."



JESSICA: Good Ted . . .

KASEY: Josh . . .

ANGIE: Bardok . . .

VEGETA: This is sick.



All of a sudden, they were surrounded by a dark shadow. It laughed at them. "Oh, how sweet...I'm getting cavities!"



JESSICA: Did they know about cavities back then? The Earth wasn't a very clean place a thousand years ago.



Serena ducked behind Endymion as he drew his sword.



KASEY: Huh . . .

JESSICA: NO!

KASEY: Jeez! You can make that one nasty joke about maidenheads and I can't talk about a "sword"?

JESSICA: No, you cannot, it's the rules.



"It's you...Beryl..."

Queen Beryl laughed again. "Endymion, you could've joined me, you know. We could have ruled the NegaVerse together..." Endymion spat in her face. "Why would I want to be with a snake like you? So twisted and ugly, and full of bitterness!"



ANGIE: <Beryl> Kind of hitting below the belt, there, aren't you, Endymion?

VEGETA: Another time the disease attacked Chibi Team Rocket.



Beryl wiped her face



JESSICA: Man, can Endymion hock a loogi!



and raised her arms in the air.



KASEY: <Beryl> Nothing in this sleeve and nothing in this sleeve. Now watch has I pull an usagi out of this hat . . .



"Nobody talks to me that way! Serena must die!"



ANGIE: <Serenity-hime> But I wasn't the one who said all that! It was Endymion, kill HIM!



Serena felt herself being lifted high into the air. She was being sucked into a NegaVerse hole. "Darien!"



VEGETA: <Serenity-hime> Don't you DARE look up my skirt, Darien!



Endymion watched as his love was sucked into the hole.



ALL: <snicker>

JESSICA: He merely WATCHED?

KASEY: Yeah, he didn't give a damn he was losing her, he could always go to Jessie.



"No! Serena!"

At that moment, Jessie happened to be running by.



ANGIE: She *happened* to be running by.



She saw Beryl taking her two best friends. "Endymion! Serena! Hold on!"



VEGETA: <Jessie> Maybe if I get a BIG stick . . .





"It cannot end this way!" Queen Serenity screamed.



JESSICA: Yes, it can, actually, QUITE easily. Please end.



"I cannot let it!" With that, she pulled out a pink rod with a Crescent Moon on the top. In the center of the Moon was a glowing, silver crystal.



KASEY: Kinda tacky for a Queen to be carrying around, don't you think?



"My daughter, I'll save you..."

Queen Jessica, Luna, and Artemis gasped. "No, Your Majesty!" Jessica yelled. Luna cried, "If you use the Silver Imperium Crystal, you'll die!"



ANGIE: I don't remember a Queen Jessica being present during the time Serenity-sama used the Crystal.

JESSICA: Chibi Team Rocket should have had Jessica run off, try to help, say, Delight-hime, but then get killed, or she's hurt mortally and dies after the spell, therefore she's not reincarnated.

VEGETA: You have a lot of free time on your hands, don't you?

JESSICA: Like you wouldn't believe.



Serenity looked calmly at the trio. "But no one else will. I will save you all."

"No," Luna sobbed. "Please!"

Queen Serenity rose the Wand over her head. "Silver..."

"Queen Serenity..."

"...Crystal..."

"QUEEN SERENITY!"

"...POWER!"



JESSICA: <Luna> Queen Serenity! I was trying to tell you, you're using the spell that will kill everyone and- oh, well . . .





"Endymion! Serena!" Jessie followed beneath them, every step getting closer to Beryl. "Stop it! Let them go!" Beryl continued laughing. Soon, Jessie felt herself rising. "Nooooo!"



VEGETA: Snort! Some help SHE was.

ANGIE: Come now, Jessie would have been MUCH more effective than THAT!



"STOP!"



JESSICA: <sings> In the name of love . . . uh, that's all I know . . .



Beryl looked over her shoulder and saw a glimmering Queen Serenity. "What?"

"We will not end like this!"



ANGIE: <Serenity-sama> It doesn't end until we do a big production number together!



Everyone became trapped in a bubble of their own.



VEGETA: Heh, reminds me of a Seinfeld episode I once saw.



"I will send you all to the Future...One thousand years into the Future. You will all..." she began to cry. "...Will all forget these memories. This day will never have happened, and you will all lead normal lives on the rival, planet Earth..." She wobbled, her Energy being drained from her, and fell on her knees. "Goodbye, my daughter. Serena! Luna and Artemis will know what to do..."



KASEY: Snore! (she had long since fallen asleep)



With those last words, Queen Serenity died. All souls, even evil ones, were saved but hers.



JESSICA: Duh . . . I thought everyone died, and Serenity-hime committed suicide because Endymion was killed, and only Serenity-sama and the cats were left alive, and so she sent everyone into the future and sent Luna and Artemis in capsules, or something.

ANGIE: What happened to Queen Jessica? She obviously didn't get reincarnated, 'coz she's on the Moon, as a Light.



[ Return to top ]



VEGETA: I will if you have food up there. I'm starving. (rummages around seats for food)



______________________________________________________________________________



JESSICA: Let's see how many pull-ups I can do. UGH! Son of a bit-- Erk . . . a half a one. There! I can do a half a one. I'm proud.



Chapter 7 -"MIR - Men in Red"



ANGIE: Debate question, which is worst: these chapter titles, or the titles on Pokémon, or the titles on Sailor Moon, or the ones on DBZ?

VEGETA: That's hard . . .



Not a single eye was dry.



JESSICA: Actually, I'm quite dry . . .

ANGIE: Uh, Jessica? That's 'coz last night, Karigari and Dr. Evil got bored, and they, uh, removed your tear ducts.

JESSICA: Oh, well I suppose that would explain it. What 'bout you, Kasey? <nudge>

KASEY: Snort! <starts awake> Huh? Wha?

JESSICA: Never mind. Hey! VEGETA'S crying!

VEGETA: That's because I ate a whole bag of pepper jack cheese all at once!

JESSICA: Ooo, ouch.



Everyone was crying or on the verge of doing so.



KASEY: What'd I miss?

JESSICA: Nothing, Serenity-sama just saved everyone with the Moon Rod. And now we're on chapter seven, three more till the end of the first part of Rocket Princess!

KASEY: Oh, okay.



Even Meowth wiped damp checks.



VEGETA: He truly wasn't crying, he was just sweating really bad because he had stolen all the girls' panties and he was worried they'd noticed.



"Meowth...Meowth never knew..."



ANGIE: <Meowth> . . . that they put THAT into hot dogs! Blech!



Jessie looked at the Light. "Mother...I remember everything."

"As do I," Serena said. "Jessie-chan..." "Serena-chan..."



KASEY: Disease.

JESSICA: Augh!

KASEY: Hold it in Jessica, don't comment about the use of Japanese suffixes on American names.

JESSICA: Urge too strong! Ack! (there's a "BZZT!" and smoke floats above Jessica's head)

KASEY: Aw, crap. She blew a fuse.

ANGIE: Anything we can do?

KASEY: Just put her head between her knees and she'll be fine in a moment. <Jessica's head disappears>



The two girls stared at each other.



KASEY: <sings> When will our eyes meet? . . . Oh, it's better when Jessica does it, she knows all the songs . . .



They had once been best friends. Now, they were like total enemies.



ANGIE: <Jessie> I'm mean she like totally tried to blow me up!



One was good, the other evil.



VEGETA: Usagi is good, but I wouldn't consider Jessie EVIL. Just . . . against the rules. Evil is going through the universe and purging planets of all life forms.

KASEY: Jessie and James should go through Pokémon Island purging it of the most two annoying Pokémon in the world, Pikachu and Togepi.



But all that didn't seem to matter at this time.

Darien walked up to Serena's side and held her close. "I remember everything too."



ANGIE: Gee, the Queen said Jessie was happy back then, right? That memory she showed didn't look TOO happy.



Jessie smiled. "Thank you, Endymion," "For what?"



KASEY: Whoah, the worst strike of the disease there! Three no-paragraph breaks in that section!



"Oh, I dunno." Jessie sighed.



VEGETA: <Jessie> I just like to say "Thank you, Endymion".



"I'm sorry to say, but I don't have the same feelings for you as back then."

Darien and Serena laughed. "That's okay, Jessie-chan!"



ANGIE: <Jessie> But that doesn't change the fact that you nearly killed me and my friends! Rocket launcher, ho! Kaboom!



Jessie laughed too. "In fact, I..." She looked around her. Someone from the group seemed to be missing. "James? James, where did you go?"



KASEY: He heard there was a sell on control top pantyhose and wanted to get to the store before the rush.

ANGIE: How's Jessica now? <taps Jessica's shoulder>

JESSICA: <head lifts up> Huh?

ANGIE: <Joxer, in singsong voice> Rise and shine, Jessica! Rise . . . and . . . shine!

JESSICA: <groan> I was having the most wooonderful dream. I was in Heaven and all the angels had blue hair and there was lotso' Jell-O and--



James sat in an isolated area of the Ruins of the Moon Kingdom.



JESSICA: Aw, kuso! It hasn't ended yet?

VEGETA: We're still on chapter seven.

JESSICA: Zut! Well, at least it's a James section.



He leaned against a broken pillar and pulled out his Weezing. "I don't understand women," he sighed.



KASEY: <James> And I don't know why, I'm practically half woman myself!



"Weezing?"

"I guess a Pokemon wouldn't either.



ANGIE: Is there a male and female Weezings?

JESSICA: I dunno, they never specify.



Oh well...I need someone to talk to anyway. Weezing, you'll have to do for now."

"Weezing! Weeze..."



VEGETA: That was Weezing-nese for, "How rude! Ooo, wait till I get you, you li'l blue-haired freak . . ."



"Women are so...Fickle. Here, all this time, I thought Jessie liked me. I never knew she liked this other guy who we'd never even met today but she knew him from a long time ago..."

"Weezing?"

"Am I confusing you?"

Weezing nodded. "Weeze."



ANGIE: He's not the only one James is confusing! What is he talkin' about? Did he think that little flashback was from last month or something?



"Nevermind," James said. "You're no help!" "Weezing..."



KASEY: Disease.

VEGETA: <Weezing translated> I'm sorry I'm no help, but my species reproduces a-sexually!



"Weezing return!" James shouted. Weezing was sucked back into its Pokeball. "I should know better than to talk to Pokemon..."

"...James..."



JESSICA: <voice> Get me my slippers and some tea . . .

KASEY: Huh?

JESSICA: "James" is a butler name, y'know, and . . . oh, forget it.



James turned around and saw Jessie.



ANGIE: <James> Whoah! Geez, Jessie! Get some clothes on for cripe's sake!



"Oh..." He turned around again so his back was to her.



VEGETA: 'Coz his face is just so hideous!

<Jessica backhands Vegeta>



"...Hi."

Jessie walked over and sat down next to him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..."

"Don't give me that!



KASEY: <Jessie> I don't want Pikachu's still-beating heart! Yuck!



I know something is wrong."

"You're right...Something is wrong, but I don't think it needs to be discussed." He got up and turned away from Jessie.



JESSICA: How many ways can you turn away from a person?!



"James!" Jessie groaned. "Stop being so stubborn.



ANGIE: James? Stubborn? That's new.



Tell me what's wrong," Her voice became more gentle. "Is it...Me?"

He couldn't act this way.



KASEY: He really sucked at noh plays.



Not to her. James turned around and faced Jessie. "Kinda sorta..."

"What?"



JESSICA: <James> Well, for one, you NEVER brush your teeth and you never wear a bra or panties and you run around in skirts all the time. You smell awful and I've never kissed you before because you have gingivitis and your room's an awful mess and there's mildew and dead rats all over and . . . all in all, you're just disgusting, Jessie.



"I've been hit with fifty-billion things at once, Jessie! You're a Princess, Serena's that Sailor Moon bimbo,



VEGETA: Should that matter to him? Usagi's Sailor Moon? 'Coz it's not as if he met her before.

KASEY: I would think not, but she IS a bimbo.

ANGIE: <Moon, quoting from "A Crystal Clear Destiny"> All you have to do is touch it!

JESSICA: <Moon, ad-lib> Not the locket, silly! Tee-hee.



we're on the Moon, there used to be LIFE on the Moon,



ANGIE: Fox Mulder should rejoice at that news.



your Mother's a Light,



JESSICA: <James> She's cousins with Great Tree . . .



you used to be good,



ALL: <angry> Argh . . .



and you...Endymion..."

"Endymion?" Jessie laughed. "I wouldn't marry him if he were the last man on Earth!"



VEGETA: You wouldn't have been able to anyway, there wouldn't be any priests to marry you!



James looked up, surprised. "What?"



JESSICA: Disease.



"Time can change people," Jessie simply replied. James smiled.

"HERE YOU ARE! MEOWTH!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Jessie and James turned blue in the face.



KASEY: <Jessie and James> We weren't doing anything! Honest!

ANGIE: Twenty-one 'h's!

JESSICA: Yes, thank you, Angie.



"You scared us!" Meowth laughed. "I wasn't about to let Team Rocket get all mushy on me..."



ANGIE: <Meowth> That's why I always check the expiration date! Meowth!



James got a huge sweatdrop.



VEGETA: It's been awhile since we had a good sweatdrop.



Jessie blushed. Meowth sighed and out popped one of those little air-mushrooms. "Anyway, I just thought James would like to know HIS past..."



KASEY: He was born to a rich family who are quite insane and he had a Growlithe named Growly and he was arranged to marry a gal named Jezebel that carries a whip and scares the hell outta everyone.



"Whaddya mean?" James asked innocently.

"Aren't you at all curious?" Meowth asked. "Jessie just had her whole life flashed before her very eyes.



JESSICA: Actually, it was only an hour of her whole life that flashed before her eyes.

VEGETA: If it had been about her whole life, I would've had to hunt down Chibi Team Rocket.



Don't ya wanna know what YOU were like?"

"Did I live 1000 years ago?"



ANGIE: <Meowth> Yes, and like how Jessie's mother was Great Light, your father was Great Tree.

KASEY: His father was Great Tree? Gee, he was lucky.



Meowth scratched James. "Of course not, idiot! I'm talking about when you first became part of Team Rocket!"



VEGETA: <sarcastic> This should be fun.



An eerie man sat in a chair stroking a Pokemon which looked like a Persian.



JESSICA: It LOOKED like a Persian, mind you. It could've very well been a Dragonite.



It was totally dark and his face could not be seen. He rocked a couple of times in the chair before sitting up straight. "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOWTH!"



KASEY: What just happened? Did a spirit of a dead Meowth just enter his body?

ANGIE: Twenty 'E's.



A smaller version of Meowth,



JESSICA: Aww, SD Meowth . . . Must be a Meowth from Ono-san's manga.



a younger version, ran into the dark room. "Yes, Boss! You called, Sir?"

The man nodded. "I have an assignment for you..."

"What might dat be, Sir?"



VEGETA: <Giovanni> Get me a Meowth . . . So I can have some Meowth chops! Bwahahahahahahah!

ANGIE: <Meowth> Whimper . . .



"Team Rocket has never been at such a high peak! Now is the time to find fresh recruits."

"Meowth don't understand, Sir."

"IDIOT!" The man's fist pounded into his chair, which made the Persian screech with fright. "We need new members for Team Rocket!"

The frightened Meowth gulped. "Yessir!"



KASEY: Oh, I feel sorry for Meowth.

JESSICA: What kinda riff is that?

KASEY: It's not a riff, I really do feel sorry for Meowth!



"I want you to find some people...People who look like Team Rocket quality and could easily be brainwashed into doing our evil schemes."



VEGETA: <Giovanni> So what I'm telling you is find a gorgeous man and make sure he has absolutely no flaw on his face or anywhere else, he must be perfect. But also make sure he's a complete idiot.

ANGIE: And thus Meowth discovered James.



"Yessir, Sir!" Meowth said as he exited the room. Then he turned around and poked his head back through the door. "Umm...Boss...If Meowth does a good job at dis, will Meowth become Top Cat?"



ANGIE: Isn't Top Cat that one stupid Hanna-Barbara cartoon?

JESSICA: I think he is, and was I quite confused when I was new to this and read Meowth's profiles that said "He's Top Cat."



The Persian seemed to snicker at this. The Boss sneered. "you never know..."



KASEY: <gasp!> The disease got worse! She forgot to capitalize!

JESSICA: So when Persian replaced Meowth as Top Cat, it was a revenge thing? That's cool.





Meowth happily walked down the street, chanting to himself.



VEGETA: <Meowth> Meowth gonna kill da Boss, Meowth gonna kill da Boss. Kill da pig, drink it's blood!

OTHERS: Yay!

KASEY: I like Vegeta . . .



"Meowth's gonna be da Top Cat! Meowth's gonna be da Top Cat!" He began looking at different people. Who would be good Team Rocket material?



JESSICA: <raises hand and swings it madly> Oh! Pick me! Pickmepeickmepickme!



He saw one pretty woman walking down the street with a carriage.



JESSICA: <cries river of tears> He didn't see me! Wahhh!

(Vegeta and Kasey pull out umbrellas to keep off the tears)



The carriage seemed to have a little baby in it.



ANGIE: It SEEMED to have a little baby in it, mind you. It could have very well been a sausage or a boa constrictor.

KASEY: That joke's fun to do.



Meowth grinned evilly.



VEGETA: Isn't he ALWAYS grinning?



The woman looked perfect! She would be Team Rocket's newest member!



JESSICA: And the baby? He could dump it into a ditch or something.



Meowth followed the woman and carriage all the way to the park. "Meowth will trap her dere..."

The woman sat on a bench an gently rocked the carriage.



JESSICA: With her feet! <Meg> Forty-two bottles o' beer on th' wall, Forty-two bottles o' beer!! Take un down an' pass it around . . . <sigh> forty-one bottles o' beer on th' wall . . .

OTHERS: ???

JESSICA: Meg, the slut. The Xena look alike.

KASEY: Ah, the one who likes Joxer.

VEGETA: This is s'pposed to be anime, stop using non-anime jokes.

JESSICA: Hey! If you don't tune into TV classics such as Xena, then you are DUMB! Nyah! I'll let you borrow my tapes, you should like it.



"Go to sleep, my love," she cooed. The baby giggled.



KASEY: He could see down mommy's shirt. <Jessica gasps> Missed me again!



But it soon grew weary, as babies often do, and entered DreamLand.



ANGIE: The evil amusement park on Sailor Moon? Is that as safe place for a baby to be?



The woman pulled out a book and began reading.



VEGETA: <reading title> How to Keep Yourself from Strangling Your Baby, By: Dr. Spock

JESSICA: Huh, I didn't know Spock was a doctor or knew anything about babies. Bada-BING!



This was Meowth's chance! He slowly crept over to the carriage. "If I steal da kid," he thought. "Da mother will follow..."



KASEY: So he plans to play a demented version of "Follow the Leader"?



When he was sure the woman wasn't looking directly at him, Meowth reached into the carriage and attempted to pick up the baby,



ANGIE: His attempt failed and he dropped the baby.

VEGETA: <Meowth> Aw, geez, all over my white fur!



and ran. The baby sensing it was in danger, began screaming.

Mother looked up and noticed the child being kidnaped by a Pokemon. "No! James!" the woman cried,



ALL: O_o WHAT!!!

VEGETA: Hold on, let's read, I'm interested now . . .



dropping her book and running to catch Meowth.

"Plan perfection!" Meowth smiled, the baby crying even louder.

"My child! My boy!" the woman screamed. "Bring back my son!"



KASEY: It sounds like something from a Shakespeare play--

VEGETA: Shut up! I'm trying to read.

KASEY: So sorry, Vegeta-sama . . .



But Meowth had made a little flaw in his plan. He was too fast for the mother and, accidentally, eventually lost her. "Dis is not good," Meowth sighed as he sat behind a row of bushes, trying to keep the kid from screaming.



ANGIE: Maybe if he sat out in the open, then the mom could FIND him again.

VEGETA: Quite!!!

ANGIE: . . .



"If da coppers catch Meowth, I'll be done for!" He looked at the baby. "Dis kid'll have to do! I'm sure he'll make a fine Rocketeer..."



JESSICA: <Meowth> Maybe the kid could slobber on a trainer's shoe and distract him as I swipe the Pokéba--

VEGETA: SHUSH!!

JESSICA: <whimper>



The baby whimpered. Meowth's eyes wobbled. "Uhh...Oh, I'm sorry, kiddo. Meowth didn't mean to hurt you..."



<Kasey about says something, but stops as Vegeta glares at her and turns his fist blue with ki>



Meowth gave the child a hug which immediately sent it into a fit of laughter. "What did your mother call you? Oh...I think it was...James." Meowth smiled. "Yeah, James, da Team Rocket Champion..."



<Jessica stifles a laugh as Vegeta's ki ball gets a bit larger>



Baby James looked up at Meowth and smiled. His bright green eyes twinkled in the sunlight. "James... Team Rocket's Man in Red..."

[ Return to top ]



VEGETA: Okay, you can all talk now.

ALL: <releases the air that they have been holding>

KASEY: So, did Chibi Team Rocket write this after seeing only a couple of Pokémon episodes, missing all the ones that talk about Jessie and James' pasts? What happened to Jezebel and--

JESSICA: This was written before that episode.

KASEY: Well, that would explain it.

ANGIE: But what about the fact Jessie and James went to Pokémon Tech and flunked out? And the bike gang!

JESSICA: <sob> I dunno! I just dunno!

KASEY: <sob> I'm so confused!

VEGETA: <sob> Me, too! And I haven't even seen this show!

ANGIE: <crying> Jessica, can't we leave? This is so long! And we only have eight, nine and ten to do!

VEGETA: <crying> ONLY eight, nine and ten!!!

JESSICA: Let's get out! Move your butt, Angie! Outoutout!

(all exit the theater, sobbing their eyes out)



*



All the doctors and smart people gathered in a circle in Room 7, standing around the Captains' Counter. Jessica and Kasey were in the center of the circle with Cleo on the counter, playing with Mr. Bigglesworth and Mini-Me Mr. Bigglesworth. All around them were Dr. Evil, Professor Oak, Professor Farnsworth, Mizuno Ami, Sakura, Karigari, Washu, Dr. Briefs, Bulma and anyone else you can think of from cartoons that are smart are here.

Professor Oak spoke first. "We worked on that strange disease you found that this fanfic author had ever since you ran out crying." Jessica and Kasey both cleared their throats and glared at him to continue on. "We've tried every way possible to find a cure and Dr. Evil is the one who may have found it." He nodded at the pale man with the scar running down the right side of his face.

He stepped forward so the Captains could see him and he began his explanation. "Well, I thought of an idea called a 'vaccination'," he made air quotations, which ultimately left everyone giggling. "Now, this 'vaccination'," again with the quotations, "will be injected into Chibi Team Rocket via a syringe. I am sure it will cure her of this disease in a certain amount of time." He gave a self-serving smirk and lifted a pinkie to his lips.

Jessica nearly burst out laughing, she absolutely adored that pinkie thing. She asked him, trying not to imitate his accent, "Do you have this 'vaccination' made?"

He lowered his pinkie, his lips pouting out a bit as he dropped the grin, and shook his head. "No, I still have yet to make it, but I do have information and data." He turned to Kasey. "Kasey, would you be a dear and go get my portfolio."

She groaned. "Do I hafta?"

"Don't make me press your button!" Dr. Evil threatened, meaning that he would press a button with her name on it and send her into a fiery pit below.

She sighed. "Fine, I'll be right back."

The redhead left, muttering that they had to get rid of that button thing, the others continuing the discussion on the disease and about what to call it. She grumbled all the way as she entered the elevator and went up to Deck 4 and walked all the way to Curve B and to Room 10 where Dr. Evil's laboratory was located. Getting a bad vibe, she hesitantly reached out her hand and pushed the button that would open the door. She stepped in but it was pitch black. She thought she had heard a noise, something bumping into something else, but she ignored it as a thing of her imagination and she reached out for the light switch. When the lab was lit up, she glanced about and found nothing suspicious, except for there were a few bombs, lasers, time machines and the such, but nothing that could do any harm to her right at that moment. She stepped towards Dr. Evil's desk and shuffled through the papers and diagrams until she came across a portfolio marked, "Vaccination". Kasey grinned to herself and picked it up.

As she was about to turn back around to leave, someone small jumped from above and landed on her back! The worse place for Kasey to be hit for she had a major weakness there! She shrieked in pain and horror, grabbing whatever was latched to her back and brought the creature out. It was . . .

"Mini-Me!" she hollered, eyes wide with terror.

The miniature clone of Dr. Evil growled and lunged at her again, this time crawling onto her head and grabbing her eyelids to get a good hand hold. She shrieked and cried and yelled and flayed about, but no one stayed in Curve B until bedtime, so she stumbled her way out of the lab, sobbing in pain and fright. She eventually found the elevator, stepped in, pressed a button and waited patiently, as Mini-me clawed her face, for the elevator to stop.

When the doors dinged opened, she ran out into Room 7, flinging her arms around and shouting for someone to help her. No one came to her rescue, and when she came to the Captains' Counter, Dr. Evil took the portfolio and said, "Thank you. And I see you've met Mini-Me."

"YES-S-S!!" she keened, trying to rip the freak from off the top of her head.

"Aww," the pale man tilted his head with a smile. "Mini-Me's playing with you."

With that, Kasey let out a long pule of, "JESSICA!!!"

The brunette waved her hand, "Not now, Kasey, go play with Mini-Me by yourself." She addressed Dr. Evil as he pulled out papers from his folder, "So, what're your thoughts?"

As all the smart people gathered closer to Dr. Evil, Kasey was throwing herself at walls and ramming her head into bulkheads, all in attempts to get the clone off her face!

Ami spoke up over the ruckus Kasey and Mini-Me were making, "How do we get the vaccination to Chibi Team Rocket?"

Karigari replied in Japanese, but for those who couldn't speak Japanese read the subtitles that were running below him, "Do we go to her house? None of us can leave the SoD and I'm sure Rob won't let us send anything out by postal service."

Washu hummed and said, as Kasey flung herself between the alien and the Sailor Senshi, bashing Mini-Me on the counter, but to no avail, "Why not through the Inter-Net?"

Jessica asked, "Do you think Rob'll let us?"

"He will if he doesn't know that we're doing it!"

Dr. Evil gasped, "You mean hack into his computer?"

"How can we do that?" Bulma inquired. "His computer is in another dimension."

Washu grinned. "Leave that to me. I just have to go see Camharpy when you," she nodded to Jessica, "return to the theater."

Jessica pointed to a small door next to the theater doors. "Go in there. That leads up to the projection room where Camharpy should be."

"Hai."

Professor Oak took a step back. "So it's all settled then. We have a cure that MAY work--"

"It WILL work," Dr. Evil corrected.

"--and we'll send her the vaccination by e-mail? That seems improbable."

Kasey dashed by and grabbed the white haired Pokémon Professor by his lab coat. She shook him and screamed, "Send her the recipe! Just get this damn monster offa me!"

Oak brushed her off and she ran blindly around. "That sounds like a good idea, Kasey had," Dr. Evil considered. "The recipe is using stuff you'd find laying around the house. Rat poison, Cheerios, all that."

"Okay." Jessica pounded the counter with her fist. "Washu, you take the recipe up with you when you go to see Camharpy and type it into the e-mail, and be sure to MAKE SURE Chibi Team Rocket will use it." Uncertain, she asked Dr. Evil, "Are you sure it'll work?"

He glanced up at the ceiling and muttered, "I'm almost completely, totally sure. It may depend on how your body works, will it accept it? Will it reject it? What type of blood do you have, so on."

The brunette crossed her arms and nodded. "It's the best we can do. We'll e-mail her later and see if it worked."

"Right," they all replied.

Kasey, hearing Jessica's voice, ran up and grabbed her arm. "Jessica! Dear God! Is that you!"

"Of course it's me, can't you see?"

"No! I have a Mini-Me clawing my eyes out! Get him off! Get him off!"

Jessica frowned and gave her a disapproving look. "You don't play very good, Kasey." She released Kasey's grip on her arm and held both of them out to Mini-Me. "C'mere, li'l Mini-Me. Come play with Auntie Jessica, I'll be nicer than Auntie Kasey. Promise!"

The clone looked down at her, squeaked, and released the redhead's eyelids as he jumped down to Jessica.

"Geez, you're heavy," she grunted as she caught him. She lifted him onto the Captains' Counter and he wandered off to Dr. Evil. She smiled fondly and said whimsically, "Reminds me of my three year-old bro back on Earth."

Kasey moaned as she touched the scratches on her face tenderly. "Why? Did TJ claw YOUR eyes out on a regular basis?"

As Jessica was about to comment on that, the fanfic sign went off. Groaning, Kasey stumbled towards the door and Jessica called, "Meeting adjourned!" She joined Angie and Vegeta as they ran for the doors behind the redhead.



*



KASEY: (sitting down in seat) Oh, my poor face! His little fingers managed to dodge my glasses and dig in deep!

JESSICA: (sitting) You're just no fun to play with, Kasey.

(Vegeta and Angie sit where they sat last. The screen saver of flying toasters disappeared and the fanfic returned.)

VEGETA: Okay, just three more chapters. We can do this.



______________________________________________________________________________



VEGETA: That's what my heart is right now as I think of this dreaded fanfic.



Chapter 8 -"Pokemon...Or Not?"



JESSICA: I think I will have a Pokémon with my hamburger, thanks for asking.

"Oh..." James began crying with funny Anime tears.



ANGIE: See, my point is "funny Anime tears" could mean anything. He could be crying out a river of tears, meaning two streams are coming out the corner of his eyes and landing in a puddle below. Or he could be crying a flood of tears, meaning that a thick stream of tears could be traveling down his cheeks and ending at his chin. Which is it!



"I cannot believe I was...KIDNAPPED! From my own mother!" Jessie groaned. "What was worse was that your mother was thought of as perfect Team Rocket quality." The two angry friends glared at Meowth.



KASEY: Disease.

JESSICA: Let's pray that Washu can get into Rob's computer . . .

Meowth got a sweatdrop. "Uhh...It was...Uhh..." He ran off.

James glared off after Meowth and stuck out his tongue. "Meanie!"



VEGETA: That's amazing! That's EXACTLY how I would act when finding out I was kidnaped from my mom when I was a baby!

KASEY: Uncanny . . .



Jessie wrapped her arms around James. "Now...Where were we?"



ANGIE: They certainly wasn't THERE.

JESSICA: Before Meowth came along, all that happened was that James smiled. How'd they get to that position.

VEGETA: It's more like "Let's get this on!" instead of "Now where were we?"

KASEY: Keep it tasteful.





Meowth wandered to another part of the ruins. The place he entered seemed to be ruins of the old Ballroom. "Meowth is just as sorry as dose two..." he sniffed. Tears welled up in his eyes.



ANGIE: What? No "funny Anime tears welled up in his eyes"!

JESSICA: Gosh, Angie, a bit bitter today, are we?

ANGIE: I was having a nice conversation with Bardok when I had to come back and read this dumb thing.

KASEY: I think it's kinda good, just . . . long and confusing.



"It's not like Meowth was always evil..."



KASEY: Flashback! <sings> Doleedoleedolee . . .

JESSICA: Eek! I remember this part! You thought the story of JAMES was disturbing, wait till you read this. The past of Meowth.

VEGETA: Oh, wonderful.

KASEY: He was abandoned by his parents and lived in the streets, in a gang of Meowths led by a Persian. He saw and fell in love with a female Meowth named "Madonna", but she was a rich cat and didn't like low-lifes like Meowth. So he taught himself to walk and talk like a human to impress her, but she still rejected him, saying Meowths who can walk and talk are disgusting. Let's see if Chibi Team Rocket got it right.





"Mama!"

"Matt!"

KASEY: Jessica!

JESSICA: What?

KASEY: Uh- uh- Nothing. hehe . . .



A small boy of about eight greeted his mother. The boy was short, with blondish-brown hair, and bright blue eyes.



ANGIE: It's the Godchild.



In his hand, he held a small coin.



VEGETA: <Matt> Thanks for the lame allowance mom, a NICKEL, wow! What can I get for a nickel? One stick of gum! That's great . . .



"Mama, look what I found!" He displayed the object for his mother.



JESSICA: <Matt> It's a piece of the Ark of the Covenant!

KASEY: And since he's a Godchild, the power of God bestowed upon it doesn't injure him.



She gently took the coin from his hands and examined it.



ANGIE: And since Godchild's mom isn't a Godmom, she is instantly killed by the piece of the Ark of the Covenant.



"Well, it looks like you found the coin of a Pokemon. I think it belonged to...A Meowth."



JESSICA: Mama's smart, I thought it belonged to a Muk. Go figure.



The boy giggled.



KASEY: <giggles lewdly> He could see down his mom's shirt.

ANGIE: Now cut that joke out!

KASEY: <smile> Sorry.



"See, after a Meowth evolves into a Persian, it leaves its coin behind. You're very lucky."



VEGETA: If you start singing "Lucky Lucky", Jessica, I will kill you slowly.

JESSICA: <closes mouth> Yessir.



She handed it back to her son.

Matt clutched the coin. "Wow!"



ANGIE: . . . chips have olestra and that stuff can cause diarrhea.

KASEY: Thanks, Angie, we needed to know that.

ANGIE: I'm just making the consumers aware.



he said as his eyes sparkled. "I'll keep it forever..." He ran off to play.



VEGETA: And he proceeded to lose the coin.



His mother watched him leave. "Don't wander off too far, Matt!" she called after him. "Stay inside the yard..."



JESSICA: <mother> And look both ways before crossing--

KASEY: <makes car skidding and crashing into a body sounds>

JESSICA: <mother> --traffic . . .





Matt wanted to obey his mother, but he was very curious. He also wanted to find the Persian whom the coin belonged to. He unlocked the gate and walked off into the woods.



ANGIE: That took him a week, since the nearest woods were over 50 miles away.



"Oh, mister Persian...I have your coin..." From the bushes, a shadow stirred. Suddenly, it leapt out and attacked the boy. Matt screamed. He had found his Persian.



VEGETA: Or perhaps it wasn't the Persian he was looking for there ARE quite a few thousand out there.





"What did you bring me today, my Persian?" a dark man asked as he watched his Persian enter. The Persian dropped a small boy at its master's feet. The boy was Matt.



KASEY: <"dark man"> Gee, thanks . . . a decapitated boy . . .



"Purrrrrsian . . ."



JESSICA: Meaning: "It's a boy, you idiot . . ."

Matt opened his eyes. He had been out for awhile. Where am I? Where's my mama?" He looked up and saw the evil man.



VEGETA: Again, I wouldn't call him "evil". That's Giovanni, right?

JESSICA: Of course.

VEGETA: Okay, definitely NOT evil, just "against the rules".



"Who are you?" Matt gasped.

"Me?" The man sneered.



KASEY: <Giovanni> I'm the frickin' Toothfairy! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM!



"My name is Giovanni. I am the leader of Team Rocket."



JESSICA: So he gives secrets out to random people?



Matt's eyes widened in fear. "I've heard of you. Your group likes to snatch Pokemon!"

"I guess I am famous after all," Giovanni laughed as he stroked the Persian. "How nice!"

Matt got to his feet. "I'm not afraid of you, you ugly man!"



VEGETA: Hm! I like this Matt, he's facing a man that could easily kill him, and yet he still mouths off.

ANGIE: His mother warned him about that mouth.

JESSICA: <mother> Now, listen, you rotten boy. One day you'll mouth off to the leader of Team Rocket and you'll be killed.

KASEY: Matt only took it as a parent's warning not worth heeding. Little did he know his mother possessed the gift of foresight.



With that, he started running. Giovanni laughed some more. "We cannot let him leave now, can we?"



JESSICA: You know who Matt reminds me of?

OTHERS: Who?

JESSICA: Anakin Skywalker, that annoying li'l brat.

ANGIE: Anakin's annoying? I thought JarJar was.

JESSICA & KASEY: Don't insult JarJar!!!





Thousands of Rocketeers were sent out after the frightened, yet determined boy. Matt looked everywhere for an exit, but they had all been locked off. When he was finally captured, he was taken back to Giovanni.



VEGETA: Such action! Zip! Pow! and WOW!

KASEY: Sarcasm?

VEGETA: You couldn't tell?



"What should I do to you?" Giovanni mocked. "Should I feed you to my Gyarados? Lock you in the dungeon?"



ANGIE: Chibi Team Rocket portrays Giovanni as a malicious child.

JESSICA: <Giovanni> Should I throw my yo-yo at you? Or shall I play marbles on your FACE?



Then he looked at his Persian. "Oh, you've just evolved, haven't you?" The Persian grinned.



ALL: <snicker>

KASEY: And he's just NOTICED this?



Matt still clutched the golden Meowth coin in his hand. "Lemme go!" he screamed. Giovanni saw the coin. "So, you retrieved Persian's coin?"



JESSICA: Disease.



He thought for awhile.



VEGETA: A long while, Giovanni isn't as bright as he'd like people to think.



"I think I know what I shall do to you," he grinned. "I need a new Meowth...Where's that new invention of mine?"

Matt's eyes widened in horror as a huge, scary-looking machine was rolled into the room. It was big and had many wires and gadgets on it. The boy gasped.



JESSICA: Hey, Kasey! Giovanni stole your shrinking machine! He's planing on turning Matt into an Aninite!

KASEY: That cad!





"You like Meowth so much, you'll become one!"



ANGIE: Why did that deserve a scene-change space?



Matt was strapped into the machine. Before his own eyes, he grew fur and claws. The coin attached to his forehead.



ALL: ???



Matt screamed in pain as Giovanni laughed wickedly. "The one and only talking Pokemon!"



JESSICA: Unless if you count the talking Gastly from "Ghost of Maiden's Peak" episode.



Matt turned to Meowth. "He screamed. "Noooooooooooooooo!"



KASEY: Oh dear, grammatical error and the wrong place for quotation marks . . .

ANGIE: Sixteen 'o's.

VEGETA: Angie, you never fail to give us the information we don't need.

ANGIE: You're welcome.



[ Return to top ]



VEGETA: What? The end of that already?

ANGIE: That was scary.

JESSICA: Now wasn't it?

KASEY: And so Matt never tried to go back home?

ANGIE: Let's not dwell on it.

OTHER: Okay.



______________________________________________________________________________



VEGETA: Hey! A black licorice whip!

OTHERS: Eww.



Chapter 9 -"Rocket Princess"



KASEY: Two more chapters!

OTHERS: Yay!

JESSICA: Huh, creative chapter title . . .



The Light of Queen Jessica looked to Serena, Darien, and the rest. "I truly hope you are not too upset about this,"



ANGIE: <Queen Jessica> I thought the swimming pool stayed open till eight!



Mina smiled. "Stuff like this happens to us all the time!" The rest of the group nodded in agreement.



VEGETA: I got lost during those flashbacks, what are they talking about?

KASEY: Maybe Queen Jessica put wasabi in their underwear.



Serena smiled mischievously. "Yeah. How often do people get to see their own daughters come from the Future and have them be such little ingrates?"

Reenie kicked Serena in the shin. Serena wailed.



JESSICA: Do you think Chibi Team Rocket likes Serena? She's pretty one-dimensional in this fanfic and picked on a lot.



"Well, you're not my mummy from the Future. She's better than you, Serena!" Serena choked back Anime tears.



ANGIE: Grr . . .



"But I AM Neo Queen Serenity...Your mother!"



KASEY: Disease.

VEGETA: Neo? As in "Neon"?

JESSICA: Neo as in "future".

VEGETA: Whatever.



Everyone groaned as the two fought again.

The Light glanced around the area. "Speaking of mothers and daughters, where is mine?"



ANGIE: I don't think you wanna know.

ALL: <lewd giggle>





Jessie and James sat together, leaning against the pillar and in each other's arms.



JESSICA: So, BAM! Just like that they're suddenly a couple?



Never had Jessie felt so much peace in her whole life. This day had revealed many shocking and sad pictures of her past,



KASEY: Even though Queen Jessica said she was HAPPY back then.



and now she was relaxing.



VEGETA: Hey, if astronauts need oxygen and suits to survive on the Moon, then why don't these guys?

ANGIE: They're magic.

VEGETA: Not Meowth and James!

OTHERS: Huh . . .



Endymion meant nothing to her anymore.



JESSICA: He was lesser than a torn bag of cow manure!



She opened her eyes and smiled. "Guess it's almost time to go home..."

"Almost," came a voice. It was the Light. "But we must get one thing straight, first."



KASEY: <Queen Jessica> This is a birth control pill, do you know what to do with it?



Jessie blinked and stood up. "What are you talking about?" she addressed the Light.



VEGETA: I'm glad the author clarified that, 'coz I thought Jessie was speaking to the pillar.



"I'm talking about you, Jessica.



JESSICA: Me? What'd I do?

ANGIE: Disease.



You have royal blood flowing through your veins." Jessie listened silently, not knowing where her 'mother' was leading at. "You are a Princess, and you need to act like one!



KASEY: <Queen Jessica> You must wear panties and a bra at ALL times! And don't SPLAY when you sit! Pinkies up and all that.



Belonging to Team Rocket was fine while you were waiting, but now you must follow your destiny."



VEGETA: What's Jessie gonna do? Go back to Earth in her Princess outfit and declare to the world that she's a Moon Princess and they should all bow to her?



"My destiny?" Jessie said angrily.



JESSICA: <Jessie> You know full well that I despise that word!



"You mean...Leave Team Rocket?"

"Exactly! And find some man of worthy importance.



ANGIE: Oh-ho, Queen Jessica's taking a turn for the worse!



A Princess deserves only the best." Princess Jessie's mind went blank. Some man worthy of importance. SOME man? She looked over at the sleeping James. "Someone else?"



KASEY: You can all guess what I'm about to say.

OTHERS: Disease.



The Light seemed to beam with pride.



JESSICA: She turned her headlights on to "high beam".



"The daughter of the Queen should have the finest quality the world has to offer. Serena is Sailor Moon,



ALL: ESTABLISHED!



and destined to become Queen of Crystal Tokyo. King Endymion will rule by her side. You will join them with a King of your own.

Jessie clenched her fists and fought back tears. Through clenched teeth, she said, "I only want James..."



VEGETA: Why is Jessie getting all mad? Her mom hasn't said that she CAN'T be with James.

ANGIE: Her mom doesn't even KNOW they're a couple now! We barely did.



"Him?" the Light laughed.



JESSICA: <scowls> Grr. . .



"But he is a low-life! A stupid wimp who cannot do anything for you.



KASEY: He can do A LOT, actually.

JESSICA: Grrrrrr . . .



Jessica, you shall have a fine Prince."



ANGIE: From where? ENGLAND?

ALL BUT JESSICA: Haha!



"JAMES IS MY PRINCE!" Jessie yelled so loud that it woke James.



JESSICA: You tell her, girlfriend!!

KASEY: Disease.

VEGETA: James was asleep? The author's gotta tell us these things!



He opened his eyes and rubbed them.



ANGIE: Ow, that must hurt, rubbing your opened eyes.



Jessie ran to his side. "You cannot take him from me," She spat the last word out. "Mother!"

"What's going on?" A wide-eyed James asked.



VEGETA: Don't ask us, 'coz we certainly don't have a clue.



"Clueless,"



JESSICA: . . . is a stupid movie.



The Light sniffed.



KASEY: <Queen Jessica> Is that . . . barbecue? Or does my dress just need some Febreeze?



This was not going well at all. "Jessica, I only wish for your happiness."



ANGIE: <Queen Jessica> That is why I am trying to tear you and your one true love apart.



"I am happy!" Jessie sobbed. "I like being evil



VEGETA: I'm not gonna mention anything.



and working for Team Rocket. I like being with Meowth and James.



KASEY: Huh . . .

JESSICA: Nono!

KASEY: Shimatta!

JESSICA: Got you that time!



Sure, our adventures may seem pointless and we always lose...But I have a lot of fun. I'm a Pokemon Trainer, not a Princess."

Mother gazed at her daughter. She really loved being a commoner and being evil.



KASEY: Well, I think it's a lot of fun, anyway.

VEGETA: Jeez, even Dr. Evil is more evil than Jessie is! Why do they keep saying that?



"If...That's what you want..."

"I do! This is exactly what I want..."



ANGIE: <Jessie> Well, I wish I also had a dog and a pony, but I can survive without that.



Jessie rejoined the Light. "Being a beautiful Princess is great, but being free and happy is more important to me."



JESSICA: <Jessie, reciting> The Things That are Important to Me, By: Me. The things that are important to me are my Arbok and my 4x4 truck. My Lickitung is nice, and I really like rice. And I like red balloons, and . . . uh . . . let's not forget James, the blue-haired buffoon. Thank you!



The Light nodded. "I see...Then, there is no more use for you here."



VEGETA: <Queen Jessica> I'll just TOSS you down to Earth, the re-entry is kinda bumpy so, you know, watch it.



Jessie looked at it. The Light was...Crying.



KASEY: I thought the Light was female, not "it"

ANGIE: Can Lights cry? Wouldn't the tears evaporate on the heat of the light?



"Mom..." She ran up and hugged the Light.



JESSICA: And was instantly burned to chars.



"I'm sorry, but I really must remain in my normal life. I love you so much, and I'm glad I was able to meet you."



KASEY: Ugh, this is how mushy it would have gotten if Scott had behaved and hugged Dr. Evil in the first Austin Powers movie

JESSICA: Ew, then I'm glad Scott and his father didn't get along.



"Me too," the Light sobbed. "I love you, my dearest daughter. I understand..."



VEGETA: <Queen Jessica> You must run with the pack, howl at the full moon--

ANGIE: <Jessie> Mom, what the hell are you saying?



With that, it disappeared, never to be seen again.



JESSICA: But it WILL be seen again! Because I've read Part two!

VEGETA: There's a part TWO?

KASEY: Yup, and it's much longer than this one.

<Vegeta falls over>

ANGIE: Oh, my.





Jessie found herself floating in space again. James and Meowth were beside her, and the golden, crescent Moon on her forehead was gone



KASEY: The wonders of Mr. Clean.



"I guess we're on our way home..." Meowth nodded. "Yeah..."



ANGIE: Disease.



"It was fun while it lasted," James sighed.



VEGETA: <James> I am SO sorry it didn't last longer.

JESSICA: Vegeta!

VEGETA: Whee!



Jessie smiled. "To tell the truth, James, I had a lot more fun on Earth."



KASEY: <Jessie> And entering Earth's atmosphere is gonna be lotso' fun!

JESSICA: <James> I'm burning up! It's fun! Wheeeeee!



[ Return to top ]



VEGETA: And start all over? But we only have one chapter left!



______________________________________________________________________________



ANGIE: That's Jessie's hair during a windstorm.



Chapter 10 -"Choices"



JESSICA: . . . is a pizza place in Idaho Falls.



Serena woke up in her bed late at night. Reenie lay beside her, eyes wide and fixed upon the ceiling. "Reenie?"



(Angie and Vegeta looks expectantly at both Kasey and Jessica)

ANGIE: Well?

KASEY & JESSICA: What?

ANGIE: Aren't you gonna make a joke about that?

JESSICA: That's too sick, even for us.



Reenie looked back at Serena. "Did it really happen? Did we really go back to the Moon Kingdom?"



KASEY: <Chibi-Usa/Reenie> And were we palmed by Queen Jessica?



"Yes," Serena reached over and hugged the Small Lady. Reenie was in shock.



VEGETA: I would to if I had just learned I was palmed by a light!



"It did happen, Reenie. We were on the Moon."

"But what about...Princess Jessie?"



JESSICA: <Chibi-Usa/Reenie> Do you think it was right to knock her off course and towards the sun?



The young teenager gazed out the window of her bedroom, still holding Reenie in her arms. "Jessie...We're so alike, yet so different. I don't know where she is."



ANGIE: I can see how they're so different, but how are they so alike?

KASEY: They both have dumb hairdos.

JESSICA: Only Jessie's is awesome.



"Ouch!" came a muffled voice. "Help me! Help me!"

Jessie looked up from the place she was sleeping.



VEGETA: She landed on a rock, so her spinal cord was quite broken.

ANGIE: What is your fascination of crash landing in bloody ways?

VEGETA: Come on! They just fell through the Earth's atmosphere! If they managed to survive THAT somehow, then their blood and guts would cover a mile radius when they landed!



It was the middle of the night and she was in the park leaning against the same tree she had been before the excursion.



ALL: Great Tree!!! We love Great Tree!



"Ah! It's good to be back on Earth..."

"JESSIE!"

"What?" Jessie looked up once again, this time in the tree. There was a blubbering James caught on a branch by his belt.



JESSICA: That's how they survived! Great Tree saved them from dying by opening a portal that would carry them safely to the surface of Earth!

ANGIE: Cheers for Great Tree!

KASEY: I want a Great Tree!



"How the Hell did you get way up there?"

James whined. "I dunno! Just GET ME DOWN!"



VEGETA: <James> Sob! There's a squirrel nibbling me bum!



"Why do I even bother?" Jessie sighed as she leaned against the tree. "Hey...Where's Meowth?" She walked off in search of him.

"Hey...Wait a minute...



JESSICA: <Jessie> Sorry, can't hear you.



Jessie, where're you going?



JESSICA: <Jessie> Look, I gotta go.



Aren't you gonna help me?"



JESSICA: <Jessie> Get bent!



No answer. "JESSIE!"



Meowth crouched in front of the park's lake. He sat,



KASEY: Uh, isn't that sort of what crouching is?



skipping a few stones.



VEGETA: . . . across a passed-out drunkard's face.



Jessie walked up and sat beside him. "What's up with you?"

Meowth sighed heavily.



ANGIE: The sigh was so heavy, it crushed the both of them. The end. Not the end? Darn.



"C'mon, Meowth," Jessie tried again.

Meowth sighed heavily.



JESSICA: <author> Copy and paste. There, no one should notice I had a writer's block there.



"You're not going to tell me?"

"You wouldn't understand..."

At least that gave some response. Jessie petted Meowth. Meowth purred as she scratched behind the ears. "Please, mister big Top Cat,"



KASEY: That phrase sounded REALLY disgusting.



Jessie smiled. "What's eatin' you?"



ANGIE: <Meowth> Ticks are. Those things really kill.



Meowth suddenly pulled away.



VEGETA: <Meowth> This is sexual harassment and I don't have to take it!



"Meowth don't wanna talk about it..."

"You're the most stubborn Pokemon!" Jessie groaned as she threw he hands up in frustration. Then, she remembered. "Oh...I left James hanging in a tree!"



KASEY: That sounded nasty, too.

JESSICA: You're being too perverted today.



Meowth got a sweatdrop. "Be right back!" She ran off.



VEGETA: From one guy to another, it is over and she is going for some pie!



The little Pokemon curled up into a ball and fell asleep by the lake. They could never understand! They could never feel his pain.



ANGIE: Technically, James can, I mean, Meowth KIDNAPED him from his mum like how Matt was taken from his mum.





The next morning, Darien



ALL: Boo! End already! What more can be discussed!



was in the middle of his morning jog through the park when something caught his eye.



JESSICA: A golden Meowth coin. Now he must go find the Persian it belonged to . . .



He saw Jessie and James leaning against a tree,



KASEY: Not just A tree, but GREAT TREE!



sleeping quite soundly. "Those two are weird!" he said as he ran up to greet them.



VEGETA: They're weird 'coz they sleep soundly? Okay.

JESSICA: Have you seen Mamoru's jogging outfit? Now THAT'S weird.



Darien sort of nudged them with is foot.



KASEY: He SORT OF nudged them with his foot. He very well could've kicked them with his foot.



"Hey, you two, don't mind catching colds?"

Jessie rubbed her eyes. "What?" There was Darien! She jumped up and looked at him, a little peeved. "Fine morning greeting, if you ask me, Endy!"



VEGETA: So she pulled out her pistol and shot him



"Endy? Now, that's a new one!" Darien laughed.



ANGIE: Too many things amuse Mamoru. That's not healthy.



"Actually, I'm glad I caught you here. Serena told me early this morning that she was worried about you and wanted to see you." Jessie nodded sheepishly. "Uhhh...Ok! So..."



KASEY: Disease.

JESSICA: Jessie sheepish? Now THAT'S a new one



James stirred. Soon he woke up and brought himself to a sitting position. "Hello, mister Endymion, sir" he said groggily. "Nighty-night..." And he would've gone back to sleep if Jessie hadn't kicked him.



JESSICA: Hey! He was being all cute and Jessie KICKED him!



James got heavy duty tears. "That hurt, Jessie, and I've had a really hard night!



VEGETA: <James> You just wouldn't stop!

OTHERS: Vegeta! Bad boy!



I was stuck in a tree, for crying out loud!"



ANGIE: <James> And a bunch of kids thought I was a pinata!

KASEY: <James> And what was really disturbing, candy really DID fall from me!



"...As I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted," James whimpered. Jessie continued. "...Where does Serena live?"

Reenie sat outside with Luna.



JESSICA: <makes whap noise> That hit me outta nowhere!

VEGETA: Now the disease made Chibi Team Rocket forget to put a scene change space.



They suddenly heard footsteps coming down the street. "Who's there?" Reenie asked. She saw Darien poke his head through the gate. "Darien!"



ANGIE: <Mamoru/Darien> Yeah, uh hi. Can you help me? My head got stuck between the bars of the gate when I poked it through.



"Hiya, Reenie! We've got guests..."

Reenie and Luna then noticed Jessie and James.



KASEY: Apparently, they forgot to pick Meowth up by the lake.

JESSICA: Meanwhile, Meowth is rolling over and in he falls, to sleep forever with the fishes.

ANGIE: Ohh, how sad.



"Princess..." Luna said and quickly rushed into the house to get Serena.



VEGETA: <Luna> And don't forget to bring out your wand, the last blast didn't quite kill 'em.



The meatball-head was soon dragged out of bed and pulled downstairs. Luna glared at her. "Ahem, Serena...Can't you show a little respect?"



ANGIE: <Usagi/Serena> I don't know. Will it require more energy than it's worth?



"Yeah, sure, whatever," Serena yawned. Then, when she saw Jessie, she immediately snapped out of her tiredness. "Jessie-chan!"

"Serena-chan!"

The two hugged, which everyone thought was a touching moment.



KASEY: Oh! Sorry, Jessica. I didn't mean to throw up on you.

JESSICA: I guess I deserved it, since I threw up on you during chapter 4.



"Jessie, I'm glad you're here," Serena smiled. She then acknowledged James. "Uh, hello!"

"Howdy!" James said enthusiastically.



ALL: Howdy?



"You got anything to eat? I'm starved!"



VEGETA: <John Wayne> Whatch'ya got cooking on the spit, piiilgrim?



"JAMES!" Jessie groaned. "Manners..."

"But, we don't have manners, Jessie...We're evil..."



VEGETA: Okay! That's it! <flares up in blue light> GARLIC GU--

(everyone else dog piles on him)

JESSICA: Not in the theater! If you breach the hull we'll all die!

VEGETA: <sobbing> It would be a lot quicker than dying from this fanfic!

(all pet his head until he calms down enough to sit in his chair, everyone returns to their seats)



Serena's eyes wobbled.



KASEY: That's what your eyes are doin', Vegeta-sama.

VEGETA: SOB!



"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Jessie-chan,"



JESSICA: I know how Vegeta feels. I wanna pick up a bazooka and blow the hell outta this whenever I read the use of "-chan" on an English name.

ANGIE: For me it's "funny Anime tears".

KASEY: I just want a Great Tree.





The two were left alone in Serena's room. Jessie sat on Serena's bed, while Serena sat in a chair by her desk.



VEGETA: <sniffing> And downstairs, James is eating Ikuko-mama out of house and home.

JESSICA: There, that wasn't too hard. Feeling better.

VEGETA: <quietly> Uh-huh.



Both were solemn. It was hard to make decisions.



KASEY: Coleslaw with their sandwich, or French fries?



"Please stay here and become good. Then, you can be with me when I rule Crystal Tokyo."

"I cannot do that. Being evil is in my blood..."



(Vegeta groans, but is calm)

ANGIE: So, being "evil" means that Jessie can't live to see Crystal Tokyo?

JESSICA: Maybe on Pokémon Island, stealing Pokémon can get you a death sentence.

KASEY: That'd suck.



"No, it isn't!" Serena protested. "You were born into my family."

"Serena, that was over a thousand years ago."

"That doesn't matter!"

Jessie let her eyes wander to the floor. "Do you possibly think I could give up James?"



ALL: Awww, how sweet.



Serena also looked at the ground. "Do you think I could just abandon Team Rocket? I've got a job to do. Sure, it may be evil,



VEGETA: Sob!



but it is what I enjoy doing. I'm a Pokemon Trainer, not a Sailor Scout."



JESSICA: What would you much rather be? A Pokémon "Trainer" or a Senshi?

KASEY: I would like to have the powers of a Senshi and use them to steal, er, I mean TRAIN, Pokémon.



Serena began to cry. "But, Jessie, you're my best friend."



ANGIE: <Jessie> How'd you pick that up? I would enjoy nothing but to blow your brains out!



Jessie nodded. Then she let her tears flow also.



VEGETA: Why? They've only known each other for an hour. Even if I had known Goku was my best friend in a past life, I wouldn't have become friends with him right away in my present life.



Serena stood up, walked to the bed, and hugged Jessie. "I don't want to lose you again."



KASEY: I'm sorry, but that's something you'd say to your lover.

JESSICA: It's a Xena/Gabrielle thing! AAAHH!



"It's okay..." Jessie cried. "Maybe someday, we'll be together again. But..." Jessie stood up and wiped away her tears.



JESSICA: I have a strong urge to sing "Teardrop on the Fire", but I don't know the words . . .



"I have a job to do." Serena looked up at her with wide eyes. "It's my job to steal Pokemon, just as it's your job to protect the Earth!"

"Jessie?"



ANGIE: <Usagi/Serena> What the hell are you trying to say, Jessie? You dumping me?

VEGETA: This is going to be a "Jerry Springer" thing, isn't it?

KASEY: "My Girlfriend is a Moon Princess and She's Been Cheating on Me With Sailor Moon and Now She Wants Me Back."



"As different as our lives are, we'll always be linked." Jessie smiled. "Right?"



JESSICA: <Usagi/Serena> Uh, yeah, sure, whatever. Could you send Mamoru in, please?



Serena's face lit up. "R-Right!"



VEGETA: At this point, Jessie has a gun pointed at Usagi's heart.



She laughed and hugged Jessie again.

Jessie laughed too. "Someday, I'll teach you the official Team Rocket Speech!"



KASEY: Aw, don't teach her THAT, she'll just rip it off and use it for herself.



"And I'll show you a few Sailor Moon poses!"



ANGIE: Dear Lord, save us all.



The smiling faces beamed at each other. Then, they broke down and cried again.



VEGETA: Is it over yet?





Meowth wound up finding Serena's house and waited there until Jessie was finished.



VEGETA: Shimatta! END!



James and Reenie each had a Pocket GameBoy and were linked by cord. They were fighting each other in a Pokemon match, and Reenie won, much to the dismay of James and disgust of Meowth.



JESSICA: So, even though Usa had never heard of Pokémon, she has the game?

ANGIE: Do as I do. Try not to think about it.



"She doesn't even know about Pokemon as much as you, you idiot!"

But all faces turned when Serena and Jessie walked down the stairs. Their eyes were red and their cheeks drenched with tears.



KASEY: Geez, imagine how ugly Jessie must look, with all that running mascara and washed away foundation. <shudder>



It was obvious Jessie wanted to keep the good-byes short. Serena wanted them longer, but Darien held her back.

"James, Meowth, let's go!



VEGETA: <Jessie> Failures, HO!



It's time for Team Rocket to blast off again!" James and Meowth watched Jessie sadly as she walked out the door.



JESSICA: <giggle> Her skirt was tucked into her panties.

KASEY: How'd that happen? No, don't answer that.



Serena waved good-bye. "We'll meet again someday."



ALL: <sings> We'll meet again! Don't know where, don't know when! But we'll meet again some bright and sunny day!



Without anymore words, Team Rocket was gone.



"Where are we off to now, Jessie?" James asked once the three of them were riding in their big Meowth Balloon.



ANGIE: <Jessie, weakly> The sky's the limit! Haha . . . ahem.



"I guess on to more adventures, James," Jessie laughed. Then she clenched her fists.



VEGETA: <Jessie> Oooh, but if we EVER come across that annoying brat Serena again . . . Bop! Pow!



"We still need to capture that Pikachu!"

"Dat's da spirit!" Meowth chimed in. "Let's go!" James laughed evilly.



KASEY: So, did James say "Let's go" or did Meowth?

ANGIE: And again I'd advise you not to think about it.



Jessie walked over to the other side of the balloon.

While Meowth was busy navigating,



JESSICA: <Meowth> I'm completely lost, how did we get into Tokyo in the first place?



James joined her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Jessie said, but James noticed her trying to hide her tears.

"Sure..." James sighed. Jessie couldn't take anymore. She quickly buried her head on James' shoulder.



KASEY: <Jessie> It's that damn Pikachu! He's just so hard to steal!

VEGETA: I've gotta watch an episode of this show. I have no clue as to what's happening.



James didn't really know how this love 'stuff' worked. He got a sweatdrop as he patted Jessie on the shoulder. "Hehe...Heh...It'll be alright."



ANGIE: I figured James would be one of the most romantic guys out there!



Jessie looked up into his bright, clueless eyes. She smiled. "Thank you..."

"For what?" "For just being you!" she laughed. "You're so funny...And wonderful," James felt proud. "Yeah...I guess I am wonderful!"



KASEY: Joxer flashback.

JESSICA: James the Wonderful vs. Lance the Wonderful!

KASEY: Bad riff, Jess, only me and you understand that joke.

JESSICA: Basically he's a made-up character named Lance and his title is "the Wonderful", but yet he isn't.

ANGIE: O_o I don't like inside jokes.

KASEY: Neither does the public.

JESSICA: Do I care? No.

VEGETA: The disease struck hard there.



He hugged Jessie closer. "But I just have one little question..."

"Yes, James?"



ANGIE: <James as Master Roshi> Can I touch your magnificent breasts?

(all throw shoes at her)



"What was that Light you claimed to have seen?"



JESSICA: Wha?

KASEY: Remember, from the beginning of the fanfic.

JESSICA: Oh yeah.

She could not believe this. She simply could NOT believe this.



VEGETA: <Jessie as Fabio> I can't believe it's not butter! Spraaaay.



Jessie grew little veins all over her forehead. "Grrr..."

"I mean, what do you think you saw?"

"IT WAS MY MOTHER! THE LIGHT I ACTUALLY SAW WAS QUEEN JESSICA!"



ANGIE: How does she know that? It could've been Halley Bopp for all she knew.



James was nearly ejected out of the balloon. Some romantic-type he turned out to be. But Jessie told herself she would fix that!



The End



VEGETA: Oh, God! Yes! Yes!



[ Return to top ]



VEGETA: As if!



______________________________________________________________________________



(Vegeta stands to leave, but Jessica stops him)

JESSICA: Hold it, there's still an Epilogue.

VEGETA: <grumble>



Epilogue



Neo Queen Serenity ran through the halls of her palace.



KASEY: And she broke her head open as she slipped on the crystal floors and fell.



Guests were coming.



JESSICA: <in English accent> Guests are visiting from Pokémon Island.



Crystal Tokyo had to be perfect. As she was running, she bumped into a beautiful Scout, dressed in red.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Excuse me, Your Majesty," the girl said.

"Sailor Mars," Neo Queen Serenity said in a highly excited tone. "She's coming!"



ANGIE: So, in the future the Senshi stay forever in their Sailor form and never turn to normal? That's a sad way to live.



"Who?"

But it was too late. Neo Queen Serenity had already rushed by her. She was so happy. "I cannot wait until they arrive," Serenity grinned.



VEGETA: <Neo Serenity-sama> But if THEY forget to bring gifts, I'll hafta sic Jupiter on them.



"Mommy!"

KASEY: <Neo Serenity-sama> Annoying pink haired daughter!



Serenity stopped and looked behind her. "Yes, Reenie?"



JESSICA: <Neo Serenity-sama> I'm sorry I ran you over. Now, what do you want?



A little girl with odd-looking pink hair rushed to Serenity and gave her a hug. "Mommy! You're so happy."

"Yes, I am, darling," Serenity said as she lifted the girl off the ground. "We have guests coming today."

"Guests? Oh boy, Mommy!" Reenie wriggled out of her mother's arms.



ANGIE: Sadly, Reenie is the equivalent of a thirty year-old now . . .



" I love guests. Who are they?"

Neo Queen Serenity winked. "It's a surprise."



VEGETA: She's so happy 'coz it's actually a witch stopping by to take her daughter away.



Reenie jumped up and down with enthusiasm. "I love surprises, too!"

"Why don't you go find daddy



KASEY: <Neo Serenity-sama> and annoy the crap out of him, now?



and help him get ready?"

"I sure will, mommy!" Reenie said as she ran off to find King Endymion.



JESSICA: God! We're trapped in a '50's TV show! Wahhh!!!



Soon, trumpets were blown. Serenity could hardly stand it.



ANGIE: She'd better not get TOO excited, she'll stain the floor!



They were here!



"Announcing...Lady Jessie and Lord James!"



KASEY: Anyone surprised? I sure was.

VEGETA: Hey, it's the same announcer from the past who couldn't remember the names!

JESSICA: Notice they stay away from last names.

ANGIE: I thought Jessie was a Princess!



Jessie walked into the chamber. She had never been in a royal palace before, not since her life on the Moon Kingdom.



JESSICA: So as Crystal Tokyo was being built, Usagi plum forgot about Jessie and never called her back to sit by her side like Jessie's supposed to?

ANGIE: Maybe they couldn't find them. It is hard trying to search for people when they live on different dimensions. Take Rob as an example.



She wore a long, red gown and white gloves.



KASEY: Red doesn't look good on Jessie. With her hair it makes her look like a psychedelic flame or somethin'. She looks better in blue or purple.



A bright Crescent Moon shone on her forehead. James followed, straightening up his bow-tie as he walked.



VEGETA: And since he's so dumb and couldn't do two things at once, he tripped and landed right in Jessie's cleavage.

JESSICA: <James> -smile- Whoops! <sneaky laugh>



He wore a shiny tuxedo



KASEY: Anyone who comments on that shall die.

OTHERS: <snicker>



and had a rose in its top pocket. "James, hurry..." Jessie said, trying to hide her excitement. Then she saw the bow-tie. "Argh...You got it all wrong!" She straightened it out for him.



ANGIE: Jessie should've just bought a clip-on to save him trouble.



"Thank you, Jessie..." James smiled. "But, I have a question..." Jessie prepared herself. James' questions weren't always the smartest.



KASEY: <James> Duh . . . Where do babies come from?

JESSICA: <Jessie> I'll SHOW YOU later! Tee-hee.



"Aren't Lords supposed to come BEFORE Ladies?"



VEGETA: My mummy always taught me ladies go first!



"I won't strangle you now...I'll wait 'till we get home..."

"Announcing...Squire Matthew!"



ALL: Oh, $#^%!



A neatly dressed young man entered the parlor. He was a slight taller than James,



JESSICA: So he was 5 foot eleven? Or five foot ten and a quarter centimeter?



with brown hair and blue eyes. Around his neck, he wore a thin gold chain with a gold coin on it. "Hey! Wait for me, youse guys!"



ALL: <lol>

ANGIE: This is ridiculous.

JESSICA: Wait a minute. I have a spoiler that is out of sync here. Back in the present Meowth meets a girl Meowth and they have kittens . . .

VEGETA: Eww, they do?

KASEY: Maybe it's a Sailor Moon thing. Luna turns into a human 'coz she "falls in love" with a human man. Maybe Jessie, using the later "Pokécrystal", can turn Matt into a human and a Meowth.

ANGIE: Being changed into a Meowth was one of the most painful experiences Matt has ever had, and he wears the coin to commemorate it?

VEGETA: Let's just move on.

KASEY: Oh, and by the way, disease.



Jessie looked behind her. "Matt...getting into trouble again?"

The man grinned mischievously. "What do ya mean 'again'? I wasn't in trouble since we kicked ol' Gio and his Persian outta Team Rocket!" The three laughed.



JESSICA: <sniff> I actually like Giovanni.



"Jessie!"

Time stopped. Everything around Jessie disappeared. "Serena?"



______________________________________________________________________________

HOME

______________________________________________________________________________



VEGETA: Omigod. Does this mean . . . it's, it's . . .

JESSICA: THE END!

VEGETA: Truly?!

KASEY: YES!!!



The MIDI you are listening to is called 'How Do I live Without You?' by Trisha Yearwood.



VEGETA: I don't care, Chibi Team Rocket! It's over!

ANGIE: And besides, we can't hear it!

JESSICA: Get a move on Angie, it's done!

KASEY: <sings, exaggerated> How do I live without yououououou!!!! <speak> Simple, I just do.

(all exit the theater)



*



Jessica, Kasey, Angie and Vegeta sat in front of the Comm Port, waiting for Rob Tapert to return from the "little boy's room". He rushed in and sat down in his chair, stroking his Persian's head. "How was it?"

They all glanced at each other and motioned Jessica to talk since she liked to hear the sound of her own voice.

"Well," she pressed her fingers together. "It's a good story. REALLY good, one of the best Team Rocket fanfics in my personal opinion, but--"

"But what?"

She sighed. "I had already read it and reading it a second time I found a few annoying things."

Kasey spoke up next. "I had already read it, too, so my review is the same as Jessica's."

Angie scratched the back of her head. "Maybe if DragonBall Z was in it . . ."

From the corner of her mouth, Jessica muttered, "That would've been a really dumb crossover."

Angie glared at her and continued, "But it was good nonetheless." She stuck her tongue out at her cousin.

Vegeta glanced around uncomfortably. "Well, I had absolutely no idea what was going on since I had never seen either shows. It was interesting, but it really annoyed me. If it was a movie, it would definitely be a 'chick flick'."

Rob stared at Jessica who was holding her bags of comics and movies to her chest. "I'm surprised you didn't stop to read one of your manga, Jessica. Kudos for resisting."

As he said that, realization struck the brunette and her olive green eyes became very wide. She sobbed in immeasurable pain and lowered her head to her arms. "Why didn't I think of that!!!"

Kasey and the others smacked her upside the head. "Yeah! Why didn't you! You could've saved us some pain!"

"Gomen! Gomen nasai!!!" she sobbed out her apologies.

Rob held up a clipboard and a pen. "So the fanfic was good, just something you didn't want to read all at once."

The girls nodded and Vegeta reminded, "I didn't particularly enjoy it!"

"Because it was a chick 'fic. I understand." He wrote something down then saluted. "Thanks! That's all," he paused dramatically, "for now! Bwahahahahahah!!!" In the mighty words of Chibi Team Rocket, "with that" he clicked off the Comm Port.

The four reviewers sat dismally on the couch that was in front of the flat communications screen, trying to get over the pain. Their self-pity party was interrupted when Kino Makoto stepped up, hands behind her back. No one noticed the Sailor Senshi at first, until she cleared her throat. They all glanced up at her. "Hey," Angie pointed, "it's Lita!"

The brown haired girl scowled. "That's my stupid English name. I'm Kino Makoto, or Mako to my friends." Her frown lightened as she looked at Jessica, who stood up from the couch. "I have the surprise, Captain!" She clicked her heels together, unable to salute since her hands were occupied.

"Oh, great!" Jessica smiled down at her. She turned back to face the others, specifically the redhead. "Hey, Kasey, get over here."

She stood up and faced the two brunettes, Vegeta and Angie behind her, curious as to what was happening. "What, Jessica?"

The tall girl smiled brightly and said just in the same way, "I got a gift for you! When we were talking to the doctors and smart people, I went off to ask Mako to go ask Ail and Ann to do me a favor."

"Ail and Ann?"

"Yeah, Allen and Anne in American."

"Oh! The aliens that remind us of Jessie and James. Yeah, what about them?"

She beamed with pride. "Well, I learned that Great Trees are offspring of the so-called Doom Tree! That's why they can do so many neat things! So, I had Mako ask them if I could give you a Great Tree sapling, so," Mako held out her arms which held a bright green sapling, "here's your own Great Tree!"

Kasey looked as if she were about to break down crying, (either from the surprise or from relief of not having to read Rocket Princess I ever again was still debatable), and took the little tree. "Can it open portals?" she asked hopefully as the Saiyjin and Angie fawned over it.

Jessica and Mako sighed in disappointment. "Unfortunately, no. Each Great Tree is born with its own gift. The one in the fanfic had the ability to open portals, this one doesn't."

"Damn! Well, can it transport us to Earth anyway?"

"No, only the one in Wisconsin can do that."

"Well, what can mine do?"

"It can make fairies."

As Kasey was about to reply, a white blonde elf, Deedlit, popped up. "Fairies! I love fairies! Can I see this Great Tree?"

The redhead jerked it away. "No! This is MY Great Tree!" She paused and glanced down at it. "Where will it grow? It won't be able to in my room."

Mako answered, "Ail and Ann said you could plant it in their garden."

"Really?" The Senshi nodded. "Goody! C'mon, Deedlit, let's go plant it!" The elf cheered and ran after her as she sprinted off to the aliens' quarters.

Mako told the other three she had to go help Satyr cook dinner. Jessica left to go find James, and Vegeta said he had a headache and that he was going to his room and stay there for about a week. Angie stood for a moment, not knowing what to do, or where to go. So she decided, until the next time Rob sent a fanfic, she'll stay with Bardok . . .

And finally, this is the END!!!!

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Notes: Omigod! Can I believe what my computer is telling me? This whole stinking thing is ONE HUNDRED AND NINE pages long!!! That's the longest thing I ever wrote! (Well, fanfic wise, that is.) I hope it was funny and good, albeit long! You don't hafta print it, but if you like it, please do! Hey, feedback's wonderful, but flames must be polite! (I absolutely HATE rude people, and I'm usually the nicest person you'll ever meet!) I'm sorry it ran so long! It was my first MiSTing and I was having too many riff ideas and I wrote them all down. Plus it was Chibi Team Rocket's fault for making it 21 pages long. ^_^ The usual MSTing fanfic is about 3 to 10 pages long I guess, making it with all the riffs an average of 20-30 pages. But, it was fun anyway, and next I'm hopping to do Rocket Princess II, which, I think, is over fifty pages long! (This one was originally 21 pages, imagine what fifty will be!) And then Rocket Princess III. (CTR already has 36 pages of that!) If you have a fanfic, good or horribly written (horribly written are the best!), and you would like to see it MSTied, drop me a line, send it to me and I'll try to fit it into my schedule! 'Coz as I'm writing this, I have four other fanfics I'm working on along with personal projects, and don't forget fanart and illustrations. (I am SOOOO in over my head!) Anyway, I won't make this any longer than it needs to be and I'll go away now. Goodbye, see ya and 'bye! Au revoir, tchao and salut! Sayonara, ja ne and ja mata! You've been wonderful! Jessica, HO! ^_^

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"We must transform into our Super-Hero selves so we can be stronger..."



© 1999, Jaimielée Rocket & Maelstrom



(Next "week's" episode-

"Episode Two: Rocket Princess II,

Jessica Acts as a Mediator,

Kasey Kills Mini-Me,

and Cleo Attacks Austin Powers")