"The Satellite of 'Dite,
the Fanfic of Riffing of Other Fanfics"
By: Jaimielée Rocket and Maelstrom
EMAIL: jaimielee_rocket@hotmail.com
Disclaimer I: To whom this concerns, it belongs to you!
Smut: Uh~ debated
Violence: Hm~ debated
"Episode Nineteen: Attack of the Rabid Jigglypuff,
Jessica Sings the Glory of Pies "
Disclaimer II: Jessica and Cleo belong to me, Kasey belongs to Maelstrom and Angie belongs to She-wolf. Mike and the 'Bots would go under Disclaimer number one along with Pearl-tachi. "Attack of the Rabid Jigglypuff" belongs to Eric Trumble.
A Big Thanks: To Eric Trumble! I have no clue how you got this 'fic to me, (was it CTR's message board??? Me and my memory) but he sent this to me and it's a really cute story! I laughed, and Maelstrom laughed. We laughed a lot. It's so cute! Thanks for sending it to me! I also used the idea of an psychotic Jigglypuff in my Jessie: Warrior Princess story! It's so great!
NOTES: Okay, I decided to make it a Jessica MSTing! For no real reason other than Amber had been lazy for the past 3-4 months, and didn't write more than 6 pages of the TR/Xena Xover, and I need at least 10 to make it as long as the first part. HURRY AMBER!!!
NOTES: This was, of course, inspired from the MST3K episode where they gave the "salute" to waffles. Also inspired by my deep love for pies. Cakes suck, pies rule! Whooo! Je voudrais la tarte!
~*~*~*~*~*~
As Cambot comes on, the first thing he sees is Jessica; a huge smile on her face, her eyes shut in immeasurable bliss, and she was holding out a hot apple pie. She continued to just hold up the steaming treat, smiling and smiling and smiling.
Finally, Tom Servo popped up from behind the desk, and he asked, "Hey, Nel, whatchya up to?"
She opened her eyes, but they were bright with pure joy, and she announced in a chip voice, "It's Praise the Pie Day today!!"
Servo gasped, and said in a forced voice, "You don't say!"
Gypsy rolled in asking, "Did someone say PIE?"
"Yes!" the girl answered.
Mike skipped in happily, "Pies are here?"
"Uh-huh!" She straightened her glasses and she pulled up a stand with a chart on it. Removing a pointer, Jessica said, "See, using a PIE chart, I have calculated that at least 68% of people absolutely love PIES." She pointed at the large section on the chart marked "68% Love." "Of course, this is from a survey I did on me, Mike, Servo, Gypsy, the not-here Crow, and the indifferent Cambot, who made up that 5% indifference." She pointed to the thin red section that marked this. She turned back to face said robot. "And since I'm a PI-sces, I used PI to figure this out while looking at PIE plants, using a PI-lot brand pen."
Servo stepped in. "I was considering PIE when looking at pictures of PI-leated, PIE-bald PIE variety birds, such as the mag-PIE, while also considering a PI-le of PI-kes."
Mike scratched his head and said, "And I was wondering if the Pi-onner of PIES was a PI-rate PI-ous to the career of PI-racy, inventing the PIE-ty towards PIE PIE-tism."
There was a short bout of silence before Gypsy shouted, "PIE-zoelectricity!"
The others stared at her oddly as she proudly beamed at her new word.
Down in Castle Forrester:
Pearl seemed quite taken aback by this, and she hemmed. "Uh, riiiiiiiight. . ." She took a few steps back, and began to slowly stride over to her left. "Anyway, today we're doing a bake sale!" She lifted her arms to show off a banner that was hanging above her, and it read: Castle Forrester's Bake Sale! Come, Join Us! "An EVIL bake sale," she added, "that will take over the world! Gwahahahahaha!" She abruptly quit cackling and asked those aboard the SoL, "What'd you make? For my EVIL bake sale! Harharhar!"
SoL:
"We baked you . . . PIES!" Everyone lifted up a pie in a proud presentation.
"Pies! Pies! Pies! Pies!" they chanted.
CF:
"Oh, what kinds?"
SoL:
Jessica took a deep breath and she named off quickly as the others pointed to the numerous pies spread out on the desk, "Banana, coconut, lemon, key lime, meringue, chocolate, chocolate silk, chocolate-coffee, chocolate mint, pecan, pumpkin, blackberry, blueberry, mince, chicken pot, black forest, cherry, peach, shepherd, raspberry . . ."
CF:
Pearl took the chance to speak when Jessica stopped to take a breath. "That's wonderful!" She rubbed her hands together in that evil villain kind of way, and she muttered, "With all these pies, Bobo's crumb cakes and Brain Guy's breads, we should easily be able to take over the WORLD!" She began to cackle again. "Ahhh, I amuse myself immensely. Let's check out some of our other bakers' products, shall we?" She continued to her left until she came upon Professor Bobo's stand of crumb cakes. "Well, what have we got here?"
Bobo held out a plate with a slice of his cake on it. "Why, hello there, miss!" he greeted in apish pleasantries. "Would you like a free sample?"
"Yes," she answered, taking the plate and a fork from him. "How kind of you." She took a bite and asked through chews, "Mmmm, that's good. What is it, apple?"
"No."
"Uh, nut?"
"No."
Pearl's face fell in dread. "So, what is it?"
"Beetle!" he replied, stupidly happy.
The erstwhile mad scientist scowled, and muttered, "Why do I keep walking into these things?" She grabbed Bobo by his apron, pulled him forward and she spat the food into it. She released it, and Bobo groaned in disgust, wondering what he had done that time. "Well, as we wait for our EVIL bake sale to pick up, you'll be reading a lovely little fanfic called 'The Attack of the Rabid Jigglypuff.' Enjoy!" She smacked Bobo on the head, "Go send them the fanfic, monkey!" He ran off, ook-ing in fear.
SoL:
" . . . rhubarb, strawberry, strawberry rhubarb, cream, gooseberry, mud (both chocolate AND mud), cricket, squash, pot, Three Musketeer, apple-- mackintosh, red delicious, sour green, custard, crab . . ." Jessica was still listing.
"Mike, should we be worried about Miss Forrester's bake sale scheme?" Servo asked over Jessica's voice.
"Hmmm?" the man hummed in question, since he had been stuffing his face full of blackberry pie when he was asked.
"Never mind."
"Uh, Mike, that'll be six dollars and fifty cents for the whole pie," Gypsy told him.
"What!" he exclaimed, dropping the empty pie plate. "What a rip off!"
The lights and klaxons began to go off.
Relieved he shouted, "Can't pay you now, we've got fanfic sign!"
He, Servo and Jessica rushed off, the brunette still listing off, ". . . chocolate-peanut butter, cow pies, Oreo . . ."
~*~*~*~*~*~
(all enter, Jessica sits in the first seat, Mike the second, and he sets Servo down in the third)
JESSICA: J'adore la tarte! Mmmmm~ I think there should be a religion dedicated only to pies. The grand master would be banana cream, until everyone got sick of it.
MIKE: That's a dream I can agree with.
SERVO: Uh, Mike, wipe your face. You got blackberries and flaky crust all over it.
MIKE: Oh, dear! (wipes his face)
JESSICA: (singing) . . . pies in the oven, pies in packages wrapped up in string, those are a few of my favorite things. . . .
>Song: I'll be the very best, the best there ever was. (And on and on)
MIKE: Oh, darn, I was hoping the author would sing it!
>Commercial break: New, physically possible Barbie!
SERVO: The day she was made, something inside all of us died.
OTHERS: Uh-huh.
>McDonald's new 98 cent burger, take THAT Burger king!
JESSICA: (cheers) Let's go torch all the Burger Kings in the world! Whoo!
>And now back to our show!
>>Misty: Did you get us lost again??
MIKE: (Misty) Ash~we're trying to get to MCDONALD'S, not BURGER KING.
SERVO: (Ash) But Burger King carries Pokémon toys!
>Ash: No! I'm just not sure where we are at this moment in time.
>Misty: THAT IS LOST YOU NUMBSKULL!!!
>Brock: Oh bother…
JESSICA: Awwww, Brock does a CUTE Winnie the Pooh impression.
>Pikachu?
>Pikachu: PIIIIIKAAA….CHU!!! *ZZAAAAP!!!*
MIKE: Apparently Pikachu didn't think too highly of it.
>Misty and Ash: Ouch…
ALL: --Kapow!!!-- Ouch!
>>Attack of the Rabid Jigglypuff!
SERVO: (screams in terror and hides under his seat)
JESSICA: Inspired by the white bunny scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
SERVO: (tentatively sits back up)
>>Setting camp for the night, the heroes of the Pokemon series are settling down until they >continue their trek. Ash is awoken by some noise in the bushes.
MIKE: Hey, give Brock some privacy!
JESSICA: (Ash) Brock! No! That's poison ivy!
>Ash: huh? Who's there?
>Out of the bushes appears a little round Pokemon.
>Ash: Oh, it's Jigglypuff! Hi Jigglypuff!
ALL: Awwwww . . .
>The Jigglypuff turns around, a slight red flaring in its eyes.
SERVO: (Ash) Geez Jigglypuff, did you get new contact lenses or something?
>Ash: …Jigglypuff?
>The Jigglypuff growls and flashes a set of teeth.
MIKE: (Ash) Wow! I didn't know that Pokémon could get braces! How long are they on for?
>Ash: WHA?!
>The Jigglypuff growls again and jumps out of sight.
ALL: Awwwww . . .
>Ash: …weird…
>Brock stirs a bit, and asks groggily, "What is it Ash?"
JESSICA: (Brock) Did you have another nightmare? Okay, crawl on in . . .
>Ash answers, "I just saw a Jigglypuff…"
>Brock: "Probably just the one that follows us around sometimes, go back to sleep."
>Ash: "I don't know…it was…different…"
SERVO: (Brock) Ash, they're not *different,* they just choose to lead an *alternative* lifestyle.
>Ash turns to give Brock a description, but he's already back asleep.
MIKE: Now THAT'S what respect is all about.
>Ash sighs and goes back to sleep as well.
>>Screen pans over to Team Rocket.
JESSICA: (Team Rocket, loudly) HELLOOOOOOO, we're here on da SHOOOOOOW!
>>Jessie: Hahaha! We'll nab that Pikachu while they nap!
>James: It's so simple! So easy! Why didn't we think of this before?
>Meowth: 'Cause either we was 'blasted off' or yous two didn't have da brains to think of such a >simple solution!
SERVO: (Jessie) And just because YOU'RE a high school graduate, you have the right to say that to us?
MIKE: It took them three weeks to figure out two plus two is four.
>This comment results in physical punishment from the two humans.
JESSICA: (Team Rocket as Karigari) Looks like we must *punish* you.
>Team Rocket hops down from the tree branch they were spying from.
>Jessie: Give me the rubber trap, I'm not nearly as clumsy as you so I won't wake it up and get us >all electrocuted.
>James: Who says I can't do a good job?
>Jessie: I say that! (smacks James with a mallet)
SERVO: Well, every time you give him a CONCUSSION isn't making him any SMARTER.
>James: ow…(rubs his head)
MIKE: (James) Darn . . . 10,000 more brain cells killed.
>????: Jigglypuff!
>Team Rocket: Huh?
>The Jigglypuff walks out of the shadows. "Jiggly."
ALL: GASP!
JESSICA: Who woulda thunk it!
>James: Uh…something's not right about that Jigglypuff!
SERVO: (James) What the . . . Hey! It's MOONING us, the cad!
>Jigglypuff growls and shows a pair of fangs as it growls.
>Meowth: ACK!! RABID JIGGLYPUFF!!
>The Jigglypuff shakes a bit as its mouth froths and it growls some more. Its eyes flash red.
MIKE: No, it's not rabid, it's merely having an allergic reaction to some whip cream he ate.
>James: AAAAHHH!! (Clings to Jessie) Are you sure that thing is rabid? It looks more >possessed to me!!
>Jessie: what?! Possessed?! EEK!! (clings to James)
>Jigglypuff: "Jiiiiiigglyyyy…rrrrrr…puuuufffffff…"
>Team Rocket: Yipes!
>>Name that Pokemon!
JESSICA: (Team Rocket) Hey! Hey! We're about to be EATEN here, for goodness sake! Get back here!
>Blah blah blah, yakity smakity.
SERVO: Hey, I've seen that commercial! I LOVE it!
MIKE: Ohhhh . . . huh?
JESSICA: Is it like that one commercial with the Munchkins?
>It's Weezing! "Wheezing!"
>>Jessie: Wait…it's just a Jigglypuff. With that evil-sounding voice it can't sing us to sleep, so we >have nothing to worry about!
SERVO: Being evil's just peachy, huh?
MIKE: Smart logic.
>Meowth: Uh, Jessie, I wouldn't underestimate a Jigglypuff if I were you…
>Jessie: Kick it out of the way James.
>James: No way!
JESSICA: (James) I don't want it to evolve into a WIGGLYTUFF on me!
>Jessie: Fine. I'll do it.
>Jessie goes to kick the Jigglypuff, but it grabs her foot. Then it swings her around and tosses >Jessie back to the rest of the team.
SERVO: Foamy! No, bad Foamy, bad!
>Jessie: AAARRRGG!! You stupid little Pokemon! Go Arbok! Go Likitung!
>James: Go Weezing! Go Victre…(remembers Victreebell eating his head) Uh nevermind.
>Jessie: Arbok, get that Jigglypuff! Likitung attack!
>Jigglypuff's eyes go red and it Mega-Punches Likitung away.
MIKE: Wow! That rabid Jigglypuff used its rabidness to steal a TM!
>Arbok knocks it back with poison sting and Weezing tackles it. The Jigglypuff jumps onto >Arbok's face and starts slapping the heck out of it. With a final punch Arbok tumbles over >Jessie, James, and Meowth. The mass of Rockets smashes into a tree, causing it to fall over.
>James: Owie…
JESSICA: (James) All right, there's 20,000 more brain cells lost.
>Jessie: Wimp…
>Meowth: Shad-up!!
>Arbok: ssshaaa….
SERVO: (Meowth) Arbok! Don't be a potty mouth!
>Jigglypuff then grabs the tree, lifts it above its head and punches it into orbit. "Looks like Team >Rocket's blasting off again!"
>James: Uh…Jessie…don't we usually start going down by now?
>Jessie: Oh be quiet.
MIKE: (Jessie) Live for once, change IS a good thing!
JESSICA: (James) But we won't live long if we don't land soon!
>Meowth: I tink yas ought to listen to him! We're awfully high up!!
>Jessie: (looks down) There's Seafoam, Cinnabar, Pallet, Cerulean, Pewter, Fuchsia, yup, we're >probably almost in orbit.
>James: ORBIT?!?! WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
SERVO: Watch out! They might hit us!
-BOOM!- (all rock back and forth as if being hit)
MIKE: Well, that was fun.
JESSICA: (purr) Hey, James, you rock my world.
SERVO: (panicked) Moving along now!
>Arbok: BOK?!?! SSSSHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!
>Jessie: We're starting to fall down now…I'm too gorgeous to die!!!
>Team Rocket screams as they plummet at incredible speed.
JESSICA: (Marie) Soon the jagged rocks of the earth will tear my skin, my warm blood will be splattered all around . . .
>Meowth: Wait! Look, down in da sky! Is dat a bird?
>Jessie: Maybe…a plane?
MIKE: (covers both Jessica and Servo's mouths) No Super Man jokes, it's been done to death.
SERVO: I was gonna say the Power Puff Girls!
JESSICA: I was gonna mention Freakazoid! again, but, hey, it's your call, Cap'n.
>James: Nope! It's Weezing!
>Weezing flies upward at full speed, catching the Mass'o'Rockets, slowing their fall down a lot. >Weezing floats them down safely (imagine super-hero music if you will).
MIKE: Hmm . . . I wonder what a Mass'o'Rockets cost nowadays.
SERVO: Way-back-when, they were 30 cents.
JESSICA: (angrily) And now whatwith the gas prices soaring, I betchya it's about twenty bucks.
MIKE: What IS a Mass'o'Rockets?
SERVO: I think we just went off into a weird tangent.
JESSICA: (darkly) I hate gas with a passion.
>James: You saved us Weezing!! (hugs his Pokemon)
>Jessie and Meowth also congratulate Weezing and pat it. Arbok tries to hug Weezing, but >accidentally gives off the impression of constricting.
>>Over to the good guys now.
MIKE: (cameraman) Oh-ho . . . I can't find them!
SERVO: (director) Did we lose them AGAIN?
>Ash: See! I told you I saw a strange Jigglypuff!
>Brock: Yeah, now get up here with us!
>Misty: Yeah Ash! Rabid Pokemon are very, very dangerous!
>Ash: I'm not going to climb a tree to hide from a Jigglypuff!!
JESSICA: Okay, so now it's appropriate for Ash to sing, "Misty and Brock, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
>Brock: You'd be surprised how strong Jigglypuffs can be!
>Ash: A Jigglypuff? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
>Jigglypuff leaps forward
MIKE: (Jigglypuff) Hey, hey, buddy, ya wanna say that to my FACE, huh?
>and punches Ash in the face, bouncing him back quite a ways.
>Misty: We tried to warn you!
SERVO: Apparently, injury is the only way for Ash to learn a lesson.
>Ash scrambles up the tree and tells Pikachu to thundershock it.
JESSICA: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for him. (applauds)
>Pikachu shakes its head no, while talking in a panic.
>Ash: What's wrong Pikachu?
>Brock: Rabid Pokemon are close to nonexistent, but those that do have rabies got them by >being bitten by other rabid Pokemon!
MIKE: (Ash) Oh, duh, not unlike a dog, or a raccoon.
>Ash: Oh! I'm sorry Pikachu…
>Pikachu rubs up on Ash and says a little in Pikachu language, which translates into, "it's ok. I >know you don't know much about Pokemon."
JESSICA: (muttering) That's for sure . . .
>Ash: Are you saying I'm stupid?
JESSICA: Yes.
SERVO: Quick and clear to the point, I like it.
>Meanwhile the Jigglypuff is pacing around the tree, giving the heroes the evil eye and a flash of >its Vampire teeth every now and again.
MIKE: Oh, I hope Buffy doesn't show up any time soon.
>In the distance the bushes move, from something watching the scene.
>Ash, Misty, and Brock start yelling for help, out of the bushes comes…
>"Jigglypuff!"
>The good guys facefault. "we're doomed." Then a familiar voice rings out, "Cornered up a >tree?"
>Ash: That voice sounds familiar…
>Another familiar voice says, "Looks like Jigglypuff trouble!"
>Misty: So does that one…
>And a third voice says, "And don't yas say anyting about double!!"
JESSICA: (Team Rocket) Okay, okay, we won't get the Double Quarter Pounder!
>Brock: Team Rocket! (Well, it's usually Ash or Misty who says it, so I thought I'd let Brock >have a turn)
MIKE: (Ash) It's . . . Team Rocket!
SERVO: (Misty) You dummy Ash, that's clearly Team Rocket!
JESSICA: (Brock, sadly) Hey, you guys, it was my time to shine . . .
MIKE: (Ash) Quiet, Brock, can't you see it's Team Rocket!
SERVO: Now that I think about it more, maybe it WAS a good thing that Brock left the show.
>Jessie: But we always do the motto!
>Meowth: That's your problem!
JESSICA: Oops. Did we erase a few lines?
>James: Uh…guys, the Jigglypuff!
>Rabid Jigglypuff: Pufffff…puffffff…pufffffff!!
>Jessie: Not again…
SERVO: It wants a CREAM PUFF! Give it a fricken CREAM PUFF!
>Just then the rabid Jigglypuff goes crashing to the ground.
>"Jigglypuff!"
MIKE: (Rabid Jigglypuff) Ow! Why'd I do THAT for?!
>Ash: Looks like Jigglypuff is going to fight it!
>Misty: I hope it knows what it's doing…
>The two Jigglypuffs stare each other down a while, with Western Showdown music no less. >Suddenly the normal Jigglypuff writes on the others face. The rabid one repays the favor with a >punch to the face.
JESSICA: (Rabid Jigglypuff) How'd you like me to give YOU a tattoo on the face, huh, punk?!
>Jigglypuff goes flying into the tree that Ash and co. are….treed…in.
SERVO: I've been treed before. It's not a pleasant experience. I was stiff for months on end.
>The tree shakes violently and they cling to the branches desperately.
>Jigglypuff puffs up and goes "pufffff!!"
>Jigglypuff jumps forward and kicks the rabid one with both feet. Rabid Jigglypuff bounces off a >tree, then off a rock, then off the branch Ash is hanging on.
MIKE: Ah, so it took lessons from Xena, huh?
>It bounces up and down a while, eventually getting stuck in the branch. It tries to bite Ash, but >he moves his hand in time.
JESSICA: You know, I wish it would bite Ash so his head will have to be cut off just to determine if he has rabies.
SERVO: Uh, it doesn't quite work that way, Jessica. They cut off the head of the ANIMAL that bit you.
JESSICA: Really? Oh, darn.
>Ash panicked, kicks the Jigglypuff sending it crashing to the ground. It tries to get up, but falls >over, knocked out.
MIKE: Wow, the puss does something right for a change.
>Jigglypuff walks over to it, puts a foot on the KO'd Jigglypuff and goes into what it must think is >a 'Champ Pose.' "Jiggly! Puff-puff, Jiggly!!"
>James: Do you think the boss would like a rabid Pokemon?
JESSICA: (James) 'Coz I know I'D love to find one in MY Christmas stocking!
>Jessie: He's one sick sucker but I wouldn't think so…
>Meowth: Well, I don't care if he wants it or not! I'm NOT going near that thing!
>James: You've got a point Meowth. We'll let the brats get it treated.
SERVO: (Jessie) Oh, sure, James, just what we need! Rabid brats!
>An explosion of smoke, and Team Rocket is gone.
MIKE: (Meowth) Sorry! I forgot I was carrying that jar of nitroglycerin around with me!
OTHERS: Hehehe . . .
>Ash hops down and asks: Is that true? Can they treat Jigglypuff and get it back to normal?
>Brock: Maybe, if its not too late. They can only treat them for a while, if they've been rabid too >long some sort of complications can occur and then they can only put it down…
>Misty: Let's hope it'll be ok…
JESSICA: (in sappy voice) For we're the heroes, and we care.
ALL: Ahhhhh . . .
>Ash: I'll catch it in a pokeball so we don't have to worry about it waking up.
>Brock: Good to see you using your head.
>Ash: Aaaaahhhh….(facefaults)
>>Later:
SERVO: In Teletubbie Land . . .
MIKE: (narrator voice) Five months later.
JESSICA: (Misty) For God's sake, Ash, how hard is it to find a Pokémon Center! They're EVERYWHERE!
>Nurse Joy: I'll do my best…I can't guarantee anything though, rabies are so rare in Pokemon…
SERVO: (Joy) We may have to shoot it dead, dead like a dog, dead like a dog on the highway.
JESSICA: I think Angie and those guys used that joke already, Servo.
SERVO: Oh, sorry.
MIKE: Dearies, stop breaking the Fourth Wall down with a sledgehammer.
>Brock: (drools) she's so pretty…
MIKE: (Brock) She reminds me of a peppermint stick . . . (non-perverted) Mmmmm, I could go for a peppermint stick right about now.
>Ash: Thanks Nurse Joy. I hope you can help it…
>Misty: (smacks Brock) Don't worry Ash. And, you, Brock, get a grip!
JESSICA: (Brock) Trust me, Misty, I do. . . . heheheh . . . oh, I cna't belive I just said that. --urk!--
>Time passes, as is represented by scenes of Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff taking >turns reading newspapers, sitting around, and pacing.
SERVO: (Ash) I can't take it anymore!!!! What time does "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" come on in this time zone!?
>Finally the sign goes dim and Nurse Joy comes out with a normal, happy looking Jigglypuff.
>Nurse Joy: Good news! Jigglypuff's ok!
MIKE: (Joy) What they don't know is that we have secretly replaced the rabid Jigglypuff with this healthy one. Let's see if they can tell the difference.
>Brock: That's great to hear!
JESSICA: (Brock) And so is Blink 182! But people think I'm insane.
>"Jiggly!" "Jiggly puff!" "puff puff?" "puff! Jiggly!"
SERVO: (Joy) Unfortunately, it now has dual personalities.
>Misty: Awwww, isn't that CUTE?
>Ash: Uh…yeah.
>The Jigglypuffs start singing together in a cute little duo-routine. Soon snoring is heard and the >two Jigglypuffs puff up and get mad.
>>Fades to black with "To Be Continued" in yellow.
SERVO: Wawawa-do~ing!
ALL: (good-natured laughs)
MIKE: Ah, isn't that pleasant?
JESSICA: I haven't felt this warm inside ever since I scalded my esophagus with a hot cup of tea!
>>Commercials
SERVO: (announcer voice) Feminine itching . . .
OTHERS: Ahhhhh!!!
>>Credits.
JESSICA: (end of credits) We'd like to thank all those that participated in the pie festival last week, thanks for donating all those delicious pastries; such as shoe fly, plum, cucumber, apricots . . .
MIKE: (brightly) There she goes again!
(all give more good-natured laughter as they all exeunt)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jessica was sprawled across the desk in the bridge of the Satellite of Love, off to the far side near the hexfield, still loyally (but stupidly) naming off the kinds of pies they had.
Or, they HAD had, for Servo, Mike and Gypsy had eaten all of them.
Surrounded by littered pie tins sat those three, each with pie filling stained on their faces. "Do you think that Jessica will mind that we ate all her pies that she worked so hard to make?" Gypsy inquired. After a pause, she added, "And that we didn't save any for her?"
Mike wove his hand. "Aw, she'll get o'er it."
Servo stifled a belch, and he let out a contented sigh. "I dunno about you guys, but I don't even want to imagine what the world would be like without pies."
"Good, because we don't want that be-waffled Crow-sprite to come waltzing in here and take all the pies away," Mike replied, pulling out a napkin and wiping his mouth.
"I mean, think about it, won't you?" Servo settled back as he began to ramble on. "Cakes would dominate the world. Nothing but cakes. Cakes cakes cakes cakes cakes. There would be cupcakes, but those are nothing but little cakes, and donuts are nothing but deep-fried round cakes with a whole cut in the middle."
"What about jelly-filled donuts?" Gypsy interrupted. "Those could sorta be like pies."
"No, they couldn't!" Servo snapped, silencing her. "Anyway, like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, is that there would be nothing but cakes and their spawn. Sure cake can be good, and there certainly are many different kinds; chocolate, vanilla, ice cream, sherbet, jelly, cheese, et cetera. But it's still cake, and it still has that dry/spongy taste with huge amounts of frosting, that tastes all the same to me, anyway. Now, you want something else sweet in a pastry form. What do you have to turn to? NOTHING but cake and cake-similar products. It would be a sad, sad world."
Mike nodded solemnly. "Yup, sure would."
"And then, without the pies here in the world to keep the cakes in check, soon they would start to take over the world."
Mike stared oddly at Servo, but he decided to keep silent.
"I have often wondered," Gypsy mused, after this awkward pause, "what came first? The cake or the pie?"
"Hmmmm," the human and the red 'Bot hmmmmed in thought to this thought-provoking statement.
Meanwhile, Jessica still gave the list of what kind of pies they had, her voice becoming less and less chip as she went along.
Castle Forrester:
Gleefully, Pearl rushed up to the communications screen, a happily wicked smile planted on her face. "We have our first evil bake sale customer! Some dink from the outer, bumpkin regions with a hankering for Bobo's crumb cakes!" She did that cackling laughter that we all love so much. "Let's see how this works out, shall we?"
She stepped forward and next to the small, skinny man that was standing in front of Bobo's stand, looking at all the delicious crumb cakes. He scratched his head and pointed to one and said, "I'll buy a pan o' that, sir."
"Right away!" Bobo announced, giving somewhat of a salute, and he picked up the paper plate that had the baked treat plastic-wrapped in it. "That'll be nine dollars, please."
The man considered this, and drawled out, "That seems kinda steep for a crumb cake."
Pearl chuckled and placed a hand on his arm. "Oh, but Professor Bobo's crumb cakes are famous in these here parts and they're in such high demand that he must ask for such a high price!"
The man pulled out his wallet, exclaiming, "Well, that sounds okay with me, m'm!" He shelled out nine dollars and took the plate, along with a fork Bobo offered.
"Go ahead and try some!" the ape invited pleasantly.
"Don' mind if I do!" The man dug in, and after a swallow or two, his eyes suddenly bugged out and he gasped, right before collapsing to the floor.
Pearl nudged him with her foot. He didn't respond. She cackled once again. "That worked marvelously! What was in that one, Bobo?"
He thought hard about that, and he answered, "It was a neat looking spider I found in the rafters with a red marking on its belly. They looked delicious, and I put lots of them in there!"
Pearl scratched her head, and she hmmmmed, "Hmmmm, it seems so crazy it just might work!" She returned to those aboard the SoL, and she commanded, "Get to cranking out more pies, Jessica. We have more customers to draw in!"
The End
JESSICA: What? Hey! What happened to all my PIES! You ate them all without leaving ME some?! WAHHHHHHHHH!
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I haven't decided yet, but this pie thing may last a couple of episodes for Mike, Servo and Jessica. (Since I can't have more than two-three host segments per eps.) But after coming to the end, I felt it stood well enough alone in one episode, so maybe not. Maelstrom really liked the evil bake sale. Go figure! And I hope you appreciated the heck out of my PIE tongue twisters. I looked for "PIE" sounding words in the dictionary, and I had fun putting them all together. (My favorite is Mike's, and piezoelectricity IS a true thing. A kick in the face, ne?) Maybe if I don't have any really good host segments for that episode I'll continue.
And thanks to CTR's new section on her website, I have learned the HORRORS that is JESSIE unedited in the Toshiro Ono Pokémon manga! Omigod, WEAR A FRICKEN BRA, JESSIE! This is a LITTLE kids' comic, Ono-san! Clean it up!!!! (sobsobsob-stops) But what do I expect from a JAPANESE comic!? And here I was in an innocent calm, believing that some Japanese person SOMEWHERE had decency! Maybe the li'l boys and girls get a real kick out of Jessie's huge breasts, I dunno. (SOB!) And to further it more, you know what made me laugh and sick all at once? Some stuff in there wasn't decent enough FOR JAPANESE CHILDREN RATING STANDARDS! Do you BELIEVE that? Here Jessie is running around with size triple D cups (assuming that she wears a bra at all!), and the women are wearing scanty outfits (you shoulda seen Misty, yech), and some things had to be removed IN JAPAN, before America got its hands on it. It makes you wonder, now don't it? (Oooo, so mad . . .)
ANYway! . . . That's all! Leave! I'm getting off my soapbox now . . .
This is from the bloopers tape of MST3K, from the waffle episode:
JOEL: (walking out, eating waffles) Pancakes . . . Oh, I blew it!
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An explosion of smoke, and Team Rocket is gone.
© 2000, Jaimielée Rocket & Maelstrom
(Next "week's" episode:
Episode 20: The Price of Love, Prolgue, Part 1 and 2
Celebrating 20 episode!!!!!!!!!)