"The Satellite of 'Dite,
the Fanfic of Riffing of Other Fanfics"
By: Jaimielée Rocket and Maelstrom
EMAIL: jaimielee_rocket@hotmail.com
Disclaimer I: To whom this concerns, it belongs to you!
Smut: Uh~ debated
Violence: Hm~ debated
"Episode Ten: The Xena/Team Rocket Crossover,
Jessica Gets a Few Nosebleeds"
Disclaimer II: Jessica and Cleo belong to me, Kasey belongs to Maelstrom and Angie belongs to She-wolf or Bardokmegami. Mike and the 'Bots would go under Disclaimer number one along with Pearl-tachi. This fanfic belong Amber.
A Big Thanks: Amber! I love you so much! You came through when I needed crappy fanfics! And this one is THE BEST Team Rocket fanfic ever because it features two of the most cutest guys in the world! Ted Raimi and Bruce Campbell!!!! Amber knows me like a book! (Hence all the nosebleeds ^_^) NOTHING can top this fanfic! NOTHING!
Song Notes: Please forgive my song lyrics. They aren't offensive or anything, but . . . they don't sound much like a song, not even a decent poem. I'm not good at that stuff, and I TRIED to rhyme, but . . . I CAN'T rhyme worth s**t. I'm sorry! Sorry! (sobs and falls to knees)
~*~*~*~*~*~
It was oddly silent on the satellite known as love. There was no screaming, or singing, or laughing or just plain talk. Not even whispering. No one ran to and fro on the bridge, it was a strange occurrence.
Castle Forrester:
As Pearl passed by the communications screen, she noticed that oddity. She stopped in her tracks, backtracked, turned and peered intently into the screen. "Brain Guy!" she called and Observer was instantly there, staring into the screen. "Bobo!" The ape appeared just as quick, too, looking almost serious as he peeked also. "Is there something missing from this picture?"
"Hmmmm~" Bobo hummed in thought, now looking quite dumb as he put a thumb and finger to his chin and as he paced back and forth
"Uh," Observer began, sounding matter-of-fact and, all-in-all, all knowing. "Mike, the 'Bots and Jessica aren't anywhere to be seen."
"Oh! I know!" Bobo cried, coming back to his space beside Pearl. "The people who are usually there . . . aren't."
Observer sighed. "To put it simply, yes."
"Huh . . ." Pearl breathed, peering closer at the screen. "Hello?"
Satellite of Love:
"They're all there!" Crow's voice shouted. "Shoot now!"
There was a resounding "kaching!" and a large shot-put ball flew across the screen. Then there was a heart-stopping scream. "MY FAAAAAAACE!!!!!"
CF:
All three of the evil scientists were back a couple of steps, each one with their fists on their hips, except Observer had only one fist on his hip since he still had to hold his brain. "C'mon!" Pearl called. "We know you're there!" Observer and Bobo nodded angrily.
SoL:
Mike and Jessica entered from the right and Tom Servo and Crow from the left. Mike held the shot-put, which had a strange dent in it, while Jessica whimpered and nursed her red face and bleeding nose.
"I'm so sorry!" Servo cried, his voice full of care and remorse. "It wasn't supposed to hit you! It was supposed to hit Pearl and her thickheaded henchmen!" Jessica just sniffled.
"That was SOOO cool!" Crow shouted, bouncing in excitement.
"Crow!" the red 'Bot exclaimed in disgust.
"Well, it was!"
"Uhhh," Mike fingered the large dent in the iron ball. "Your face somehow dented the ball, Jessica."
She finally managed to get her nose to stop bleeding, and she replied, "I guess after being so accident prone with balls and pucks and other such hard things, my face adapted to it." She opened and exercised her jaw. "But I think I popped this out of joint." She stretched it again. "C'mere, Servo."
"Yes, Jessica?" he immediately came by her side.
She straightened him below her cranium. "Okay, hold right there and . . ." She swung her head down and slammed her jaw on the smooth, red top. There was a sickening crack.
CF:
Pearl, Brain Guy and Bobo all drew back in aversion. "That was sick!" Observer shouted as Bobo ran away gagging and as Pearl kept silent.
SoL:
The brunette rubbed the joint. "It may have been, but it fixed my problem."
Servo came up off the floor. "What happened? All I remember was a loud 'bang' on my head and then all was black . . ."
CF:
Pearl came up close to the screen. "Well, for trying to kill us with a shot-put, and for that," she shuddered, "way you fixed your jaw, Jessica, I WILL send up this new fanfic that we got today from dear Mister Tapert. Despite my warning of sending up fanfics from your friends, Mister Tapert sent you another doozy of a 'fic from Amber."
SoL:
"Yay!!!" everyone cheered as they began to do little dances.
"Amber's fanfics are fun!" Servo stated, swinging a little flag with her name on it.
CF:
Pearl smirked, and handed Observer the disk. "This one may just break your spirits. It's a crossover of impossible formations! It is simply called, 'The Xena/Team Rocket Crossover'. Enjoy!"
SoL:
"Did she say XENA!?" Crow and Jessica said in unison. They both began to drool.
Mike rolled his eyes. "First Servo's a Pokémaniac and now we have two Xenites."
"Xenite?" Jessica exclaimed. "I don't like Xena! I'M a Joxerite!" She continued to drool.
"Is that better, or worse?" the temp asked Servo.
"Well," he answered, "it's better to know that Jessica's not from the Isle of Lesbos, if you catch my drift."
Mike nodded, and just then the fanfic/movie sign went off. "We've got fanfic sign!" he shouted as everyone dashed off to their own entries into the theater.
~*~*~*~*~*~
(All enter, Crow takes the first seat out, Mike the second, Jessica, who's carrying Servo, in the third and he in the fourth.)
JESSICA: Please, Amber! Please remember that I love Joxer!
CROW: Please, Amber! Please remember how Xena likes to flip around a lot in that exposing leather.
MIKE: This is disgusting.
SERVO: It may be interesting.
MIKE: Maybe Joxer'll change into a Sailor Senshi.
JESSICA: I think I read that somewhere. Or am I thinking of "Minako: Warrior, Sidekick, Princess" or whatever that disturbing 'fic was called.
>Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I wish I did. But I don't.
>So don't sue me.
CROW: I say Rob should anyway, just for fun.
>Smut: probably but I'll try to warn you
SERVO: Ooo, perspective lesbian goings-on?
JESSICA: Nah, Amber doesn't think like THAT.
'BOTS: Darn!
>Violence: almost assuredly (its Xena, what did you expect?)
MIKE: Not much, really. I mean, what is with that running Dahak thing? And that second-to-last episode, where they were hung on crosses? I mean, come on!
>The Xena/Team Rocket Crossover
>By Amber and Kasey (thank you Kasey for the idea!!!!!!!!!)
JAIMIELÉE: Were you writing stories behind my back, Maelstrom!?!?!
ALL: ACK!!!
CROW: (gasping) Geez, WARN us next time you're going to do that!
SERVO: WHO was that?
JESSICA: The author.
OTHERS: Ohhhh . . . huh?
>After time travel/karma thing, before they went back to ....to.....yeah.
MIKE: Uh, Greece?
JESSICA: I have no clue as to what she's talking about. I missed a few episodes.
SERVO: Uh, I think they went to India where Gabby was mistaken for a spiritual leader or a God or something and then she cuts her hair short, shorter than yours, in fact, Jessica, and she throws her stick into a river. Is that right?
JESSICA: Uh, whatever.
CROW: Oh, and don't forget that she now thinks she is all good again, pure and innocent.
JESSICA: She's such a bimbo. I can't believe I want her and Joxer to get together.
>Xena and Gabby were walking through the woods in India. For once, Xena wasn't
>wearing her armor,
CROW: WHOO!
>just the leather.
CROW: Oh . . .
>Gabby was walking behind, telling Argo
>one of her stories.
MIKE: (Argo) Oh, please Gabrielle, not the "Bitter Suite" story again! MERCY!
>Xena sudenly motioned for her to be quiet.
>>"What? All I hear is that guy who's been following us."
SERVO: (Gabby) Absolutely nothing to worry about.
>"Be quiet Gabrielle. He's getting closer. Get your stick."
>>"It's a quarter staff, thank you very much and.....Joxer! How did you get
>here?"
CROW: Poof!
JESSICA: JOXER! (swoon and falls over.)
SERVO: Uh, Jessica? . . .
MIKE: (picks her up) Are you all right?
JESSICA: Oh, sorry. I just haven't seen Joxer for such a long time.
CROW: Obsessive fan?
JESSICA: Like you wouldn't believe!
>"Oh, hi guys! So you're who I'v been following. Not that I'm following you,
>just the cute animal with you."
MIKE: Gabrielle?
>"What cute animal? Xena, what are you doing? Xena? XENA!"
SERVO: (Gabby) Xena! Do that in the BUSHES!
>"This 'cute' animal." Xena had pulled a small yellow animal from one of the
>saddlebags.
>>"Pika!! Chu! Pi!" it yelled as Xena held it in the air by the tail. Our fav
>bumbling idiot
JESSICA: Oh, yes~
>ran over to Xena as she did this.
>>"Xena! You hurt it!
CROW: Hurt it more!
>Can't you be nice to something long enough to find out if
>its bad, which this is not!?"
MIKE: So she decides to take Joxer's advice, pets the Pikachu nicely, and then it electrocutes her. The end.
SERVO: The moral of this story? Don't accept advice from Joxer.
>Suddenly, Autolocus walked into the clearing.
CROW: Poof!
JESSICA: I'm gonna faint again!
MIKE: (holds her steady) What, an Autolycus fan, too?
JESSICA: Bruce Campbell's sooooo handsome!
SERVO: Well, I have to agree with her on that point.
>"Oh. Hi everyone.
JESSICA: (Autolycus) I just happened to be here in India. I wasn't following Xena. No. Not at all . . . Nope . . .
>Have you
>seen........Joxer!
CROW: (Joxer) Duhh, right here, Auto.
>Give me that animal!"
MIKE: He thinks Joxer's an *animal*? Are you sure Amber's not into the gay thing.
JESSICA: Well, maybe between men, but not women. And that's a bad thought! No!
CROW: There's stories about it on the world wide web . . .
JESSICA: I know! And I've stumbled across quite a few of them, thank you very much!
SERVO: Don't forget the stories about ARES and Joxer . . .
JESSICA: (convulse) Stop it now!
>"No. Its mine."
>>"Hello-o! It was in our saddlebag so Xena and I should get to keep it."
SERVO: Gabby said that, right?
>Pikachu jumped from Joxer's arms and ran into the woods, frightened by all
>the shouting.
CROW: Frightened by all those breasts that were threatening to pop out.
>"You idiot! Why didn't you have it in a cage?"
JESSICA: (Joxer) Where would I have a cage? Up my butt?
MIKE: (Auto) That's where I carry all my lock picks!
THE 'BOTS: (Xena and Gabby) Ewwww!
>"Because it was scared and a cage would have made it worse. I'm too nice to
>do that to a nice little animal.
>>Just as Joxer finished telling Autolocus all that, something fell from the
>sky. Or should I say two somethings?
CROW: (author) Or should I say, an object? Or two objects? Or that I have a brain cell, or no brain cells.
JESSICA: You dare mock my friend?
CROW: Sorry.
>"What the hell?! What happened? Where in the hell are we?"
MIKE: You are in Level Seven of Hell, Mr. Whoever-is-talking.
>"Hey Jesse, are we still in Japan?"
SERVO: (Jessie) We never were if my name is "Jessie," James.
JESSICA: (swoons) James!!!
CROW: Jeez, again?
MIKE: (slapping her awake) Remember, that's her boyfriend.
CROW: Oh, yeah.
JESSICA: Woah, three nosebleeds in five minutes. That hasta be some kind of new record.
>"Are you smart?
SERVO: (James) Jessie, I think that is an irrelevant question for this period of time.
>Pikachu was messing around with his time travel thing and
>SUDDENLY WE ARE IN THE WOODS!!!!!!"
MIKE: Not much of a back story, is it.
OTHERS: Nope.
>"Uh, no, not usually. Occasionly though.
JESSICA: "Occasionally" what? He occasionally drinks beer? He occasionally smokes?
>But in any case, who are those people?"
>>"What people?"
>>"Turn around."
>>"Oh. OH! Hi, I'm Jesse and this idiot is James."
>>"No, I'm named Joxer. Not James. You know ~ Joxer the mighty, he's very tidy.
>Runs through the countryside, never needs "
CROW: Hah! Amber made a funny. "This IDIOT is James" then Joxer says, "no I'M named Joxer" . . .
SERVO: Like that, "And Gabrielle awoke with a jerk," and there was Joxer.
JESSICA: Amber ALMOST got Joxer's Song right. It goes: (sings) "Joxer the Mighty, he roams through the countryside, he never needs a place to hide! With Gabby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick. Righting wrongs and singing songs, being mighty all day long, he's Joxer! Joxer the Mighty!" Ha-HAH!
MIKE: That-that's good, Jessica.
JESSICA: Hold on, there are two more verses and six other versions to do.
MIKE: I'm usually a nice guy, but if you do that, I'll be forced to kill you.
JESSICA: (silence) . . . sorry . . .
>"Shut up Joxer. We don't need to hear that again."
SERVO: Pronouns? Would you care to add some narration, Miss Amber?
>"But..."
>>"But what?"
>>"Yes Xena."
CROW: So XENA was telling him to shut up? Shouldn't Gabby have?
OTHERS: O_o. (rub their heads)
>"Anyway, we're Team Rocket. Where are we?"
MIKE: Did Autolycus say that? Or did Gabby?
JESSICA: Y'know, Auto would be a good addition to Team Rocket.
SERVO: Maybe they won't fail as much with the King of Thieves with them.
>"You're in India. I'm Gabbi,
CROW: I thought it was "Gabby"?
MIKE: Amber changed her mind part way through the 'fic, I suppose.
>the cute guy in green is Autolocus, the guy in metal is Joxer,
JESSICA: Notice the lack of "cute" in front of Joxer's name. She's trying to hide her true feelings.
SERVO: Ick.
JESSICA: I'm pro Gabby-Joxy romance!
SERVO: Please, forgive me, O tall one.
JESSICA: Good!
>and that's Xena."
CROW: She left out "cute" in front of Xena's name, does THAT mean something?
JESSICA: DON'T make me hurt you.
CROW: Ooooo.
JESSICA: Stop that!
>"Anyway, have you seen a small yellow animal?"
>>"Yeah. I was trying to comfort it but Autolocus scared it off."
>>"I did not! You should have had it in a cage!"
>>"Both of you shut up." it was the awe-inspiring voice if Xena
ALL: Aweeeeee . . .
>"It's sitting over there."
>>Everyone dashed over toward Pikachu, which made it run back into the woods.
>They all spent the next 15 minutes or so looking for the small animal.
MIKE: Xena wants it to fashion new armor for herself.
SERVO: That's sad . . .
>When they ll emerged into the clearing,
JESSICA: . . . they'll notice a wonderful surprise party for them set up by Hercules and Iolaus.
>they were on all sides. Pikachu sat in the center.For a full 5 seconds, no one moved. TThen, in a rush, they all leaped toward >the center of the clearing.
CROW: I'm sorry, but that was only FOUR seconds.
>As Pikachu watched all these people in a mad dash toward himself, he thought to himself. "Holy shit!
MIKE: Amber! I thought we had an agreement! Censor!
>How do I get myself into these situations!? Can I shock all these people? I hope so!"
>>Seconds before the humans touched Pikachu, he let out a humongous shock. It hit Joxer, Gabbi, Xena, and the others at the >same time. The force of the shock sent everyone flying.
SERVO: (Obi-Wan) Use the Force, Pikachu, the Force . . .
>When Xena woke up, she took a moment to asses the situation.
JESSICA: So the situation is made up completely of *asses*?
CROW: No, she's calling everyone but herself in this situation jack *asses*.
>Pikachu was gone and all the others were still out cold. As Xena stood up, she knew something
>was wrong. Her balance was off and for some reason, she felt taller. She looked down to double check that she wasn't hurt. >"Oh my Zeus! I'm in Autolocus's body! Again!!!!!!
MIKE: (Xena) Just great! Am I gonna hafta flip around for Ambrosia again and kiss Gabby?
>Damn it, I've already done this. Wait a second, if I'm in Autolocus's body, does this mean I'm dead again? That was so hard on >Gabbi.
SERVO: I always like how Xena is this cold-hearted killer, but then she has a soft sensitive side, as well.
>Where's my body? I'm gonna kill whoever killed me!!!" Xena<Autolocus>
JESSICA: Xena's being stabbed by the "Autolocus" dagger.
>started running desperatly around the clearing. "Ther it is! Come on body, don't be dead!" Xena<Autolocus> suddenly started >slapping the body, trying to wake it up.
CROW: She seems so calm, but truly she panics quite easily.
MIKE: In a desperate try, she throws her body into a boulder then smashed it with a tree trunk.
JESSICA: (Xena) I wonder why that didn't work?
>"Um. What is it mommy? um."
>>"There is someone in my body! God, I hope it isn't Joxer, but just in
>case....." Xena<Autolocus> took a knife from her boot and cut the straps
SERVO: Oooo, she wants to see her own naked body in a man's body.
CROW: (Xena) What is this odd sensation?
JESSICA: (laughing) Ew, Crow!
>attatching the chakrum and swords to the body.
>>As the others slowly woke up, Xena<Autolocus> finished tying on her sword and chakram.
>>"Well, Xena, it looks you've gotten yourself in quite a pickle."
MIKE: Mmmm, Xena flavored pickle . . . Anyone else hungry?
>Xena<Autolocus> spun around to find herself in the presence of the mighty
>Aphrodity.
CROW: AphroDITY?
SERVO: There's a ditty about aphros?
JESSICA: The patron goddess of my satellite is angry. (hissssss)
>"And I suppose you're going to tel me how to get out of this situation."
>>"Sorry, babe. You're going to have to get to my main temple first. Then I'll help you."
MIKE: (Aphrodite) Make a sacrifice, make sure it's not fish. That stuff is *gro~dy*. And stay away from my pots, especially studmuffin there, hi, Joxy!
CROW: Jeez, you got 'Dite down flat!
MIKE: I'm a big Alexandra Tidings fan.
>"I'll never get this many rookies there! Are you insane? Maybe one or two, but we're talking five people!"
SERVO: How hard is it to get five people to a temple?
JESSICA: Maybe it's guarded by minotaurs and centaurs and harpies and giant snakes.
>"How do you get five?"
>>"Joxer is a bumbling idiot,
JESSICA: That's what's so charming about him!
SERVO: (upon revelation) Hmmm, maybe if I trip more . . .
>Gabrielle has never been in a situation like this
MIKE: (Xena) Going to the temple is HARD.
CROW: (Gabrielle) Thinking hurts, Xena . . .
>and Autolocus is going to try to take over. Plus Jesse and ... what was his name? Anyway, I have no clue how they'll react."
JESSICA: Blow things up.
SERVO: Scream and shout.
MIKE: Gorge on food.
CROW: Try to steal their Pokémon and fail miserably.
>"Poor baby. Make-do."
>>"But we'll have to go through swamps, deal with natives,
JESSICA: (Native American) Give me two glass beads and round killing thing and we have deal.
>who knows what! How can I get five rookies through that?"
SERVO: Hm, the King of Thieves, Gabrielle's been hanging with her for about five years, true Joxer isn't the strongest guy in the world, but he may trip and save all your lives by accident. Jessie with her lethal rocket launcher and James with his cross-dressing abilities . . . I think they can handle it.
>"Like I said. Make-do. Ta-ta!"
MIKE: Cheerio.
CROW: Shagadellic!
SERVO: You can say that again!
>And with a poof of pink clouds, Aphrodite disapeared.
JESSICA: (Aphrodite) Shouldn't have eaten all those-- (normal voice) Oh, that's too gross, even for me.
>"Autolocus, who were you talking to?"
>>"No one. Just Aphrodite. No one important."
MIKE: Spoke to the Goddess of Love, ate a pomegranate, those have a lot of seeds.
>"I heard that!"
>>"Anyway, this is going to sound strange but who are you?"
>>"Not awake yet I see. I'm Gabrielle. Why?"
CROW: (Xena in Autolycus' body) I'm a guy, you're a girl, think about it.
>"I'm not Autolocus. I'm Xena. I'm just in Autolocus's body. Again."
>>"Ha ha. Very funny. Prove it."
>>At this, Xena<Autolocus> started searching through the saddlebags on Argo. Then, with a gleam in her eye, she pulled out >what she had been looking for. It was a mirror. She held it up in James's face.
SERVO: (Gabby) That's wonderful Auto, but just how does that prove you're Xena?
>"AHHHH! Why am I in James? Who did this???"
JESSICA: (Gabby) Actually, I think I look cuter . . .
>"Calm down.I think that yellow creature did it."
>"How do we fix it?!?!?!?! I can't stay a guy!"
>>"Aphrodite said we have to get to her main temple. All the way back home."
MIKE: Oh yeah, they're in INDIA.
ALL: Ohhhh, THAT explains it.
CROW: Well, Joxer and Auto seemed to find their way to India easily, why shouldn't they be able to make it back to Greece?
>"Arggggggg!!!! That'll take weeks!!!!"
>>"I know. You have to help me here. We have to get everyone back alive."
>>"Okay. But can I still carry my quarterstaff?"
SERVO: (Xena) Yeah, store it in your as-- I mean, of course you can!
JESSICA: (Gabby) On second thought I think I'll throw it into a river, then I'll get hung on a cross, how does that sound?
>"Yes."
>>The next hour or so was total chaos at the small clearing. Everyone woke up to find themselves in a different body. The minds >and personalities of Jesse and James were dismayed to find that they would be stuck in acient times for at least three months.
>>"So let me see if I got this straigth.
CROW: (Robert Easton a la Giant Spider Invasion) Have you been hitting the ale again, Gab?
>Autolocus is in my body......."
>>"I always wanted to get in you but I didn't mean like this."
ALL: Ack!
MIKE: Autolycus, that was uncalled for. I'm certain Joxer woulda pounced on him for that comment.
>"That's enough penut galery. Where was I? Oh yeah. Jesse is in Xena's body,
>Xena's in Autolocus, James is in Joxer,
SERVO: Not much of a change, is it? (all snicker)
>Joxer is in Jesse and I'm in James,
JESSICA: Hey, cool, if Gabby and Joxer get together in this 'fic, Joxer as Jessie will be kissing Gabby as James.
CROW: That would be awkward.
>right?"
>>"Yea. The blonde got something. Prey scary, considering she's in James."
>>"Why I oughta..."
>>"You oughta what?"
>>"Look you two. We have to travel together for at least a couple of months, then work on curing ourselves. If you are going to >fight the whole way, I might as well tie you hands and gag you now."
MIKE: (James) Seems like an afternoon with Jessie anyway.
>"Sorry. We'll behave."
SERVO: I think Jessie and James are shy, that's why they don't include their names and actions in the narrations.
ALL: (various cooing sounds) Come on out, we'll be nice. -whistle- come on . . .
>"Okay. Aphrodite said we have to get back to Greece.
JESSICA: (Xena, or whoever) And then we needed to do the twist. I think she's losing it.
>The fastest way
CROW: The fastest way to one point from another is a straight line.
>is by boat. Therefore, we need to get to the beach and find a town with a port. To
>keep up appearances, we need to answer to the bodies' names. Jesse, from what
>I've seen, you're pretty dominant so playing me won't be a problem.
SERVO: Jessie later thought dominitrix leather was really cool and wore it from that day on.
>You will need to carry my weapons though. But DO NOT TOUCH THEM!!!!!!
CROW: If the capitalization doesn't clue Jessie in, then the exclamation marks will.
>I should have no problem acting as Autolocus seeing how all he is (hm how should I put this?)
>is an arrogant, self-centered man."
JESSICA: But it's fun!
>"Do you mind! I'm not that bad."
MIKE: (Autolycus) If I remember correctly, I think someone was hinting that she liked me last season . . .
CROW: Xena did no such thing!
MIKE: Oh yeah? What about that one episode where they went up against the guy who killed Auto's brother? Hm?
CROW: Oh, just shut up, Nelson.
>"Autolocus, shut up. Your role will be the hardest, cuz you have to be
>Gabrielle. You've spent some time with us so you know how to act. Gabrielle,
>no one knows James so it doesn't matter how you act."
SERVO: Act like a dumbass. Basically, act like Joxer, only more gay.
(Jessica raises her hand to hit him, but then she realizes he was right and puts it back down)
>"It does too! She can't be acting all girlie! What if we're stuck here after
>we get switched back to normal? I don't want a bad rep!"
MIKE: Poor James, he's so disillusioned.
>"Okay, Gabrielle, act male.
JESSICA: (Gabby) So I scratch myself a lot, right.
THE GUYS: Hey!
>Joxer, just act female,
CROW: Oh, I feel sorry for him. He hasta be the least femmy guy I've ever seen.
SERVO: No more boasting and singing and self-disillusionment.
MIKE: Wait, it shouldn't be that hard! Jessica does that all the time and she's a girl.
JESSICA: Hey!
SERVO: I think she's more masculine than feminine, so she doesn't count.
JESSICA: I'm gonna cry!
>as no one knows Jesse either."
CROW: (Jessie) Just hit James in the head a lot and put him down once every five seconds.
>"Can do!"
>>"James, Joxer is a bumbling idiot.
ALL: (Joxer) I am not! *I'M* Joxer the Mighty!!!
>Since Jesse already considers you one, I'm
>assuming it won't be difficult to play Joxer."
MIKE: I see no flaw in that statement.
>The group set out. It took everyone, including Xena<Auotolcus>,
SERVO: I have a feeling a state of confusion is gonna bombard us soon.
>several hours to get used to their new bodies.
JESSICA: Everyone kept falling on each other, groping their own bodies.
CROW: They REALLY went nowhere fast.
>For the most part, they weren't walking,
>they were stumbling.
MIKE: It was probably a really dumb idea to get hammered after they received new bodies.
>As they reached another clearing,
SERVO: They discovered they really had to pee.
JESSICA: And that Gabby gets really sick really easy.
>Xena<Autolocus> heard someone humming up ahead.
>>"Everyone wait here. I'll go check it out."
>>When Xena<Autolocus> walked into the clearing, the first thing she/he
CROW: Good call, Servo. That she/he thing totally lost me there. So this is XENA in AUTO's body . . .?
>saw was Aphrodite. She was walking around the clearing, smelling the flowers.
MIKE: (Aphrodite) Like, even though I'm a totally gorgeous goddess-babe, I still think, like, everyone should stop and smell the pretty flowers.
SERVO: (man like in "Bitter Suite") Words of wisdom, 'Dite said:
JESSICA: ('Dite like Ares a la "Bitter Suite") "When in love, act like an airhead."
>Suddenly she looked up and saw Xena<Autolocus>.
>"What's new Xena?
CROW: (Aphrodite) Ooo, I see THAT's new. Male hormones are hard to control, aren't they, babe?
>I thought of a temple of mine that's closer.
MIKE: (Aphrodite) It's, like, in the land of the rising sun.
SERVO: (Xena, threat exaggerated) What does THAT mean . . .
MIKE: (Aphrodite) Like, uh, I dunno. Go ask the new kids.
>And I guess it'll have to do, seeing as how you don't want to take 5 rookies all the way
>to Greece."
JESSICA: Rookies? The hell? Are they baseball players? She doesn't want to send them to the major leagues too soon?
CROW: Come now, you must have more faith, Xena. Scoff, look who I'm talking to.
>The tall blonde in a revealing pink dress thought a moment.
MIKE: (drool)
SERVO: Yo, Mike, snap out of it.
MIKE: Huh? What?
SERVO: Aphrodite really put a spell on you.
MIKE: Y'know what she wears? A pink, see-through robe with panties and a bra underneath ONLY.
THE GUYS: (drool)
>"And I'll even be nice enough to get you most of the way there.
CROW: Oh, she's so nice. Now why doesn't she go fix all those love problems she caused?
>I'll put you within 20 miles of a port city on the Mediterranean.
JESSICA: Notice Amber's vague placement of locations . . .
OTHERS: Oooo . . . ah . . .
MIKE: WHERE? There are quite a few places on the Mediterranean coast. There's Asia Minor, Greece, Italy, Africa, France, Spain, Portugal . . . I think Portugal is . . . Basically, there are a lot of places.
>From there, sail to the Isle of Love.
CROW: Cyprus?
SERVO: And then you must have a big org--
JESSICA: No, Servo.
CROW: Any relation to the Satellite of Love?
>It's my own personal island.
MIKE: (Aphrodite) Like, I bought it from this super geeky real estate agent. Then I learned, like, he cheated me on the basement costs and, like, stuff that daddy took care of.
>Complete with temple.
CROW: (Aphrodite) So, like, I can worship myself.
>I'll go ahead and tell the priestesses there about your predicament. They'll help you
>when and if you get there.
>>"Thanks. I'm glad I don't have to spend several months in a guys body. I keep
>getting the strangest urges!"
ALL: Augh!
JESSICA: It was BOUND to happen. This IS Amber, after all.
OTHERS: (nod in agreement)
>"Its a side effect.
SERVO: (Aphrodite) And you're gonna continue to have them even after you get your own body back.
>And I'll send you as soon as I leave. Make sure everyone
>is holding hands so you don't get seperated in transit. Ta-ta!" The beautiful
>goddess dissapeared in a pink cloud at her snap.
>>Xena<Autolocus> rushed back to her charges. "Everybody hold hands! Now!"
JESSICA: (Gabby in James' body) Joxer! That is not my hand!
CROW: (giggles lewdly)
>Just after everyone had finished scrambling to do Xena<Autolocus>'s biding,
>they were lifted into the air. They were transported at just under the speed
>of so sound
MIKE: Does that mean they made a sonic boom?
SERVO: (peasant) Woah, was that XENA who just zoomed by?
>to a small meadow about 15 miles from their destination.
CROW: (Xena, whiny) But I thought you said TWENTY miles!
>As soon as they landed, Xena<Autolocus>, Jesse<Xena>, Autolocus<Gabrielle>,
>andJames<Joxer>
JESSICA: Okay, lemme see. Xena in Auto's body, Auto in Gabby, James in Joxer . . .
>had to run to the bushes. This was due to the fact that only
>Jesse's and James's original bodies had ever flown before.
>It was quite a while before the group could get moving again.
>>The small entourage had just gotten started again when a large group of
>things attacked. They were Deadites,
ALL: DEADITES? No! No! Illegal!
MIKE: Where did they come from?
SERVO: Why are they there?
JESSICA: I have a feeling this was influenced by a certain redhead . . .
CROW: Lucy?
JESSICA: No, baka! Kasey!
>tall zombies under the employ of Dahok.
ALL: DAHAK!
MIKE: Geez, just have HOPE and her SON leap out while you're at it!
JESSICA: And why not the original Iolaus, and Callisto!
SERVO: You can't leave out Velasca!
CROW: Nor Ephany!
MIKE: Who else died that we can send out . . .
>Their skin was a pale white and their eyes were devoid of life.
JESSICA: Oh, yes, definitely Kasey's doing. She probably even wrote that sentence herself.
CROW: I don't want to meet Kasey . . .
JESSICA: (mumble) It's probably for the best.
>Everyone that did not have weapons on their person grabbed branches, and prepared to fight.
MIKE: And for trouble.
SERVO: You had better make that double.
>When the first zombie to approch Joxer<Jesse> got near, he/she tentatively
>poked it with his/her stick. "Get away! I hate dead people."
JESSICA: Why do I have a feeling Kasey wrote that, too . . . JOXERPHOBES GO HOME!
>To Joxer<Jesse>'s surprise, the creature actually did go away. The instant it
>touched the stick, it erupted into a column of flame.
CROW: He had discovered Jessie's rocket launcher stuffed somewhere in his skirt.
>On the other side of the clearing, however, Xena<Autolocus> was having a few problems.
>>"Darn it! If just getting touched by a stick kills them, why won't this
>sword?"
MIKE: The Deadites never ate their vegetables.
>"Xena!" our fav sidekick yelled. "They die when they touch something organic!
SERVO: Leave it to dear, sweet Gabby.
>Human flesh, wood, animal hair, anything!"
JESSICA: They do not! You hafta chop them into several pieces, best if the pieces are far apart from each other, else they'll return to their original form.
>As Xena<Autolocus> thought about this revelation,
CROW: Then she realized what bull it was and decided to leave the 'fic. The end.
>a plan quickly formed in her mind.
SERVO: (Xena) Why don't I just throw fruit at it. Or touch it with my hand. Better yet, throw Joxer at them!
>To put her/his plan into action, she/he started yelling.
MIKE: And she needed a paper clip, a piece of gum and an acorn . . .
JESSICA: Xena *is* McGuyver.
>"Gabbi! Toss me your quarterstaff! Joxer, get over here!!"
>Xena<Autolocus caught the quarterstaff seconds before Joxer<Jesse> stood
>before her/him.
CROW: And true to his nature, he somehow stumbled into the staff.
MIKE: (Joxer) D'oh! That's gonna leave a mark.
SERVO: (Jessie) My body!!!!!
>Without warning Xena<Autolocus> shoved the staff into the
>unsuspecting chesst of Joxer<Jesse>.
MIKE: (Jessie) Xena! No touching my chest!
>The force of the blow sent him/her reeling backwards. By the time Joxer<Jesse> finally fell down, half the Deadites had >erupted into flame.
JESSICA: Well, that's me Joxy.
CROW: So exciting! Ve-in! Ve-in! Kill the Deadites in the most *exciting* way I've ever seen!
SERVO: Let Bosco and applesauce flow freely!
MIKE: I don't feel good . . .
>The other half stoppped rushing the humans
>and instead, ran in terror.
JESSICA: They recognized Auto also as the man who can whip their asses.
>"Wow! I killed half of 'em!!! I am the man!" As soon as Joxer<Jesse> realized
>that the remains of several dozen Deadites surounded him/her, his/her head
>started swelling.
MIKE: That's what ear infections can do to you.
>" Joxer the mighty, he killed a bunch of guys, everybody
>wanted to hide, But Joxer the mighty, he found 'em all out......owwwwwww!!!!"
CROW: He stepped on a porcupine while doing a victory dance.
>Gabbriele<James>,
ALL: "GABRIELLE"!
>who had by this time retrieved her/his quarterstaff,
SERVO: (Gabby) Eww, Joxer germs! Ew!
>had had just about enough of that song. As soon as Joxer<Jesse> started singing
>it, Gabbrielle<James> smacked Joxer<Jesse> as hard as she/he could.
MIKE: My head is starting to hurt again.
(all throw TYENOL at him)
JESSICA: Don't want him to turn into Tuxie-Mike again . . .
>"Look, everyone. can we get going? We need to get to the nearest port so if
>we want to get there before midnight, can we get going!!!" Go
>Autolocus<Gabbrielle>. He managed to sound winey and forceful at the same
>time! He/she must feel special.
SERVO: Go Amber! She managed to confuse and confound two 'Bots and two humans at the same time! She must feel stupid.
>Well, Autolocus<Gabbrielle> was wrong.
CROW: Condoms DON'T always stop pregnancy.
>Even thugh they started out immediatly
>at his/her remark, the small group didn't get into town untill the next
>morning.
MIKE: And you know why? Because the small group beat the stuffing out of him for being so bossy.
>They dragged thir weary bodies into the first inn they saw. At
>three-ish, they finally were all conscious.
JESSICA: Well, of course. That's the time Designing Women are on. They like Designing Women.
SERVO: That was interesting, Jessica.
JESSICA: _I_ watch Designing Women, then Golden Girls, all this just to watch Sailor Moon, make fun of Sailor Moon, then I watch Reboot and try to figure out just what the hell is happening!
SERVO: Jessica's afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
JESSICA: (sobbing) I have no life! I have no life!
>Everyone sat down at the local tavern. Autolocus<Gabbrielle>,
>Xena<Autolocus>, and Jesse<Xena> all ordered the strongest drinks available.
>Gabbrielle<James> and Joxer<Jesse> ordered ale and while James<Joxer> ordered
>milk.
MIKE: So . . . Auto in Gabby, Xena in Auto and Jessie in Xena all get real drunk, while Gabby in James and Joxer in Jessie get slightly drunk and James in Joxer gets milk and cookies?
CROW: James gets drunk on life, why does he need alcohol?
JESSICA: What's stronger than ALE in ancient Greece?
SERVO: Wine?
JESSICA: I need to study on that.
MIKE: (announcer voice) The history of booze, on the next History's Mysteries.
>As they all nursed their drinks,
CROW: (Gabby) I can't believe we injured such innocent drinks!
JESSICA: (Joxer) Mine needs an ale transfusion! -burp- I accidentally drank my patient.
>our heroes discussed the game plan.
SERVO: (Xena) Okay, Joxer, you hang back. WAY back. James, you stand behind me and when I say thirty-two five hut! I'll throw you the ball and you pass it to Auto. 'Kay? Break!
>The town
>they were at was only a few days boat trip from the Isle of Love.
MIKE: I can't wait till they reach this Isle of Love. -nudgenudge-
OTHERS: Ew!
MIKE: C'mon, if I hadn't said it, one of you woulda!
>The next
>several weeks of weather were supposed to be clear,
CROW: They got this from their local weather oracle.
>so they could sail
>anytime.
JESSICA: (Xena) I say the best time is LOW tide!
SERVO: Miss Amber doesn't know much about sailing, does she?
MIKE: The boat they take'll probably have a motor or something.
>Xena<Autolocus> had already procured a boat for them to use.
CROW: "PROCURED" a boat? Someone's been using the thesaurus.
>"Xena, er...Autolocus.....whatever. I hate boats!!!"
JESSICA: (Gabby) My village was attacked by a whole band of boats!
>"Look Gabrielle, if you want to swim through nearly 70 miles of ell infested
>waters, be my guest. If you rather live, you'll go by boat."
SERVO: Oooo, I hate "ells", too! They're slimy and icky and crawl all over you!
MIKE: Yeah and they have those claws to pinch your toes and those spiked tails to jab ya with.
CROW: And don't forget, the horns on their heads can cure ALL diseases!
>"Fine. But I still hate boats!"
JESSICA: (Gabby) Did I mention a boat once ate my older brother Jim . . . seus . . .
>The group decided to man the boat themselves. It would be harder, but in some
>ways, faster.
SERVO: As if Jessie and James would help out.
MIKE: Not only would it be faster, but they would also get blisters and calluses, and those lucky dogs will have the sorest backs in all of history!
CROW: They could stop at Phaecia and order one of those self-piloting boats.
>They would leave Spillsbury (that being the name of the town)
JESSICA: The town mascot is the Spillsbury Dough Boy.
SERVO: Otherwise known as Spoppin' Fresh.
>tomorrow and be at the Isle of Love in a few days.
MIKE: And then the lovin'.
CROW: Mike!
MIKE: What?
CROW: You're being oddly perverted.
MIKE: What, are you guys the only ones that can do it?
JESSICA, SERVO & CROW: Yes!
MIKE: I'll show you, I'll make the grossest comment you've ever seen!
>That night, the effects of the alcohol hit everyone.
SERVO: So they frittered away a whole afternoon drinking booze and milk?
>Because the bodies that
>everyone was in, the alcohol affected them differently than they had thought
>it would.
JESSICA: At least Amber's got ONE thing right.
>Jesse<Xena> and Xena<Autolocus> were fine, as their bodies were
>completely used to hard alcohol.
CROW: They often drank together. They also often slept together. They wondered why.
MIKE: Grrrr . . .
>Joxer and Gabby had never had anything
>strong to drink in their lives so Autolocus<Gabbrielle> and James<Joxer> both
>ended up with killer hangovers.
SERVO: You're kidding me! Haven't you ever seen "The Quill is Mightier?" Joxer drank mug after mug and he invented the first beer hat and nearly drowned as he tried to drink the ale as it poured from the ceiling.
JESSICA: Wait, what does the tavern do? Put alcohol in the MILK?
MIKE: That's right, James was drinking milk.
CROW: (tavern owner) I can't have customers getting sober, I must thin the milk with booze.
>Gabbrielle<James> and Joxer<Jesse> didn't
>even get drunk on their ale, much less get hangovers.
SERVO: So she's implying that James and Jessie drink a lot, therefore their bodies wouldn't be affected?
JESSICA: They're only SEVENTEEN.
>By the time Xena<Autolocus> rousted everyone out of bed,
MIKE: Xena's not very nice, she drove everyone out of their beds.
CROW: In Amber's world, with a cattle prod.
>the only one still
>suffering was Autolocus<Gabbrielle>. Gabbrielle<James> and Joxer<Jesse>
>craved something,
MIKE: Hehe-- huh--
OTHERS: STOP!!!
MIKE: Son of a --- how'd you know?
JESSICA: You don't have a very good poker face.
>but seeing as how coffeee hadn't been invented yet, didn't
>know what.
SERVO: Well, I thought Amber would have it there anyway.
JESSICA: Well, they could always screw around, that will wake them up.
MIKE: You took my perverted joke!
JESSICA: And you didn't see it coming, right? You need to learn the "hentai face" the poker face of perverts.
SERVO: Crow and I know it.
MIKE: You're ROBOTS you have no facial expressions.
CROW: And you can never see when we're about to make a perverted joke, now can you?
>As soon as everyone ate breakfast, the entourage got on its way.
SERVO: (Joxer) What does a "entourage" do, Gabby?
CROW: (Gabby) Sigh, Joxer, you're such an idiot. Entourages . . . entourage . . .
SERVO: (Joxer) Oh . . . huh?
>The trooped
>their way to the pier, where the boat was docked.
JESSICA: (Xena, in marching song voice) I don't know what you've been told, but tape sure does make your cleavage hold!
>The small boat was named
>The Fluke.
MIKE: Oh ho, I see something here. And it's going to hurt, isn't it?
OTHERS: Uh-huh.
>She was old and decrepit,
CROW: Amber sure is fond of that thesaurus.
>covered with barnacles.
SERVO: Oh, barnacles, don't you put that on salads?
JESSICA: I think you're talking about Bacon-Bits?
SERVO: There's a difference?
JESSICA: Thouché!
>"Hey Xena? Did you have to get the worst boat?! I mean, it doesn't even have
>an engine!!!"
>>"Jesse, what's an engine?"
MIKE: Amber shocked me again. I was *sure* she would make the boat have an engine!
>"Never mind."
>>There was a stack of provisions in front of the boat.
CROW: (Xena) Fake hair, bust increaser creme, more fake hair . . .
>Xena<Autolocus> had
>ordered them from various merchants around town.
JESSICA: Using the JC Penny catalogue.
SERVO: I wouldn't be surprised.
MIKE: And Joxer got a sensible pair of slacks.
CROW: And Gabby finally got a shirt suitable for her "innocence".
>The group started loading
>the stuff onboard. Loading it all took half the day.
JESSICA: Why did they get so many provisions? Were the merchants having a Two-fer-Tuesday sale?
SERVO: They didn't know how long it would take to reach the "IoL," Aphrodite said, "Just, like, travel East, or West, which ever you want, and, like, when you come across an Island, there ya are! I'm adie!"
>Of course, the group was
>hindered by JoxerJesse> and James<Joxer> constantly whining.
MIKE: No, Joxer doesn't whine, Joxer trips and spills all their provisions into the ocean.
CROW: And Jessie would be sitting on her butt doing her nails.
>The Fluke finally got underway at one.
JESSICA: Around one, they think, no one knew how to read a sundial.
SERVO: (Jessie) Geez, I wish the digital age would come soon. Like, next week.
>The instant she hit open water,
MIKE: The Fluke crashed and everyone died, the end.
>everyone sat down for lunch. After much heated debate,
CROW: They decided that Pikachu IS cuter than Togepi.
JESSICA: That didn't go without bloodshed, of course.
>they agreed apon their
>positions onboard The Fluke.
SERVO: Xena was in the crow's nest, Joxer was stuck on the rudder, James was hanging from the sail, Jessie was asleep on a bed, Autolycus was by the main mast, and Gabrielle was rowing the boat.
>Xena<Autolocus> would be captain.
>Autolocus<Gabbrielle> settled for being helmsmen.
JESSICA: Killing them all.
>Gabbrielle<James> agreed to
>take on Joxer<Jesse> as her helper in the galley.
MIKE: No, THAT'S killing them all!
>Since Jesse<Xena> and
>James<Joxer> hadn't sailed in anything without an engine before, they got put
>in charge of cleanup and odd jobs.
CROW: When the sail ripped, they were used to patch the hole!
<However, that was all to change.........
SERVO: It's done!
JESSICA: It is?
SERVO: There's no more!
JESSICA: A cliffhanger ending? Wow . . . And I'm not hanging onto a cliff.
CROW: Well, at least I got to see Xena and her bustin' out bust!
JESSICA: Sigh~ Joxer . . .
(all exeunt, then Mike's voice floats in . . .)
MIKE: Wait! I forgot about my really good perverted joke!
(Mike runs back into the theater and inhales deeply)
JESSICA: No!
(Jessica runs in with a clown mallet and bonks him on the head)
JESSICA: It's the end, Mike, live with it.
(drags him out)
MIKE: But . . . my joke . . . !
~*~*~*~*~*~
Cambot panned out taking in a view of Jessica, who had a tour guide-like hat on her head with a patch on it that said "IDAHO" and had an emblem on it. In her arms she held a lyre, (not the kind Joxer uses, but a true lyre), and she strummed on it, warming up with "Holy holy holy hole!" Next to her was Crow, wearing a snappy 'stache, much like Autolycus', and he held a guitar. Behind them was Mike, who held a base and wasn't wearing anything out of the ordinary, except for he had a large pin on his jump suit that read "'Dite Rules!" on it. And by him was Servo with an Amazon headband on and holding some drumsticks while sitting behind a drumset.
Jessica stopped strumming and shouted loudly, "Not since Pat Boone in a leather vest . . .!"
"Has there been anything THIS disgusting!" Servo finished, and he began to bang a snappy and fast beat on the drums.
Mike and Crow joined in with the guitars, playing a techno sounding, rap-like fastness riffs, if you understand my made-up musical jargon there. Once in awhile, Jessica came in on the lyre, but it's obvious she has no clue as to how to play it. Finally giving up on the ancient Grecian instrument, she broke into song.
"Did ya know that . . .
Xena and Callisto are all nymphs
Autolycus is the son of Hermes
Salmoneous was a sucky king
Gabrielle is a Jewish name
And that Joxer is a drunk Irish man in a play?
Iolaus was Hercules' nephew
Hercules killed his wife
Eris was a woman not a man named Strife?"
She paused and everyone began to play louder than before, adding interesting riffs stolen from songs, like the one from "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and the such. Then Mike picked up the lyrics.
"Echidna and Typhon are pissy
Fortuna is Roman and so is Bacchus
There were no vampire women called Bacchae
Yet there was a play!
Celesta was no god of the dead!
That was the blimy bloke Xanatos!
The Trojan War was held in at least 1186 B.C.
But yet a year before fighting in it herself
Xena boinked Emporer-aspiring Caesar?
Apparently it took less than twenty years
For Roman Ulysses to return home to Ithaca
And that Caesar died before meeting Cleopatra!"
He paused and Jessica quickly added on to that.
"And yet, she smooched on smooth Auto!"
Mike picked it up.
"And you can't forget the all-powerful Dahak
Who's temple, when destroyed, made Stonehenge!"
Jessica added on.
"That was during a battle against Caesar and dear Boadicea!"
There was a pause, and Mike was apparently going to continue on, but then Crow stepped in, singing over Mike's lyrics.
"And did you know sheep's bladder was used for CONDOMS!"
The music was immediately silenced as Servo yelled out a resounding, "TROJAN MAN!"
Mike grimaced and reprimanded, "Hey, you guys . . ."
"Come now, Mike," Jessica interrupted him, sounding matter-of-fact. "I know for a fact that that is historically correct!"
Mike shrugged and smiled. "Oh, well then, if it's correct." The music began again and he kept on singing.
"But after all this, even forgiving the Golden Hind fiasco
And the portrayal of Indian Gods
Pissing off a few Hindus
That didn't prepare us for . . ."
And all sang.
"Miss Amber!
In a few pages, she destroyed decency
Gabby's not all good, she has no tattoos
The consistency was blown to bits . . ."
"And POOF!" Crow exclaimed. "Joxer and Auto were suddenly there!"
Jessica continued on as the music slowed a bit.
"Pikachu, Pikachu, where did you come from?
Jessie and James, was quite a terrible plot
But wait and see what's next!"
MIKE:
"Lightning causes souls to switch!"
SERVO:
"James can get drunk off milk!"
CROW:
"Pikachu is off causing historical disaster!"
Jessica played a cord of "Joxer's Song" on her lyre and shouted, "And she didn't even get the Joxer Song right!"
Stopping the music entirely, Mike exclaimed, "Then legions of Deadites attacked!"
Crow and Servo, getting quite angry at this point, chanted darkly, "Deadites! Deadites! Stinkin' fricken Deadites!"
Then there was a long pause where no one continued to sing, or play music. They all stared around vaguely, dumfounded, and Jessica scratched under her Idaho hat. "That's all I know!" she suddenly announced.
Servo sobbed and stated, "It was so bad, I can't remember a thing!"
Mike smiled and said, "I remember Alexandra Tidings."
Jessica sighed and shrugged. "You wanna just dis Amber for a bit?"
"Okay!" the others agreed readily.
"And can we talk about Alexandra?" Mike asked hopefully.
"Sure, why not?" The girl cleared her throat and the music began again, and she sang, "Amber, Amber, what got IN your head?"
Crow shrugged, "She lives in Idaho, maybe that did her in!"
Mike played a whimsical cord and sang, "'Dite's cute and oh so lovely . . ."
"She's delicious and a blonde!" Servo added, equally as lust-struck.
Jessica scratched her head and added in song, "If you ask me, Amber must be related/ To Aphrodite, with blondness and ditziness all about!"
Crow played a harsh chord. "Can't we go to Idaho and hunt her down?"
Mike played a softer chord. "Can't we go to New Zealand and sniff her out?"
Jessica stopped playing the lyre again and considered this. "If I can maul Amber and glomp onto Good Ted?"
"Well, hey! What're we doing HERE for, then?" Servo hovered off his seat and threw down his drumsticks. "Let's go!" He hovers off, calling behind his shoulder, "We're going out for a bit, Gyps! Keep an eye on the satellite!"
From off to the side, Gypsy could be heard shouting, "Okey dokey!"
Mike followed behind the 'Bot, smiling goofily and drooling. "'Dite . . . 'Dite . . ."
Jessica ran ahead of him holding up her lyre and chanting loudly, "Joxer! Joxer! Joxer!"
Crow was left behind, struggling to get the guitar strap off his body. "Hey! Wait! Wait, you guys! I can't get the strap off! Ack! The amp line!" He tripped on the plug and fell with a remarkably loud crash onto Servo's drumset. He didn't notice the red button flashing and the communications screen flicker on to reveal Pearl.
CF:
The mad scientist held up a clipboard and was writing quickly. Behind her, as she wrote, Bobo and Observer, dressed up in fighting leathers, (Brain Guy's were blue and white!), and they were having an exciting and daring sword fight.
Pearl said aloud, "Bad Xena/ Team Rocket crossover makes humans and robots both sing a poorly written song, forget what they are singing about, then go on a murderous rampage while looking for love." She signed it and grinned evilly. Behind her, there was a choke-like sound coming from Bobo as Brain Guy accidentally plunged his broadsword into his abdomen. "There we go!" Not bothering to turn around, she held out the form behind her. "Brain Guy, send this off to Mister Tapert!" When no one responded, she turned around and saw him stare at the still body of the evolved ape. "Ooo!" she squealed, writing a "PS" on the form. "Fanfic also makes an Observer kill an oafish, talking ape." She began to cackle as she strolled over to the inter-dimensional computer. She set the form into the fax and she began to type madly away. "These new experiments are wonderful!" She paused to think. "But how am I gonna bring Bobo back from the dead?" She shrugged and began to type anew. "I'll ask Mister Tapert for the legendary 'Hercules' and 'Xena' loopholes that he uses in his shows." And with that she pushed "Enter", and this fanfic ends.
The End
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Boy, I just love Amber's imagination, don't you? She's the greatest gal. She's seen more Xena than Pokémon so she more than likely was able to write those characters more in a cinch. And she had Autolycus, sigh~ And Joxer! I am Joxina A, the Priestess of the Joxerism religion! (The "A" stands for "Annoying".) Anyway, how did this fanfic idea get started? Sure Kasey, aka, Maelstrom gave Amber the main idea, but it was me, Maelstrom and Justin that helped it along. I was talking about how weird crossovers can be, and I said, "I have yet to see a Xena/Pokémon crossover," 'coz I HAVE seen a Sailor Moon/Xena crossover. (My poor Joxer! With Usagi's mother!? NO!!) And after stating that, everyone got in a tizzy about it. I'm like: "That Pikachu belongs to Aphrodite not Ash like TR thought!" And Maelstrom said, "And Joxer tripped over it and it evolved into a Raichu and attacked him!" (She's a Joxer basher >.<) And I added, "SOMEhow it evolved into a Raichu!" "Oh, yeah, they need a stone to do that, right." And it went on like that, and the next day, I came running into Driver's Ed. because I was late, and Maelstrom was helping Amber with her story and she suggested the mind switching thing. About a month later, they met at the Public Library and Kasey suggested the Deadites. But Amber made up what is to come next, and let me tell you . . . it's . . . painful. To me at least, and it should be to you.
I'll leave you with this joke:
JOXER: Hey, Gabby, guess what your name is in Japanese?
GABBY: What?
JOXER: Gabubi! (Pronunciation: Gah-BOO-BEE ^_^)
GABBY: -SLAP!!!-
JOXER: Owie!!!!! But it IS!!!
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"Thanks. I'm glad I don't have to spend several months in a guys body. I keep
getting the strangest urges!"
© 1999, Jaimielée Rocket and Maelstrom
(Next "week's" episode:
"Episode Eleven: A hard road to walk alone & Last Days of Pokémon Tech,
Angie Gets Motion Sickness")