"The Satellite of 'Dite,
the Fanfic of Riffing of Other Fanfics"
By: Jaimielée Rocket and Maelstrom
EMAIL: jaimielee_rocket@hotmail.com
Disclaimer I: To whom this concerns, it belongs to you!
Smut: Uh~ debated
Violence: Hm~ debated
"Episode Eleven: A hard road to walk alone & Last Days of Pokémon Tech,
Angie Gets Motion Sickness"
Disclaimer II: Jessica and Cleo belong to me, Kasey belongs to Maelstrom and Angie belongs to She-wolf or Bardokmegami. Joel and the 'bots would go under Disclaimer number one along with Dr. F and TV's Frank. "A hard yaddayadda" belongs to icecube and Pokémon Tech story belongs to JessieRocket.
A Big Thanks: First is Verna. Your third fanfic. Hurry with part two of Julivanni! You have a great sense of humor and you're really really nice.
Second is JessieRocket. I'm gonna get emotional now. -ahem- You are the greatest person! You're so nice and . . . nice! You write me nice long e-mails and we mostly talk about MST3K than anything else, don't we? (I converted her, my job in life.) And your website is the first website I ever sent stories to, and fanart, and my "Tabs" and just about everything else. Now you send me a 'fic! You're wonderful. Ahh, there, my sappiness spills out.
Warning: The hard road story is, well . . . subjectional of James' . . . uh, orientation . . . I've had that 'fic, which is two pages long, stored off to the side for a MST3K-like "short" since it is short. And since JessieRocket's story is only three pages long, I'm like "Why not together?" Just my luck, they both have the longest titles . . . But, I debated heavily whether or not to let Jessica with Mike and the 'Bots read this so she could freak out. (With due course, her BF is being called fruity here!) Oh, if that stuff disgusts you, leave. But it is tastefully done, nothing happens, hell, if Verna hadn't hinted the genre of the 'fic in the Notes I probably wouldn't have figured it out until the sixth time I read it. (I'm dense, so sue me ^_^) Besides, I've read too many *alternative* Xena/Gabby and Joxer/any guy on "Xena" and "Hercules" 'fics to be disturbed very much by this. (The sickest of those, I'd have to say was the Xena and South Park xover, even though it was quite funny when Xena "chakramed" off that puppet teacher's hand, and the other was LOOOOOONG and called "Been There, NEVER Done That" and safe to say it was just, ick. It went by FAST. I skip over the sex scenes, so when I say it went by fast, you can determine how many things happened. Where do these people get these ideas? Why do I keep stumbling upon them? Why do I get terrible fascination and read them? I'm a perv in waiting, more than likely. Just as long as I skip over the icky parts, I know I'm safe, because some of those Joxer/Auto stories are kinda sweet . . . er, I'll shut up now . . . Joxy and Gabby all the way! ^_^;;)
~*~*~*~*~*~
On the bridge of the Satellite of Love, there sat three robots, one is purple and she is often known as Gypsy. One is red, and he is regularly called Tom Servo. The other is golden and most refer to him as Crow T. Robot, or just Crow. They all sat at the desk discussing something of the utmost importance.
"I dunno," Servo mumbled, considering what all the others told him. "I mean, they are all good reason, but I think I am right."
"No way!" Crow exclaimed, waving a claw. "That is terrible, it could kill anyone."
"I think mine is much better, and it is really good," Gypsy stated matter-of-factly in her fast voice.
Servo growled a little and said, "Just because my favorite song is from a cutsey anime doesn't make it evil! 'Lucky Lucky' is a wonderful song about happiness and the joy living!"
"It is not!" Crow protested vehemently. "It is nothing but a bunch of words stuck together with frivolous Pokémon names! How can you deny 'Ai wa Boomerang'! It is the flat-out best anime song there is!"
Gypsy snorted. " 'Love is a BOOMERANG?' Those lyrics aren't too difficult to figure out and it's sung by an empty-headed teen idol."
"Bof!" Crow sniffed derisively. "As if 'Hello Strange Days' ISN'T a sappy drivel of a song!"
Gypsy squealed in offense. "I don't have to take this! I gotta go fix dinner anyway." She turned and scurried off, singing loudly as if to annoy Crow, "Dareka ga mune de kane o narashi-teru!"
"Kurawu de mitsuketa Nyaasu na anoko, jiyuu shiyomo nee mumo nazonokusa (nazaonokusa)!!!" Servo sang after her.
Crow was about to get the last laugh by singing a snippet of his favorite song, but he then noticed the red button blinking on the series of three. He reached over and tapped it and asked, "Well, hiya, Doom and Gloom Twins!"
Deep 13:
"Well, how cute," Dr. F said sarcastically, giving a deep frown. "Get Joel and Angie on the bridge and get on with the invention exchange."
Satellite of Love:
"Oh, here I am, sirs!" Joel declared as he walked onto the bridge. "I was just getting ready for today's invention." His hair was combed nicely and he wore a nice tuxedo with a rose in the lapel.
"Ooo, snappy tux, Joel!" Servo praised as Crow whistled his amazement at the man's new good look.
"Why thanks!" he smiled. "I try. But, anyway, sirs, today's invention of ours we call the 'Spin-o-dance', for lack of a better title."
"It took us an hour to come up with that name," Crow announced, almost proudly, or with disgust, no one could really tell.
"Angie should be bringing it in soon," Joel continued. "You know when you watch movies and there are people slow-dancing and it cuts to POV mode and they're obviously on a spinning device as they standstill, like a merry-go-round. So we decided to take that technology and bring to the spin-happy folks at home! Angie, bring it in!"
A second later, she stumbled in carrying a large control panel and kicking an unseen object into the room, a crutch under her right arm, for her ankle was still aching, even after a week. She set the panel down in front of the 'Bots, and on it were a few glowing gizmos and a large lever. But the 'Bots were more enthralled with what Angie was wearing. She wore a purple velvet, sleeveless dress with a slit that was cut up past mid-thigh and a collar that was bunched together and clipped with a brooch that was covered in jewels. She wore her usual dream catcher earrings and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail with a string of pearls tied around it. "There ya go, Joel, so . . ." she smiled broadly, "let's get to slow dancin'!"
"All right!" He pointed down at the floor. "Angie just brought in the dais that will spin, and it is safely attached to a pedestal, and the speeds don't go so fast that a person of correct weight will go flying." He stepped on and held open his arms, waiting as Angie immediately dropped her crutch and hopped on, taking hold of one hand and her other she placed around his waist. "Okay, guys," Joel addressed Servo and Crow. "Start the Spin-o-dance!"
They fought a bit over who got to pull the lever, but they finally decided that both of them should pull it, and the 'Bots began the Spin-o-dance on low speed. Angie had a pleasant smile on her face and she was humming a little. Joel just grinned and tried not to topple off, or step on Angie's foot.
"This is boring," Crow finally commented. "All they do is spin and Angie hums consistently."
Servo shook his head sadly. "Joel looks like a dope. I think they're enjoying this too much."
"What? Are you suggesting that we break up the fun?"
"Sure, why not?"
Crow turned back to the control panel. "Okay, then. Let's put the speed on . . . medium?"
"Oh, that's not fun! Where's your sense of danger?"
"I think I left it in my other pants."
"Well, get it back and crank the speed up to high!" Servo began to make little acceleration noises, urging Crow on. Reluctantly, the gold 'Bot reached up, grabbed the lever and yanked it all the way down to the red area of the scale that was stickered next to the stick.
The engine of the Spin-o-dance sputtered a bit, scaring Angie into stop humming and causing Joel to look down in confusion. But they soon realized just what had happened as they began to spin faster and faster, and quite faster then they truly needed to be going. Angie blinked and she began to get rather pale. "I-- uh-- am getting kinda sick!"
Joel wasn't looking any better and he shouted, "Me, too! Turn the invention off!" Both he and Angie gripped each other close to keep from flying off, and vomiting all over the place. The Spin-o-dance, of course, didn't stop as soon as Joel had hoped, and that was because the 'Bots were gaining too much delight from watching the two humans in pain. But they soon began to feel a little, tiny bit bad for what they had done and they stopped the ride. As soon as they stopped, both Joel and Angie bolted off, heading for the bathroom, Joel covering his mouth and Angie spurring him on, her ankle miraculously healed.
Servo and Crow turned back to the screen and asked, "So, what do you think, sirs?"
D13:
"Good, but not good enough!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed. "Incidentally, our invention today also has to do with dancing. Only ours is much more ingenious and everyone will want one." He stood off to the side and held out his arms. "We call 'er the 'Dance-matic 3000'! Frank, bring her out!"
TV's Frank sauntered out with a rather cute woman on his arm. She had long, brown hair and wide, staring blue eyes. She wore a nice evening gown with crisscross straps in the back, but that didn't hide all the glowing buttons running just below her shoulder blades.
Frank stood in a position with the Dance-matic 3000 much like how Joel was standing with Angie. Dr. F came up behind the robotic woman and pointed at the buttons. "Imagine, you were just invited to a ball by the Queen of England, or the Dictator of Iraq, and you call hundreds of women, even ones you don't know, and they all blow you off. Well, now you have a nice little stand by! The Dance-matic 3000! Or you can call her 'Shirley'. She is programmed with all the latest and oldest dance steps, and her personal favorite is the fox trot." He pressed a few buttons and turned a dial, and Shirley and Frank began to do the afore mentioned dance.
Dr. F left them and stood in front of the communications screen. As he spoke more about his wonderful invention, the fox trot soon turned into a dance of doom for the poor assistant, for she began to fling him about as if he were no more than a doll. "She also does any form of waltz, she can do the monkey, she can also break dance, and we programmed that one dance you told us about, Angie, the macarana. She is charming, has impeccable table manners, and can speak ten foreign languages." He was suddenly interrupted by a fearful shriek from Frank. He glanced over his shoulder and saw as Shirley flung the white-haired man up into the air and up into the rafters. He didn't come back down. "Frank?" Dr. F called. "Frank!" He stood in front of the now-still Dance-matic 3000 and stared up to the ceiling. "Frank, get down here now!"
There was a pitiful sob from above, and Frank replied, "I'm stuck, Clayton! Help me down!"
The mad scientist sighed, and regarded the screen once more. "Joel, Angie, robots, this is going to take awhile. Meanwhile, why don't you enjoy today's experiment?" He held up a disk and he popped it into the Inter-Dimensional Computer. "First is a short by your friend and ours, icecube, otherwise known as Verna, titled 'A hard road to walk alone'. And second is a story about life and school, entitled 'Last Days of Pokémon Tech', by a miss JessieRocket. Enjoy!" He typed a few things and pressed "enter", ignoring the frantic sobs that were coming from above.
SoL:
Angie and Joel entered the bridge once more, still wearing their fancy clothes. The girl held a paper towel to her mouth, and she moaned, "Oh, that was so disgusting."
Joel ran a hand through his now-messy hair and glared at her. "There was no need to shove me away from the toilet."
She glared back at him. "It was either that or puke on your back, which did you want?"
The lights and klaxons began to go off and Angie and Joel kept arguing. Eventually, the 'Bots had to split them up, shouting, "Fight later, now we have fanfic sign!"
"Oh, great!" Angie yelled. "First I get sick and nearly vomited on myself, now I hafta read a 'FIC?!"
~*~*~*~*~*~
(all enter and sit in their usual seats, Crow the first, Joel the second, Servo the third and Angie the fourth)
SERVO: I wonder what "A hard road to walk alone" is all about.
ANGIE: Dr. F didn't say.
CROW: Maybe it's a fanfic about taking hikes.
JOEL: The lessons on how to hike. Use the buddy system, don't get eaten by a bear.
>Disclaimer:
>Characters not mine show not mine. Please don't sue.
SERVO: I think I should sue for such bad use of grammar!
ANGIE: (author) Please, don't, Sue. I don't want any more tea.
><<author's note>>
CROW: Ah, so this was originally a note that Verna passed to some guy in math class?
>Okay folks, this one is a real tear-jerker.
JOEL: Team Rocket must bully some tears around and act like real jerks.
>I don't know why exactly why I wrote this,
SERVO: (author) Maybe I smoked too much weed, I just don't know.
>just please don't kill me.
ANGIE: Well, there goes my elaborate plans of murder.
>I don't really think he's gay (although those bikini pics do raise some issues).
CROW: What's wrong with THAT? I enjoy wearing bikinis very much.
>It's just..this scene kept on playing over and over in my head
JOEL: I wonder what it would be like to be inside her fantasies.
SERVO: I would be afraid. Very afraid.
ANGIE: Yeah, she might have you hump a laser or something.
SERVO: Oh, God, don't mention that!
>and it's 1:20 a.m. and I was like: "screw it!"
CROW: She's playing a game of truth or dare with herself.
JOEL: Maybe she was telling her pet cat to screw around with her personal laser gun.
ANGIE: Okay, no more laser jokes, this isn't even the right fanfic.
CROW: But the laser jokes are so fun, though!
>but it won't go away so I'm hoping that writing it will make it go away. Thankyou. (Forrest >Gump Voice): And thayat's all I hafta say about that.
SERVO: (Forrest Gump) Now, y'all excyuse me while I go hump a laser!
THE GUYS: (LOL)
ANGIE: Stop it! That was just sick and wrong!
JOEL: Okay, that's the last one, I promise.
'BOTS: Yeah, the last one. (snicker)
>"A hard road to walk alone"
>By Verna
CROW: One of the coolest gals I had the pleasure to read.
SERVO: She's a nut. A nut with extra salt.
ANGIE: I think I'm a cashew. Or a pistachio, I can't decide.
> James leapt gracefully off his bike
ALL: Wheeeee . . .
JOEL: He's practicing the bike vault for the Olympics.
>and parked it.
CROW: Parallel parking a bike is what I flunked in driver's ed.
>One of the training wheels wobbled and he bent over to tighten the bolt.
SERVO: In those tight leather pants? He'd better be careful, he might give himself a hernia.
ANGIE: He did, however, provide an excellent sight for any girls who happened to be passing by.
> "Jessie, do you have a screwdriver?"
JOEL: (Jessie) I dunno, was that an invitation?
> "Sure thing,
CROW: (Jessie) You like orange juice in your Screwdriver, don't you?
ANGIE: (LOL) Screwdriver! Make it hard! -snort- (laughs hysterically for awhile)
>li'l Jim!"
SERVO: Ooo, what an awful nickname to have for a man!
>Jessie winked at him and hopped off her bike as well.
JOEL: Unfortunately, Jessie can't do two things at once, and she fell into a ditch, breaking her neck. The end.
> "Oooo... go Li'l Jim!" Some of the bikers hollered after them.
CROW: (bikers) Screw that bolt in real nice and tight! Good, good! Go!
>"Look at 'em! Didn't I tell ya! Such a perfect couple."
ANGIE: That's what I like most about bikers. While scaring the beejeebees outta people, they still can be romantic at heart.
> The blue-haired teenager stiffened.
SERVO: James! Not in front of everyone!
JOEL: Jessie musta used too much starch on him while washing him.
>He began to look very uncomfortable.
CROW: Well, I would too if I had just *stiffened* in front of a large group of people.
ANGIE: (James) Oh, God, I gotta PEE!
> Jessie blinked and put a hand on his shoulder.
SERVO: (Jessie) I'm momentarily blind! Lead me, Li'l Jim.
>"James, what's wrong?"
JOEL: (James) I just stiffened and I'm wearing leather pants!
ANGIE: Those jokes are just as bad as the laser jokes, knock it off.
SERVO: You are so no fun! Verna wouldn't care!
CROW: Maybe we should jettison Angie out into space and get Verna on the satellite.
SERVO: That would be so cool!
ANGIE: (sniffling) You guys, -sniff- don't like me?
JOEL: Aww, don't worry, I would miss ya if they shot you into space.
ANGIE: (hearts reflecting in eyes) Really? Sigh~ You're so nice . . .
> Her best friend shrugged away from her and got back on his bike. He mumbled something >to himself.
> "What?"
SERVO: (James) I said, "I really need to get a bike seat, it hurts sitting on a pipe."
> "I'll tell you later." He promised.
CROW: But James promised a lot of things, and never came through.
ANGIE: Jessie's still waiting for the kidney he promised her.
> The red-haired chick shrugged.
JOEL: Oh no! A wizard changed Jessie into a baby chicken!
SERVO: Maybe she'll turn into a Moltres and terrorize people.
CROW: But surely Gamera will stop her! Ha!
ANGIE: That would be so cool if Gamera or Godzilla came and ate all the Pokémon.
JOEL: He can't eat Vulpix, though.
SERVO: No, Vulpix is too cool.
> ***
CROW: Well, here comes Gamera now! With Godzilla and Mothra!
JOEL: It's a regular monster bash!
SERVO: Step on Pikachu first, ya know you want to.
>(time passes)
ANGIE: How time passes when reading crappy fanfics.
CROW: Oh, great, now when we leave the theater will it be the year 2370 or something?
>> "So...it's later.
JOEL: (Jessie) As I determined from the last sentence.
>And we're alone. So are you going to tell me?" Jessie smiled. They were on a cliff on the >outskirts of town, staring out at the water.
SERVO: Poor Jessie, she doesn't realize James only brought her up there to shove her off.
> James sighed his trademark haughty rich-kid sigh and looked out over the river.
ANGIE: Don't even THINK about using that trademarked sigh! James will sue you for all your worth!
>"You think they'll ever finish the bridge, Jessie?" He started out.
CROW: (Jessie) What the hell! Here I thought you were going to say something important!
> It was a safe enough topic.
JOEL: The topic surely wouldn't kill them, or even hurt them. It had no sharp corners, either.
>The girl shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. Well, proabbly not-it's too far. Besides, we're in the >Sunnytown Bridge Bike gang. We don't need cars. What would be the point?"
SERVO: It would certainly cut down on all that pollution.
ANGIE: Jessie just dashed all of James' hopes. His whole life was centered on that bridge being finished.
> What would be the point of telling her? He had to tell someone. He needed to get it off >his chest. But would he lose her if he did? He wasn't sure.
> "Jessie."
> "Mmm?"
CROW: (James) I think they WILL finish the bridge and that cars DO have points.
JOEL: (Jessie) You jerk! I'm leaving! You so totally lost me, James!
> "We're...friends, aren't we?"
SERVO: (Jessie) No! Wherever did you pick THAT up, James?
> "Of course, James." She said his name.
ANGIE: MARVEL as she said his name!
ALL: Oooo . . . awwww . . .
>Not idiot, or moron, but James. She was being careful. Or maybe he was just paranoid.
CROW: He truly didn't mean what he said about going back to Pokémon Tech and blowing everyone up with pipe bombs, did he?
> "And... if I told you something horrible about me... something completely and absolutely... >oh... forget it! I can't say it!" He hid his face in his arms.
JOEL: Well, if you were about to say that you were going to take a nap, all you needed to say is that you were going to!
> The redhead's eyes watered. "James..."
SERVO: (Jessie) Someone's cutting hay nearby, aren't they? My sinuses are acting up.
>She pulled him into a hug. "Shh... I think I know what's bothering you. It's really okay, really it >is. I sort-of guessed."
ANGIE: (Jessie) You got stiffened while in front of the guys, didn't you?
THE GUYS: Hey!
CROW: You said we couldn't say anymore of those jokes!
ANGIE: I never got a chance to make one, though!
> "Is it really that obvious?"
ALL: (perverted snickers)
>His voice was muffled in the folds of her shirt.
> In many ways it was obvious, for some reason it always had been to her. Others probably >couldn't tell, but she and James had gone to school together, heck-they'd flunked out of school >together.
JOEL: They even took baths together!
>She knew him better than he knew himself. That was why she always felt so... comfortable >being his best friend.
> They dressed up the same, talked in unison, hugged one another-laughed and planned >together.
CROW: They slept together. Who cares, get to the point!
>They were like... brother and sister in a way.
ANGIE: That would be kinda funny if it turned out that Jessie and James WERE actually brother and sister.
SERVO: All those poor Rocketshippers would be vomiting all over the place.
JOEL: Oh, that little detail wouldn't stop the Japanese from having them sleep together if they really wanted them to.
CROW: That's true!
> Jessie thought about it for a while. It wasn't that obvious, really. She seemed to be the >only one who really knew him-maybe that was why she could tell.
ANGIE: This is so confusing! What is she talking about?
SERVO: Maybe she's the only one that knows James dyes his hair.
JOEL: He's probably asking if his roots are that obvious.
>"Not... really," she began. "Most of the guys," (there were no girls other than Jessie in the gang >at the time),
CROW: Well, that's a useful bit of knowledge to know for future reference.
>"think that we're a couple...." It suddenly came to her this was not the most tactful thing to say.
> His face became serious. "Do you want us to be?"
ANGIE: (Jessie) You mean we weren't before?
SERVO: (James) I dunno, that's what I came to ask you!
> The redhead blinked. It was just like James to say something like that. He was so into >seeking approval from everyone, especially her.
JOEL: He did that so she wouldn't hit him with her mallet.
>"I... don't think so."
CROW: (Jessie) Unless if YOU want to, of course.
ANGIE: And this conversation just sort of pitters on like that.
> At this point his speech became
SERVO: . . . long and dull, putting everyone to sleep.
JOEL: Sure does make me wanna go to sleep.
>became unintelligible again, so she just hugged him and stroked his shoulder length blue hair. I >guess you could call it mauve, but he got touchy if you called it that. Because, of course, mauve >went with pink and... pink. Oh my.
CROW: That's when an angry mob stormed icecube's house.
ANGIE: Pink goes with white, or red, black and certain shades of blue and purple.
> She considered his situation objectively.
JOEL: Could she use this new info for her own material wealth and gain?
>He had a tough reputation, of sorts, and he was always hanging around her. She supposed that >if he wanted, he never really had to come out.
SERVO: He could always stay in his room for the rest of his life, living in psychotic seclusion.
>She sighed against his hair and patted his back.
CROW: He then burped.
>How long had he been keeping it in,
CROW: I dunno, since lunch, maybe.
>not telling anyone? Rumor was his parents had wanted him to marry a family friend, that's why >he ran away. She's never asked, though. If he ever wanted to tell her, he would.
> "It's a hard road to walk down alone,
ALL: Hey! Ahhh~
>but I'll be there with you. It's okay." How lame was that> 'It's okay?' Oh, well. James could >be a little lame sometimes. Jessie wasn't exactly practiced in the art of comfort, but it seemed >the right thing to say.
SERVO: I didn't know comfort was an art.
ANGIE: It's not very well known, only about ten people can do it.
JOEL: It's a dying art.
CROW: Maybe we should hold a telethon to save it.
> When he finally stopped crying, she gently pried him off her and smoothed out the >wrinkles in her white shirt and black ;leather biker Jacket. She lifted his sunglasses off, and >brushed his famous, ever-present errant lock of hair out of his eyes.
SERVO: I never knew that that lock of hair was famous, either!
ANGIE: Are you kidding? It hosts sold-out shows wherever it goes!
>"James, I think I can tell you something that will make you feel better."
> "Oh, really?"
JOEL: (Jessie) There's a sale on *donuts* at the bakery!
>He wondered if she really understood him. How could anyone?
CROW: He was speaking another language to them.
> There was a moment of silence as they stared into each other's eyes.
SERVO: (James, sarcastic) Jeez, Jessie, that was great. THAT really cheered me up!
>An understanding, unspoken, passed between them. Jessie smiled a brilliant smile. None of her >usual cruelty, just a smile.
ANGIE: Then she crushed his foot with the heel of her boot.
>The one saved only for him.
> "I like guys, too."
ALL: O_o
ANGIE: Well, that's nice . . . uh, I like them as well.
> They both laughed then. Tentatively, at first, but it grew until they were both rolling on >the ground side by side.
JOEL: Jessie liking GUYS? That was so unbelievable that they just had to laugh.
> For you see, boys and girls, sometimes, you can be just friends with someone.
> And sometimes, just sometimes, it's enough.
CROW: Until you felt the need to boink that friend.
ANGIE: So, the point of that whole story?
JOEL: Uh . . .
CROW: James is gay. Hello, remember the notes?
JOEL: Oh, yeah. I think I kinda understand now.
ANGIE: Did I just read the transcript for "It's Elementary?"
SERVO: (sobbing) That was so beautiful!
CROW: Here comes our next 'fic, you'd better stop crying.
SERVO: (stops) ANOTHER 'fic? Wasn't that strange, gay one enough?
>The last days of Pokemon Tech
ANGIE: "The Last Day of Pokémon Tech", the remake of "Room 99".
JOEL: If there's gratuitous violence, I'll just leave.
>>*Jessie and James awoke.
CROW: . . . with a jerk.
SERVO: And Joxer the Mighty suddenly appears!
>It was time. This is what they'd been preparing for all year.
ANGIE: Jessie's fertile period!
>It was time to take final exams and move up to the 3rd and 4th badge level. As they were >preparing for their day, they held a conversation*
>Jessie: James, I don't think I can do it! I didn't have enough time to study, my worst subjects are >today, and I just have a bad feeling…
JOEL: (Jessie, ditzy) I mean, I have "Ugly 101" and would _I_ know about that?
CROW: (James) Easy for you to say, I have Gay 101 with Miss Verna, sheesh! She's a nut! A nut with extra salt!
>James: Not enough time to study? You stayed up till 2 studying last night!
SERVO: (Jessie) No, James, studying was just the excuse, what we did truly wasn't studying.
>I'm sure we'll move up today, I have a good feeling! All my good subjects are today, and of >course it's all multiple choice except the practical pokemon test we already took, The results of >that will be posted today, too!
>Jessie: I don't know… What classes do you have today? I have History, English, Science, and >Practical Training.
ANGIE: Practical training? That must have been where they learned how to dig holes and kick Pokémon into evolving.
>Science is going to be the worst, I don't remember any of the habitats!
JOEL: Well, Ice Pokémon would live in a cold place, Fire in a warm place, Bird Pokémon nest in trees, I would gather.
>James: I have Art, Training and care,
CROW: No, THAT'S where they learned how to kick and put down their Pokémon.
SERVO: (teacher) Remember kids, Pokémon are your slaves. Do what you please.
>Geometry, and Spanish.
ANGIE: Japanese students usually study English as a second language.
JOEL: No, it's DUBBED.
ANGIE: Oh, yes, so that is correct.
>I already did Training and Care, I may or May not present it today.
CROW: James must have passed grammar class with flying colors, with extra points for politeness.
SERVO: But I thought he said that he had Training and Care, though!
>Just remember they're multiple choice tests, and you have a 25% chance of getting every one >right, 50% if it's T/F!
ANGIE: Sure, if you're an idiot.
>Jessie: Oh, Art… I already did mine. Can I read your script?
>James: I didn't do one
>Jessie: But it's a 20 min presentation! The script's 10 pages long, and she takes a grade on that >too! What about your pictures, did you find all 30 of them?
JOEL: (James) But Jessie, this is ART not DRAMA!
CROW: (Jessie) I don't care, where's your frickin' script?
>James: 30? I found 8, not counting my prelims.
SERVO: They're taking a Japanese animation course. Those bosses are cruel, cruel people.
>Hmm, Well, Art isn't all that important, nor is Geometry or Spanish II, I wonder why they make >us take them if we're going to be pokemon trainers?
ANGIE: Just in case you capture a Spanish dubbed Pokémon.
>Jessie: Well rounded education, I spose. Maybe, you're right, it is all multiple choice, I'll do fine! >Like you said, I have a 25-50% chance of getting them all right! Wow James, you're really good >at cheering me up!
>James: I don't know… I didn't study or prepare at ALL and I have the hard classes today…
JOEL: Didn't Jessie just say that?
CROW: Jessie passes her depression onto others, thus relieving herself of the burden.
>Jessie: Don't worry, James, everything will be good, we lead charmed lives remember!
>James: Maybe our luck will run out someday…
>Jessie: Nah.
SERVO: (James) But Jessie! I had a dream last night about me and you wearing red R's and getting our asses whupped by a ten year-old boy over and over again!
>But I still think they should make a rule about not having to take exams on one's birthday. >That's a real drag…
ANGIE: (James) Jessie, I thought we said no talking about my personal habits in public!
>James: Don't forget, The big group of us is going out to celebrate after school… but I may >study…
>Jessie: No, James everything will be all right, stop worrying!
>*We flash to their exams.
JOEL: We get seizures from such a flash.
>It's rather hot and smelly in the school, especially the Art room where organic paint is rotting.
CROW: The body stuffed inside the ventilation may have had something to do with it, as well.
>All the students are wearing wool uniforms, but it's about 90 degrees out, so that's not >contributing to anything except discomfort.
SERVO: It creates a sense of belonging and making everyone appear as one, in hopes that no one would just go insane and throttle their fellow geeks.
>Jessie is in history, James is in Art.
ANGIE: Art is, as we all know, the most important subject of all, thus it is capitalized.
>They hold inner monologues with themselves*
JOEL: (James) To be or not to be . . . wow, listen to me! I can be a playwright!
>Jessie:<I> boy, James was right, multiple choice tests are easy! If I enter true for all of them I'll >get at least half of them right! Compromise of 1850? Henry Clay? Spheres of Power? >Spanish-American-Cuban war?
CROW: (whistles) Boy, they sure did cover a lot in a semester. And all about the United States!
ANGIE: I don't remember covering Spheres of Power in history . . .
SERVO: (Jessie) The great battle at Pikachu Valley, the tournament between the Dragonite and the Gyarados. The pilgrimage to Spearow Rock and the Kingler Province . . .
>Man, maybe I should've paid more attention in class, I wouldn't have to guess. I can't wait till >tonight. I wonder how many people are coming into town for my party… At least 10, boy I >sure will get a lot of presents…since tomorrow is the last day of school, we may be able to catch >a movie, too! This is gonna be such a great afternoon, I love birthdays. 15, I'll be able to drive >next year!</I>
JOEL: Of course, that means she'll be able to drive a motorbike next year, since TECHNICALLY Japanese kids can't drive till they are eighteen.
CROW: No, Joel, it's DUBBED, get it straight.
JOEL: (smacks his own head) Duh, of course!
>Teacher: Jessie! Keep your eyes on the test, please!
SERVO: (teacher, nervous) Stop staring at me in that way, Jessie . . .
>Jessie: Yes Mr. Baker. <I>Hmm, maybe I should concentrate a little more on my test… But I >can't! I'll do all right, I'm sure of it.
ANGIE: (Jessie) Now, how do I write an essay on the Battle of 1891 and still have at least a 50% chance on getting it right? . . .
>I do lead a charmed life, after all.
JOEL: One day, a Chansey crapped on her. She since has thought herself special.
>Hmm, back to the party…</I>
CROW: (Jessie) I go to parties.
SERVO: You go to parties?
CROW: (Jessie) In my head . . .
>*Meanwhile, James is in Art, doing his presentation. He's having a little harder time than >Jessie…*
>Teacher: James, can you explain composition, how we achieve a basic look to a piece?
ANGIE: (James) Uhm . . . you put STUFF on a piece and thus giving it a look.
JOEL: Composition? Pokémon Tech must be so poor that they have to combine both science and art class.
>James: Uhh… basic compositional format, rule of thirds, breaking of space…
>Teacher: Good James!
CROW: (teacher) You have discovered the basic nature of time and space, now you can bend it at your will!
>Now, let's see your Journal, it's introduction, cut paper shapes, daily entries, caricatures, >anything else you may have in it.
SERVO: (James, in a little kid voice) I drew bunnies. Bunnies hopping all around.
>James: *pulls out a tattered, coverless notebook in a state of great disrepair* It's been out in the >rain a few times, the cut paper fell out,
ANGIE: That art class must be easy to pass if all you have to do is CUT paper!
JOEL: (student) I sort of made it into a zigzag shape.
CROW: (teacher) Good, you get an A.
>the intro page was lost, and I did the caricatures in ink, you can't see them anymore…
SERVO: (James) But I can assure you, the caricatures of you were remarkably funny, teacher.
>Teacher: James… James… Can you explain how we've had a maximum class output of 30 >projects, but you only have approximately 10?
ANGIE: (James) You never told me most of the assignments! You'd only go "James . . . James . . ."!
>James: I lost the rest…
>Teacher: Fine, fine… Did you go to the museum downtown? Explain the featured artist
>James: I didn't go…
>Teacher: All right, show us your independent art articles from the year
>James: I have none of those, either
>Teacher: James, may I see your script?
>James: I didn't fill one out
>Teacher: Whatever, fine. If you don't care about your grade, we'll just move on to the practical >part. Demonstrate how to make a matte for a piece.
JOEL: You take a piece of paper, put glue on it and hock a big wet one.
CROW: It always works for me!
ANGIE: That would have been right, if they had been talking about paper mache!
JOEL & CROW: Oops.
>James: Well, you measure a piece around where you want the frame to be, not the edge of the >paper, further in. Then you add 3 inches to each measurement and draw it on a large matte >board.
SERVO: (James) Then I'll just keep saying art jargon and screw this up, hopping I can still get at least a D . . .
>Then you take the X-acto,
ANGIE: (James) . . . and you take the X-acto and threaten your teacher with it until she gives you an A+.
>and you very carefully cut along the edges, like so… *at this point, he was concentrating hard, >but looked up to explain further* You have to have 3 inches to give a lead in…*he felt what he >thought was a bee on his hand. He shook it as he continued to talk* and it creates a rather >interesting effect
JOEL: (James) It makes a cut! Marvel at the cut!
>*the faces of his classmates turned very pale, he looked back down at the matte* Oh, ahhh… >*he passed out.
CROW: The dangers of creating matte!
>What he thought was a bee had been the X-acto slipping and slicing his finger. Shaking it had >gotten the matte rather messy, and what was worse was the fact he had kept cutting with that >hand. He passed out after seeing the once white matte board*
ALL: ech . . .
SERVO: It made an interesting splatter effect, however, and the teacher gave him a B-.
>*All the exams finished.
ANGIE: James is finished as well.
>Luckily James had recovered before the end of the period. Jessie and James were sitting at a >party room downtown*
>Jessie: I had a great day! I can't wait till all the other people show up! The History, English, >and Science tests were a breeze, and I got 7th place in the Pokemon practical trials. And it's my >birthday, other people will come out and we can have a party!
>James: Jessie, I don't think anyone else is coming. Everyone I talked to thought you were crazy >having a party the night before exams, they're all studying.
JOEL: Well, that's what you get for asking NERDS! Learn next time.
>Maybe we should too.
>Jessie: Nonsense.
CROW: (Jessie) We already took our exams, nincompoop.
>We can just have fun together.
SERVO: (Jessie) You look about twenty-one, go order us some beer.
>We'll go skating at the place. No need to study. What happened to your finger
>James: *turning pale* I don't really want to talk about it. It has 3 stitches in it, I got them in >after school
ANGIE: So, the teachers just let him BLEED to death while school continued?
>Jessie: Well, let's just go then, leave this dump
>*So Jessie and James stayed out late skating.
JOEL: Ooo . . . . that sounds like a BLAST . . .
CROW: Maybe roller-skating was all the fad on Pokémon Island at the time.
SERVO: Then they went out and did some flash dancing.
>They came in way after curfew and were dead tired the next day. Jessie takes her Spanish exams >and holds another inner monologue*
>Jessie: Man, I am so tired… Let's see… Mi nombre es Guadalupe… There's really no point in >the Spanish name… La fecha…hmm… hoy es martes, ocho de junio. First question: fill in the >blank. Juanita tenia que bajar de peso. Juanita tenia que… A. inscribirse en el gimnasio B. >comer mucho dulces C. dormir tres horas…
ANGIE: (Jessie) Uhm, Speedy Gonzalas . . .
>Boy, there really is no point in this, James is right. I think I'll just take a nap instead…
>*meanwhile, James is sitting in Practical Pokemon Training, doing nothing except thinking to >himself*
JOEL: Which that, in itself, is a major accomplishment.
>James: Man, I can't believe I placed 5th. Jessie'll kill me. Man, I hope I did all right on these >exams.
CROW: (James) Maybe if I hadn't splattered blood all over the teachers.
>I'm a little worried and all. I can't let my parents down. If I get C's, they'll be furious.
SERVO: (James) They'll let Jezebel whip me black and blue.
ANGIE: Who are you kidding, they'd let Jezebel do that either way.
>They do pay a lot of money for this, after all. I can't wait till I pass all my classes and become a >member of the pokemon league! I wonder what Jessie's going to do, if she'll join the pokemon >league or become a gym trainer.
JOEL: For, as we all know, gyms need a lot of love and attention to be trained.
>Hmm, oh well, let me finish cleaning up in here…
>*and so that's how the final exams went for Jessie and James.
CROW: And it was beautiful, too, Miss Rocket. Now, where do you live so I can send you a thank you bomb . . .?
>A week later they reported to the head principal's office to receive their results*
>Teacher: I bet you two can't wait to see how well you did!
SERVO: ahem-- Principal.
ANGIE: This is gonna turn into an Animal House disaster, isn't it?
>James: No, sir! I'm anxious to tell my parents how well I did so they know I'm not a failure!
>Jessie: Same here! I think I did pretty well considering I got 7th on the practical pokemon >exam.
>Teacher: Well, sorry to disappoint you kids, but you got the lowest scores I've ever seen on >every single one of your tests except that one.
JOEL: (principal) James, your GPA: A 0.0.
CROW: (Jessie) Way to go, James!
SERVO: (James) Let's go get drunk!
>I'm afraid I'm going to have to expel you both on the grounds that you have a gross lack of >application and don't really want to succeed.
ANGIE: (Jessie and James) We're not gross! Just stupid!
>You need to be out by the end of the day. Get out of my site.
JOEL: Well, first he was nice, and now he's being all pissy.
CROW: To exact revenge, they and their fellow flunkies build a float for the parade, and they totally ruined the reputation of Pokémon Tech. The end.
>*Jessie and James walk out of his office in shock. They go to their rooms and pack their things*
>James: I can't go back to my parents! They'll put me in military school cause I wasted so much >money!
SERVO: Don't worry, James, the military doesn't accept men *like you*.
ANGIE: Oooo, ouch.
>Jessie: I just don't want to go back. Come on, We'll just find someplace else to go, K James?
>James: Like where?
>Jessie: Ever wonder what it's like being an outlaw?
>The End
JOEL: Wow, what an ending. Left me hanging off my seat.
CROW: They at first tried to hijack coach wagons, but they soon remembered that they weren't in the Old West, let alone America, and they decided to join Team Rocket instead.
SERVO: As it turned out, both the principal and the Boss were the same person!
ANGIE: Such merit.
(all exeunt)
~*~*~*~*~*~
The desk in the bridge of the Satellite of Love is strangely missing, and in it's place are three desks and a chalkboard. Servo, Joel and Angie, all dressed in childish sailor uniforms and cute hats like those Donald Duck wears, sat in the three desks, and Crow was at the chalk board. He wore a gray wig and a pink kerchief over it, and he wore a lace hemmed, pink dress. He held a piece of chalk in his right claw and he was writing on the board, making an awful screeching sound that only he couldn't hear. The other three sat, looking quite perturbed and disturbed.
"Now," Crow began, turning around, "in 1854, the Union Articuno and the Confederate Moltres split, and the Western Zapdos became a land of exile. Much bickering and gnashing of teeth occurred during this Pokévil War, when the Johnny Molts wanted to keep the practice of freeing Pokémon alive, and when the Bobby Arts wanted to keep them in Pokéballs, which were called Red-White Circular Thingies at the time--"
"Uh," Joel raised his hand and he glared at Crow. "Uh, Crow--"
"My name is Ms. Banko, dear child."
"Yeah, whatever. *Ms. Banko*, we've been here for forty-eight hours, and I'm sure you're making all this off the top of your head, so can we PLEASE go?" Servo agreed loudly while Angie just blinked, trying to comprehend what the "teacher" was saying as she took notes.
Crow stood there for a bit, and he began to clatter, and he shook in pure fury. The chalk disintegrated into powder as he squeezed it. Slowly, he reached out and took hold of an eraser and held it up. "You insolent little bugger! No!" He drew back his arm and ruthlessly threw the object in Joel's direction.
With a whap and a big puff of dust, Joel's face was covered in white and his eyes were nothing but swirls. With a groan, he toppled to the floor.
"JOEL!?" Angie shouted in fear and concern, dropping her pen.
An eraser sped for her head, and she only had enough time to make a small "eep" before getting thwacked one, and falling unconscious to the floor.
"Only _I_ can scream students names in fear and panic!" Crow shouted, appearing a bit psychotic. Breathing hard, he turned his gaze upon a "sweating" Servo. "Do YOU have anything to add, Thomas?"
"Uh-uh-uh . . ." He produced out of his desk a shiny red apple. "H-here?"
The gold 'Bot immediately calmed and he cooed, "Oh, how sweet! Thomas, you get an A++!"
"Hehehehe . . . horray . . ." He noticed the communications screen flicker on. As Crow's back was turned, he whispered, "Save us, Dr. F!"
Deep 13:
Dr. F stepped back and he had a hold of a broom. "Sorry, little red one, but I have problems of my own." He walked over to where "Shirley" was standing, bowed over and the gizmos glowing not as bright as they had been before, and he glanced up. "Hold on, Frank! I'll get you down!" He kicked up a plastic crate and he stood on it, reaching up with the broomstick, jabbing Frank who was groaning in pain. After a few jabs, the mad scientist commanded, "Shirley, press the button."
The robot nodded and she shuffled over to the control panel. As she reached forward, Dr. F gave one last prod and there was a shout of panic as poor TV's Frank plummeted to the lab floor. Shirley pressed the button.
-foosh!-
FRANK: (loud crash) Oh! . . . ouch~
______________________________________________________________________________
I like my beginning host segment. ^_^ That was fun to write. I spent a long time on it. I kinda lagged behind in creativity as time went on, and I apologize for that. BTW, Crow was named after a teacher that I had in 5th grade, and she was rumored to have chucked an eraser at a boy's head, so that's where that inspiration came from. I really like Shirley. Maybe sometime later I should have her come back, I dunno. I just liked her. I suppose that's all . . .
MIKE: (sings) America for Americans! Send all Indians back to Africa!
PETER: Canada sucks . . . -shimmer- . . . what? It sucks!
(This doesn't reflect my opinion of Canada, I just thought it was funny when it was delivered on "Family Guy." ^_^;;)
ZAPP: You want the rest of the sham-pag-ne?
LEELA: No, and it's pronounced "sham-PAIN."
ZAPP: Oh god no!
and . . .
MIKE: More . . . broccoli?
GYPSY: It isn't broccoli that I want, it's . . . YOU!
MIKE: Gasp!
-smooch-ee!-
______________________________________________________________________________
The blue-haired teenager stiffened.
© Jaimielée Rocket & Maelstrom
(Next "week's" episode:
"Episode Twelve: Goodbye,
Kasey is About to Have a Nervous Meltdown,
And Cleo is Still of No Use")