"The Satellite of 'Dite,
the Fanfic of Riffing of Other Fanfics"
By: Jaimielée Rocket and Maelstrom
EMAIL: jaimielee_rocket@hotmail.com
Disclaimer I: To whom this concerns, it belongs to you!
Smut: Uh~ debated
Violence: Hm~ debated
"Episode Sixteen: Vengence,
Jessica Gets Blood Sickness"
Disclaimer II: Jessica and Cleo belong to me, Kasey belongs to Maelstrom and Angie belongs to She-wolf or Bardokmegami. Mike and the 'Bots would go under Disclaimer number one along with Pearl-tachi. This fanfic belongth to sir NyaseoftheRocketGang.
A Big Thanks: Again, thank you Nyase...Gang! I decided to use this 'fic after all. Geez, after "Goodbye" why not this violent little piece of writing.
WARNING: As I said, this is VIOLENT. Even more than Goodbye! Do you believe it? I couldn't when I was skimming through it. I thought I was gonna puke when I read Butch saying to Cassidy that he loved her. But that's not all. Just, watch it, it's bloody and violent and really really sad and disturbing. James goes berserk 'coz SOMETHING has happened to Jessie (I haven't read it yet, all the more to puke, I guess) and isn't that just the most perfect thing for Jessica to read about? Her boyfriend going on a murderous rampage for a girl that people *seem* to think is his girlfriend? ^_^ (j/k)
Oh, and gratuitous panty jokes.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The lights on the satellite are dim, a stage has been made and the curtains are closed. A few tables, like one would find in a nightclub, are around the stage, and only one is occupied by Jessica. She was wearing a white blouse, with a black tie, and her "Idaho Hat," (from the "Xena Inconsistent" song in episode 10), topped off the ensemble. She lit a candle that was in a large bowl on her table, and she took a drink of her water as she looked at a program. She noticed Cambot, and she turned to it, holding up the paper. Smiling, she pointed at the print and said in a soft, low voice, "Tonight is a very special night here on the Satellite of Love. We have a special singing guest, a talented little man named 'Michael Nelson.'" (The print on the program says "Mike Nelson Belts it Out," and above it is a little picture of the man.) The curtains began to slowly open, and Jessica made a shushing sound. "Let's listen."
She turned to face the stage, as the curtains finished opening, and Mike stepped out wearing a snappy tux, and holding a microphone. Jessica politely clapped and Mike acknowledged it with a nod of the head. Music started, and after a few notes, he inhaled deeply and he began to sing.
"IIIIIII~"
But as soon as he sang the first note, a pair of black, frilly panties flew up from the audience and landed on his head. "What the!" he exclaimed, pulling them off. He stared at them, then looked at Jessica in shock. "Why'd you throw me your g-string panties?"
She stood and walked over to the stage. "I didn't, I only have boxers here."
"Then who's are these?" He looked them over and he found something. "Look, there are initials. 'T.S.'"
Jessica scratched her head. "Tom Strong? My cousin?"
"T.S. Elliot?" he guessed.
"Theressa Sorenson? My third grade teacher?"
As they puzzled over this, Servo entered, stage right. He watched them for a second as they tried to guess who's panties they were. Finally, he shouted, "For goodness sake, they're MY panties! T: Tom. S: Servo. Get it?"
"Ohhhh . . ."
Jessica clapped her hands together, and said, "Well, now THAT'S taken care of, why don't you continue your little concert?"
"Oh-ho," Servo muttered, "looks like we'll hafta postpone it. John, Paul and Mary are calling."
"Yes, Pearl?" Mike asked into the mic.
Jessica scratched under her hat, and wondered, "Does Pearl have a good singing voice?"
Castle Forrester:
The erstwhile mad scientist nodded, and stated to the girl above, "Bet your bajooties I have a good singing voice."
Satellite of Love:
"What are 'bajooties?'" Jessica asked into the microphone. "Is it some sort of breakfast cereal?"
Servo snickered.
CF:
"How sad, you're quoting from a stupid little cartoon show!"
SoL:
Jessica gasped. "Johnny Bravo is a god! Don't dis the show!"
CF:
"Well, moving along, coincidentally, my experiment today has to do with cartoons," she
told them as she held up a remote control.
SoL:
Mike, Servo and Jessica cheered, (Mike now had the panties pulled over his head). "I LOVE cartoons!" Servo paused. "American cartoons?"
Jessica noticed the panties perched on the man's head, and she stared up at them in disgusted surprise.
CF:
Pearl nodded as she walked over to two large TV sets that Observer and Bobo sat at, one at each. "Yes, parents have been complaining lately that cartoons nowadays are violent, and they promote things such as that. And they are just speaking of those charmingly silly ones made here, in the good ol' US of A. So, here," she patted Observer on the head, "Brain Guy is watching cartoons from the olden days, like-- oh, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Scooby-Doo, Smurfs, Care Bears. You know the kind. And here," she patted Bobo's head, "Bobo is watching new cartoons, such as Power Puff Girls, CatDog, and a choice few Ren and Stimpy shows. And you can't forget The Simposns and Beavis and Butthead."
She stopped and glanced at her watch. "They have been watching these shows for quite a few hours now. In fact, a hundred and sixteen hours straight. I think it's about time to observe the results." She switched off all the television sets, and she stepped back, holding onto a clipboard, a pencil poised to record notes.
Both the guys blinked and rubbed their eyes, trying to get moisture back into them. They stood and looked at each other, and Brain Guy asked, "I'm hungry, want to get a sandwich or something?"
Bobo smiled. "Sure!"
And they both walked off happily. Pearl frowned, and said, "Oh, nothing happened. I was hoping for a little bloodshed." She shrugged. "I guess you can't always get what you want."
As she was about to record the data, a scream erupted from the kitchen. It was clearly Observer's, and he ran back into the room Pearl was in, his brain had a towel draped over it. "Bobo was eating coleslaw, and he suddenly jabbed his SPORK into my brain!" he sobbed.
Pearl smiled. "Good! Apparently it takes a minute for the effects to happen!" She wrote this down, and left Observer to cry over his brain to say to those aboard the satellite. "Now, you guys haven't recently been watching cartoons, right? So, you are my control group." She leaned closer to observe the goings-ons on the Satellite of Love.
SoL:
Mike was trying to shove Jessica off his bodily self as she tried to rip the panties off his head. "C'mon, Mike!" she shrieked, "This is just disgusting! Get those off your head!"
"No!" he shouted, pushing on her face. "Get offa me!"
Servo leaped into the fray, trying to get HIS panties back, but Mike kicked him, the force causing his dome to fall off.
CF:
Pearl's eyes were quite wide, and she hemmed a little. "Well, that certainly was . . . interesting. Uhm, I conclude that TV isn't always the cause of violence, hardly ever is. It just depends on how stupid someone is and if they're gullible enough to believe everything they see. And sometimes, they refuse to wear sensible hats. Now that that's taken care of, your fanfic today is called 'Vengence,' a disturbing piece of writing from my friend and yours, NyaseoftheRocketGang. Enjoy!"
SoL:
Servo, Mike and Jessica had quit fighting, and the girl was fixing her tie that had been loosened in the scrape. "Mike, you're acting odd today. First you wanted to sing, and now you won't take panties off your head."
"I want MY panties back!" Servo shouted. "They're part of my collection! Those are very rare!"
Mike just stood with his arms crossed, seeming not to hear them.
"What? Is your role model Oolong or something?" Jessica asked.
Mike opened his eyes, and said nastily, "Shad up." The lights and klaxons began to go off. "And I'm going to wear them into the theater! Hah!" Before Jessica or Servo could stop him and get the panties off, he ran into the theater.
"Why is he doing that!?" Jessica shouted, a bit peeved as she and Servo went to the entrance.
~*~*~*~*~*~
(Jessica enters with Servo, Mike's already in his seat, the panties can be seen on his head. Jessica sits in the first seat and passes Servo to Mike who puts him in his seat.)
JESSICA: You can bet your "bajooties" that we're gonna talk about this once the fanfic's over.
MIKE: You'll never guess why I'm doing this.
SERVO: I just want them back!
JESSICA: I bet you had too much stress lately, what with me showing up, and Crow disappearing, and having to read fanfics is bringing you down.
MIKE: Maybe . . .
SERVO: Just give them back!
MIKE: Only if you can guess why I'm doing this.
SERVO: You're insane!
MIKE: Nope.
SERVO: Oh.
>Vengence
JESSICA: "Vengence?" Is that a new, cheaper form of Viagra?
MIKE: No, it's "vengeance."
JESSICA: Oh, right. This is by Sir NyaseoftheRocketGang, right?
MIKE: Yeah.
SERVO: I hope there are more fun ways to spell words! Those are so neat.
>>>>>Ever since the death of Jessie,
JESSICA: When did Jessie die? That poor gal.
MIKE: One day, she had been electrocuted by Pikachu, and her body just couldn't stand it anymore.
>James had never been the same. At night, he'd cry himself to sleep,
SERVO: He probably does that every night, anyway.
>only to utter her name over and over again in it. During the meals, he'd hardly even eat a single >bite before something would remind him of Jessie.
JESSICA: (James) Radishes? Jessie's hair was as red as a radish! Wahhhh!
>His Jessie. But his parents continued to coach him on, preaching that it had been for his own >good, and Jessiebell continued to train him in the ways of a "proper" gentleman. All the while, >James was slowly losing his sanity. It was on the very night, 2 years after the death of his >beloved, at the exact same time, that it finally happend.
MIKE: James . . . . got over Jessie's death, married Jezebel, had a few kids and led a rich, full life. The end.
SERVO: If only life were that simple, Mike.
>The fragile mind that resided in James' head finally snaped.
JESSICA: Well, it was his parents' fault, they never should have made James' brain out of glass.
>It happend in the middle of one of Jessiebell's "training" classes. She was in the process of >wipping
MIKE: WIPING him? What, did he have an accident?
SERVO: Maybe he forgot how to use the potty.
JESSICA: That's a thought I soon did not want to have.
>him for not doing something the "proper" way when he did the unexpected.
MIKE: He was sick of having to beg for food and having to roll over and jump through hoops.
>He held up his arm to let the wip wrap around it,
SERVO: (James) Owe, son of a bitch, why'd I do THAT for?
>then tugged it from her grasp. He then quickly wraped it around her neck, tossed the other end >over one of the low ceiling beams, and began to pull her up, choking the very life out of her.
MIKE: (Jezebel) You're not hangin' me properly!
>"How does it feel?" He asked, voice deadly serious. "How does it feel, to die the same way you helped to murder Jessie?"
JESSICA: (Jezebel) It feels GREAT! I'm getting a wonderful neck massage!
SERVO: (James) Darn, I'm not hanging you right, now am I?
>"Jessibell clawed at the wip, trying to break loose, but to no avail. "James....." She pleaded. >"James.......I.........It.......was........" She was starting to turn blue in the face.
MIKE: Not only is James hanging her, but to top it off, she ate Willy Wonka's forbidden blueberry bubble gum!
>James simply pulled harder on his end. "It was.......for.................your own......................good..." >She gave out one final gasp for air before collapsing.
SERVO: (Jezebel, raspy voice) It's buried under the big W.
>A few seconds more, and she was just a hanging corpse.
ALL: Ack!
JESSICA: James! I said NO! NO!
MIKE: Kill outside, OUTSIDE James!
>James then released his grasp on the wip, letting the body fall limp to the floor. Still mad with >rage, he walked over to the body and begain to beat it, yelling all the while.
SERVO: I think NyaseoftheRocketGang has a few issues to work out.
>The room haveing been sound proofed, no one knew what was going on. Shortly after, he left, >with the look of a madman in his eyes.
JESSICA: (James) My life for you! My life for you! Bumpity-bump! Bumpity-bump!
MIKE: Ooo, that's freaky.
>He walked up to his parents room and locked the door, taking the key and hurling it out a >nearby window. When the butler came to see why his parents where beating against their >bedroom door, James over powered him and snaped his feble neck.
ALL: Ahhh!
JESSICA: But, but, Hopkins was so cool!
SERVO: And his neck didn't look too feeble to me.
MIKE: Well, after two years, maybe he lost a few pounds.
JESSICA: Or he was replaced by Alfred.
SERVO: No! Not ALFRED!
>He marched off to his room, where he had keept his old Team Rocket uniform in a vacume >sealed bag, so as to protect it from moths and other damge. Without hesitating, he took the bag, >ripped off his tuxedo
MIKE: It's made completely of velcro!
>and put on his uniform once more. He then walked down to his fathers war room, where he kept >all his guns and trouphis from various hunts. James grabed a nearby sachel and begain to stuff >weapons and amo in it.
JESSICA: (James) When Y2K hits, no one's gonna screw ME over! Gwahahahahaha!
>When it was compleatly full, he set out to the gardning shack,
SERVO: (James) Ho! Ho! Ho! Hoe! Hoe? Hoe!
MIKE: That was interesting.
SERVO: Thanks, I try.
>where gasoline for the lawn mower was kept.
JESSICA: It's nice to know that, even when killing his fiancée and butler, James makes sure to get his chores done.
>Setting his sachel out side near the drive, he took the gas in hand, and walked back inside, >spraying against the walls and floor. When the canister was empty, he tossed it to the side and >pulled out a box of matches. He lit one and tossed it towards a puddle of the combustable fluid. >Walking away, everything seemed to be going in slow motion. The match hit the fuel, and >ignited it. The fire traveled down every where he had sprayed the liquid, but then caught on to >other things. All the while, James had graped his sachel full of weapons and begain walking >down the driveway towards the exit.
MIKE: It seems easier to just drive the car into the boiler.
SERVO: Or put a cherry bomb into the septic tank.
JESSICA: Hey, like I said, "My life for you! Bumpity-bump! Bumpity-bump!"
MIKE: That's too scary, stop imitating Trashcan Man!
>When he turned around, both his parents manshion and the manshion of his pet growlith where >awash in flames, and the screams of his parents could be heard. But they were mute to his ears. >For he was busy admiring the flames.
SERVO: He BURNED Growly even? No!!!! (sob)
JESSICA: Hey, he shoulda used Growly to set the fire! G-uy, stupid, insane James.
>The flames that had the same bright intensity that his Jessie had had in her eyes.
MIKE: Like when she was pissed off at him. After that, she would beat him senseless.
SERVO: Ah, young love.
>He invisioned her face around them,
JESSICA: (Jessie) Hi, James, I just stopped by to say hi and-- Omigod! What HAVE you done, James?!
>with one of her looks of rage usually acompanied the burning in her eyes. "They'll pay." He >muttered. "They'll all pay for what they did to you Jessie. My love." He then turned away and >begain the long walk down the drive way. "I swear it. I shall avenge your death Jessie. None >shall escape my wrath!"He swore aloud. He then begain laughing manically, as he begain to >imagine the death of everyone who had ever done her wrong. He knew who would be next on >his quest to avenge her death. The choice was obvious. It was the three most responsible people. >The ones who were the most to blame. Ash, Misty, and Brock. He would settle the score with >them soon enough, and he knew exactly where he could find two of them. As he exited the drive >way and begain his journey towards Pewter city, the two manshons continued to burn in the >night, as a warning to others.
MIKE: That warning? Only you can prevent mansion fires.
SERVO: How about: "Hey, there's a huge fire over there, RUUUN!"?
JESSICA: Watch out for snakes! Oh, and make sure to cook your hamburger until the juices run clear.
>That James was no longer just a weak little man who had a record of failure.
MIKE: Now he was James, the weak little man who commited manslaughter and arson.
>He was now a desperate man on a quest for vengence. To avenge the death of his most beloved. >To avenge the death of Jessie...........
>>>One week later.........
SERVO: .........James' quest for "vengence" came to an end abruptly when he accidentally drowned himself by standing out in the rain and letting the water pour into his mouth.
JESSICA: I never knew James had so much in common with a turkey.
MIKE: That's what happens when there's no one around to watch James.
>>News of the death of the richest family alive had not taken that long to get out. By the time >James had made it to Pewter, everyone had already heard about it or knew of someone who had.
SERVO: Then wouldn't that mean that they KNEW about it, then?
>No one seemed to care as he went inside the Pewter City gym. No one noticed the sachel full of >weapons at his side. No one but two people. Two others from his past.
JESSICA: (person) Cripeys, look at that! He has two patriot missiles in that satchel! Think we should report it?
MIKE: (other person) Nah, it probably doesn't mean anything.
>They quickly left the scene to make contact with their boss. Inside the gym, Brock sat at the end, >as he did the day he had first met Ash, only this time slightly older, and more experienced.
SERVO: And he isn't meeting Ash.
JESSICA: (Brock) And my family? Oh, I killed and ate them days ago.
MIKE: The year Pokéworld got really messed up.
SERVO: This is depressing . . .
>"So, another one has come to challenge me."
JESSICA: (grabs face) Oh no, James, not one of my best friends! No no no no . . .
>He said, not knowing who it was, but only that some one had entered. He'd grown tired of his >following Ash,
SERVO: Well, at least he finally got something straight.
MIKE: (Brock) I ate him for dessert after my family!
>and it appeared he'd never achieve his goal of becoming a breader.
JESSICA: He never liked breading the pork at the Chinese restaurant.
>So, he had returned to his home town of Peweter City to retake his job of gym leader.
SERVO: It's really cold in Pewter City. Hah! Get it? PEWTER, and COLD.
MIKE: Yeah, yeah, we get it, Servo.
JESSICA: I don't--
MIKE: Shush!
JESSICA: Okay.
>It was a job he always liked best anyways. Slowly, Brock stood up.
MIKE: Plus, he was the one registered to lead this gym, and his dad was a lazy dumbass and he couldn't take care of the gym, let alone his children.
>"It's been a while since the last opponent. I've been eager for a batlle." He hit a switch with his >foot, and the arena moved before him to that of it's rocky nature, all the while, the black silloute >stood where it was. "I have not come to battle you." The familar voice said. Brock, confused as >to both why this person was here, and where he had heard that voice from spoke one of his >questioning thoughts. "Then why are you here?" James steped into the light, one hand in a fist, >the other holding a pistal at his side.
SERVO: (James) I want to know your recipe for "donuts!"
JESSICA: (Brock) NEVER!
>"I've come for vengence!" Brock gasped at the site.
JESSICA: I agree, the INEEL is kinda an eyesore, but was it really ugly enough to gasp at?
MIKE: (Brock) That website! It's terrible! The layout stinks and the lettering clashes with the background!
>It was James. But, hadn't he been executed? "James..............." He wispered the name. Then he >noticed the gun, and started to panic. "James....I.....we didn't want that to happen! Honest!" >James ignored him as he brought his gun up to aim. "Save your lies. You'll not need them where >you're going....."
SERVO: (James) Which is in hell, if you didn't catch my drift.
>Brocke tried one last time, but to no avail. "James! Please! Be reasonable!"
JESSICA: What, this IS reasonable in Idaho.
MIKE: It is not, liar.
JESSICA: Well, on my dad's side of the family, it is.
>But a shot to the head silenced the young gym leader for good. Even as Brock's body fell to the >floor,
SERVO: Brock's overreacting, it's just one of those play guns that spits out a flag that says "Bang!"
>James continued to fire into it.
JESSICA: BROCK!!!!!! NO!!!!! Waaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!
>"MURDER!" He cried out, tears swelling in his eyes.
MIKE: (James) THAT'S what this is called! I'm MURDERING someone!
SERVO: Blood and guts, it's fun!
JESSICA: (holds back a retch)
>When the gun was emptied, he threw it at the corpse,
MIKE: Bonk! (Brock) Ouch!
>then left. Shortly after, one of Brock's younger brothers came in to see him, only to find him >dead on the floor.
ALL: (sadly) Oh-h-h!
>He quickly left to get the police. They found no prints on the gun, for James had been wearing >his gloves, the gloves that where standared issue with all TR uniforms. The gloves that he had >held Jessie's hands in.
SERVO: (James) Hey, Jessie! Lemme tell you your fortune! Here will be the tennis court, and this your mansion, and this your servant's quarters. And here's your swimming pool! --spit!--
>The same gloves that he had wraped his arms around her with. The police searched the town, >but to little avail.
JESSICA: (an officer) All we were able to find was a lock of blue hair, a calling card with a red letter "R" on it, and the gun has the name "James" inscribed on it, oh, and the number code is still on it, but we still don't have any leads.
>By the time they even started, James was already gone, and seeking his next target in his >quest.........
MIKE: And what a noble quest it is, too.
SERVO: He was ultimately stopped by a white bunny that had "nibbled his bum."
>>
JESSICA: James is so pissed he killed two sentences!
>Three days later....................
MIKE: James' quest was halted when he ate some fugu that wasn't prepared correctly.
SERVO: (sushi shop worker) You're supposed to REMOVE the poison sac?
>>Misty was still in shock at the fact her old traveling companion Brock had been murdered.
>She couldn't figure out why, or who would even want to do such a thing.
JESSICA: Perhaps it was James, the Trashcan Man. Bumpity-bump!
MIKE: That's enough of that, young lady. You're acting crazy.
JESSICA: Sure . . . This coming from the guy with lady's undies on his head.
MIKE: Shut up.
>She, like Brock, had grown tired of Ash and had returend home. She became the gym leader of >her city, while her three sisters continued to preform. She had gotten a letter in the mail a day >ago, inviting her to the funeral, but she had learned of the death that night on the news. She had >cried all that night, but still came to the gym.
SERVO: (Misty) even though I'm in mourning, I still have to buff up.
>She did have a job now after all. She was about to close down the gym for the day, when a >shadowy figure stepped through the doors. Eager to take her mind off the Death of Brock, she >redily accepted any challenge. "Alright, you've come to battle for a cascade badge right?" The >figure didn't respond. "Well, if so, then you've got to fight me. So, are you going to battle or >not?" The figure spoke back to her this time. "I seek not to battle, for my days of doing so are >long gone." Misty just stared at the shadow, trying to place the voice. It was so familar, yet she >couldn't place it. The figure then steped forward. "I simply come her to avenge a wrongfully >unjust death." Misty stood dumbfounded when she saw who it was. James. But, hadn't he been >executed along with Jessie? Sure, they didn't deserve it, but, how had he mangaed to escape? >"James, I....I thought you were dead?" It was then that she saw the rifle he had in his hands. >"No. But that is but the begining of my suffering." He lifted the gun and fired it at her, hitting her >dead in the chest.
JESSICA: James!!! Don't make me hit you with the newspaper!
MIKE: And she was too dumb to call out all the water Pokémon to her aide.
SERVO: (Misty) I thought the Gyarados woulda done so without a command, anyway!
JESSICA: Ugh, I hate 'fics like this. It always depresses me.
MIKE: That's why we riff it, to alleviate the pain!
JESSICA: (sarcastic) Really? I thought it was 'coz y'all were a bunch of jerks.
SERVO: Well, that, too.
>"And now, you begin yours." As Misty slowly died, the last thing she saw was James tossing the >rifle into the pool, crying out that Jessie's death will be avenged. Then suddenly, everything went >black, and Misty was no more.........
SERVO: I guess Misty turned INTO mist!
MIKE&JESSICA: (forced) Hahahaha . . .
>>>One month, two days later................
MIKE: 6:02 a.m., Washington D.C., Mulder and Scully are drunk off their butts and are joyriding a lawnmower through the White House's rose garden.
>>Haveing searched for a month,
JESSICA: And two days!
>James finally found the one most responsible of all for her death. He had been hunting him for >two days now, and had traped him in a back alley in Gringy city. The fool stand before him, eyes >watering, beging for his life.
SERVO: ("man") Please, James, don't make me eat another jalopeño!
>For he already knew what was to become of him. Two days before, when James had first shown >himself to Ash,
MIKE: (Ash) That's nice, James, now please put on some clothes and leave.
>he had taken out his pikachu. Still wounded by the loss of his closes friend, Ash had taken flight >imidiatley.
JESSICA: Sooo . . . James killed Pikachu and Ash ran away, leaving the body behind? Cool!
SERVO: But if this was the TV show, he would have probably gone "Pikachu! Nooooo!" and dove for it, hitting it out of the way just in time. Then Pikachu would have thundershocked James, igniting the powder in the bullets, causing them to explode on James' person, thus saving itself and Ash, but killing James.
MIKE: Now, THAT'S depressing.
SERVO: It's life.
>He had heard of the deaths of Brock and Misty. He had thought it a conspiracy against the gym >leaders. He had no idea that it was James all along, seeking vengence for the execution of Jessie. >Ash tried one more time before James silenced him forever with a shot to his head. At that close >of a range, the shot gun completely destroyed his head.
JESSICA: Yay!!!!! Should I be cheering the death of one of my crew? Sure, why not. Yay!!!!!
>Still mad with rage, He continued to pumb shell, after shell into the body. When he was out, he >tossed the gun aside and draged the body to a nearby street light that had burned out. He placed >the body, or what was left of it, of pikachu there as well, and in Ash's own blood wrote on the >side walk:
SERVO: Red rum, red rum . . .
>"Vengence shall be mine. The ones responsible will be brought to justice. Soon >Jessie.........soon.............." He then walked off, knowing that his quest was far from over.
MIKE: Now that I think about it, this IS a rather depressing story.
JESSICA: (James) Soon Jessie..........soon.........I will be the prettiest being on Earth!
>The following morning, the police were called to the seen. Blood still fell from the wounds, and >the smell of decay was well within the air. Sickend by what they say,
SERVO: The cops finally decided to force Conan O'Brien off the air.
MIKE: No, he meant what they SAW.
SERVO: Oh . . .
>several threw up on the spot.
JESSICA: Oh, come now, it's just a spot of ketchup!
>It was Officer Jenney who first noticed the message in blood.
SERVO: (Jenny, reading) "Loon........Bessie.......Zoon?" The hell?
>It was then that they knew who was behind the murders.
MIKE: It was . . . Mr. Hooper!
JESSICA: Aunty Em!
SERVO: Jessica Landsbury!
>Shortly after, an all points bulleton was sent out. James was to be brought to justice. Dead, or >alive.................
MIKE: Well, damn, if only Jessie were with him, then it could possibly say, "Jessie James, Wanted Dead or Alive!"
>>>>>One month later............
JESSICA: As represented by those blank spaces.
>>>The body of the Officer Jenney who had arrested, and executed Jessie had finally been found,
SERVO: Unfortunately it had been her cousin from Hophophop Town and not the one from Vermilion who had done so.
>along with the body of the judge who sentenced them. Both where found in heaps of torn body >limbs. Decay had long since set in, and much of the flesh was rotted away when the police found >them.
MIKE: Yum! (holds back a retch)
>Also found with the bodies, was another note written in blood,
JESSICA: (Jenny) Hey! It's a recipe for spicy clam chowder! I've been looking for that recipe!
>but this time, on a sheet of paper. It said the following:"Jessie, my love.........you shall have your >revenge........we'll be together again some day...............soon, my >precious..............soon..................."
SERVO: For . . . .
ALL: (sing) We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when! but we'll meet again some bright and shiny day!
MIKE: You know, that happy song did nothing to alleviate the shock and horror.
JESSICA: We tried, that's all that counts.
>By the time the police had found all of this, James was already in the process of tracking down >two others he felt had caused Jessie suffering in her life................
JESSICA: Tinky Winky and Heathcliff!
SERVO: What're you talking about?
JESSICA: I don't know! Ask Jessie!
>>>>Three weeks later................
MIKE: James took a break from his quest for revenge to celebrate Gary Oak's birthday.
>>>In a building labeled "BC's Breeding center", Butch and Cassidy where cowering under a table in >one of the back rooms.
SERVO: (Cassidy) Why are we doing this, Butch?
JESSICA: (Butch, in awfully raspy voice) It'S aN eArThQuAkE DrIlL.
SERVO: (Cassidy) Well, this is stupid and we've been here for over an hour! I'm getting a cramp.
>Butch held a now empty gun,
MIKE: (Butch) Oops, sorry, Cassidy.
>while Cassidy clung to him in fear. They could hear James shuffeling about the hall way, tauting >them, and calling out their names. They had known this day might come.
SERVO: (Cassidy) It's his birthday, and this is going to be the best surprise party ever!
>They had witnessed James appearance in Peweter city, and had seen him enter the gym with the >guns. They had taken precaution in case he did show up, but they underestimated James. In his >maddend state, James had no real concept of pain.
JESSICA: Hey, you know what movie this is reminding me of?
OTHERS: What?
JESSICA: The Shining!
MIKE: The one with Jack Nicholsan and the Olive Oyl lady?
JESSICA: Yeah! Like when she battered him over the head with the bat.
SERVO: Oh, how I long to be watching that. It's seems less disturbing than this 'fic.
>The shots fired at him all missed save for the last, which hit his leg.
MIKE: (Cassidy) Dammit, Butch, I told you to take shooting lessons instead of that throat surgery!
SERVO: (Butch, raspy) SoRrY.
>Instead of wallowing in pain as the two had expected, James only doubled his efforts to deprive >them of the great tresure known as life. They had managed to lose him and hide in one of the >center's back rooms, but James would find them shortly. Cassidy sat crying next to Butch.
JESSICA: Well, if she'd SHUT UP maybe it would be harder for James to find them!
>He tried his best to comfort her. "There there. It'll be alright." Cassidy babled on in terror."No, it >won't! How could you say such a thing! He's comeing to kill us! He's gone mad!" Butch tried >once more. "Don't worry. If he does manage to find us, I'll protect you." She then stoped crying >and looked into his eyes. "You will?"
MIKE: (Cassidy) You big fibber! You're a wuss and you know it!
SERVO: He's actually gonna use her as a shield.
>He smiled back to her and wiped away one of her tears. "Of course I will. I would never allow >anyone to harm you." He then paused as he summond up the courage to tell her, knowing very >well that this might be his last chance. "Becuase..I.......I love you Cassidy....."
JESSICA: (Butch, raspy) I LoVe YoU, CaSsIdY . . .
>Cassidy was awash in tears again, but this time, tears of joy. She then hugged him. "Oh >Butch............I.............." She begain to stammer. "I........I love you....too..."
ALL: Blech, yech, augh.
MIKE: I think THAT is the sickest thing we've heard yet.
SERVO: How can Neo-Shipper's tell that they love each other from only two episodes? For all we know, they could be brother and sister, or cousins or something.
>It was then that James kicked in the door with his good leg. "How touching.............." He slowly >walked forward, gun in hand. Butch immidatly rose up before Cassidy, blocking her from James. >"James, we didn't have anything to do with Jessie's execution..." "LIES!" James shouted back. >"You were in on it all along. You can't deny it!"
JESSICA: (Butch) I just did, dumbass!
>He glared at them with the look of insanity across his face. "You were jealous.........you were >always jealous............."
MIKE: (James) You always wanted her hair, you were................jealous.
>He waved the gun around, eyes staring strait through them. "You couldn't stand the fact that she >was just better than you........so you figured you'd get her out of the picture........................"
SERVO: Quick, Butch, bean him with your gun while he's distracted!
>Butch tried to reason with him. "That's not true and........" "SILENCE!"
JESSICA: . . . LIKE A CANCER GROWS!
OTHERS: Woah!
JESSICA: Sorry, I didn't mean to be that loud.
>James shot back at him. He then began to weep before them.
MIKE: (James) Oh, damn, what am I doing? I'm sorry, I'm trying to be large and scary and here I am crying in front of you.
SERVO: (Cassidy) It's okay, James, let it out.
MIKE: (James) It's just that . . . she died before she could pay me back the fifty dollars she owed me, and she still has my white lipstick.
SERVO: (Cassidy) Oh, you poor boy. There there.
>"Because of you.........I lost.....I lost the one thing in the world that mattered..................."
JESSICA: (James) You fed my pet hamster to your Raticate! Oh, and Jessie, you also took Jessie from me. But I'm mostly mad about Chippy!
>Cassidy begain to cry behind Butch. "No! We had nothing to do with it!" James pointed the gun >strait at Butch. "Now, now you're going to see what it's like to lose the one thing you love most. >To lose something more vaulable to you than your own life................" Butch stared at him.
>"What are you talking about?"
MIKE: (Butch) Are you threatening to shoot my Teddy Bear?
>James begain to laugh. "Hahahahaha! Do you take me for a fool? I know the relationship >between you! It's so obvious! It's been obvious ever since we first meet!" Butch rushed forward >to tackle James, but James was too fast. Even in his injured state, he quickly side steped him, >hitting him on the back along the way, sending him spralling to the floor. He then quickly turned >around and let off a quick shot that hit him in the shoulder. Butch cried out in pain, and grabed >the wound. Cassidy cried out. "BUTCH!" Butch lay on the floor, paralyzed by the pain, while >Cassidy stood stock still, fearful for Butch's life, and her own. James then pointed the gun to >Cassidy. "Now watch..............and you'll feel true suffering......The suffering you two have put >me through!" He begins shooting Cassidy. Butch reached out for her. >"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
SERVO: (Butch) My cookies are BURNING!!!!!
>James unloaded the entire clip into her before she finally fell limp to the floor.
JESSICA: (Cassidy, gasping) It actually . . . feels . . . kinda goo--d. --die--
>Butch glared at James with a hatred that James was all to familar with. "You BASTARD!"
MIKE: That's a good anime, I'm glad they mentioned it.
>He tried to get up, but the pain was too much. "If it's the last thing I do, I'll see you burn in hell >for this!" James simply laughed, as he tossed the now empty gun to the floor and limped out of >the room, leg still trailing blood. The last thing Butch could heard of James before a medical >team arrived and put him out was James calling out to Jessie, stating that her vengence would >soon be complete.
SERVO: Soooo . . . he called the ambulance, left shouting vengeance was his, and let Butch survive? What a screw over!
>Just two more, and he would see her again. Two more......................
>>>>>Two months later................................
JESSICA: James had caught a cold from walking out in the rain, and his leg had to be amputated off with a penknife because infection had set in, but he still bravely and nobly tried to complete his quest of gore and terror.
>>>James, now with a limp due to the Butch's shot to the leg, slowly walked to the end of the street >where the manshion of his Ex-boss, Gionvia,
MIKE: He's still stuck in his girl-half, I suppose.
>sat atop a hill.
SERVO: It also sat up there with the lonely goatherd.
>He carried with him a bazooka, loaded with a stinger missle, a M16 straped across his back, and >a large hunting knife in his boot.
JESSICA: (a person on the street) Wow, would you look at that! Should we be worried?
MIKE: (another person) Nah, it's probably just Shakespeare in the park. Let's go get an ice cream cone.
SERVO: (James) Ice cream? Can I come with?
JESSICA: And thus is quest was put on hold for an hour.
>When he got to the gates blocking the drive, he slowly pushed them aside,
MIKE: But he had found them to be electrical, and he died, the end.
>and strode into the drive way. He then lifted his bazooka, took aim, and fired it at the manshion. >Two gards approched him right as the missle hit. The force of the explosion knocked them onto >their feet,
SERVO: ONTO their feet?
JESSICA: The guards were crawling to him at the time.
>and engulfing half the manshion in flames. The bazooka now useless, James tosses it aside and >grabs his M16. One by one, he shoots the gaurds that come rushing out towards him.
MIKE: He did so singing a jaunty tune.
SERVO: (James, singing) Shantily lace--kapow!--Had a pretty face--pow!--a ponytail,--bang!--hangin' down--kapish!--
>Slowly, he makes his way into the manshion. Once there, he proceeds inside the burning >building,
JESSICA: (James) Good thing I'm wearing my flame resistant uniform and jellied my flesh!
>seeking out his target. He soon finds the man he's looking for, in an out door gazebo behind the >manshion. Shrouded in shadows, he watches as James slowly walks towards him. Gionvia >chuckled when James got to the end of the side walk.
MIKE: (Giovanni) Sorry, I just thought of a really funny blonde joke.
>"The failure James. I never would have guess it possible. It seems it took madness for you to >finally succed."
SERVO: (James) Actually, all this time I've only been trying to INJURE people, not mutilate and kill them . . .
>James pointed his gun at him, a look of contempt on his face. "That may very well be, but I will >at least succed in what so many others have faild to achieve." Gionvia remained seated. "And >what pray tell might that be?" When James answered him, there was no emotion in his voice. >"Your death, and the end of Team Rocket." At this, Gionvia burst out into laughter.
JESSICA: (Giovanni) Hahahah! I just thought of a really funny joke, you wanna hear it?
>"Surely you jest? What makes you think you could pull off such a thing?"
MIKE: (Giovanni) Thou art a pestiferous tripe-vasaged villiago!
>James aimed the gun strait at Gionvia's head, tired of the man's word games.
JESSICA: (Giovanni) No, no, before you kill me, hear this. See, this lady said . . .
>"Enough of this. Now you die." Before James could even get a shot of, Gionvia raised his other >hand revealing the pistal he had been holding and shot James. "I think not." James fell to the >ground when the bullet hit, and penetrated strait through his shoulder, gun flying out of his >hands and across the lawn.
MIKE: That's a mighty fine pistol Giovanni has there.
JESSICA: (Giovanni) Now, listen to me! The lady said, "I think there is too much sex on the tele . . ."
>Gionvia then got up and stood before him. "Young fool. Did you really think that you could take >me out so easily as all the others?"
SERVO: Wait! Is he saying that he HAS been assassinated before?
MIKE: Omigod, Giovanni's an UNDEAD!
>James said nothing, simply grasping his wound.
SERVO: (James) Screw the shot to the leg Butch gave me, this HURTS!
>Gionvia sneered at him in contempt before finally turning away. "Serves you both right." He >then turns back and gives James a wicked smile. "I was rather glad the day they executed your >partner." He let out a soft chuckle, while James just stared at him, eyes ablaze with a fire even >brighter than that of the manshion. "It saved me the trouble of haveing to do it myself." Gionvia >then begain to laugh madly.
JESSICA: (Giovanni) Oh, GAWD this joke is funny! So, after saying there's too much sex on the tele, the lady says . . .
>James slowly reached for the knife in his boot. Gionvia turned away laughing and begain walking >away. James rose to his feet, one hand cluching the knife, the other holding his wounded >shoulder. When he spoke, his tone was one of pure hatred. "Your time has come old fool. You'll >pay for your participation in the destruction of the world's greatest treasure." Gionvia stoped >and turned around, just in time to see James run at him, knife in hand. Before he could lift his >pistal to fire, James had stabbed the knife deep into the man's chest.
JESSICA: (Giovanni, gasping) Awwwgh, she said, "There's too much sex on the tele . . . I keep falling off!" Hahahahah . . . Oh, I'm dead.
MIKE: It sure does take Giovanni a long time to tell a joke.
>"Vengence shall be ours!" James cried as he stabed the man continuously, even as the body >falled to the ground.
ALL: Ack! James, no!
SERVO: I actually like Giovanni!
JESSICA: Me, too!
MIKE: I don't feel good. (holds back retch)
>When he was finished, James slowly rose to his feet, not hearing the police sirens in the >background. "One more, my love..............One more, and your revenge shall be >complete..................soon, my love.......................soon............"
SERVO: He has to go kill Henry Kissenger now.
>It was then that he noticed Meowth, standing behind a tree, staring in shock at what had just >taken place before him. James turned to him and begain running as fast as he could towards him. >"YOU! You are the last! You, who could have saved her!" Meowth broke out of his stupor
JESSICA: (Meowth) James, don't look! I'm trying to go to the bathroom!
>and begain running.
MIKE: (Meowth) Insane man, man with a knife, RUN!
SERVO: (sobbing) I don't mind that he killed everyone else, but not Meowth! Why does everyone want to kill Meowth! All fanfic authors must hate animals, the BASTARDS! (sobs some more)
>James chased him to the front of the building, where several police cars had pulled up, officers >rushing out fully armed. Meowth stood up against a tree, burning building to his left, police to >his right, and James in front. Slowly, James continued his march towards Meowth, knife in hand. >"You could have saved her................but you didn't........................" Tears stremed from his >eyes. He didn't even hear the police's call to him to drop the knife. "you didn't save >her..............becuase you feared her! Feared what she knew..................................."
JESSICA: What the hell, I'm suddenly in an episode of X-Files.
>Suddenly, a shot rang out. No one knows who fired the first shot that day.
ALL: O_o
MIKE: Okay, blatant rip off on history books about the Revolutionary War.
>Some say it was officer Jenny, as an act of vengence for the murder of one of her cousins. Other >say it was Butch, avenging the death of his love.
SERVO: (sniffling) Some say that it was the man on the grassy knoll.
>But no matter who fired it, it was the end of James. Soon, every officer present begain firing >their weapons into James.
JESSICA: (officers) Panic? We never PANIC!
>Shot after shot continued to pour into James, until finally, he fell to the ground. Lying on his >back, blood gushing from multiple wounds on his body, James suddenly realized all that he had >done.
MIKE: (James) I left the meatloaf in the oven . . . gasp--die--
>He then appoligized to Meowth, coughing up blood as he talked.
SERVO: (Meowth) Like hell I'm forgiving you!
JESSICA: And Meowth slashed James' throat.
MIKE: Guys! No! That's as depressing as the fanfic.
SERVO: I don't think I'll EVER be the same inside.
MIKE: Sure you will, Servo, just keep thinking happy thoughts.
>"Oh Meowth.............................what have I done?" Meowth slowly walked over to his former >partner. "What have I.............done Meowth? Oh Jessie...................can you................ever >forgive.....................me?" He saw her image before his eyes, and he begain to cry. "I'm >comeing.............................I'm comeing Jessie......................."
SERVO: (sniffling, James as Sanford) I'm coming, Elizabeth!
MIKE: There, don't you feel better?
SERVO: (sniffling) A little.
>James coughed one more time, spititng even more blood up,
JESSICA: (Meowth) Hey, James, you look like a volcano when you do that! Harharhar--oh, wait, this isn't the right time to be laughing, is it?
>before the darkness finally claimed him.
MIKE: (darkness) We bought him, and so help us we're going to have him!
>Saddend at the scene he had just witnessed, and at the lost at having lost one of his partners, no, >one of his friends, Meowth begain to cry. One of the officers came up to him, indicating that >Meowth would have to come in for questioning.
SERVO: (Meowth) But I'm a Meowth, I can't talk! Oh, shoot!
>Still crying, Meowth followed the officer to one of the cars.
JESSICA: (officer) Hey, Meowth, will it cheer you up if we buy you an ice cream cone?
MIKE: (Meowth) If it's cookie dough.
JESSICA: (officer) You got it.
MIKE: (Meowth) Hooray!
>He turned back to see a medical team placing James' body in a bag, while several fire fighters >attempted to get the raging inferno that was once the manshion under control. As the car drove >off, he could have sworn he had seen Jessie and James, standing together under the tree he had >been forced up agianst, hand in hand, posing as if saying their motto. When he blinked, they >were gone, and all that was left was the fire, blazing in the night.
SERVO: (an officer) Maybe we should call the fire department.
>Things would never again be the same for Meowth. Team Rocket was gone. His only friends >were now dead. Sadly, he turned back around in the car, waiting silently for what was inevitably >going to be his own last moments of freedom once they heard what he had to tell.
JESSICA: (Meowth) But I don' wanna go t' th' pound!
>He didn't care if he was sent to jail. He didn't even care if he too would be sentenced to death.
MIKE: Boy, the laws in Pokéworld must be tough! Just for stealing Pokémon, you can be sentenced to death?
>Nothing mattered any more to Meowth. He had just lost everything that had ever been important >to him.
SERVO: His cherished ball of yarn had been in the mansion when James had blown it up.
>When he got to the station, he walked with the air of a man on death row about him. Soon >enough, they would know everything. His role in Team Rocket. All the thefts. The destruction. >And even the death. Soon, he may very well be joining his two friends and ex-master. >Soon..............................
JESSICA: Oh, great, so this is just some big, deep cycle of pain and torture to be inflicted onto loyal and loving readers such as ourselves?
SERVO: Well, all those happy thoughts made it so I'm only SLIGHTLY depressed and suicidal.
JESSICA: I just realized, dammit, Mike, you sat through this whole thing with panties on your head.
MIKE: And look how cheerful I am!
(all exeunt)
~*~*~*~*~*~
Servo and Jessica were sitting in chairs, holding note pads and pencils as if jotting down notes. Between them, laying on a couch, was Mike, with the lady's pair of underwear still on his head.
"So, Mike, were you, in anyway, traumatized by underwear in your youth?" Jessica asked in a calm, stoic voice,
He thought this over, then answered, "Well, once my Uncle Paul bought me a pair of long, red underwear, and I went to go try it on, but I got stuck in it. It was kinda an embarrassing Christmas."
Jessica glanced at Servo and he shook his head. There didn't seem to be a link between that and why Mike was wearing panties on his cranium.
"Well, Mike," Servo began, "perchance, did you have a psychic dream last night about the fanfic that we read today, and decided to wear them so you'd be happy afterwards?" Mike looked at him strangely. "I'll take that as a no."
"Well, did your mom and dad once have an argument about something, and your mom try to strangle your dad with a pair of black, frilly panties?" Jessica inquired.
"No!" Mike exclaimed indignantly.
"Dammit, Nelson!" Servo shouted angrily. "Just tell us already, we give up!"
"Yeah!" the girl agreed, throwing down her notebook for emphasis on how upset she was.
Mike smiled at them. "You really want me to tell you?"
"Yes!" they both hollered.
His arrogant smile widened as he answered simply, "I just felt like being annoying today."
Servo fell to the ground in shock, and Jessica's hands made strangling motions at Mike's neck. Mike merely grinned, closed his eyes and folded his arms behind his head.
Castle Forrester:
Observer stumbled by, holding his precious brain behind his back as Bobo lunged at him with a spork. Pearl appeared and she said, "Hey there, Panties Boy, others, Bobo is still going insane because of the modern cartoons he had watch, and he keeps on trying to stab Brain Guy's brain. He even took a swipe at me once! How could simple cartoons effect him so much?"
Suddenly, after Pearl had asked that, Bobo stopped terrorizing Observer and he stood before the mad scientist. He chuckled a little, and said, "It's not the CARTOONS that are making me do this!" He held up the spork. "It's this baby right here."
"The spork?" Pearl asked, frustration in her voice.
"Yeah," Bobo nodded. "Every time I see one, I wonder what it's called. I mean, is it a SPORK or a FOON? It just drives me NUTS sometimes!"
Pearl blinked slowly. "So, this stupid question leads you to be violent?"
"Sometimes, yes," Bobo replied good-naturedly, nodding.
The woman sighed, and said, "Brain Guy, take care of this."
He stepped up behind Bobo, holding a clown mallet. "Gladly!" he responded before whapping Bobo one.
And here's where it ends!
______________________________________________________________________________
The ending host segment about the spork and the foon comes from an argument me and my friends have. The girls say it's a SPORK and the guys say it's a FOON. We decided to just call it a "forspok."
Wasn't that fanfic icky? But after reading it a few times, I kinda got used to it. But the casual reader might have spit up his Coke all over his keyboard. Alls I can say is that thank goodness Meowth wasn't killed. In most violent things like this, Meowth is usually the first to go. This time, he lived! Huzzah!
The "Ho! Ho! Ho! Hoe! Hoe? Hoe!" riff is a tribute to "Weird Al" Yankovic, (I don't think I spelled his name right . . .). Sometime, I have to fit in "Yo, Ding-Dong, Ding-Dong man, yo, Ding-Dong."
CARL: Hey! That's MY best friend you're playing with, you big ape! Put him down right--Woah!! --giant ape eats him--
. . . JOHNNY (as Pops is about to be eaten) Bye, Pops! Say hi to Carl when you see him!
CARL: Hey, Pops, I already plotted the course--
POPS: Aaaah!! Carl! I saw the ape swallow you whole! How'd you escape!?
CARL: I'd . . . really rather not discuss it.
EDITOR: Followed by 12 pages of the letter "K!"
______________________________________________________________________________
"Every time I see one, I wonder what it's called. I mean, is it a SPORK or a FOON? It just drives me NUTS sometimes!"
(I couldn't find a funny phrase from the fanfic, so I just used one from my own. ^_^)
© 1999, Jaimielée Rocket and Maelstrom
(Next "week's" Episode:
Episode 17, Attack of the Rabid Jigglypuff)