The following jokes are offered with good intentions. They are not meant to offend anyone, especially our husbands. I'm sure men have as many funny comments to make about women, (even though our's are more true to life, right girls?)
Why do men like BMWs?
They can spell it.
"Dad! I just got a part in the school play! I play the husband."
"Too bad they didn't give you a speaking role."
Why are women's brains cheaper than men's brains?
Because women's are used.
After twelve years in prison, a man finally escapes and when he gets home, filthy, exhausted, his wife says, "Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!"
Hillary was going through Bill's desk drawer and discovered three soybeans in an envelope containing $300 in cash. So she asked him about it.
"Well, I have to confess---over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you. But every time I cheated I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself."
"So where did the $300 come from?"
"Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I decided to sell."
Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and they've bought jewelry.
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you are not quite sure why.
What do you call a man who's lost 80% of his intelligence?
Divorced.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her
dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait
for a snow plow and follow it."
Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of
the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained
that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the
snow,
to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart
parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart.
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They
decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd.
The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas
to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell
her a bull.
"It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it." She
buys the
bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like
to send a
telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found
the stud bull
for our ranch, bring the trailer." The man behind the
counter tells
her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word."
She thinks
about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one
word, please."
"And what word would that be? inquires the man. "Comfortable."
replies
the brunette. The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but is your friend gonna
understand this telegram?" The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde
and reads
REAL slow, when she gets this, she will read it like:
COM-FOR-DA-BULL."
....See!.. My blonde friend is right!
My blonde girlfriend told me she gets plenty exercise
but she will never jog with a liberal...Why? Because
she was told a liberal doesn't know which end is up!
The music is "Beautiful Noise", arrangement by Neil Diamond.
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