All your wall decorations have horns.
You fix holes in your truck with duck tape.
You've ever backed down an exit ramp.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just all men.
A policeman asks for your ID, and you answer, "About what?"
You refer to the fifth grade as your senior year.
Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
None of your shirts cover your stomach.
You have more than three brothers or cousins named Bubba or Junior.
You've ever read the entire Sunday paper sitting in the bathroom.
There are currently more than ten lawsuits pending against your dog.
Your wife has a Jell-O mold that looks like Elvis.
You have more tattoos than teeth.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You have diven 700 miles to see an image of Elvis that has miraculously appeared in water stains on the ceiling of a trailer.
You have more appliances in your backyard than in your house.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Your pet parrot knows how to whistle the song to "the Andy Griffith Show"
Neither your nor your husband's job requires you to wear a shirt to work.
You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
You have a Jack Daniels poster in your living room.
There are more than six McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.
Nobody can rebuild an engine like Mama.
The "save Naugahyde" protection group chooses your house as a picket site.
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying aircraft.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than to mow it.
Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.
The beer truck delivers door-to-door in your neighborhood.
You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
Fewer than half the cars parked in your front yarn can run.
You know your daddy's CB handle, but not his real name. People hear your car long before they see it.
There are four or more cars up on cement blocks in the front yard.
Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers".
There are engine parts on your coffee table.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
The tires on your pick up truck are taller than your children.
Going to the bathroom at night involves putting on shoes and taking a flashlight.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Any of your kids were ever conceived in a car wash.
You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.
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