Kavitha's August Entries

I am so miserable right now. I have been sick since yesterday. After mom picked me up, my throat starting hurting. Then it got worse, and everything started hurting, so I went and took a shower and went to bed. I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't swalloe because it hurt, and I couldn't move because it hurt. I was miserable. I got up and went to the couch. I slept there for like an hour. That's basically all I've done today. I am tired, and still not feeling great.
Kabi

Wednesday
August 2nd, 2000
5:35 P.M.

Hey everyone. It's raining here, as it has been for about a week. It's supposed to rain for the whole time we're on vacation, too. It's also supposed to be raining in Virginia, too. Hopefully it won't the whole time. I love the rain, but I don't want it now.
I honestly don't know what's going on with Megan and I. Things aren't the same, and the finger of guilt isn't pointing at me. I don't know what it is that makes her such a lousy friend at times.
I am also not too happy with another friend, but I'm not going to mention his name.
In other things, Tanja, Brittany, Evan, and Jerry are going to stay here while we are on vacation. I guess that's all. Talk to you when we get back.

P.S. Do any of you have the game, The Sims? I LOVE that game!
Kabi

Sunday
August 6th, 2000
7:58 P.M.

I'm back from Virginia. I had a semi-decent vacation. The two days we stayed in Williamsburg could have been better. We didn't really have fun there, but the beach was awesome. No guys to tell you about. I might type up a full report sometime, of at least the important stuff, but now... I'm too tired. It was such a long drive. We left at 10 am this morning... got home about 15-20 minutes ago. Well later!
Kabi

Wednesday
August 9th, 2000
5:32 P.M.

Wow that's weird. I'm updating at the EXACT same time I did August 1st. haha... Anyway, not much has been going on at all!!! I haven't talked to three of my best friends in FOREVER!!!! That's kinda dragging me down.

In other things I'm so happy that my cousin, Brittany, finally grew up. See she's just a year older than my brother, but 3 years younger than me, and for as long as I remember, she's always hung out with him. But here lately, she grew out of that, and is a decent person to be around. I don't know why I just told you that, but it got my mind of everything else, so it's ok. Ok this entry made no sense! haha
Kabi

Saturday
August 12th, 2000
11:18 a.m.

Wow. I'm tired. Natalie and Sarah spent the night with me last night. We made this video of us totally being stupid! We made this "puppet show" type thing. The star was Megan. hehehe. It's a funny show! I was up till 6:20ish... Sarah and Natalie didn't sleep at all, and were up at 8 when I got up! Well that's all for now!
Kabi

Monday
August 14th, 2000
8:56 P.M.

Know wwhat I hate? The words "I'm Sorry" Those 2 words are meant to fix a situation no matter how serious it is. Say Person A kills Person B's mom. To fix it Person A says "I'm sorry." Bob breaks Dee's favorite Vase. To fix it, he says "i'm sorry." How is that logical? It's not! I just don't understand that concept and hate those words! UUUUUUUggggggggghhhhhhhh! yes there is a reason I'm telling you this.. I'd just rather not elaborate here.
Kabi

Tuesday
August 15th, 2000
9:17 P.M.

i went to Cleveland today. We went to my mammaw's then to my aunt Tanja's, then to my pappaw's and auny Lisa's. Mom and I are going to try to go shopping at like the 2 cothing stores around here tomorrow. I have like NO clothes at all to wear for school. And I'm getting my hair cut, and my highlights back in. I had them a couple years ago, and they were red. I want to get them a little lighter this time. Still red, just lighter. Thursday there is a ballgame at school, and Natalie and I just have to recreate last year's first ballgame... (I know so many of you have comments right now.. KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF!) Friday Mary's coming. Anyway, I'm going to go now. I have nothing else to say!
Kavitha

Thursday
August 17th, 2000
10:39 P.M.

*WARNING- PSYCHO OVER-EMOTIONAL KAVITHA IN CONTROL HERE. THIS ENTRY IS COMPLETELY MENTAL, AND CORNY. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
I have some awesome friends. Natalie, Sarah, John, Jobe, etc. Although tonight I know they all wanted to walk away and hit me, and tell me to shut up, they didn't. They stuck by me while I drove them and myself crazy. I guess I should tell you that you should be prepared for anything. One person/thing can and will at some point stir up so much emotion in you that you think you're going to die. Well that happened to me tonight. I was hoping that this summer would let me have a chance to get Pond out of my mind. That I would forget about him. I don't know if I liked him, ever, but I think that I let myself get a little too attached. Emotionally I guess. It wasn't an attraction or anything. Cupid didn't hit me with an arrow, but still. I was hoping everything would leave my mind. And I had managed to push it into a remote part of my brain that I didn't use much. Well tonight all those feelings and 200 more came forward, and swirled into this mess that left me wanting to cry, and scream, and do so many other things. I was standing at the fence with Natalie and Sarah, and I saw Pond's sister. Well that's when it hit me that Pond might be there. Curiosity got the better of me, and I started scanning the stands. Then I saw him. My hands were shaking so badly, my throat tightened. I just didn't know what to do or think. It hurt so badly seeing him. There was never a relationship or anything like that between us, but we spent quite a bit of time on the phone, and it hurt when we stopped talking. It hurt when I found out he had lied about something, and it hurt worse not knowing what was going on in my own life. I felt so used and lost, and stupid. I couldn't believe I had let someone stress me out so badly. At that moment, everything faded out, and all I could think about was how stupid I had been. It seemed as though all I was to him was a game. He tried to see if he could actually befriend (that the word) someone outside his group.. then when he found out he could, just let it go. He lost interest. I don't know! I just don't know! Another thing that was killing me was the lack of acknowledment. On both parts. My friends told me ignoring him would be the best thing, and apparently he felt the same way. That KILLED me. I couldn't stand not saying hi, or whatever. Apparently it didn't bother him as much, however I really wouldn't know. I can't say I didn't see him, because I did spend a considerable amount of time watching him. And everything he did hurt me more.. everytime he laughed or smiled.. it made me remember how miserable I was.. because of him. My friends said that he was watching me too, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that. I don't think I want to belive that. I did put myself at ease for about 2 minutes. I was walking with Sarah under the bleachers and he was standing there with some friends. His friends left, and traffic happended to direct me to him. I watched him as I walked... my mind arguing with my heart (how corny is that?) Anyway, they compromised and I brushed by him, and muttered "stranger." I didn't even hear myself. I didn't think he was even paying attention. Well we walked up the stairs.. I barely made it.. I was shaking.. anyway he came up behind me, and squeezed past and said "i'm not a stranger" He walked off so quickly, or I would have said something back. That was it.. That was the only thing that actually happened. I feel like I'm losing control of my life. I'm so scared! I don't know what's going on. I want to! And I've got to find out. I just don't know how. Well my eyes are way blurry, and before I start completely bawling I need to get to my room, to avoide parental questions. I'll update some other time.
Dazed and Confused and Sad and Angry and Totally way Unhappy!

Saturday
August 19th, 2000
10:34 A.M.

Ok, I know some of you may think I should be admitted to a mental institute, b/c of my last entry. I'm really a lot better than I was. That night wasn't the best of times for me..to say the least. I don't know what it is yet, but something bothered me about seeing him, and while I have theories, i'm not sure. I'll keep you posted. haha..
Anyway, I'm going to the mall with Mary later, and before I do.... I have to tell you about (*dun dun dun*) THE LETTER PEOPLE! I can hear it now. You are all saying "Not again, here we go..." But this time is different. Despite the fact, I was severly messed up at the game, and not really paying much attention to anything, I did take the time to notice the letters and punctuation before I found out Pond was there. At first the I was missing, one of the other letters tried to get me to be the I.. yea right! Well I have some comments.... The T- I had class with this guy.. he's sweetie.. you can't say anything bad about him. the R.. I don't remember who the r was... hmmm.. i'll get back to you on that one. The I- This was one of my good friends. Ok.. this is mean.. but it's a bad replacement over last year's I. However if you read my other months of entries.. you will see how stuck on that one letter I was. (I think that's the first time I mentioned his actual letter..) Anyway.. the B- bill! I never would have thought he would do that. I know some people were EXTREMELY happy with that situation. The E- ok he was hott.. lol... that's all i'm sayin... The exclamation point. ok he's hott too.. Way hott, but he is SOOOOOOOO stuck up. I don't see how people are like that! ANyway... Sarah and I went to the other side to try and find this guy... we didn't. Nor did I find my cousin Samantha (right, Skip?) (Don't ask).. Well I guess that's all for now. Talk to you later. (Can't you tell, I'm tons better?!)
Kavitha

Saturday
August 19th, 2000
6:23 P.M.

Hey! I'm back from the mall. I had a BLAST. Derrick went, too. You almost want to hit him sometimes, but you can't help but love him. haha. Anyway, I got a couple things, but not too much. Derrick got these monkey's he wanted. They are the 'hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil' things. The ones he got are SOOO ugly, but he got them. Oh well. Talk to you later!
Kavitha

Monday
August 21st, 2000
8:56 P.M.

I survived the first day at school. Buur-dah is in my 1st period (honors algerbra 2). There's a cutie in my 2nd period class(world geography). ALSO Pond is in there. He came in, saw me, and sat on the other side of the room. He's such a jerk now, and I don't know why. Probably was all along, but he wasn't too me. 3rd period(honors english 2) there are a lot of people in. It looks like it's gonna be a hard class. I have Jobe, Nathan and Marianne in Spanish. Sarah, Natalie, Megan, and Matti (who isn't talking to me) are in my 5th period.. psychology and sociology. I have lunch with Natalie and her b/f Adam, and quite a few other people (including pond). I have Honors Chemistry with sarah, and adam, and betty. I heard from a friend that this guy likes me. I never would have thought he would! And then another tip told me that one of my good guy friends like me. UUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! Well... I think I'm going to make it through a little bit of school at least *KNOCK ON WOOD* But anyways, I need to go now. Talk to you later.
Kavitha

Tuesday
August 22nd, 2000
8:40 P.M.

The second day was rougher in some ways. Getting up was tough. Some of the classes were tougher. Pond talked to me. He asked me if I got contacts, then got WAY smart during lunch. That ticked me off. Now I see he's just a jerk. A lot of people seem to think I like him. It's SO not like that. For some odd reason out of the blue he called me... he was fun to talk to, so I talked to him.. it just happened that we talked everyday for a month. When something like that stops.. it bothers me. I just wanted to know what happened. Now I don't care. I don't like him, never did. You can believe me if you want. I have nothing against him. I don't hate him. but then again I'm not particularly fond of him. I tried to be friends with him, and took up for him, but you know what, he doesn't care. I tried. But it got me nowhere. Anyway, today at lunch I was standing with my hands on two chairs, and was talking to Adam. We were waiting for Natalie. Well Justin (god forbid I say the other word.) was in there.. I don't know why he hates me so much. I have never really done anything to him, but for some reason, he just seems to hate me. I ended up sitting next to Josh Sherlin.. He's cute, and really nice. Anyway, yesterday Adam accused me of liking pond.. which I don't.. but anyway he said "Yea right, you know given half a chance, you'd climb him faster than Curios George up a banana tree." (That's a whole other embarrassing story) but anyway today Pond had on a yellow shirt. Adam, and Justin and them were like "POND (they said his real name) HOW YA DOIN? I LIKE THAT SHIRT. YOU LOOK LIKE A BANANA" It was mean, and I felt almost bad for him, but it was funny! haha... Then after lunch in the little commons area thing, is where that other thing happened. Uh anyway.. I'm tired, and about to start repeating myself, so talk to you later.

P.S. Thank god for Meredith.. I swear she's the only person that does not think I like Pond. And she has the same Arm obsession that I do.. haha
Kavitha

Saturday
August 26th, 2000
2:39 P.M.

I went to another ball game last night, and the good news it wasn't as bad as last weeks'. Pond was there. I got a dirty look from him, and several from Justin. Some people made up for them though. I finally met Tiffany face to face. I saw Coleslaw. Josh was great, Cody was nice, etc. Ummm I went home with megan last night. I found out who she likes, and I know someone who likes her. I'm gonna have to try and pull some strings in that situation.
The last few days have been kinda weird. Situation A: Justin. He's such a jerk to me. I was trying to talk to Josh at lunch, and the next thing I know Justin is like "You are such a ***** to me!" Uh no? I'm a very nice person, but if you're going to treat me bad, I have no reason to be nice to you! That made me SO mad!
Sitation B: Pond! Oh my gosh. He's a jerk,too. Meredith talked to him on the phone the other night, and apparently he said that "the phone works both ways" and I should have called him. If he cared at all, he would have called! Then in class the other day, I said something along the lines of "You've been a jerk to me all year, don't make it any worse." He said "i have not" Oh the nerve! UGH!
Umm I think that's all....
Kavitha

Sunday
August 27th, 2000
5:08 P.M.

I went to the movies earlier with Megan, her mom, and my mom. We saw "What lies Beneath." I got a little confused, but once I figured out what happened, It was cool. I just got through studying for a chemistry test I have Tuesday. I didn't study too much for the one I have tomorrow, but I hope it won't be too hard. It's definitions, and I think I know most of them. I think that's all...
Kavitha

Monday
August 28th, 2000
4:19 P.M.

I have definitely had better days! We got our annuals today. Pond signed mine, and asked me to sign his. Nothing major in it. Umm at lunch 2 idiots.. (no names mentioned) spilled coke all over the thing. I am STILL really really really mad about that! I can not STAND one of the people! He hates me, so it doesn't really matter, but still. There are other things too, but right now I have a lot of homwork I need to get to.
Kavitha

Thursday
August 31st, 2000
4:59 P.M.

I have had a pretty bad week. I lost my chemistry folder! That makes me SOOOOOOOO mad! I'm like way stressed about it, and I know it's stupid, but still. Natalie and I have several love triangles going on, and one blew up in our faces. Another is at a stand still. and one is moving kinda slowly. Sarah is like so getting mad at me for everything. It's really getting on my nerves!!! Well know what.. I need to go.
Kavitha