Disclaimer... I don't own any of these characters except Crystal Dawn Phoenix (that's me.... I'd hope to God I owned me!) Haunter belongs to Haunter, and all the other characters belong to some big corporation or 'nother.

The Return of the Phoenix

(Crystal Dawn/SailorN1 is floating thru an empty void with nothing but tea to keep her company. That's because Haunter blew the universe to hell in the last story. The only thing not to get blown up was Crystal Dawn, and she's beginning to get bored....)

Crystal Dawn: Damn it!!! This is boring!!! If I wanted to sit around and drink tea, I'd go home!!! (gets struck with an idea) Waitaminnit... I'm writing this fic....I can do whatever the hell I want!!! I can recreate the whole flippin' universe!!! sweet. (waves hands around dramatically, and everything is back to normal except that now she's on a spaceship. Haunter's sitting across from her) Hey. It worked!!!

Haunter: What did you do that for!?! I kinda liked blowing up the universe!

Crystal Dawn: (pulling another gallon jug of tea from thin air)Well, I was bored!!! Besides, this is my fic, and I can do whatever I want!!!(pours a glass and starts to drink it)

Haunter: Well, I guess that's true. Where did Team Rocket go?

Crystal Dawn: I sent them back to Earth. He-e-e-e-ey! I just thought of something!

Haunter: What?

Crystal Dawn: Since I just created the universe....this means I'm GOD!!!(the word GOD echoes eerily)

Haunter: Well, I destroyed it, so what am I?

Crystal Dawn: Well, let's see, what's that old quote? "Kill one man, you're a murderer, kill many, you're a conqueror, kill them all and you're....." I guess that means you're God, too. Drat. (takes a drink of tea)

Haunter: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! My first order of business as God is to have a little fun!!!

Crystal Dawn: God!-- I mean me - I mean...GAHHH!!! What have I done!?!(from out of nowhere, a whole fleet of attack vessels begin to launch an attack)

Haunter: Woo-hoo!!! (takes control of the cockpit and begins firing) Eat hot laser, rebel scum!!! Behold, I am Emperor Sardist! The new emperor of the Second Imperium! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! (flares black cape out dramatically)

Crystal Dawn: (sighs, snapping fingers over her head)Guys. Well, I might as well have an interesting costume for this, too.(She is now wearing a Team Rocket "Phoenix" outfit, consisting of long pointy black gloves and boots, a white Team Rocket jumpsuit, and a black sash for a belt)

Haunter: (turning away from the control panels)What were you wearing before?

Crystal Dawn: Ummmm.... That's a good question. Guess I forgot to write that part in. (Haunter goes back to shooting enemy targets)Hmmm... (takes another sip of tea)I need to do something "Phoenix-y", since I'm the most powerful being in existence now.

Haunter: (turning away from the control panels again)HEY!!! What about me!?!

Crystal Dawn: I'm writing this part of the story, so I get to be most powerful!!! And I have tea!!!(holds up her ever-present tea jug. Haunter grumbles something to himself and goes back to shooting enemy targets)Hmmm.... I guess I could destroy these ships myself with the power of the Phoenix....(surrounds herself with a giant flaming bird)

Haunter: What the hell!?! Where'd the giant fire-bird come from!?!

Crystal Dawn: It's the symbol of the Phoenix! And I wrote it in here because it just looks so damn cool! Now, I must do the Phoenix speech!!!

Haunter: What the hell is going on!?! Did I just miss something!?!

Crystal Dawn: I AM FIRE!!! AND LIFE INCARNATE!!! NOW AND FOREVER - I AM PHOENIX!!!

Haunter: Now that was weird. What was that?

Crystal Dawn: Oh, that. That's just a different font.(shrugs and disappears)

Haunter: Ummmm.... Where'd she go?(looks at a monitor screen which shows Crystal Dawn flying around outside and blasting enemy ships with the big flaming fire bird)Hey!!! Those were my cannon fodder!!! No one messes with my target practice!!! Hi-ya!(aims a plasma cannon straight for Crystal Dawn and fires.)

Crystal Dawn: Hey, I'm writing this fic, remember!!! You can't hurt me!!!(bats the plasma beam back at Haunter)

Haunter: Yeah, but I have the force on my side!!!(bats the beam back at Crystal Dawn)

Crystal Dawn: But I have a better outfit!!!(bats the beam back at Haunter)

Haunter: No way!!! My cape rules all! (bats the beam back at Crystal Dawn)

Crystal Dawn: This sucks. (disappears and then reappears back inside the ship)Let's go back to Earth and see what kind of damage we can cause there.

Haunter: Showoff.

Crystal Dawn: You're just pissed 'cuz you can't annoy me.

Haunter: (evily)How do you know I've been trying?

Crystal Dawn: I'm just as good at annoying people as you! I can tell!!!

Haunter: (calmly)Oh, you are not.

Crystal Dawn: Am, too!

Haunter: (calmly)You suck at irritating people.

Crystal Dawn: (beginning to get annoyed)I do not!!!

Haunter: (calmly)You couldn't annoy me if your life depended on it.

Crystal Dawn: (face turning red)I could, too!!!

Haunter: (calmly)I bet you've not annoyed five whole people in your entire life.

Crystal Dawn: (clearly pissed)Aaaarrrrhhhhh!!!!! That's it!!!!(points a finger at Haunter, who becomes a Psyduck with a black cape)Take that!

Haunter: Psy-ai-ai-duck! Psyduck! ("What the f**k just happened!?!")

Crystal Dawn: I'm writing this, so I made you a Psyduck for annoying me!

Haunter: Psyduck! Duck-duck-psyduck!("So I did piss you off!")

Crystal Dawn: Did I say that? I lied!

Haunter: Psyduck! Psyduck! Psyduck! Psyduck!("I pissed you off! I pissed you off! I pissed you off! I pissed you off!")

Crystal Dawn: ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!! SHUT UP!!! (kicks Haunter into a wall. Haunter sits up, places his hands to his forehead, and concentrates. His eyes begin to glow and Crystal Dawn changes into a Raticate with a black sash)Raticate! Ca-a-a-ate!("Arrrrggghhh!!!! I hate Raticates!")

Haunter: (laughing hysterically)Psy-ai-ai-ai-ai-duck! ("Serves you right! Don't mess with the Force!")

Crystal Dawn: Raticate! Cate-i-cate-rat-cate-rat!("That's okay! I know how to get you back!")(points at Haunter, who changes from a Psyduck to a Wigglytuff)

Haunter: Wi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-igglytu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uff!!!!!("Oh, my God - I mean "me" - I mean...ARRRRRGHHHHH!!!! Pink! I'm pink! And cute!!! GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!")(Crystal Dawn laughs hysterically)Wiggly-TUFF! TUFF!!!!! Wiggly-WIGGLYTUFF!("I'm gonna kill you! Quit laughing! ARRRRGHHHH! Take this!!!")(Haunter points at Crystal Dawn, who changes into a Mr. Mime)

Crystal Dawn: (looking down at her body)(begins to flail arms around insanely as if to mime "NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!!!!!!!!!! I'm a God-er-me-er....I'm a damned mime!!!!")(She promptly faints)

Haunter: Wigglytuff! Wiggly-wiggly-wigglytuff!!!("The force was weak with this one. I win!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)(changes back into a human)Hmmm....what to do now? I guess I could go back to Earth and annoy everyone there. Yeah, that sounds good.(goes to the controls and begins piloting the ship back to Earth. Crystal Dawn changes back to normal for no other good reason than that I hate mimes and didn't want to wake me up in order to change back. I don't get enough sleep by any stretch of the imagination. Guess you can tell, huh?)

Crystal Dawn: (snoring loudly) ZZZZZZZZZZ........

Haunter: Hey, wake up. Stop snoring.

Crystal Dawn: (snoring loudly)ZZZZZZZZZ............

Haunter: I said, "Stop snoring!!!"(kicks Crystal Dawn, who promptly wakes up) Hey, how come you aren't a mime anymore?

Crystal Dawn: I changed myself back. Didn't you read the thing about me not getting enough sleep earlier on the page?

Haunter: No.

Crystal Dawn: Are we going back to Earth now?

Haunter: You're the writer. You tell me.

Crystal Dawn: Oh, yeah. Okay. (The ship made it back to Earth with no problems. It landed smoothly) How's that?

Haunter: Couldn't we have had another star fight or something? That was pretty dull.

Crystal Dawn: I just wanted to get back home; there are people I want to kill off while I'm God!

Haunter: Hey, I'm God, too! (thinks for a second)Now, who are we going to kill?(he & Crystal Dawn walk out of the spacecraft into a large forest)

Crystal Dawn: (pulls a long, LONG list from out of thin air) Hmmm....Let's see....Ah-Ha! Butch and Cassidy are at the top of the list!

Haunter: How did I know.

Crystal Dawn: Hey, the "Butch Tea High" is his fault.

Haunter: ah. Hehehehe.(The two stop when they see two more people, a man and a woman, approaching. They are singing the "Happy Song" from Ren & Stimpy)

Crystal Dawn: Look, it's them! Isn't it convenient that they just happened to walk by?

Haunter: Wrote it that way, didn't you?

Crystal Dawn: Damn skippy. Now watch.

Butch & Cassidy: Happy, happy, joy, joy, Happy, happy, joy, joy, Happy, happy, joy, joy.....

Haunter: Please kill them and end their suffering and ours.

Crystal Dawn: Okay, here goes. (Butch and Cassidy both begin to swell up and turn green, not at all unlike what happened to Sony Bono in the movie "Troll". When both get to the point that they resemble large cucumbers, they explode, and green slime goes flying everywhere. Crystal Dawn pulls her large "Wicked Lady" umbrella from out of nowhere and shields herself from the flying goo. Haunter uses his cape to deflect the gunk)That. Was. Cool.

Haunter: I guess. I got gunk all over my cape.

Crystal Dawn: Here, I'll take care of it.(Magically, the gunk disappears from Haunter's cape. And Crystal Dawn gets another glass of tea)There we go.(sips the tea)Now what do we do?

(Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, Team Rocket come walking down the trail and notice our heroes)

Haunter: You planned that, didn't you?

Crystal Dawn: Of course. I'm God, after all.

Jesse: Hey, isn't that Crystal Dawn from the Lighthouse?

James: Yeah, and that guy looks like the one who ran Victreebell over with a tank!

Haunter: (waving his hand, using the force )"On second thought, he doesn't look like that guy, after all."

James: (in a trance)On second thought, he doesn't look like that guy, after all.

Crystal Dawn: (pulling a bag of popcorn from thin air and munching on it)This is gonna get good in a second.

Haunter: (still using the force) As a matter of fact, James, don't you have something you'd like to tell Jesse?(Crystal Dawn begins to snicker)

James: (in a trance, bowing on one knee)Jesse, you are Helen of Troy to me! You are more beautiful than the sea on a summer's day. The passionate flame in my heart burns only for you!

Crystal Dawn: Are you making him say all that weird stuff, Haunter?

Haunter: I'm making him say it, but he's thinking it up on his own.

Crystal Dawn: (taking another bite of popcorn)That is just plain freaky.

Haunter: (using the force again)Now, Jesse, don't you have an appropriate response?

Jesse: (in a trance)James, take me now! Make love to me under the open eye of the sun!

Haunter: Ehhh....Once again, she's making this up....

Crystal Dawn: (taking another bite of popcorn as the two victims of the force skitter away behind a bush)This keeps getting freakier and freakier. You can tell I'm writing it.

Meowth: (finally! Where has this furball been?)What are you doing now?

Haunter: Greetings, Meowth. We're exercising our powers as God.

Crystal Dawn: Yup. (takes another bite of popcorn)I'm God now.(Meowth stares for a second, then laughs hysterically)

Meowth: You two? Gods? I must be dreaming! (laughs hysterically some more)

Crystal Dawn: Shut up, Meowth.(glares at him for a second before giving him sugar pink Reni/Chibi-Usa hair)

Meowth: ARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! What is this!?!(runs around in circles until he passes out)

Haunter: Alright, now watch this...I'll stop using the force on them.....

James: (from behind a bush, not in a trance anymore)Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!! What am I doing!?!

Jesse: (also from behind a bush, not in a trance anymore)Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! Where are my clothes!?!(silence. And then....)Oh, what the hell. Let's just finish what we were doing.

James: Okay!

Crystal Dawn: You didn't make them do that last part, did you?

Haunter: No.

Crystal Dawn: That's just disturbing.(begins thinking of something else to do)Hmmm.....I know what I want to do now!

Haunter: Should I worry?

Crystal Dawn: Before I head back to the Lighthouse, I want.... to resurrect Nephlite!!!

Haunter: Again, how did I know.

Crystal Dawn: Okay, here goes nothing....(Suddenly, Nephlite appears from out of nowhere in front of Crystal Dawn)Yes! Alright, babycakes, you're comin' home with me!(takes Nephlite by the arm and begins to lead him off)

Nephlite: Where's Molly?

Crystal Dawn: (getting a big anime sweatdrop)Molly!?! Hmmm....maybe he's defective. Maybe I should try to send him back.....(Haunter begins snickering in the background)Hey! Stop that!!!

Haunter: (waving his hand again)"But you're not doing anything, are you?"

Crystal Dawn: (in a trance)But you're not doing anything, are you?

Haunter: (using the force)"As a matter of fact, Haunter, I'd like to say you're the most powerful after all."

Crystal Dawn: (in a trance)As a matter of fact, Haunter, I'd like to say you're the most powerful after all.

Haunter: (using the force)"Now I'd like to end this fic...."

Crystal Dawn: (in a trance)Now I'd like to end this fic....

The End....or is it?