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"The grass may be greener on the other side but it still has to be cut."
"Rome was not made a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those that opposed them."
"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Duct tape is like the force: it has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together."
Kate: "If moths fly toward light, why don't they fly to the sun?"
Robert: "They're nocturnal."
Kate: "Why don't they fly to the moon, then?"
Robert: "Go to sleep, Kate."
"If riding in an airplane is flying, then riding in a boat is swimming. If you want to experience the element, then get out of the vehicle."
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." -Voltaire
"If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants." -- Albert Einstein
" I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur."
"When the people look like ants-PULL,
When the ants look like people-PRAY."
"The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because
she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think."
"The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action."
"If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving."
"The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground........ and miss."
"A synonym is a word you use
when you can't spell the word you first thought of."
"Never underestimate the stupidity of the human race."
"People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine."
G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?" EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
"Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet." -- Flucard's Corollary
"A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking."
"Practice makes perfect but nobody's perfect so why practice?"
"Sure, God made men first, but you always make a rough draft before a final copy."
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." -Abraham Lincoln
"They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good. He's dead. Good."
"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)"
"What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?"
"I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!"
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"When blondes have more fun do they know it?"
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"When you were born you were pink, you grew up white, when you get sick you are green, when you are cold you turn blue, when you are hot you are red - yet all my life I've been black, since the day I was born, and until the day I die, and you still have the nerve to call me colored?!"
"Smile, it makes the world wonder what you're thinking..."
"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved." -Victor Hugo
"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."
"Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"
"Join the Army, travel to exotic, distant lands, meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them."
"If you think that something small cannot make a difference - try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room."
"Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes."
"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it!"
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
-Shakespeare
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." -James Dean
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." -Ingrid Bergman
"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow." -Helen Keller
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze." (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
"Any time you get a mouthful of hot soup, the next thing you do will be wrong."
"Paper is always strongest at the perforations."
"Just because you aren't paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you!!"
"Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake." -Thoreau
"You call it madness, but I call it love." -Don Byas
"If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average."
"98% of all statistics are made up."
If you have any other good quotes or sites for quotes, email them to me and I will be glad to add them to my list.
