M: I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.
S: Oh, is that what you extending? -"Fire"

M: I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat is to
crawl naked into a sleeping bag with somebody else who's already
naked.
S: Maybe if it rains sleeping bags you'll get lucky. -"Detour"

S: That was Detective Manners. He said they found your bleeping UFO.
-"Jose Chung's From Outer Space"

S: There's something up there, Mulder.
M: I've been saying that for years. -"GenderBender"

M: Scully, are you familiar with subliminal messages?
S: You mean like sex in ice cubes in liquor ads? That's paranoia.
-"Blood"

S: I mean there's nothing weird about- [toads start falling from the
sky, then stop]
M: So, lunch?
S: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!
M: Guess their parachutes didn't open. What did you say about this
place not feeling odd? -"Die Hand Die Verletzt"

S: Mulder, this town is insane.
M: Where are you?
S: In a convience store just outside . . . civilization.
-"War of the Corpophages"

M: Did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the scarab bettle
and possibly erected the pyramids to honor them, which may be giant
symbolic dung heaps?
S: Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas
Crapper? -"War of the Corpophages"

S: You're not going to tell me it's the work of the Mexican Goat
Sucker, are you? -"Bad Blood"

S: Sure. Fine. Whatever. -"Sygyzy"

M: Go ahead.
S: No, you go ahead.
M: No, I know how much you love snapping on the latex. -"Sygyzy"

M: And Bambi has this theroy . . .
S: Who?
M: Dr. Berunbaum
S: Her name is Bambi? -"War of the Corpophages"

M: Let's go, G-woman. -"Pusher"

S: Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I was that stoned . . .
M: Ohhhh, if you were that stoned what? -"Deep Throat"

M: Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine with all the
chicks? Shaft! Can you dig it? You know they say this guy Shaft,
he's a bad mother- shut your mouth! 'Talkin' 'bout Shaft.
[Cut to Washington office] I did not!
S: Long story short. -"Bad Blood"

S: [Picks up scaple and tape recorder] Begin autopsy on white male, age
60, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am. Although
not by much. I'll begin with the Y-incision. [Scaple knife falls
off] Yee-haw. -"Bad Blood"

M: Scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?
-"Small Potatoes"

M: Will you marry me?
S: Well, I was hoping for something a little more helpful. -"Chinga"

M: [Walks into darkened office] Whatever tape you found in that VCR
isn't mine.
S: That's good, because I put it into that drawer with all the other
tapes that aren't yours. -"Excelcis Dei"

M: [After a case is over. Mulder rents a car to check something out.
Scully has a phone call from the guy she had a date with. She comes
out to Mulder.] Was that the guy?
S: That was the guy.
M: Going to see him again?
S: I don't think so.
M: Where are you going?
S: I'm going with you.
M: Are you sure? You know what happens when coworkers spend too much
time together.
S: Watch it Mulder, or I'll hurt you like that beast woman did.
-"The Jersey Devil"

S: What must a parent go through having a baby like that?
M: Are you ok?
S: Yeah, I guess that I was just projecting on myself.
M: Why is there a history of physical defects in your family?
S: No.
M: Then find you a man with a great genetic makeup and start pumping out
those ubers, Scully.
S: What about you?
M: What?
S: Does your family have a history of disorders?
M: Except for the use of corrective lenses, being abducted by aliens,
and being in a government coverup to hide the existance of
extraterrestrial life, the Mulder family passes genetic muster.
S: [Laughs]
M: Hey Scully, I never saw you as a mother before. -"Home"

S: I don't imagine I need to tell you this, but you're not a loser,
Mulder.
M: Yeah, but I'm no Eddie van Blundht, either, am I? -"Small Potatoes"

Agent Pendrell: [Talking about going to a negativity seminar] I never
knew how hard it was not to say the word but.
M: I'm having the same problem right now. -"Detour"

S: Please explain to me the scientific nature of 'the whammy.'
-"Pusher"

S: Why do you always get to drive? Because you're the guy? Because
you're the big, macho man?
M: No, I was never sure that your little feet could reach the pedals.
S: [mockingly] I'm a macho man . . . -"Sygyzy"

M: Well, I guess that I'm going to have to tell Skinner that the
suspect is a giant, blood-sucking worm after all. -"The Host"

M: I have to warn you, I'm having violent impulses.
S: I'm armed. I'll take my chances. -"The Host"

S: The answers are there. You just have to know where to look.
M: That's why they put the 'I' in FBI. -"Pilot"

S: They don't want to hear your theories, Mulder. That's why Blevins
has you hidden away down here.
M: You're down here, too. -"Squeeze"

S: We eat fish and fish eat us.
M: Are fish also known for eating half and saving the other half for
later? -"Quagmire"

M: Scully, are you coming onto me? -"Quagmire"

S: Is there any evidence of . . .
M: Two small puncture wounds on the neck?
S: That's not what I was going ask.
M: Too bad. We got 'em. -"Bad Blood"

M: You think that it's too soon to get my own 1-900 number?
-"Post-Modern Prometheus"

S: [tries to open a door] Now what?
M: It's locked? [opens the door, then looks back at Scully]
S: [smiling] I had you.
M: No, you didn't.
S: Oh, yeah, I had you big time. -"The X-Files: Fight the Future"

M: What are we doing up here? It's hotter than hell.
-"The X-Files: Fight the Future"

M: Why don't we call in a bomb threat to Houston? I think it's free
beer night at the Astrodome. -"The X-Files: Fight the Future"

S: [coming off elevator]You were scared.
M: No, I wasn't.
S: Yes, you were.
M: No I wasn't. When I'm scared I make this face. [makes a neutral
face]
S: That's it. That was the face you were making. Come on, you're
buying.
M: What do you want? Coffee, tea, saline IV?
-"The X-Files: Fight the Future"

S: Mulder, we- [laughs] Sorry. For a second there, it almost felt like
old times. -"The Host"

S: It's the birds and the bees and the monkey babies, Mulder.
M: Birds do it, bees do it, even educated MDs do it.
-"Small Potatoes"

M: Well, in case we never meet again. [He kisses Scully look-alike.
After kiss, she punches him. He smiles, then jumps
overboard.] -"Triangle"

S: Better than you expected or better than you hoped? -"Pilot"

M: Enigmatic Doctor Scully. -"Fallen Angel"

S: I'm warning you, Mulder. If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.
-"The Erlenmeyer Flask"

M: If I kill him, would it be considered murder or suicide?
S: Not if I get to him first. -"Dreamland II"

S: I'd kiss you if you weren't so damn ugly. -"Dreamland II"

Morris Fletcher: [opens Mulder's bedroom door and girly magazines fall
out] This guy hasn't been laid in ten years. -"Dreamland II"

Frohike: [talking about Scully] She's hot.
M: Settle down, Frohike. -"EBE"

Byers: . . . He's being put into power by the most henious and evil
force of the twentith century.
M: Barney? -"EBE"