The Incessant Ramblings of Rufus and the Turks
Sephiroth: *whilst sharpening his masamune* A hunting I will go, a hunting I will go, I plan on killing someone, so a hunting I will go.
Reno: Is it just me, or is he frightening?
Elena: No, he's scary.
Sephiroth: *all innocence* What? It is the only song I know.
Rufus: Somehow, I'm not surprised.
Reno: I've got an idea.
Tseng: Did you just say you have an...idea?
Elena: Stop the presses! Reno has an IDEA!
Reno: *charges his nightstick* Say that again, you two, I dare you.
Elena and Tseng: *sweatdrop*
Rufus: *sighs loudly* Tell us this idea then.
Reno: Why do we just sit around here being abused? I mean, there ought to me something we could do about it.
Rude: Like what?
Reno: We can go on strike.
Sephiroth: Strike? How? Do we refuse to say anything?
Elena: Hmm. We could refuse to say anything entertaining.
Reno: *smirks* That shouldn't be too hard for you.
Rufus: Don't even say a word, Elena, not a word.
Elena: *fumes silently*
Tseng: Okay, then we will need to find Jen.
Rude: One problem. Only Sephiroth has permission to leave the room. We cannot unless Jen says so.
Sephiroth: *grins* I am special.
Reno: *smirks* Yeah, we all know how special you are.
Sephiroth: Reno, perhaps you wish to become one with the planet?
Reno: No thanks. Some other time maybe.
Rufus: Can we get back to the whole strike thing, please?
Elena: Okay, all we have to do now, is something that will catch Jen's attention.
Sephiroth: *brightly* I can kill Reno.
Reno: *sarcastically* I wasn't talking about that kind of strike.
Tseng: We can just make a lot of noise.
Rufus: Sounds easy enough.
Elena: Let's do it then. On the count of three, we all scream. One...two...three!
Everyone except Rude, who doesn't scream: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jen: *throws the door open* What is going on in here?! Is Sephiroth killing Reno?
Sephiroth: No, but a good guess.
Elena: You tell her, Reno.
Jen: *suspiciously* Tell me what?
Reno: We're going on strike.
Jen: *folds arms* A strike, eh?
Rufus: *frowns* Why doesn't she sound worried?
Reno: Yes. We refuse to do anything of interest on your page or in this ramble until our conditions are met.
Sephiroth: Conditions? I was not aware we had conditions. *mutters* Great. Reno will be demanding them and no doubt digging us into a deep, deep pit from which we will never find our way out.
Jen: Conditions huh? Well, tell me what they are then.
Reno: First, we want paid. We don't get any money for doing this. Then, we want breaks every five minutes and a keg of beer. Third,, we want to be loved and worshiped, by you and everyone else.
Jen: *tapping foot* Is that all?
Rufus: *mutters* Tapping her foot, not a good sign. I don't think this is working. Why do we listen to Reno?
Reno: That's all I can think of for now.
Jen: Okay then, I'll be right back.
Reno: I think she's agreeing to this!
Elena: *doubtfully* I don't know...
Jen: *sweetly* I'm back! And I brought you all a little surprise.
Reno: Bring it on!
Jen: Okay, you asked for it.
The door opens wider, and a dark beast enters.
Reno: What the hell is that?! It looks like Red XIII spray painted black!
????: I assure you, I am not Red XIII. My name is Blacknight, and I am a she.
Reno: Should have known it would talk. So, how is this our surprise?
Rufus: *hisses* Don't you get it?! This is to keep us from striking!
Blacknight: I am here to teach Reno and Sephiroth a lesson.
Sephiroth: Teach me a lesson? You? I could slice you in half with my masamune.
Jen: Go ahead, show him what you can do.
Blacknight: Very well. Here I come Sephiroth!
Blacknight charges forward with amazing speed, and heads directly for Sephiroth's sword. Sephiroth smirks, rises languidly, and then swings the masamune out in a wide arch. To the utter amazement of everyone in the room, Blacknight latches her teeth onto the sword and bites it clean in half. Then, she moves back from Sephiroth to sit and grin at him.
Sephiroth: *in disbelief* My...my masamune. You...bit it in half!
Rufus: Damn you, Reno!
Reno: *sweatdrop* How was I to know?!
Sephiroth: *cradles his broken sword and mumbles* My sword...my baby...*dematerializes*
Blacknight: You are next, Reno!
Reno: Oh @#$%! *starts to run from the room, but everyone blocks the doorway* Hey! What gives?!
Rufus: *grins* Someone has needed to teach you a lesson for a long time.
Elena: You're mean to me and you got us in this mess.
Tseng: I'm afraid I agree with Rufus and Elena.
Reno: Rude? My best friend...my bud...?
Rude: It will do you some good, Reno.
Reno: *squeeks* Jen?
Jen: Sorry, Reno. You've been asking for this for a long time.
Blacknight: Shall we get started then?
Reno: *screams and runs in the opposite direction*
Blacknight: *growls, and chases after Reno. Of course, she's way too fast for him*
Blacknight tackles Reno and they both go tumbling to the floor. Reno tries to get away by crawling along the floor, but she grabs a hold of his pant legs with her teeth and gently bites his flesh. Reno screams like a baby, and the group by the door laughs. Then, Blacknight leaps on to Reno and they go rolling around the room in a ball of enormous dust. Every so often you can see an arm or a leg (usually belonging to Reno) and Reno's head sticking out, pleading for help. After about ten minutes of this joyous event, Blacknight lets Reno go. There isn't a mark on her, but Reno's suit is torn in many places and his hair is standing on end (yes, even more than usual).
Jen: Bravo! That was the best! I wish I'd thought to bring some popcorn!
Rufus: *wipes his eyes* Ah, I haven't been that entertained since...well, since forever.
Elena: Oh! I loved that!
Tseng: Most amusing.
Rude: Sorry bud, but I enjoyed that.
Reno: Mommy...? I see stars...and beer! Lots of beer!
Jen: Oh Blacknight, I think there might be some others in need of lessons.
Blacknight: Sure thing, Jen.
Everyone (minus Reno, plus Rude): *Runs out of the room screaming, Blacknight not far behind*
Jen: *walks over and helps Reno to his feet* Come on Reno, I'll buy you a beer. You earned it.
Reno: Beer?
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Hey! Only one visitor this Ramble! Her name is Blacknight, and she's a fanfic author herself. And a darn good one too, considering her age. I'm sure you've read her funny one that I posted here, Spirit World. Anyhow, come visit her site, Blacknight.
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