 ~ MRS. SHARP'S TRADITIONS ~  NOTE: The entire text below is taken directly from the book Mrs. Sharp’s Traditions. I cannot take credit in any form for the ideas and creativity on this page unless so noted. The book is written by Sarah Ban Breathnach and is currently out of print. If you can find a copy (the softcover version is called Victorian Family Celebrations), definitely grab it and run…and DON’T lend it to a friend because you’ll probably never get it back! The most important aspect in the pursuit of domestic bliss is attitude. Ceremonials for common days the fruit of a positive attitude, the flourishes or finishing touches that add beauty, charm, and a sense of graciousness to our lives. Every family needs to create its own ceremonials for common days. They can be as simple as setting the table for breakfast in a certain way, enjoying tea with your children after they return home from school, or taking a family walk under the stars after supper. Let us begin each common day, dear Reader, with a ceremonial all your own: Carve out private time to yourself, at least half an hour in the early morning to collect your thoughts over a cup of tea or coffee, to pray or meditate, read a page from an inspirational book, and plan your day. Of course, this necessitates that you arise earlier than the rest of the family. Trust Mrs. Sharp, you need this time to yourself. It is of inestimable worth for a mother to begin her day before the rest of the family. This time alone can become a treasured retreat of serenity that can prepare you to handle whatever the day might hold in store. It is far better for Mother to create a morning retreat than for her to beat one at day’s end. RESTORING RHYTHM WITH DAILY RITUALS ~ Let us begin by reflecting upon how much rhythm you have in your family life. When we pause a moment to think about why we should restore this most necessary, yet neglected, ingredient for insuring harmony in the home, the natural world offers us many examples: the recurring cycles of the four seasons, the monthly phases of the moon, the ebb and flow of the tide and the daily progression from day into night. Prior to the Industrial Revolution, 19th century family were forced to fit work, rest and recreation into agreement with the natural world. Over the last 100 years, however, progress has made it possible for modern families to attempt to overcome the limitations of nature. But this doesn’t mean we can ignore the role that rhythm plays in our lives. If we do, eventually the tension and stress from trying to have it all and do it all at the same time will catch up with us. A comforting sense of rhythm should be restored in the home through daily rituals, particularly with regard to eating and sleeping. The sense of security your youngsters will derive from so simple a concept as regular mealtimes and bedtimes can be profound. Mrs. Sharp’s message is not revolutionary but a tried-and-true practical plan for homemaking. IN PRAISE OF ORDER ~ Order should be the homemaker’s first aspiration. If the state of your home is continuous chaos, making bringing order into your home a priority. After rhythm, establishing a sense of order is perhaps the most important thing you can do is promote your own and your family’s sense of well-being. Not to mention that no mother can think clearly, never mind celebrate family life, existing in clutter. Children need and thrive on order, but it must at first be imposed upon them. In fact, little ones look to their parents to bring order into their lives. Start when children are very young to teach them to tidy up after playing and put their toys away. After toys, children should learn to put their own clothes and belongings away, make their beds and keep their bedrooms "reasonably neat," and gradually to contribute on a regular basis to the needs of the household. It has come to Mrs. Sharp’s attention that many contemporary mothers long to transform their homes from a house of nonpaying borders into a close-knit family but don’t know where to begin. To remedy this situation, Mrs. Sharp will gently suggest an old-fashioned Victorian tradition that can perform miracles: it’s called eating together. Although the thought may at first be terrifying, when your children are grown, dear Reader, what they will remember best about life with you are family mealtimes. Decide that from now on your evening meal will be a special time for you and your family. A time of reassurance, comfort and sociability. Children learn some of their most important lessons at the family table, including good manners, the art of conversation and confidence. Some practical suggestions on how to do this might include saying no to all early-evening meetings or classes, to make it a family rule not to accept phone calls during this time and turn the television off during dinner. Mrs. Sharp believes that one old-fashioned tradition that should be lovingly restored to modern family life is the ritual Sunday dinner. She also believes it’s time to bring back the ritual family feast, one day in the week to set a beautiful, inviting table using your best china, linens, and flowers for the table. Have the family put on their party clothes. This will be the day that you can try out new recipes or enjoy old favorites. Promote a party atmosphere, for after all, you are inviting your favorite guests to dinner! Any home with children inevitably has a bath and bed routine. Mrs. Sharp makes a plea for a gentle transition from day to night with cozy twilight traditions. Begin the nighttime ritual by having the children tidy up their toys and personal belongings. To make the job easier, have one large basket in the living room or playroom into which they can collect their toys quickly. In the morning, before play begins again, the basket can be emptied and the toys can be put away properly. Now while the children are tidying up, draw a lovely bath for them. Let each child have his own bath basket to which to keep a variety of soaps, small nailbrush and sponges. Let each child pick their favorite color and color-code towels and washcloths. If your child has a particularly stressful day, let her take her bath using a night-light. Massage her legs, arms and tired shoulders with bath oil after she gets out of the tub, then give her an extra cuddle and carry or escort her to her bedroom. Children adore water play, but in Mrs. Sharp’s house not every bath is designated a "play" bath. But on those chosen nights, we start the bath routine a half hour earlier and the play part of the bath comes only after each child has been thoroughly cleaned. To keep things moving along, an adult should always supervise bathtime because children left on their own will dawdle the night away. However, instead of the admonition "Hurry up" we use the euphemism "It’s getting time now…." While the children are bathing, Mrs. Sharp finishes tidying up their rooms. After dressing for bed, the children select what they will wear the next day and lay out their clothes for the morning. Now it is storytime, a half hour until lights are out. As with dinner, no phone calls are accepted while we’re putting the children to bed. Then the storybook is closed for the night, prayers are heard, and little ones of all ages are tucked in and kissed good-night. One of our favorite night-time traditions began when the children were very small and has continued as they have grown older. After Mrs. Sharp turns off the lights, she always lies down next to them or sits on the bed and holds their hand in the dark. What an opportunity it is for heart-to-heart talks, as the children cuddle more closely near Mother. We wipe the slate clean over any transgressions that may have occurred earlier, and everyone goes to bed with a free conscience. Soon the most blissful moment any parent experiences all day arrives. The children are asleep and Mrs. Sharp counts her blessings! A century ago Victorian parents were urged to give much thought to creating amusing diversions that were the mainstay of our cozy home-circle evenings. One of the ways that parents can reinstate home as the place where their children’s best and happiest moments are spent is to set aside some special time each week for just the family. If there is one thing Mrs. Sharp has learned over this last century, it is that special family times don’t just happen, they must be planned. Schedule a family night into your calendar, inviolate, just as you would any other important event. Fun is the most important ingredient to insure the entire family’s enthusiastic cooperation and participation. Make the evening festive, like a party. Plan on serving favorite family refreshments. Keep the mood of the evening lighthearted, no discussion of business or discipline problems is permitted. Above all, at least in the beginning, keep family night short. For your first family night assembly, just an hour or less. You may be asking yourself, "Now what do we do?" Here are a few ideas to spur on your imagination: Work on the family photo album; browse through the gardening catalogues and plan the family garden; work on seasonal handicrafts. (Please note that any of the old-fashioned season pastimes listed in the monthly sections would adapt very well for family night fun.) For your first family night, why not hold a "Getting to Know You" party? Encourage each member to share his favorite family memories and see if there is a common thread. Next, ask everyone to contribute suggestions for the good times to come and write these down on index cards for future family-night fun. In virtually all Victorian households, Sunday or the Sabbath was set aside as a day of worship, rest and family time. It was considered one of Mother’s responsibilities to come up with spiritually uplifting and morally edifying pastimes for the entire family. They were expected to set Sundays aside for character building and the religious training of children. For example, only toys of a religious natures (such as Noah’s Ark or Bible games) could be played with. Making scrapbooks devoted to religious themes was also a popular Sunday-afternoon pastime. In today’s hurried world, Sunday is still very often the only day that families can completely count on being together. Certainly modern families need whatever time they can carve out from their busy schedules to refresh their spirit. Making Sunday a special day for nurturing family togetherness is an old-fashioned way to renew the bonds of affection. Try to elevate the day by sharing some special time together. An excursion to a wonderful new art exhibition or a Sunday saunter out in the country enjoying the sunshine, fresh air and the company of our loved ones is much more renewing to everyone’s spirit than a trip to a crowded discount department store. At Mrs. Sharp’s, we enjoy seasonal outdoor outings on Sunday, followed by a special family dinner. About once a month we also enjoy inviting family and friends to Sunday afternoon tea. When the family has friends over for Sunday afternoon tea, one Victorian teatime favorite is Scripture cake. SCRIPTURE CAKE 1 cup Psalms 55:21 (2 sticks butter) 1 cup Jeremiah 6:20 (sugar) 3 Jeremiah 17:11 (eggs) 1 tablespoon I Samuel 14:25 (honey) 1/3 cup Judges 4:19 (milk) 2 ¼ cups Leviticus 6:15 (flour) 1 tablespoon Amos 4:5 (baking powder) 2 teaspoons II Chronicles 9:9 (Spice mixture: 1 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp nutmeg) A pinch Leviticus 2:13 (salt) 1 ½ cups I Samuel 30:12 (raisins) 1 cup Numbers 13:23 (chopped figs) ½ cup Numbers 17:8 (chopped almonds) Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour a loaf pan. In a large bowl, cream the butter (an electric beater works well) until light, beating in the sugar, a tablespoon at a time until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, heating well. Stir in honey and milk. Sift together the dry ingredients: flour, salt, baking powder and spices. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the butter mixture, blending until thoroughly mixed. Stir in the raisins, figs, and almonds. Turn mixture in baking pan. Bake for 50 minutes. Victorian parents who practiced "moderation in all things" the rest of the year were known to indulge occasionally in birthday extravaganzas: lavish juvenile tea parties, followed by entertainments such as magic lantern, Punch and Judy puppet shows or conjuring-trick performances. Mrs. Sharp believes that one of the reasons that the Victorians went overboard on birthdays was because of our tenuous hold on life. In the prevaccination era, when children’s mortality rates were 50%, we were genuinely thrilled to know that our children had made it to another birthday. Today’s parents often indulge at birthdays for another reason: guilt. There should be a way for us to create memorable and meaningful birthdays for our children without going overboard. Mrs. Sharp believes she has discovered some ways that can help you create a day your child will fondly remember all year long. The first suggestion is to return the focus of the birthday to your child, taking if off of the birthday party for your child’s friends. This can be done by giving a modest birthday party on the weekend before or after a birthday. Then on the child’s actual birthday celebrate the happy anniversary at home from dawn to dusk. For instance, at Mrs. Sharp’s house, the birthday celebration traditionally starts with a visit during the night from the birthday fairy, who leaves a much-desired gift at the foot of the child’s bed. This excitement is followed by a festive breakfast complete with coffee cake and candles. By draping and securing silk cloth over a chair, we create a special "throne" for the birthday child. In our dining room, Mrs. Sharp’s seasonal table (see January) has been completely decorated during the night, and the child’s gifts and cards are piled there awaiting her. Mrs. Sharp parcels out the gifts throughout the day. Other small celebratory touches include packing a birthday cupcake in the school lunch box and letting the birthday child choose her favorite foods for the dinner menu. There is also a dispensation from all chores on birthdays. Finally, after a wonderful candlelight family feast, each member of the family also presents the birthday child with a gift of themselves. We all prepare recitations in the child’s honor describing how the child has grown or what special accomplishments he or she has achieved during the year. Creating your own family traditions for birthdays is a gift of love your children will never outgrown. ~ CRISSCROSS DAYS ~ Into the life of every child comes a broken cup. On an ordinary day the broken cup will only be a piece of kitchen crockery. On a crisscross day, Mother, the cup will be from your beloved antique English-porcelain tea set. Crisscross days are not sent to try our patience, but to stretch our souls. We must humbly ask for grace to get through them. They also require us to realize our limitations. Mrs. Sharp has learned over the past century of childrearing that it is whenever we are tired, worried, distracted or not feeling well and need the children to behave, you can be assured they will be at their worst. Crisscross currents can strike at any hour, although often they begin first thing in the morning and continue their downward spiral until an explosion of screams, tantrums and tears clears the air. Mrs. Sharp suggests that you stop whatever you are doing, sequester and separate the children and send them to their rooms to play quietly or allow them to watch television. What you are trying to do is carve out an important half hour for mother’s R &R: retreat and regrouping. Put on the kettle and have a cup of tea, turn on some soothing music, sit down and take a few deep breaths. After you have restored your equilibrium, it is time to take the child into your confidence. Explain to them, speaking softly and slowly that you are having a "crisscross" day, and no matter the hour, tell them everyone’s going to start the day all over again. Give them a kiss and say, "Good Morning!" At Mrs. Sharp’s house we’ve even made a tradition of having a pancake supper on a crisscross day to symbolize that we can always start over and begin anew. Finally, Mrs. Sharp always apologizes for her part and asks the children’s forgiveness. I then ask them if they are sorry for anything and, of course, they are. We make up with hugs and kisses all around and start over again. ~ CONVALESCENCE ~ When a child is sick and confined to bed, special soothing traditions are needed. A parent’s loving care can create an atmosphere of peace and serenity, which fosters recovery by offering a child a sense of security. After a child has recovered enough from his illness to be interested in amusing diversions but not well enough to go out or resume a normal routine, having a retinue of special treats set aside that are enjoyed only when a child is "under the weather" can make the experience memorable. One of Mrs. Sharp’s traditions for convalescence includes letting the children wear their parents’ bathrobes. Mrs. Sharp also brings her jewelry box for the daughter to carefully examine and then to wear. Sick day surprises also include a box containing favorite books, games and puzzles that were Mama’s and Papa’s when they were children, and old family albums that are only brought out to be perused when someone is confined to bed. Part of the ritual includes Mother sitting in the room with her sewing while the child looks through the album, so that there can be a running commentary on all the relatives. Mrs. Sharp also places a small table beside the bed, which holds a small silver bell for the sick child to ring if he needs something; the table is the perfect spot for a glass of juice, a fresh box of tissues, and a small vase with flowers. If the child is too sick to come to the dinner table, Mrs. Sharp will get out her best silver serving tray creating a special ceremonial that pampers our convalescent. When one is sick, it really is the small touches that count the most. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?
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