Today we mourn the passing of an
old friend by the name of Common
Sense. Common Sense lived a long life
but died from heart failure
at the brink of the millennium. No
one really knows how old he was since his
birth records were long ago lost in
bureaucratic red tape.
Common Sense selflessly devoted his
life to service in schools, hospitals,
homes, factories and offices, helping
folks get jobs
done without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws
and frivolous lawsuits
held no power over Common Sense. He
was credited with cultivating
such valued lessons as to know when
to come in out of the rain,
the early bird gets the worm, and life
isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound
financial policies(don't
spend more than you earn), reliable
parenting strategies (adults
are in charge, not kids), and it's
okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution,
the Great Depression,
and the Technological Revolution, Common
Sense survived cultural
and educational trends including feminism,
body piercing, whole
language and "new math." But his health
declined when he became
infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it"
virus. In recent decades his waning
strength proved no match for
the ravages of overbearing federal
regulation.
He watched in pain as good people became
ruled by self-seeking
lawyers and enlightened auditors. His
health rapidly deteriorated
when schools endlessly implemented
zero tolerance policies,
reports of six year old boys charged
with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended
for taking a swig of
mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an
unruly student. It declined even further
when schools had to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a
student, but cannot
inform the parent when the female student
is pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will
to live as Lifetime Values became
contraband, churches became businesses,
criminals received better treatment
than victims, and federal judges stuck
their noses in everything from the
Boy Scouts to professional sports.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted
in and out of logic, but
was kept informed of developments,
regarding questionable
regulations for asbestos, low flow
toilets, "smart" guns, the
nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory
air bags.
Finally when told that the homeowners
association restricted
exterior furniture only to that which
enhanced property values,
he breathed his last.
Common Sense was preceded in death
by his parents Truth and
Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and
his son, Reason. He is survived by
three stepbrothers:
Rights, Tolerance and
Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because
so few realized he was
gone.