Top Ten Christmas Gifts to Get Grandma and
                        Grandpa 

By Cindy Carman 

     10. The Ultimate computer - Monitors their vital signs while they
     work and beeps when they need a nap. 
     9. Champagne Carbonate - The light Champagne fortified with
     calcium. (Also available with extra estrogen and testosterone.) 
     8. Memorec Pocket Device - They'll never forget again. This
     handy continuous-loop pocket tape recorder constantly records
     the last three minutes of their memory. If they forget where they
     are, they can just play back the recorder through the cordless
     earphones disguised as hearing aids and pick up their last
     thoughts without missing a one. 
     7. Smart Mirror magically reflects how they really want
     themselves to look. Full length mirror contains patented 3D
     holographic software which removes extra weight and wrinkles,
     projecting an image they can feel proud of. 
     6. Am I Dead? Handy home test kit includes pocket mirror for
     breath detection, assorted pins to test pain response, brain-wave
     monitor, electrocardiogram, and best-selling book "100
     Symptoms of Death" compiled by leading Society of Undertakers.
     5. Epitaph Perfect - Latest software program from Word Perfect
     helps them compose their own professional Tombstone
     inscription. 
     4. Chairwheeler Off Roader - Get a wheelchair for all their
     weekend recreation. Choose from our all terrain or ski-mochair
     models. 
     3. Remote Control ID - Never loose Gramps in the mall again. At
     the push of a button his radio activated wristwatch with global
     positioning chip sends you the exact coordinates of his location. 
     2. Bright Smile Designer Dentures - A set of dentures for every
     occasion. Choose from three popular styles: Model A5 -Elegant
     Gold Tooth Dentures will dazzle their friends with a single gold
     tooth fixed among rows of pearly white beautiful teeth. Model B4
     - Fragrant and flavorful Chocolate and Mint Enhanced Dentures
     will help them avoid embarrassing denture breath. Model C-6 Our
     most sought after Glow in the Dark Dentures will help them find
     their teeth no matter where they have left them. All come with
     complete warranty and designer label.
     And the number One Christmas Gift To Get Grandma and
     Grandpa: 
     1. Bifocal Car Windshield.