When I was in my younger days, 
I weighed a few pounds less, 
I needn't hold my tummy in... 
To wear a belted dress 

But now that I am older, 
I've set my body free; 
There's comfort of elastic... 
Where once my slim waist used to be. 

The inventor of those high-heeled shoes 
My feet have never forgiven; 
I have to wear a nine now... 
But I used to wear a seven. 

And how about those pantyhose.. 
They're sized by weight, you see, 
So how come when I put them on... 
The crotch is at my knees? 

Now I need to wear these glasses 
As the print is getting smaller; 
And it wasn't very long ago... 
I knew that I was taller. 

Though my hair has turned to silver 
and my skin no longer fits... 
On the inside, I'm the same old me... 
Just the outside's changed a bit. 

You Know You Are Getting Older When....."

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your
socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle,
pop and you're not eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out, but you stay home.

5. When you wake up looking like your driver's
license picture.

6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the
patio.

8. When happy hour is a nap.

9. When you're on vacation, and your ENERGY
runs out before your money does.

10. When you say something to your kids that your
mother said to you, and you always hated it.

11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be
reminded of your age.

12. When you step off a curb and look down one
more time to make sure the street is still there.

13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining
lasts longer.

16. Your address book has mostly names that
start with Dr.

17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

18. The pharmacist has become your new best
friend.

19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the
parking lot.

20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection
from the sun on your bifocals.

21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.

22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't
work.

23. You look for your glasses for half an hour, and
they were on your head the whole time.

24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay
there.

25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't
feel good.

26. You have more patience, but it is actually that
you just don't care anymore.

27. You finally get your head together and your body
starts falling apart.

28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when
you don't even remember being on top of it.

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